posted December 12, 2013 05:14 AM            

Part 1( original post)- I'm a 26 yr old cancer with venus in cancer and mars in leo. He's a 31 yr old Virgo with venus in leo and mars in scorpio .My mars in leo conjuncts his venus in leo. His scorpio mars conjunct my pluto. My venus in cancer trine his mars in scorpio. His mars in scorpio conjunct my pluto. my sun conjunct his true node. His venus lands in my 6th house,his mars in my 8th. His sagittarius moon trines my aries ASC...I feel an inexplicable pull when i'm around him but I get so nervous i can hardly speak (unless its via text, then i'm a little better). Cant really speak for how he feels as i don't know but he seems to tune into how i'm feeling pretty well. How powerful are these aspects? And what exactly do they mean??

I have had a crush on a virgo co-worker for almost 4 months now. He's recently divorced and already dating his art partner from school which i didnt find out about till a week ago when i overheard him say something about his "lady friend" but when he speaks to me he only refers to her as his art partner..? We hardly speak except for polite exchanges at work or when i initiate text conversations about work that just happen to spiral into actual conversations where he ends up asking me one question after another about absolute randomness until the conversation dies. It doesn't necessarily feel like he's flirting ,just interested i guess...?Not sure if he's interested or not but i always catch him staring at me and when I turn to look he turns his head quickly as if he's embarrassed. He's pretty reserved but with me he almost seems a bit shy. Anyways,Its hard to explain but there is always this weird tension between us. When he speaks to me sometimes his eyes get that soft look or i'll catch him scanning my face or looking at my lips. When i'm sitting at the front desk and he's talking to me about something, he always kneels down and turns to face me at eye level. He's made excuses to touch my shoulder or upper back during conversation, not in a sleazy way but just casual in mid or the end of a conversation. He'll usually say goodbye before leaving although that stopped recently, he was distant and almost cold... I thought he was upset with me last week so i texted him asking if all was well, he ignored me so feeling pretty embarrassed and hurt by it I opted to pretty much avoid him and eye contact as much as i could. That day, about 3 hours into the shift he came out of his way to speak to me and asked how my week was going. I responded but was a bit stand offish myself as i didnt know how to feel and being cancer myself, my feelings were a little hurt by his cold demeanor. Every time I looked up that day, i'd catch him looking my way.I like him... a LOT but never know what he's thinking or if he even likes me. Staring isnt exactly concrete evidence and being that he's seeing someone at the moment it i'm not sure he can even come out and say it or that i'd even want him to...but I cant stop thinking about him. I had to delete his number to stop myself from texting him something i may regret. I wonder if he ever feels like this or if those aspects i indicated are only affecting me? :-(

When I moved in to my apartment we spent an 3 hours texting back and forth. I sent him video of my new place,he sent me pics of his artwork. I like him,want him but wont cross the line as he is currently seeing someone. I know this was a lot of random info but if anyone has insight i'd appreciate it

Part 2 (current situation)- I found out about a week before Thanksgiving that he was going to a cabin with his gf for thanksgiving. He did not tell me nor did he have to, I overheard him telling a client. I made it a point to ask him what his plans were out of curiosity just to see if he'd say. He said he was going away and didn't offer any details. A few days before he went away he was acting really cold, not looking at me,speaking to me and leaving without saying goodbye. I sent him a text one night which read " You're awfully quiet these days,everything ok?" He didn't respond and being the sensitive crab that I am, I took it a bit personally so the next day I was extremely stand offish. Not even an hour into my shift, he came up and asked how i was doing and how my week was, he made it a point to chat a while.

