posted April 07, 2014 09:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mercurian Intellect:
I'm terribly sorry to hear what you're going through right now.

That MSc degree will certainly pay off sometime. You will then be gaining a substantial amount of money and have quite enough to support yourself and your mother, I'm fairly sure.
Where I live, 50% of people do not even get their High School Diploma. That may be irrelevant to where you are, but that's 50%! I'm sure it cannot be a significant difference from where you are living. Even if it is, I'm positive not many people can say they have a MSc Degree in Engineering.
I am most likely very un-knowledgeable of how the market and demand is for Engineering, but it's a Master's Degree, it must pay off in some way. Otherwise, why would people bother to pursue it?

As for your father, I'm sorry to hear about that. But I have to be blunt; death is a part of life, and no matter how much we grieve over a loss of someone, it will not bring them back. So it's better to focus on the memories you had with them, and consider them as a part of YOUR life. And move on, but always keep those memories with you.
I lost my father also, last year in fact, so I can speak from experience from a close person passing away.

I'm also very sorry to hear about your mother. Hopefully the chemotherapy will be successful

Maybe you can try to make more friends for the time being. I'm not sure if that's easy to do, as I do not know your personality, but if you do and your other friends return from studying abroad, you can introduce your new friends with your other friends, and then you can all be friends!

As for your crush, if he doesn't contact you back soon, then I think you should just try and move on and find someone else. If he does not feel the same way about you, then you shouldn't either, right? That may sound easier said than done, but I can speak from personal experience on this one as well. I know the feeling, trust me. I had a hard time letting go, but thankfully, I did. And I am happier because of it. Find someone who will appreciate what you feel toward them - and who will embrace it, and give you the same feelings in return.

From what I read, you have made a lot of effort in your life. That Master's Degree, gosh, I'm jealous, haha. I'm still in High School, but I don't think I can do that. I don't have the patience as you do And the last 6 months your father passed as well. At the very end, you still pulled through it. I would think the end is really hard because it's a lot of effort within itself to stick with it that long and still be consistent. That's a lot of determination and strength, I'll tell you. So don't give up now!

Good things will soon COME to YOU, I promise.
Suicide is not the best decision. You are still alive, aren't you? Just try to enjoy the time you have in this lifetime, because it may be the only lifetime you will have in the Universe. I have thought about the philosophy of suicide, not necessarily committing it, but rather the strengths and weaknesses of it. But I realized it is better to live my life to the best of my ability. I hope you realize the same thing, or at least come to that reinforcing conclusion

Anyway, I really hope this helped, at least a little bit. I wish you the best of luck, Leoeve

---

It surely helped, thank you so much <3

I live in Portugal, what about you? Right now there are not so many opportunities for young graduates here, most are leaving the country. I can't though, because of mom. My family is not around here, so she'd be completely alone.

I didn't pursued this degree thinking about the money, just because I liked the inventive part of it, to be able to make a difference. Right now I'm not so sure I like it anymore, if I could go back I would have pursued a musical career, now I'm sure.

Hope you finish high school with honors and that you pursue something that truly makes you happy, be it further education or just rewarding work!

posted April 07, 2014 10:12 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Venusincap89:
I am truly sorry for your struggles...

I like to believe that there is always a path between the clouds, even if the sky falls down

I am certain that you will get through this... don't give up!!
Wish you the best!!!

---

At least I'm willing not to!

posted April 07, 2014 10:20 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sag_stellium:
Idk if this will help. When I was suicidal, I did a cost benefit analysis.

Most suicides are unsuccessful which simply means additional hospital bills, additional shame, and let's face it, additional feeling of being a failure. Yea, no thanks. Even my extemely depressed mind could see the futility in that.

Who would care for 10+ years if I killed myself? Honestly, no one. Even my own mother would have to move on because no one can be sad forever. This is a fact. Back then, it shocked me. Now I get it. Every one else would have classified me as as a sad case of pathetic gone nuts. That's not who I wanted to be. Most people would have forgotten me completely. Not my end goal. I wanted to have love, happiness and a future.

I wanted to be everything I dreamed of. I couldn't because there were obstacles. So I sat down and told myself, maybe no one else gives a F, but I will. I would choose to be good to me. I would force myself to be everything I needed, even if I didn't know how. I analyzed my obstacles and channeled all my internal negativity towards the external obstacles.

You can obliterate your obstacles. You have to use all the willpower you have to overcome this silly suicidal business. Face it with some humor. You have to remind yourself that there were dreams before the despair came along. Use logic, erase emotional responses.

