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Author
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Topic: UPDATED REpost- Virgo man hates me!
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sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 04:10 PM
  
Haha,yea i doubt I would ever be able to go back to normal chats with him but I do feel somewhat embarrassed for being so tipsy and storming off,storming back in and storming out together,thank god everyone was drunk except for him and really didnt seem to notice. haha. Also,on top of being a ball of emotional gunk astrologically, i'm haitian! West Indians are just emotional people. He's white,virgo male and originally from columbus ohio. He even told me that his family is not very touchy feely so it also seems like even our upbringings are so blatantly different. My family hugs,laughs and cries together, his? Not so much...but we have had great conversations and he seems to memorize every word out of my mouth which was fun. And honestly, as much as i hate the emotionally cold thing, I did like having a grounding,stable voice of reason around :-(....ugh, ok i'm going on a tangent again. quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
sambam - I think [b]he should be embarrassed. I mean.. why was he messaging you and hanging around all the time, flirting - in the first place - and intentionally failing to mention his gf to you? Don't get me wrong - you can change your schedule.. if it makes you more comfortable - and if you feel this is best for you. I'm an Aries Sun - and my AC is very close to the Cancer cusp - so it may be in Cancer, or late Gemini.
I wouldn't actually change my schedule.. I would make him 100 times more uncomfortable.. because at the age of 31 - one shouldn't behave this way (from my perspective). I wouldn't speak to him at all I would just ignore him for the most part. But I wouldn't bother changing my schedule. I think it's also because - after an experience like the one you had - I would be so beyond over this guy - that I couldn't like him anymore even if he was a billionaire and apologised to me daily for his behaviour for the next two years lol So I would find it easy to be detached. [/B]
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Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3035
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 04:20 PM
quote:
He even told me that his family is not very touchy feely so it also seems like even our upbringings are so blatantly different. My family hugs,laughs and cries together, his? Not so much...
I completely understand. My background is Central/Eastern European and I live in Australia. My family sounds a lot like yours. I've had several experiences with Australian men where I simply found them too cold for me. There are cultural differences and they are sometimes difficult to overcome, specially on a romanic level.
I've also tried to be optimistic and genuine.. and not discount someone due to cultural differences. Many do!
Many simply date people in their own culture intentionally.
I tried to stir clear of this ^... but to be honest with you - lately I am inclined to think that I'd simply prefer to be with a European guy in a long term rel.
I don't want to discriminate - but too many things have added up. We had some threads on LL previously where people mentioned being embarrassed by public displays of emotion. A lot of the posters have an Eng speaking background and they related to feeling 'embarrassed'.
I've never felt this way in virtue of my culture. I find it strange - but I understand that there are differences. It also bothers me because... I feel like "shutting down emotion" is generally seen as the masculine thing to do.. and hence the "strong" thing to do - since we are living in a patriarchal society.
This perspective on life is very cold/left-brain and discounting the role of emotion in general.
Emotional displays are then portrayed as feminine and "weak".
Since I'm egalitarian, I'll never stand for such outdated sexist norms. IP: Logged |
sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 04:42 PM
Its more that i'm embarrassed because I feel like I embarrassed him. I live my life with passion, I laugh,cry,yell,scream,whatever I'm feeling. I have dated people from all sorts of backgrounds but I would definitely have to say that European men seem to have the biggest issue with emotional displays in my experience. I like things to be raw so for me I just cant do anything else but live in the moment but i do feel sad for people who can't handle that. I feel like those kinds of men are always attracted to me but they're the 1st to hide in a corner when I show emotion. Its almost like they're fascinated yet freaked out at the same time! LOL quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
I completely understand. My background is Central/Eastern European and I live in Australia. My family sounds a lot like yours. I've had several experiences with Australian men where I simply found them too cold for me. There are cultural differences and they are sometimes difficult to overcome, specially on a romanic level.
I've also tried to be optimistic and genuine.. and not discount someone due to cultural differences. Many do!
Many simply date people in their own culture intentionally.
I tried to stir clear of this ^... but to be honest with you - lately I am inclined to think that I'd simply prefer to be with a European guy in a long term rel.
I don't want to discriminate - but too many things have added up. We had some threads on LL previously where people mentioned being embarrassed by public displays of emotion. A lot of the posters have an Eng speaking background and they related to feeling 'embarrassed'.