He comes back a week later from thanksgiving and the first day i saw him was that Saturday morning during our shift. After work, he said hello and asked me how I was. We made small talk for a bit and I asked him if he was coming to our Christmas party that night. He said yes and we talked about that for a while. I expressed that I was sad that we were no longer going ice skating before the party at which he kept saying "aww" and then we seperated. We spoke a few more times in the break room and then he left. Everything was normal until that evening when it was time for dinner. We had dinner at a really nice restaurant in NYC thats connected to a nightclub. The minute he walks in and makes eye contact,it gets awkward. He's one chair away from me at the head of the table. He is fidgeting in his chair,avoiding eye contact,not speaking to me...you seriously would've thought I had some sort of incurable disease. I proceed to ignore it until my friend comes in and starts telling him and my boss at the table a funny story about me. He laughs hysterically but still isn't really looking at me. We exchange secret Santa gifts and im well into my 6th Cabernet at this point. Being a bit tipsy I decide to break the ice, I start to tease him about how i'm jealous that I dont have any artwork of his blah blah blah. He's answering me but its all so robotic i'm getting irritated. At some point I ask him why he got a divorce and he lets me know that they were bff who should have never gotten married but she persued him and he thought why not, we make a great team blah blah blah. I asked him if he was religous, he said no but she was and that was another issue yada yada. We get up from our table to move to another table before we go to the club portion which he was not attending. I am speaking to my friends only to turn and notice that he is less than a foot away behind me holding his coat in hand for dear life and back to looking awkward and uncomfortable. I jokingly turn around and ask "Do I make you uncomfortable?' He puts his two fingers up to signal a little. Being drunk,irritated and just confused i start to get annoyed. He says "well, I was a little uncomfortable with the text relationship we had going...in particular the night that you text me if all was alright". I storm off not wanting to hear anymore and to get fresh air. I then storm back in and tell him i want to speak outside. While outside he starts to tell me that he's in a relationship and he doesnt want to give anyone the wrong impression. We stare at each other for a while and then I start going off about how we only see each other twice a week at work and that can change. I tell him that its b.s that he considers him sending me photos of his artwork and talking to me for a everyday for week straight not innapropriate but that i cant ask if hes ok?! We stare at each other for a while then I go back to the club. After a few more drinks i text him that im quitting and im tired of this crap. He doesnt respond of course as his girl was throwing a party.

The next day I realize that i overeacted a bit and send him a text apologizing and explaining why I was annoyed. I sent that text at 9pm. At 1:02 am I recieve a text saying " You are a drain to my energy. We are not friends. Don't contact me again". I was extremely hurt of course but my friends all felt like the text came from his girl and not him. Either way i was hurt by him bc he allowed her to speak for him. I'm upset not about us not being able to have a relationship but that our friendship seemed to take such a negative turn over night. we haven't spoken since...I never responded to the text and I switched my schedule so that we dont run into each other... at least for the next few weeks until things settle.I just dont understand how he went from like to hate in such a small amount of time and what exactly i did?? Does this Virgo man hate me?? It feels like it, I'm hurt,angry and just frustrated :-(

posted December 12, 2013 01:00 PM            

Now for the not-so-great part. It does sound like his gf might have found out you two were texting and laid down the law, asking him who he is texting, reminding him he's in a serious relationship. This guy is pretty much off limits as long as he is in a serious relationship with another. Reading what you wrote, I am very surprised his partner did not attend that party with him because, judging by his sudden change in demeanor, she knows you communicate and he probably told her you won't leave him alone and she told him back he needs to make sure you understand and that explains his reaction. It's not because he hates you. He is just with another woman who has a vested interest.

posted December 12, 2013 01:30 PM            

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Originally posted by summerlite:
I actually can feel from his point of view. He was trying to be polite about it but you kind of dumped all your emotions onto him. I'm not sure about who sent the last text message though.

Just apologise sincerely the next time you meet him. It'll be fine. But speak no more of what you want from him. If he wants you, he'll settle things with his girlfriend before he gets together with you.

