posted December 06, 2013 08:18 PM            

Here's the thing. I think I did wrong and if he'd talk to me I would even admit it too. But the thing is that I don't know if he'll ever talk to me again and I've almost always had to be the one who approached him to re-establish communication when something was off and I just want him to step up for a change and show me that he doesn't want to let me go....

Here's what happened.... He works 12 hour shifts at work and likes me to text him (Moon in Gemini) to keep him entertained since his job is pretty boring. So one morning I had just woken up and I was telling him that he was in a dream I had (which he has been often times) but it was a very unusual dream that, to be honest, upset me even though I didn't tell him that. I tend to be very intuitive so when I have a dream *like that* I do tend to consider if there's something I should be checking out...

So anyways, I started telling him it was an unusual dream but before I described it, I told him his ex was also in it and asked him if he's heard from her since the last time he told me about. Well he said he has, one more time. Now this ex was a concern to me because he and I have been getting pretty close and I know that this girl has been continuing to contact him and trying to get back with him even though she dumped him almost a year ago. His mother (remember he's a Cancer) also really likes this girl and was pushing for him to marry her apparently. The girl goes to visit his parents when she's in town (she would fly in as she's long distance.)

Well when he first told me he liked me and wanted to spend time with me (I'm also at a distance but the idea was for me to spend time with him and eventually meet up in person,) I expressed my concerns about his ex still texting him and calling him and trying to get back with him. He then went and told her not to text him again and she called or texted him the very next day after a long conversation that night where she was obviously protesting his request to stop communication.

I knew about the day after communication and I didn't say anything much about it. Since then, I asked him maybe once or twice over the next 2 or 3 months if he had heard any more from her (he had told me he'd block her if she continued) but he said there was none.

Well the morning I woke up with this dream, I was feeling kind of emotional because it was a very strange dream... we were together, things were really sweet and so vivid I could feel his touch in this dream. Then suddenly he gets a phone call and leaves me to go to this ex... So let's just say that when I asked him if he had heard from her since that last day he told me about, and he said once more he had, that she had contacted him to ask about him and me talking... Well, I felt rattled and I basically said that I don't believe she's going to stay away and his answer was "I dunno." That answer just made me feel insecure about the situation. And the thing is that I explained to Mr. Cancer back when we first talked about this situation that I had had two very traumatic break-ups before that were directly the result of ex's who would not leave my boyfriends alone and kept contacting them and interfering. So yes, I admit, this type of situation to me is like a red flag. It doesn't mean I don't trust him, but it's the situation and the ex that I don't trust because even if a guy does not cheat or doesn't knowingly do anything wrong, he will still be influenced by attention and comments from an ex who is trying to get in between. And this girl wants to marry him basically...she's not looking for a booty call, she wants to marry.

Anyways, this conversation wasn't too long that we had (in text) but I basically reminded him that he had said that he was going to block her if she texted him again and he told me that it's been a month since he heard from her and since it wasn't often that he let it slide. I told him that because of my experiences with ex's being involved and how I ended up very hurt in both those relationships, that it concerns me. Awhile later he asked me if I was worrying about it again and I told him that in the beginning when we talked about it and he said that he'd tell her not to contact him anymore (he had told me he basically spoke to her more out of pity than anything) that I wasn't worried but now that I know that she is still hanging on and with Christmas time coming (which to me meant she would be making more efforts to get in contact and maybe even visit) that it was a big red flag to me.

And to that he made no reply and has not spoken to me since. That was a week ago. Before that, we spoke pretty much everyday and spent a LOT of time together online (we're both gamers.) Since then, he has ignored me. I have said nothing because I was the last one to speak and feel the ball is in his court.

Now my problem is that I know I spoke out of fear and that is my own fear to deal with (even though I don't think I'm wrong in feeling that a man should put his old relationships to bed before getting involved with someone new.) If he had come back later and spoke to me I would've said so and we could've talked it out. But this time I felt like it comes down to how important I am to him. If he does not want to even speak to me again because of me expressing my fear/vulnerability then to me that says a lot. He has hurt my feelings by being insensitive in his comments to me 2 or 3 times before and yet I have come back and talked to him still, even if it meant talking about what he had said that hurt/upset me. I don't see why he can't do the same.

I partly worry that he is feeling rejected and I didn't mean to make him feel that at all. But perhaps he is just feeling angry. I really don't know since he has decided to just not speak to me at all.

Is this the kiss of death to all you Cancers out there?

By the way, he is a Cancer/Leo sun with Leo ASC, Moon in Gemini, Venus in Leo and Mars in Scorpio and I miss him.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 08:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
I don't know why but what I feel is that you aren't wrong. Please don't take my words as advice.

There is something I noticed about Cancer men (I encountered a Cancer Moon). They tend to drag along to the point you weren't sure if he is really interested in you.

---

You don't feel I overreacted? I tend to fault myself first whenever there's a problem with a love interest (Virgo sun here.)

