posted January 04, 2014 01:48 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Btw, I just recalled I know a Cancer sun (used to have his chart but I'm afraid I've lost it) who was big into saving those in trouble. It was a problem for him romantically because not only was he a counselor type (even did so professionally) but he ended up marrying some of the women he saved but as soon as she was "saved" then one or both lost interest. I've had to push him away gently when he's tried prying into my own emotional scars.

I don't think he "enjoys" it exactly but it does seem to give his life meaning. I suspect that it's in part because he has so many emotional scars of his own and diving into the pain of others helps him escape his own...though he does have genuine compassion and gets upset by all the injustice and brutality in the world.

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posted January 04, 2014 03:54 AM            

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Originally posted by nikki01:
I guess maybe cause when someone i love is in pain cause of me and thereafter pushes me away means that i then realise i have hurt them and in turn all i want to do is comfort her

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That's not necessarily true. Some people hide their vulnerability, not only for themselves but also to keep from burdening others. A person could be distraught, in tears even, over say a beloved grandmother dying but want to keep it private if you did not know the grandmother, may wish to process the pain herself first before sharing (Scorpio can be especially prone to this), not be seen vulnerable at all, may feel stupid over feeling such pain for some reason, or even to try to minimize any sympathetic upset on your part as she feels it's not your burden to bear (and believes it would be selfish of her to make you bear it with her). In any case she could push you away from that part of herself and you had nothing to do with causing it. (Btw, some women, like men, would love it if you insist on helping her get through her pain but other women would become offended if you ignored her boundaries and intruded on her private pain.)

Likewise, if you hurt her then she could cling to you to affirm that you love her all the same and the two of you will get through it. Those we love have the most power to hurt us and are also the most likely to do it both intentionally and unintentionally, and I think a great many people at least instinctively realize that, heck some people can't believe it's love unless there is a lot of pain involved.

posted January 04, 2014 10:41 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
That's not necessarily true. Some people hide their vulnerability, not only for themselves but also to keep from burdening others. A person could be distraught, in tears even, over say a beloved grandmother dying but want to keep it private if you did not know the grandmother, may wish to process the pain herself first before sharing (Scorpio can be especially prone to this), not be seen vulnerable at all, may feel stupid over feeling such pain for some reason, or even to try to minimize any sympathetic upset on your part as she feels it's not your burden to bear (and believes it would be selfish of her to make you bear it with her). In any case she could push you away from that part of herself and you had nothing to do with causing it. (Btw, some women, like men, would love it if you insist on helping her get through her pain but other women would become offended if you ignored her boundaries and intruded on her private pain.)

Likewise, if you hurt her then she could cling to you to affirm that you love her all the same and the two of you will get through it. Those we love have the most power to hurt us and are also the most likely to do it both intentionally and unintentionally, and I think a great many people at least instinctively realize that, heck some people can't believe it's love unless there is a lot of pain involved.

Perhaps it would help you realize the "why" of your love if you were to write a short story of how you "fantasize" it. If you share it here I'll probably comment on it, too, though writing such a short fic might help you realize the "why" yourself.

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