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posted December 12, 2013 01:48 PM            

Actually, he didnt have that option as it was co-workers only because it was all paid for by the company. By the way he came back all awkward and stressed I now feel like that may have been a topic for an argument. He told a co-worker that he couldnt stay for the nightclub portion because his gf was at a party and was expecting him. The thing is, I realize it was a crush, i'm not in love but i did like him enough to really want to be his friend. The text apology I sent him before receiving that nasty text back at 1am in the morning I said

"Honestly, I was in no position to fully articulate how i felt properly last night. Was I attracted to you? Absolutely. Would I have brought that to your attention knowing you're fresh off a divorce and currently in a relationship? Absolutely Not. I thought you were cool,with great energy and I wanted to be your friend,not because I found you to be unavailable. I feel like you are the opposite of me in a lot of ways and had a real calming energy about you. Texting was just easier for me as you are reserved and quiet i sometimes just felt silly trying to make small talk bc you come off so serious,i just didn't want to say anything stupid. As far as me asking you if you are ok, you seemed extra quiet that day so I asked. I read into things that i shouldn't,im easily hurt and sometimes I take things personally. If Jackie/Neil were distant then left without saying anything Id wonder whats up and if they're alright,its just the kind pain in the ass I can be I guess... It had nothing to do with me trying to intrude. I was really upset last night bc i felt like you were making me out to be this
vindictive girl with ulterior motives just waiting for an opportunity to be all over you. I'm not like that and it just really sucks to know that that's how someone sees you. Especially,someone you hoped to be a friend."

Anyways that was my bottomless pit of emotions pouring and i think she may have read it bc I sent that at 10pm and at 1am in the morning I received the " You are a drain on my energy. We're not friends. Don't contact me anymore" It doesnt sound like him and i dont believe he'd say something so mean when i'm explaining but i'm also angry that he let her say it...idk...

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
First I want to sympathize with you. This must be extremely difficult for someone born under your sun sign because, yes, I know they are sensitive, my cousin has both sun and moon here and she is extremely sensitive and gets emotional very easily.

Now for the not-so-great part. It does sound like his gf might have found out you two were texting and laid down the law, asking him who he is texting, reminding him he's in a serious relationship. This guy is pretty much off limits as long as he is in a serious relationship with another. Reading what you wrote, I am very surprised his partner did not attend that party with him because, judging by his sudden change in demeanor, she knows you communicate and he probably told her you won't leave him alone and she told him back he needs to make sure you understand and that explains his reaction. It's not because he hates you. He is just with another woman who has a vested interest.

It's not good news if you really like him or even feel that you love him, but it is reality.
Sorry.

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posted December 12, 2013 02:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sambam:
I can too actually and it didn't help that I had been drinking.The thing is, I sent him a really heartfelt apology and got that nasty text back at 1am. Keep in mind he's a really reserved guy and even when I was babbling away drunk he kept saying "Sam, its fine on my end. We're fine" I really feel like she sent the text because I cant picture him being so mean especially after a heartfelt apology...but then again, I wasnt there so I dont know

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It could have been a lot of possibilities. Like you said, maybe his gf found out and texted you. Another possibility is she found out and they had a fight so he got mad after it and texted you. Or it was just him getting mad from it. It might actually be him texting since he has Mars in Scorpio (anger). That might have caused the lashing out mean words. (i'm not sure his mercury)

posted December 12, 2013 02:12 PM            

Honestly,as silly as it sounds my biggest fear is running into him as I have no idea how to react. My natural instinct will be to get out of dodge,avoid,avoid and avoid some more...Is it the best approach? I don't know. Ive apologized already so now I just want to give him space

quote:

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Originally posted by summerlite:
It could have been a lot of possibilities. Like you said, maybe his gf found out and texted you. Another possibility is she found out and they had a fight so he got mad after it and texted you. Or it was just him getting mad from it. It might actually be him texting since he has Mars in Scorpio (anger). That might have caused the lashing out mean words. (i'm not sure his mercury)

Just let it slide. There's no point questioning further who sent the text. You need to learn to let go.

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posted December 12, 2013 02:16 PM            

I think it was his relationship with his gf that was causing this behavior.
For a while there, it sounds as though he really did value you a lot, not necessarily romantically, although that's possible. As a friend for sure. He obviously wants to do the right thing and be faithful to his gf.
I understand your point of view very well.
I'm very positive that he was aware of your feelings long before you said anything that night. He was subtly trying to send the message.
By confronting him you put the heat on him and given the option, he stuck by his gf. Which, is the right thing to do, really.