I just wish he had even told me he was ****** at me or upset or something, I'd rather have a short squabble and work it out then to just be ignored as though I no longer exist.

And since we are both gamers, I see him log on and sit there and ignore me which is just as bad. It's very uncomfortable because for all I know he might be thinking that I want nothing more to do with him and that's not so...

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 08:41 PM            

Also I'm confused if you know this guy in real life or if you know him online. You mentioned a lot you were gamers but your post also sounds like you know him in person?

----

posted December 06, 2013 08:45 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by beloved:
You don't feel I overreacted? I tend to fault myself first whenever there's a problem with a love interest (Virgo sun here.)

I just wish he had even told me he was ****** at me or upset or something, I'd rather have a short squabble and work it out then to just be ignored as though I no longer exist.

And since we are both gamers, I see him log on and sit there and ignore me which is just as bad. It's very uncomfortable because for all I know he might be thinking that I want nothing more to do with him and that's not so...

Beloved

---

posted December 06, 2013 08:48 PM            

As a Gemini moon, I wouldn't know what to answer you either if you asked me to stop contacting the ex. I would just keep quiet and wish you give me space to think. Which you did do. One week's probably enough.

posted December 06, 2013 08:51 PM            

He may be upset that you don't trust/believe him that he's not interested in her anymore. He may have taken some time away to think about things. If he said he's not interested and he's not talking to her then believe it.

I have a feeling he'll get in touch with you, just keep yourself busy in the meantime. If he doesn't then to be honest, he wasn't serious about the relationship in the first place. I know that's harsh but if he's interested, he'll get back to you even if you are the one to normally initiate conversation. He'll start to miss you. He needs to be honest and upfront with you.

posted December 06, 2013 08:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hannaramaa:
To sum it up: So basically you're getting close, the ex is still in the picture, and he blocked her but withheld that she contacted him again, and then made you feel more insecure by being insensitive?

Also I'm confused if you know this guy in real life or if you know him online. You mentioned a lot you were gamers but your post also sounds like you know him in person?

----

Cancer men tend to be babies, and they (my experience) only see things from their point of view which I think is why the other person has to be the initiator. That, or fear of rejection since he probably knows you're mad at him.

---

Well he had said that he would block her if she continued to contact him after he told her not to. I didn't really fault him for not telling me since it has apparently only been one time (per him)since the last time she did it, it was just the fact that she is continuing and that I fear it's going to accelerate now that we are nearing Christmas.

I was never angry with him (although maybe he took it that way since it was in text,) I was just expressing my concerns and how it makes me feel. I was rattled since I had just woken up from that dream and to be honest, I was practically in tears from the dream, it had been a real vivid one where you *feel* the events happening as though you were living them. So I was kind of rattled.

I haven't met him in person. We met each other about a year and a half ago playing an online game. We were just gaming companions and although I did like him, we just kept it as friends. But we lost touch for quite a few months and then he purchased an Xbox just to come play with me and has since expressed his interest in me and asked about me visiting him so we have been spending time getting to know each other.

We aren't kids though by any means. He's at the age where I think he's looking to settle down since he talked about his lack of luck in finding the right woman so far. We have a lot in common and share a lot of the same values and have always gotten along very well. But now that we are getting closer, I am finding this type of thing (like knowing the ex is trying to get back into the picture) to be concerning. I've lived through similar situations twice before where I had wonderful relationships break up (with no warning) because of involvement/interference from the ex. That is why I am so leary of it now.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 09:09 PM            

I know it's not a relationship yet, but to me I still do feel I want to protect my heart and not get too close to someone who might suddenly be back with his ex. I tend to have a very hard time detaching once I get close to someone (Moon in Taurus)so I tend to be careful and try to keep my eyes open to see what is going on.

As for their situation before the break-up: I know he has told me that he has no feelings for her but cares for her. But he also told me that he agreed to date her because she talked him into it after he had told her he only wanted to be friends (she ignored that.) He also told me that he was willing to even let her move in even though he says he had no feelings for her. Turns out in the end that she had broken up with him because it was too cold where he lived and he wouldn't move to her state but now she's changed her mind. I can't even understand why the man would've ever agreed to date the girl, let alone talk to her about moving in if he supposedly had no feelings for her.... I think he might've quite possibly married her just because of being talked into it too (plus his parents want to see him marry her)! As it is, he told me how relieved he was when she broke it off so that he didn't have to do it.

Kind of hard for me to feel secure about this girl trying to get him back when I consider how far he said he took it before based on pressure.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 09:23 PM            

"I know he has told me he has no feelings for her but cares for her." - If you didn't, I would ask him to elaborate like in what way. It's a contradiction and perhaps you can tell him you're not judging him but trying to understand where he's coming from.