Remind yourself of the times you succeeded at something, no matter how tiny. And keep going until you teach yourself to think positively. You didn't become suicidal overnight. You won't get happy overnight either. But honestly, it's your choice. Do you want to put in the work to be happy? You can't say yes and then not do anything about it. You have to pick yourself up.

I forced myself to identify my negative chain of thoughts on paper. I narrowed it down to one word or phrase for each step. I identified which step took my thoughts from neutral to ugly negative. I rerouted my thoughts at that point. Every time, I wanted to go down sad route, I sidestepped to the other way.

Happiness was a foreign concept to me until I learned to be happy. But now, I don't know any other way to be. You'll get there. You have to push yourself to do it.

Therapy would help immensely. But if you can't afford it, meditate, do yoga, pray. Work out.

The best way to overcome despair is to engage in action that yields satisfaction. This was the most important lesson I learned.

I think I just rambled a lot. I hope some of it helps you.

Oh and I'm super sorry to hear about your dad. It is an extremely difficult time in your life. You will get through it.

---

I can see what you mean, I'm also more a person who takes action, rather than a passive one.

Thing is, there's not much I can do do turn this around, no matter how many mountains I try to move. Just have to endure it, and that's what bugs me.

Will definitely try to seek therapy help, if I can!

posted April 07, 2014 10:21 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I am very glad you reached out

---

posted April 07, 2014 10:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
I am very sorry for your troubles, Leoeve, but I am glad you reached out.

Like you, I have studied for a long period of time, 6 years in Uni, another 6 in my residency. It can take a toll on you, especially if you're an impatient person like I am (mostly Fire). My grandmother died around my graduation.
I was suicidal 2-3 years ago. It had most to do with my first engagement ending and how - the b@stard announced me he's having a kid with someone else, but it was a bit more complex than that, let's say it was the final drop for me at the time. During that time I almost got into a car crash and I will always remember it because it was the moment I had one of my biggest epiphanies ever. In those racing seconds my life did not flash before my eyes, on the contrary, it went blank and all my strength gathered towards survival. I managed to avoid collision, stopped the car at the end of the road, gathered my breath and realized [b]I don't want to die. I wasn't suicidal because I was done with life, I was suicidal because I didn't want to live that way, anymore. Suicide seemed like the only way out. It was like I was living someone else's life or master plan. I wasn't even sure who I was anymore and I felt stuck. I reached out too. Had therapy, had medication. It helped but what helped me the most was that epiphany. So, if I didn't want to live that way, I had to change it somehow. Of course you can't change everything - or, can you? Some things can get you started. A job would be perfect, how about looking for something a bit outside of your field, temporarily, until you solve your financial situation? I would start there. That crush of yours is not the last man on earth and I have news for you - they get better and better just imagine how gorgeous your next crush will be! Your mom will have chemo and get better. Breast cancer is curable.

You should put up your chart. Identifying the transit that is making you feel this way can feel liberating - it is only a bad time and this too shall pass. However, it is imperative that you fix the root of the problem as soon as you can to avoid feeling like this again. I think during my suicidal days Saturn was in Libra. I'm an Aries Sun, Mercury and Mars, those oppositions put me down badly.

Hang in there and keep talking to us!

[/B]

---

I'm so sorry to hear about your engagement.
Glad you survived that car accident and how sometimes something bad can make your world turn 180º... for the better!

Been looking for some temporary solution regarding the job situation. Turns out I'm overqualified to clean tables. Logic, I hate this country (Portugal).

The crush is the least of my "problems", don't even care anymore. Guess it was just the sparkle that ignited this bomb. But I'm feeling better now.

Have saturn squaring sun, merc, venus and mars. I think this might be it!

posted April 07, 2014 10:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
What also helped me was this little movie that I stumbled upon after someone here posted a similar link. It really made a difference with me and made me understand how my thoughts create my reality and how changing them, changes my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymZeOIJkCMg

The beginning still makes me teary eyed remembering the darkness I was in not too long ago and how hopeless it all seemed.

---

Will watch this movie asap! Thank you <3

posted April 07, 2014 10:40 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by soren:
dont kill yourself, you dont have to give back anything, life itself is a gift thats given to you, everything is given.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by soren:
i was feeling a bit suicidal before and felt that life was all downhill from there, but it was not true, please keep us updated on how you feel

---

Thank you for caring so much, it really means a lot to me!

posted April 07, 2014 10:43 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lalalinda:
me too sweetheart, this will pass, just being able to talk about it will help.
We will always be here for you so don't hesitate.

