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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake

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posted August 26, 2014 12:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

I'll just cut to the chase and ask; Is it very difficult for you to be free from your Mother's influence?

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Vajra
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posted August 26, 2014 01:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Aries23Degrees
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posted August 26, 2014 02:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Vajra:

Hi Aries23Degrees,

though not myself a Cancer Moon guy, I know four men with this placement rather well - my brother, an uncle, my grandfather, and an ex of two years. In all four cases the answer to your question would have to be a resounding "yes". I doubt very much, however, that these men themselves would see it as a problem. It's more their wives/partners who are/were just a little unhappy with momma's big shadow...


Thanks for the response.

The thing is,I am a Cancer Moon guy myself and am having serious issues with this. I feel like it debilitates me as a man.

I can't make decisions without worrying that she may not approve. Its not to say that I want to "cut" her from my life. No.

I just need for my decisions to be MY decisions. I don't see that happening unless I move to another planet

I think the square of Uranus to my Moon in Cancer is bringing these issues to light. The code word is F R E E D O M

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Dreaminess
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posted August 26, 2014 02:42 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Do you have pluto aspects to your moon or maybe venus esp hard ones or maybe moon in the 8th or pluto in the 4th? i know this can show a controlling, a bit invasive mother and if venus receives hard aspects it can attract those sorts to you. But yeah my brother has his moon in cancer and my mom can be a bit "clingy" on him sometimes but she dosen`t control his life, he is actually very independent and dosent let anyone control him. But he is an aquarius though and has his mars conj uranus so no controling of him he will just rebel

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Aries23Degrees
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From: South Africa
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posted August 26, 2014 03:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Dreaminess:
Do you have pluto aspects to your moon or maybe venus esp hard ones or maybe moon in the 8th or pluto in the 4th? i know this can show a controlling, a bit invasive mother and if venus receives hard aspects it can attract those sorts to you. But yeah my brother has his moon in cancer and my mom can be a bit "clingy" on him sometimes but she dosen`t control his life, he is actually very independent and dosent let anyone control him. But he is an aquarius though and has his mars conj uranus so no controling of him he will just rebel

I have none of these aspects honestly.

I don't think that my mom means to be invasive.It all very psychological.

Problem is that,with this placement,I NEVER want to disappoint her or go against her.

But many of my decisions are based on what i believe is best for ME. And its hard for me to make them without the guilt that she may not agree.

With other people,I couldn't care less.But with her,it seems that I WANT her to agree and support me.And if she doesn't,I lean towards her direction. Than later resent myself for not following my own decisions.

Its hard to explain.But that was my best attempt at it.


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Vajra
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posted August 26, 2014 03:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Dreaminess
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posted August 26, 2014 03:27 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
I have none of these aspects honestly.

I don't think that my mom means to be invasive.It all very psychological.

Problem is that,with this placement,I NEVER want to disappoint her or go against her.

But many of my decisions are based on what i believe is best for ME. And its hard for me to make them without the guilt that she may not agree.

With other people,I couldn't care less.But with her,it seems that I WANT her to agree and support me.And if she doesn't,I lean towards her direction. Than later resent myself for not following my own decisions.

Its hard to explain.But that was my best attempt at it.


Yeah i have read alot that people with cancer placements have a very strong emotional bond to their mothers.I used to be friends with a girl that has a cancer venus and mercury and she thinks her mother is right in everything, she gets so effected by what her mother says.

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Aries23Degrees
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posted August 26, 2014 03:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Vajra:
Ouch. Yes, I can see how that would be very difficult. Actually my mother also has a Cancer Moon (I swear I'm not making this up) and she had the exact same problem you describe with her own mother almost her entire life. She learned to stand up for herself only when her mom was almost eighty years old. To her surprise she then discovered that her mom continued to love her even though she had dared to voice her own opinion. Much of the disapproval she had been so afraid of had been entirely in her head, it seems. They became very close from then on and had a very good relationship until my grandmother died.

Don't wait as long as her before you begin to assert yourself. Maybe you could try to, you know, just act as you really want to act, and then face the music stoically and see if the spell of icy disapproval really lasts all that long. Surely your mother will not give up on you just because you do not please her all of the time. She might even respect you for it.


Thank you for sharing.I need to meditate on this.

The things is,I am on a cusp of making a decision about the direction of where my life should be going.I want to feel "alive".

She does not agree with my choice and consequently has voiced her disapproval in a long sms she sent a week ago.

I have since become very confused and think that perhaps my choice is not the "right" one etc. And that i will live to regret it. "Mommy knows best" etc.

But I can't keep on living like this. Its not healthy for me to always seek to be in her good books. I am a grown man. Come on.

I am not trying to "hurt" her or "rebel". I am asserting what I want for ME.I hear your advice. It makes sense.

I remember reading from a spiritual book that"When parents make decisions for their children based on what THEY think is best for their children. They are loving themselves through their children.

But if the parents make decisions based on what their child wants for him/herself. Then they are truly loving their children."

Its a difficult thing for parents to learn to let go. I empathize. That's part of the reason as to why I don't want kids- I fear that I'll suffocate them the same way and they'll live in terror of not wanting to disappoint Daddy.

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Vajra
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posted August 26, 2014 04:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Vajra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Aries23Degrees
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posted August 26, 2014 04:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
True. So true

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hannaramaa
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posted August 26, 2014 06:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

I'll just cut to the chase and ask; Is it very difficult for you to be free from your Mother's influence?

Lol, I know two Cancer moons and despite both their mothers being NUT cases, they always supported them and loved them, bowed down to them.

One is openly suicidal and pretty much provokes his anxiety (it's the Aquarius I was mentioning in NeptunianSag's thread about emotionally supportive / cold Scorpios)

The other is gay and his mother constantly tried redirecting him even while in college. "Oh isn't she pretty? Why can't you date a nice girl like her?" etc. Kicking him out, forcing him to room with friends, only to accept him back in.

Ironically, the first mother has a Capricorn moon, and the second mother is a Capricorn sun.

I dated a Capricorn Sun, who's mother was Cancer sun. They're also up each other's ***** , so maybe it's a Capricorn / Cancer thing.


My mother? Aries sun, Libra Moon, Taurus rising. Me, Gemini ASC, Aries Sun, Taurus moon. Cannot live under the same roof for long but our relationship is more affectionate now that she moved out of state.

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bansheequeen
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posted August 26, 2014 07:31 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've got cancer moon but I'm a female. I have a hard time resisting my mom. Like I want to do hinges for myself but I have a hard time ignoring every nagging things she's ever said and it feel like it's become part of my personality. Just thigns like... She always asks me condescendingly if I am eating well, sleeping well, etc. but it's in like a tone of "I know you're not." So I get extreme anxiety over the little things she nags about. She used to make me wear very conservative clothing so I get anxiety when I wear revealing clothes. I have a hard time throwing anything away because she thinks it's wasteful, even if it's like a shampoo I never used that was three dollars. I have a really hard time spending money even if I'm financially stable because she always told me I waste my money.

I don't live with her, but the influence has been ingrained in me. I feel guilty when I don't visit her. I have to live geographically far away from her because if I live closer I feel like I can't say no to the little invasive she's she does. She means well but like, I know what I'm doing and I want to live the way I live.

My boyfriend has a cancer descendant and I can see the same issues in him too but it's way more gentle and he can shut it out when he wants to.

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