I'm not trying to hurt you more by any means, but give you the situation as I see it.

posted December 12, 2013 02:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sambam:
Yes, I have sun,mercury and venus all in cancer.And then Aqua moon + leo mars= all kinds of crazy...hahaha

Actually, he didnt have that option as it was co-workers only because it was all paid for by the company. By the way he came back all awkward and stressed I now feel like that may have been a topic for an argument. He told a co-worker that he couldnt stay for the nightclub portion because his gf was at a party and was expecting him. The thing is, I realize it was a crush, i'm not in love but i did like him enough to really want to be his friend. The text apology I sent him before receiving that nasty text back at 1am in the morning I said

"Honestly, I was in no position to fully articulate how i felt properly last night. Was I attracted to you? Absolutely. Would I have brought that to your attention knowing you're fresh off a divorce and currently in a relationship? Absolutely Not. I thought you were cool,with great energy and I wanted to be your friend,not because I found you to be unavailable. I feel like you are the opposite of me in a lot of ways and had a real calming energy about you. Texting was just easier for me as you are reserved and quiet i sometimes just felt silly trying to make small talk bc you come off so serious,i just didn't want to say anything stupid. As far as me asking you if you are ok, you seemed extra quiet that day so I asked. I read into things that i shouldn't,im easily hurt and sometimes I take things personally. If Jackie/Neil were distant then left without saying anything Id wonder whats up and if they're alright,its just the kind pain in the ass I can be I guess... It had nothing to do with me trying to intrude. I was really upset last night bc i felt like you were making me out to be this
vindictive girl with ulterior motives just waiting for an opportunity to be all over you. I'm not like that and it just really sucks to know that that's how someone sees you. Especially,someone you hoped to be a friend."

Anyways that was my bottomless pit of emotions pouring and i think she may have read it bc I sent that at 10pm and at 1am in the morning I received the " You are a drain on my energy. We're not friends. Don't contact me anymore" It doesnt sound like him and i dont believe he'd say something so mean when i'm explaining but i'm also angry that he let her say it...idk...

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posted December 12, 2013 02:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I agree with the others for the most part.

I think it was his relationship with his gf that was causing this behavior.
For a while there, it sounds as though he really did value you a lot, not necessarily romantically, although that's possible. As a friend for sure. He obviously wants to do the right thing and be faithful to his gf.
I understand your point of view very well.
I'm very positive that he was aware of your feelings long before you said anything that night. He was subtly trying to send the message.
By confronting him you put the heat on him and given the option, he stuck by his gf. Which, is the right thing to do, really.

I'm not trying to hurt you more by any means, but give you the situation as I see it.

Now, if he's at all how I feel sometimes, if you do send an apology. Keep it simple. Don't explain yourself unless he asks for it. A complex apology just makes it worse in my view - simple.
Then, just give him time. Back off some. When you see him, maybe say "Good morning **Name** . How are you?". He may give you some very short answer like, "Good." That's fine. Try to be genuine, smile... don't show that intense emotion.
He's told you that you made him uncomfortable, so you have to use time and strategy to make him comfortable again.

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posted December 12, 2013 02:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
I know it's difficult but you really must put yourself in the shoes of his gf. I have a Pisces nn this is really easy for me to do, it trines Neptune. If that were my bf and he was getting messages like that and we were living together, talking about taking it a step further, it would leave me feeling very worried and insecure, like my bf is seriously thinking about walking away. The more you have vested, the more difficult it is. Say, you are bf/gf and date, this kind of thing happens, it hurts but it's not nearly so distressing as if two people are living together, sharing their life, talking about their plans for the future. At that point, you really cannot much from someone who is in this type of relationship. You might want to find another guy who doesn't have a relationship. There are plenty of men out there who do not and feel alone. The would love to be with a girl like you

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posted December 12, 2013 02:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sambam:
I hear you completely but they aren't living together. He just got a divorce in august and she was his art partner. They've just started dating almost immediately after the divorce about 4 months ago. Also,I don't mind putting myself in her shoes at all but if your guy gets a text like that wouldn't you feel secure in knowing that ok, she likes him but he's obviously keeping his distance, she's his friend and hurt? Maybe not but I feel like i would be more upset if she wasnt frustrated with what was going on, If she saw our texts before about art,life and music and felt hurt I could understand. They werent inappropriate but I could see her being irritated at the relationship but not when hes obviously keeping his distance...? idk, maybe you're right...