---

posted April 07, 2014 11:18 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Leoeve:

I'm so sorry to hear about your engagement.
Glad you survived that car accident and how sometimes something bad can make your world turn 180º... for the better!

Been looking for some temporary solution regarding the job situation. Turns out I'm overqualified to clean tables. Logic, I hate this country (Portugal).

The crush is the least of my "problems", don't even care anymore. Guess it was just the sparkle that ignited this bomb. But I'm feeling better now.

Have saturn squaring sun, merc, venus and mars. I think this might be it!

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing you history, it helped a lot! <3

---

So you were born in France but live in Portugal? If both you and your mom are unemployed, what is keeping you there? If Portugal won't hire you, take a temp job abroad, 3-6 months to get you started and pay some of those bills. Stay in Europe so you can visit your mom often. I know that you don't want to leave her during this time, but making money for her treatment is the best way you could care for her, in my opinion. After you raise some money, if you feel so bad for not being with her, hire a nurse to stay with her. She will need it during chemo, even if she's too proud to say so (moms often are).

Keep looking, there are always solutions!

I love your natal chart btw, sorry for saying this, but you'd be a fool to give this up! It shows good luck in career, good money, good marriage.. HANG IN THERE!! You'll turn this around!

posted April 07, 2014 12:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:

I love your natal chart btw, sorry for saying this, but you'd be a fool to give this up! It shows good luck in career, good money, good marriage.. HANG IN THERE!! You'll turn this around!

---

Your natal chart is perfect.
Progressed planets activate the intercepted houses (Virgo and Pisces) 1st and 7th - big turning point. Mars on natal Vertex -any action is favorable, brings events, movement and fated encounters.

Your Fire Grand Trine forms a Kite with your ASC - any personal initiative, any action on your own, any attempt to stand out is favored. Your destiny is in your hands. Your actions have major impact. Plus, NN in first house Aries - you're on your own and you'll succeed.

Plus, what Dancing Maenad said - "good luck in career, good money, good marriage"

posted April 07, 2014 03:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ariestaurus:
Your transits right now really suck! Saturn squaring your Sun/Venus/Mercury/mars/Ascendant. You're in the thick of it now, with retrograde Saturn squaring your Venus and Mercury. All these yucky Saturn squares will be over by November this year, so hang in there! Saturn transits can be really positive, though. This is the time for realism and hard work, so buckle down and know there is an end in sight.

And yes, I agree- you have a beautiful natal chart.

---

As she pointed out,and I suspected as much, you have many transiting Saturn squares to your natal planets.

Saturn is delays and for someone who has Saturn opposing Moon nataly, you've had to pretty much contend with feelings of "confinement", "little" and even isolation all your life.

These transits are particularly difficult as they seem to "double up" that feeling of being alone and having to deal with a lot-with limited resources.

Plus, I suspect that progressed Sun in 6th widely conjunct Mars and Venus contributes to the feeling of wanting to get to work, but being idle and feeling helpless.

Also, transiting Neptune is squaring Natal and progressed Moon in Gemini- feelings of being "lost" without much direction are also highlighted

I don't know what you are supposed to heed from all this, but my advice would be to take each day as it comes. Celebrate the good moments and accept that there will be days where you are not feeling at your best.

posted April 07, 2014 05:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Leoeve:

It surely helped, thank you so much <3

I live in Portugal, what about you? Right now there are not so many opportunities for young graduates here, most are leaving the country. I can't though, because of mom. My family is not around here, so she'd be completely alone.

I didn't pursued this degree thinking about the money, just because I liked the inventive part of it, to be able to make a difference. Right now I'm not so sure I like it anymore, if I could go back I would have pursued a musical career, now I'm sure.

Hope you finish high school with honors and that you pursue something that truly makes you happy, be it further education or just rewarding work!

Thank you so much for the kind word!

---

Oh, okay. Well hopefully you will be able to have an opportunity, or something works out of course. Maybe you can look for a job online in that needs a graduate, then you can try to make enough money in order for you and your mother to move there. Once you get there, you can start your job and continue to live with your mother.

And that's good that you chose that degree because you wanted to make a difference and be inventive. I feel the same way with Science, all types of it. I really would love if I could become a Theoretical Physicist, but there's no way I can, lol.

And thank you very much for that. Sadly, I don't get good grades in school, and this year I was absent too much, so now I will have to repeat 12th grade. But yeah, hopefully I decide to pursue something (preferably Science) and stick with it after High School

posted April 08, 2014 10:14 AM            

Luck will dramatically increase only with a good partnership or marriage, preferably with a foreigner. You can be happy only with a foreign male, such is your chart structure.