I've never felt this way in virtue of my culture. I find it strange - but I understand that there are differences. It also bothers me because... I feel like "shutting down emotion" is generally seen as the masculine thing to do.. and hence the "strong" thing to do - since we are living in a patriarchal society.
This perspective on life is very cold/left-brain and discounting the role of emotion in general.
Emotional displays are then portrayed as feminine and "weak".
Since I'm egalitarian, I'll never stand for such outdated sexist norms.
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StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 6336
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 04:55 PM
What I don't understand, with all the single people out there looking for love, why not find someone who's single? IP: Logged |
Venusian Moon
Knowflake Posts: 1253
From: Nyc
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted December 12, 2013 05:02 PM
Ignore him and start flirting with another co-worker. Rub it in his face. Act like he is invisible. If he says hi, turn ur face the other way and act like a snob. Thats what i would do.------------------
Gemini sun 12th.(Gemini/cancer cusp)
Cancer asc 1st
Taurus moon 11th
Taurus venus 11th
Libra mars 3rd
Gemini mercury 11th IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 469
From: Pluto
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted December 12, 2013 05:27 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
DeepFreeze - It's not necessarily immature.
My Mercury is in Pisces and I don't communicate very well with Virgo Mercuries. From my perspective a guy who reacts this way to my display of emotions - is probably not my type... hence what I meant by - splitting the wheat form the chaff. She is more watery than I am - so she would be more emotional and passionate - and hence.. if he is like you... which he may or may not be... but it does seem that way, based on his response - then he is not the man for her.
She needs a man who understands her emotions and can buffer an emotional storm.
Thanks Odette. I appreciate that response and you're right. IP: Logged |
sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 05:36 PM
I wasnt trying to date him while he was in a relationship..??? I had a crush yes, but I actually liked our friendship. So yes, I dont think you are understanding at all. Thanks anyways though... quote:
Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
What I don't understand, with all the single people out there looking for love, why not find someone who's single?
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sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 05:38 PM
Haha, yea at this point im just avoiding him. Not sure how i'd act if we were to run into each other but we are bound to run into each other at some point. I'm just not ready for it. quote:
Originally posted by Venusian Moon:
Ignore him and start flirting with another co-worker. Rub it in his face. Act like he is invisible. If he says hi, turn ur face the other way and act like a snob. Thats what i would do.
IP: Logged |
23
Knowflake Posts: 426
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 12, 2013 05:46 PM
To put it bluntly, it's a dead matter. He has someone else. Don't bother on waiting on him. You did the right thing by changing schedules to give yourself and him space. You apologised. I know it's intriguing to find out who sent you that text but it really doesn't matter. The end result is that you can't have him either as friend or boyfriend. Anyway, an above board true friend would let this go and forget what happened. Who knows what the future holds, he might come back to you some day but I'd keep living and avoid, avoid, avoid and just be distant and polite if you do see him again.
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DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 469
From: Pluto
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted December 12, 2013 06:01 PM
Odette I don't want to hijack the thread. Just a quick question that I became curious about. I think that I know.
You mentioned your Pisces mercury and not communicating well with Virgo Mercury.
My Virgo Mercury is 12th house, natural home for Pisces. So does that relieve some of that tension? Not that it would change a lot though. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 6336
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 06:17 PM
quote:
Originally posted by sambam:
I wasnt trying to date him while he was in a relationship..??? I had a crush yes, but I actually liked our friendship. So yes, I dont think you are understanding at all. Thanks anyways though...
I am understanding, I remember your first thread. You want to be with him and he is with another woman. That's the nitty gritty of the situation. You can say you just want to be friends all you like but that first topic your true intentions and feelings shown through and all I am saying is you should find a guy who isn't attached to anyone. There are plenty who aren't. This guy is. IP: Logged |
sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 06:23 PM
Does anyone know how having pluto and saturn in someones 7th house works? Just curious what kind of energy that producesIP: Logged |
sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 06:30 PM
I like him and he is with someone else. And i liked him BEFORE i even knew there was someone else. So the "nitty gritty' is that you cant help you you like and or attracted to. Was I actively pursuing him? Absolutely not. So again, if there is anymore clarification you need feel free to ask but as far as my last post you knew that i had a crush, i found out he was seeing someone which was something he purposely kept from me for a while. I'm not a home wrecker nor someone actively seeking to ruin any ones relationship or situation. If that's the only thing you picked up from my 1st post than yes you have failed to understand quite a lot. quote:
Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
I am understanding, I remember your first thread. You want to be with him and he is with another woman. That's the nitty gritty of the situation. You can say you just want to be friends all you like but that first topic your true intentions and feelings shown through and all I am saying is you should find a guy who isn't attached to anyone. There are plenty who aren't. This guy is.