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posted December 12, 2013 02:52 PM            

What changed was likely related to his gf. I had the exact same experience with a Capricorn man whose Sun was exactly (to the minute) conjunct my Moon. We were friends for months and talked for hours. I have no issues approaching someone - but I didn't need to approach him - because he always came to me and talked to me and messaged me. I knew that he had a gf, but I thought it was ok for us to be friends.
I actually didn't have a crush on him though. Anyway we had one conversation that bothered him - which I kind of understand.

After than convo - he completely avoided me.. no explanations, nothing at all - just detached and stayed away from me.
I know because of the nature of our last conversation that he was worried about his gf finding out about us - although there was no "us".
From my perspective he was and is paranoid, but each to their own. I am not hurt romantically because I didn't have sexual feelings towards him. He's the one who "wanted" me on that level. But it is lame that some people think being in a relationship means you can't even talk to another person.

Anyways - about your guy - it was more than ok for you to message him. His behaviour was always forward and friendly so you had no reason to think you were not friends.
His attitude towards you is *classic* and *typical* of a man who is very traditional, closed-minded - and cannot see grey areas to a situation like the one he is in.
He is just black and white. He probably mentioned you to his gf - and she probably went off - and things just went down hill from there.

Considering your synastry - and knowing his chart - the main reasons why this guy would be 100% faithful are status-related and financial. It has nothing to do with love.
Even if he was attracted to you and in love with you - if he had other reasons to stay with his gf (primarily financial reasons.. but also if she is for instance - particularly good looking and improves his "image"..) - then he would stay with her. Virgos can be very pragmatic.

posted December 12, 2013 02:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by sambam:
[b]I hear you completely but they aren't living together. He just got a divorce in august and she was his art partner. They've just started dating almost immediately after the divorce about 4 months ago. Also,I don't mind putting myself in her shoes at all but if your guy gets a text like that wouldn't you feel secure in knowing that ok, she likes him but he's obviously keeping his distance, she's his friend and hurt? Maybe not but I feel like i would be more upset if she wasnt frustrated with what was going on, If she saw our texts before about art,life and music and felt hurt I could understand. They werent inappropriate but I could see her being irritated at the relationship but not when hes obviously keeping his distance...? idk, maybe you're right...

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posted December 12, 2013 03:18 PM            

Also, its funny you mention the financial thing because he did say he was in debt. She's attractive in that hippie,hemp and sunflower seeds kind of way. Not a real beauty but seemed nice. I met her once at his art opening and I'm a city girl to the T,I'm highly into fashion,glamour,makeup,shoes,you name it. She was uncomfortable from the beginning. When he introduced us, he said "her name, meet sam" She immediately jumps in, states her name again and says "his girlfriend" as she shakes my hand. I was beyond polite, I didnt touch/hug him in any way. I just feel like she hated the idea of him having a friend that's a girl and that sucks...

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
You did the right thing by being honest and forward. I am very proud of you. That was brave.
You're a brave girl and you'll find an awesome guy one day!

What changed was likely related to his gf. I had the exact same experience with a Capricorn man whose Sun was exactly (to the minute) conjunct my Moon. We were friends for months and talked for hours. I have no issues approaching someone - but I didn't need to approach him - because he always came to me and talked to me and messaged me. I knew that he had a gf, but I thought it was ok for us to be friends.
I actually didn't have a crush on him though. Anyway we had one conversation that bothered him - which I kind of understand.

After than convo - he completely avoided me.. no explanations, nothing at all - just detached and stayed away from me.
I know because of the nature of our last conversation that he was worried about his gf finding out about us - although there was no "us".
From my perspective he was and is paranoid, but each to their own. I am not hurt romantically because I didn't have sexual feelings towards him. He's the one who "wanted" me on that level. But it is lame that some people think being in a relationship means you can't even talk to another person.