------------------
Astrology Articles

posted April 08, 2014 06:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
So you were born in France but live in Portugal? If both you and your mom are unemployed, what is keeping you there? If Portugal won't hire you, take a temp job abroad, 3-6 months to get you started and pay some of those bills. Stay in Europe so you can visit your mom often. I know that you don't want to leave her during this time, but making money for her treatment is the best way you could care for her, in my opinion. After you raise some money, if you feel so bad for not being with her, hire a nurse to stay with her. She will need it during chemo, even if she's too proud to say so (moms often are).

Keep looking, there are always solutions!

I love your natal chart btw, sorry for saying this, but you'd be a fool to give this up! It shows good luck in career, good money, good marriage.. HANG IN THERE!! You'll turn this around!

---

Yes, mom and dad were trying to make a living in France by the time I was born. We came to Portugal when I was 6, my dad is portuguese, it was his plan to come back sometime!
What makes us stay here is mostly friends. We've been here for 20 years now, and without family, friends are very important to my mom. If we were to change countries right now I'm sure she'd be the most miserable person. Thank god our health care system works pretty well, no oncology patient has to pay for treatment! So, that's also an advantage!

Thank you for putting up my chart! I really don't know how it could be so great, haven't felt that good for the most part of my life. Hopefully great things will come, as you said!

posted April 08, 2014 06:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by fairaqua:
Maybe check out which dasha you are in.
Sounds like you are entering ketu mahadasha
http://www.astrologykrs.com/Ketu-mahadasha.html

---

posted April 08, 2014 06:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Your natal chart is perfect.
Progressed planets activate the intercepted houses (Virgo and Pisces) 1st and 7th - big turning point. Mars on natal Vertex -any action is favorable, brings events, movement and fated encounters.

Your Fire Grand Trine forms a Kite with your ASC - any personal initiative, any action on your own, any attempt to stand out is favored. Your destiny is in your hands. Your actions have major impact. Plus, NN in first house Aries - you're on your own and you'll succeed.

Plus, what Dancing Maenad said - "good luck in career, good money, good marriage"

You're a star, girl!

---

I'm really baffled! Never would have guessed all that goodness, thank you for your intrepretation.

posted April 08, 2014 06:56 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ariestaurus:
Your transits right now really suck! Saturn squaring your Sun/Venus/Mercury/mars/Ascendant. You're in the thick of it now, with retrograde Saturn squaring your Venus and Mercury. All these yucky Saturn squares will be over by November this year, so hang in there! Saturn transits can be really positive, though. This is the time for realism and hard work, so buckle down and know there is an end in sight.

And yes, I agree- you have a beautiful natal chart.

---

Thank you so much for your input! Hopefully it will all disappear in November like you said! Really looking forward to it!

posted April 08, 2014 06:59 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by AscTaurus:

As she pointed out,and I suspected as much, you have many transiting Saturn squares to your natal planets.

Saturn is delays and for someone who has Saturn opposing Moon nataly, you've had to pretty much contend with feelings of "confinement", "little" and even isolation all your life.

These transits are particularly difficult as they seem to "double up" that feeling of being alone and having to deal with a lot-with limited resources.

Plus, I suspect that progressed Sun in 6th widely conjunct Mars and Venus contributes to the feeling of wanting to get to work, but being idle and feeling helpless.

Also, transiting Neptune is squaring Natal and progressed Moon in Gemini- feelings of being "lost" without much direction are also highlighted

I don't know what you are supposed to heed from all this, but my advice would be to take each day as it comes. Celebrate the good moments and accept that there will be days where you are not feeling at your best.

It seems like forever, but it does pass.

---

It's true, I can really relate to what you said about the natal moon opposing saturn!

Waiting for all this to pass, have to cultivate some patiente though!

posted April 08, 2014 07:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by iQ:
You have a very good chart, this is just a tough transit from Saturn [squaring four of your planets in Leo]. Everything should begin to improve from 2015 but you have to keep building good karma till then, please do not even think of suicide, there is so much to live for when the chart has so much Fire.

Luck will dramatically increase only with a good partnership or marriage, preferably with a foreigner. You can be happy only with a foreign male, such is your chart structure.

---

I have a silly question here! Since I was born in France, "a foreign man" here means any man except a french one?
Been living in Portugal for 20 years now, it's what I consider home, don't even remember much about France anymore...

Also, I'm really curious, what aspects/planets did you read it from?

posted April 09, 2014 05:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mystic_Cat:
Cheer up! There's plenty in life to live for you just have to open your eyes to search for it!

---