"He agreed to date her because she talked him into it." LOL. I would call him out so fast. If all it took was negotiating then I wouldn't be single. I'm great at compromise. In short, this is a BS answer because guys (especially Leo ASC and a Cardinal Sun?) don't do things they don't want to do unless they're being paid or it's important to them.

"He was willing to even let her move in." Why? This makes no sense. If he's that weak then why isn't he saying sorry for hurting your feelings. This is very Moon in Gemini to me! I had an Aries sun Gemini moon friend and they were also terrible at lying, but terrible at telling the truth too. I had to rely on my own judgment, and I was right.

posted December 06, 2013 09:29 PM            

Sorry to be the insensitive one here, but here's the reality.

First off, he's got a silent fiancee. Time to move on.
Secondly, something about Cancer Sun men with Air or Fire Moons: the second you start 'dictating' in their life - and it hasn't been established you have the right to do so - you're gone.

I'm sorry, but I feel you acted in a very controlling manner. Consider writing an email stating your absolute clear intentions. Stop playing this BS game. I know why we all do it, and trust me - it's a waste of time. Especially with you being the one who's long-distance, and he having an ex who's clearly got her hooks in.

I'm not saying the two of you don't have a connexion, but it seems much more one-sided at this point. You're fighting a losing game - at this time.

Write / send your letter - and then plan to move on. These are dicey circumstances at best, and it sounds like you're being terribly taken advantage of besides.

posted December 06, 2013 09:30 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Oh… well, not meeting him in person sort of changes things from my point of view. I believe it's only a friendship until you've met in person and established an in-person relationship. Not sex, but a face-to-face bond, etc. Now that I know that I see it being too soon for you to make demands like wanting the ex out of the picture. However, I still stand by the fact he can at least express his opinion to you because I don't think you went crazy on him. And if he wants you that badly he should do it. You have to be in an equal partnership, not one where he does all the taking and you do all the giving (Virgo… )

---

Exactly. First thing I was agog at was the whole 'get the ex out of the picture' without even being in a committed relationship.

posted December 06, 2013 09:35 PM            

So, he's kinda sorta torn between two women - who are BOTH out of state?

Drop him. He's not ready for anything. He's either stringing you, or her, or you both along. I'm guessing the latter. NOT because some feelings aren't genuine, but I'm going to guess he's got serious issues with intimacy and likes the attention you both are providing.

If you want to him to fix his sh*t stop playing into it - you know? Find someone else. Specifically, someone who doesn't mind someone who's clingy. But then, honestly, in the long run ... try and target the insecurity / possessiveness. (I bet you both suffer from great insecurity, which is in part why he 'needs you to entertain him' and you're happy to oblige.)

posted December 06, 2013 09:42 PM            

As for the texts at work... he works 12 hour shifts in a job where all he can do is sit and stare at a computer screen and where he often is working in the wee hours of the morning all by himself. That's why he finds convo to be a great help so I don't read anything into that about being insecure either.

posted December 06, 2013 09:46 PM            

quote:

---

I have a Taurus moon too, so I feel you on having to detach from people and being cautious![/B]

---

I appreciate that you can feel where I'm coming from. Sometimes I hate having a Moon in Taurus even though it's supposed to be a great placement.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 09:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Canadiangirl:
Its also totally understandable about wanting to protect your heart when his ex is around

---

And that's exactly what I'm saying... I just don't want to get involved with someone who has an ex who is hot to get back to them and won't take no for an answer. I don't see that so much as being about controlling them as about controlling what kind of situation I am willing to be getting my heart into and that one doesn't sound too safe to me.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 10:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
I don't think he was lying to you as someone said. People with Leo placements are those who find it hard to cut ties with others easily. You asking him to do so can be hard. I am not saying you were illogical in any way. Your request is perfectly reasonable. But since you mentioned you have not met him, it might not have occurred to him that you two are a couple.

If you are uncomfortable, just go back to being gamer friends. If he misses you more than a friend, he would chase you back.

---

I don't think of us as a couple either, although he has expressed the interest and wanting to take it further in the beginning. We were spending a lot of time together to get to know each other more and see if there was a possibility of it going anywhere and if there was then we would've proceeded to a visit next. But that being said, this week- long silence is pretty destructive to my ability to feel as comfortable with him now.

I'm thinking I should be striking Cancer men off my list of desirable signs to date.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 10:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
I'm surprised so many girls (me included) have encountered Cancer men (sun or moon) and their verdicts are the same.

Beloved, he has a woman. Think about it.

---

So you think the ex is not really an ex? Well, if he's lied about that then I really would be shocked. I'd be pretty surprised if he went that far though.

I know no one lives with him, that much I am sure of.

Beloved

posted December 06, 2013 11:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
Correct me if I'm wrong because I don't have much dating experience either. I don't think dating requires the woman to move in and stay with him. But then again even if he has/hasn't a woman staying in his house that doesn't mean he will/will not find other backup girls.

---

No, just wasn't sure what you meant. I thought you were saying that you believed the ex was not really an ex.

Beloved