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sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 12, 2013 06:34 PM
Anywho, moving on...can anyone tell me about this in synastry? How do these aspects work? quote:
Originally posted by sambam:
Does anyone know how having pluto and saturn in someones 7th house works? Just curious what kind of energy that produces
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sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 13, 2013 03:31 AM
aww, i didnt even see this. Thank you. I am feeling a lot better about this now.Seeing as how I cant do anything i'm just going to see how the next few weeks pan out and try to avoid running into him as much as possible. quote:
Originally posted by IrisRainbow:
I agree with Odette and I also believe that ..he was the one that did not explain himself from the beginning.A woman can tell when someone is flirting or if he's just interested in being friends.However,that doesn't mean that he can't talk to women and have women friends for crying out loud!I've seen this happen with my guy friend whom I knew years and I guarantee you that his girlfriend is probably a possessive freak.I wouldn't be very *pleased * if my bf was on the phone for hours with another girl but its okay if I know her and the convos are not going anywhere else..
Please don't be heartbroken over a man that is not man enough to talk to you straight forward and avoids you instead. On to the next one,I'm sure the right guy is waiting for you 
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iliketurtles
Knowflake Posts: 253
From: 2099
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted December 13, 2013 04:49 AM
being attracted to a friend gets too messy  IP: Logged |
Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 2013
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted December 13, 2013 05:02 AM
Let him have his rebound relationship, you never stay with someone you immediately get with after a divorce or long term relationship! Why is he jumping into something else so quickly anyway....you need time to recoup! Sitting back and pondering what went wrong would make sense instead of trying to fill a void that only working on himself can fix!
Maybe he was seeing this person while he was married...I wouldn't want a guy who starts a relationship with me while married....even if he divorces, proves he's not faithful type guy!
If that is the case it makes sense why the new GF is insecure, she knows he's not opposed to starting something with another before he's ended the relationship he's already in.
Just things to ponder!
Be glad you aren't rebound girl....they never last!
He will be a better catch in a year or so if he gives himself time to he clear his head, so he's not feeling lost and unsure of how to deal with the changes in his life. I've a Virgo moon, we actually get a bit panicky after relationships end, even if we appear to be holding it together!
I stay far away from relationships for awhile until I get past that fear stage....It takes me about a year to find my balance again and start making decisions based on my genuine needs and not ones based on my fear of not having anyone to take care of!
IP: Logged |
beckylee
Knowflake Posts: 193
From: japan
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted December 13, 2013 10:46 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Venusian Moon:
Ignore him and start flirting with another co-worker. Rub it in his face. Act like he is invisible. If he says hi, turn ur face the other way and act like a snob. Thats what i would do.
I agree ! IP: Logged |
sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 14, 2013 12:11 AM
Yep, so i'm learning...
quote:
Originally posted by iliketurtles:
being attracted to a friend gets too messy
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sambam
Knowflake Posts: 66
From: new york,ny
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 14, 2013 12:23 AM
I didn't think of that but yea you bring up a great point,maybe they were dating while he was wrapping up his marriage. Honestly, i'm less worried about it today...More than anything i'm just hurt about how he chose to deal with things. quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
Let him have his rebound relationship, you never stay with someone you immediately get with after a divorce or long term relationship! Why is he jumping into something else so quickly anyway....you need time to recoup! Sitting back and pondering what went wrong would make sense instead of trying to fill a void that only working on himself can fix!
Maybe he was seeing this person while he was married...I wouldn't want a guy who starts a relationship with me while married....even if he divorces, proves he's not faithful type guy!
If that is the case it makes sense why the new GF is insecure, she knows he's not opposed to starting something with another before he's ended the relationship he's already in.
Just things to ponder!
Be glad you aren't rebound girl....they never last!
He will be a better catch in a year or so if he gives himself time to he clear his head, so he's not feeling lost and unsure of how to deal with the changes in his life. I've a Virgo moon, we actually get a bit panicky after relationships end, even if we appear to be holding it together!
I stay far away from relationships for awhile until I get past that fear stage....It takes me about a year to find my balance again and start making decisions based on my genuine needs and not ones based on my fear of not having anyone to take care of!
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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