Anyways - about your guy - it was more than ok for you to message him. His behaviour was always forward and friendly so you had no reason to think you were not friends.
His attitude towards you is *classic* and *typical* of a man who is very traditional, closed-minded - and cannot see grey areas to a situation like the one he is in.
He is just black and white. He probably mentioned you to his gf - and she probably went off - and things just went down hill from there.

Considering your synastry - and knowing his chart - the main reasons why this guy would be 100% faithful are status-related and financial. It has nothing to do with love.
Even if he was attracted to you and in love with you - if he had other reasons to stay with his gf (primarily financial reasons.. but also if she is for instance - particularly good looking and improves his "image"..) - then he would stay with her. Virgos can be very pragmatic.

I am glad you were honest - because in my experience this is the absolute best way to split the wheat from the chaff - and now you know for a fact that he is not worth your time.
This is not because he has a "gf" - but because of the poor way in which he handled this entire situation.

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posted December 12, 2013 03:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Over time I'm learning that I'm not meant to interact with people. *shrug*

Good luck! I hope you find peace.

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posted December 12, 2013 03:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sambam:
Haha, why? Yea, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it :-)

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I live in a world of intuition based on seeing the person... Their eyes, hearing their voice. Online.... It's like I'm handicapped or something. But forget that.

I really don't know not having been there. This online business is tough for me, so take what I say lightly.
Right or wrong, I know if I'm struggling with a decision. (in this case of what to do or simply what to do to keep as peaceful as possible). While being honest is admirable and I am an honest person myself. If it is brought to me with sweetness and patience can better react. If it feels extremely emotional, passionate, almost irrational (which an intoxicated person *could* be - I wasn't there).
I would feel pressured, annoyed, irritated, etc and would likely not react very nicely at all. Those kinds of situations. .. I don't like to feel pushed.

That's just me and maybe it's immature. If so, well then so it is I guess.

posted December 12, 2013 03:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I live in a world of intuition based on seeing the person... Their eyes, hearing their voice. Online.... It's like I'm handicapped or something. But forget that.

I really don't know not having been there. This online business is tough for me, so take what I say lightly.
Right or wrong, I know if I'm struggling with a decision. (in this case of what to do or simply what to do to keep as peaceful as possible). While being honest is admirable and I am an honest person myself. If it is brought to me with sweetness and patience can better react. If it feels extremely emotional, passionate, almost irrational (which an intoxicated person *could* be - I there).
I would feel pressured, annoyed, irritated, etc and would likely not react very nicely at all. Those kinds of situations. .. I don't like to feel pushed.

That's just me and maybe it's immature. If so, well then so it is guess.

I'm Virgo Venus, Mars, Mercury.

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posted December 12, 2013 03:48 PM            

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I would feel pressured, annoyed, irritated, etc and would likely not react very nicely at all

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It's not necessarily immature.
My Mercury is in Pisces and I don't communicate very well with Virgo Mercuries.

From my perspective a guy who reacts this way to my display of emotions - is probably not my type... hence what I meant by - splitting the wheat form the chaff.

posted December 12, 2013 03:51 PM            

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My Asc is in aries so im also pretty impulsive and with mars in leo I dont like to feel embarrassed so not even a full 24hrs after the party I switched my schedule around so I wont have to see him.

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I think he should be embarrassed. I mean.. why was he messaging you and hanging around all the time, flirting - in the first place - and intentionally failing to mention his gf to you?

Don't get me wrong - you can change your schedule.. if it makes you more comfortable - and if you feel this is best for you.

I'm an Aries Sun - and my AC is very close to the Cancer cusp - so it may be in Cancer, or late Gemini.
I wouldn't actually change my schedule.. I would make him 100 times more uncomfortable.. because at the age of 31 - one shouldn't behave this way (from my perspective).

I wouldn't speak to him at all I would just ignore him for the most part. But I wouldn't bother changing my schedule.