posted October 20, 2014 11:43 PM            

Yes, I love the songs ....I like this one though I don't fully relate. It's hard for me to describe how I was. I guess it's the Mars-moon-Neptune t-square...I was really androgynous without giving it any thought. So it wasn't like I had it all together in my mind that "I'm a tomboy and that's why I climb trees and have my hair short and get really competitive about sports"...I just played it by ear. Which was weird. Because I could be feeling totally feminine while looking so boyish that people honestly had no idea what my gender was...and I couldn't have cared less. I just floated around mysteriously.

Though I will say that I think my Mars-Pluto was behind some of my "masculinity." I wanted people to be warned that even though I am shy, polite, deferential and whatever, if you push me the wrong way, I'm kind of a bulldozer.

posted October 21, 2014 12:35 AM            

Tangled lines of communication here. The song, to me, is mostly about being who you are, when you are inclined in a traditionally more "masculine" direction. Which is fine...but I was explaining why that shoe didn't exactly fit me.

posted October 21, 2014 04:02 AM            

I didn't get into skateboarding because I wanted to be a boy. I did get shunned by girls at an early age for years and learned to play with boys (and able to get along with both genders on my own terms) but that wasn't why. I never even noticed skateboarding until I saw the The Crow when I was 11. I really related to the character Sarah who was a skateboarder, as you can see here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTw3GCCeH4Q

That movie got me to thinking about it and how cool it would be so I wanted a skateboard, too. It also got me into music and it was mostly genres that didn't try to classify gender, which meshed nicely with my scifi/fantasy (or childhood equivalents as Pippi Longstocking, whom I adored as a child) which I think is the only genre in which females are just as important as the males and without the females having to be focused on one or more males (and most media aimed at girls is even more "find a man to orbit, it's your primary purpose and key to happiness"). But skateboards cost money so there wasn't a way I could get one as I could the music...and my granny did think I was a tomboy--but that was HER definition (and that of most others), not mine--and tried to girl me up but she finally got me a skateboard for my 14th birthday since I never stopped wanting one.

My skateboard was stolen from me when I was a runaway and I cried because it was a gift from my granny and what it meant. Losing that skateboard felt like losing what tiny bit of Granny I had left which made me feel alone. True, boys considered me a weird one for skating but were generally accepting while girls figured I was just doing it to be with the boys that they were all in competition for. But that was THEIR definition, not my "I'm going to be a tomboy." The skateboard was a boy thing to the world but to me at a gut level it was all girl, from the character of Sarah in the movie to Granny's love for me. The world may have defined me as a tomboy but I just saw myself being me.

My preference for short hair and tomboy clothes was purely pragmatic (especially as I wasn't about attracting the boys to me, had plenty enough attention that way as it was), easier to take care of or at least not have to worry about it (ripping or staining my jeans was normally shrugged off, but doing the same to a dress might get me whipped) and I also took advantage of my androgynous appearance and behavior while a runaway at 15 to pass for a boy to evade predators (and when a predator came for me thinking I was a boy then it was easy enough to say "I'm a girl," it's not like he went around advertising to the world about my deception).

posted October 21, 2014 08:56 AM            

I like that movie clip, looks like a good movie. That girl is funny. I wouldn't have related well to her, because I wasn't that mouthy.

Hope you don't think I was making assumptions about you or putting you on the defensive.

By saying that I wasn't conscious of being a tomboy (not in high school anyway-- earlier, I was) I did not mean to imply that other girls who are tomboys must be pursuing it deliberately, like it's their vocation or calling, to take on that persona (the way others embrace goth, emo, jock, etc.) Though I suppose some do.

I was just trying to put across how random my appearance was, because it didn't match up with what people might've expected it to match up with: I wasn't particularly athletic, wasn't gay, wasn't "one of the guys." At that age, I wasn't even competitive anymore (though I was fiercely competitive when I was younger, which is what I was alluding to with my first post on this thread.) I avoided confrontation like the plague and couldn't handle harsh or loud music. (ETA: To illustrate my frame of mind ~ this was my favorite song in 9th/10th grade; it highlights how I was sort of "out of it" and just not fully present in my surroundings. Unlike you I had the luxury of going though the motions of a normal life in a fog for a few years...this was when Neptune was transiting conjunct my sun.)

Thing is, even though I was boy crazy, I didn't actually want a boyfriend. I think that was part of the reason why I dressed like that-- to deter boys from asking me out. Not that I was hot, but I was shocked when I got to high school and kept getting asked out. I just wanted all that to go away.

posted October 21, 2014 10:44 AM              

An ex had the conjunction. He was in the military.

posted October 21, 2014 07:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
I like that movie clip, looks like a good movie. That girl is funny. I wouldn't have related well to her, because I wasn't that mouthy.

---

I related to her because she had to take care of herself and her mom was a junkie (which is close enough to alcoholism) who hung around loud, dangerous men. Heck, her mom and mine even looked a lot alike (though my mom put more pride in her appearance, and her hair was a natural platinum blonde as well as longer than Sarah's mom).

It's based on a comic book so it's much larger than life in characters (many of whom are cliched) in a dystopian present. I think the Scorpio energies me and my best friend shared had a lot to do with why we both loved it so much at age 11 (first movie we both snuck into after having been taken to see it once). The violence does get intense, however, and though not graphically shown in detail it leaves no doubt just how brutally murdered Eric & Shelley (who was also gang raped) was before Eric's ghost (complicated to explain) comes back the next Halloween as an (almost) unstoppable vigilante (the sister and lover of the primary villain is some kind of witch who tells the villain how to deprive the ghost of his powers). OTOH, understanding what was done to him (and just seeing the bad guys being themselves) does remove any sympathy for them as they get taken out in all sorts of grim ways.

That aside, it's also a surprisingly sweet and sentimental at times with various subplots (in which Sarah and her mom was just one) so that Eric's ghost is able to put more to right than what was done to him and his fiancee (his fiancee's ghost makes an appearance at the end as well). It actually brought tears to my eyes on how sentimentally sweet it could be at times in the most unexpected ways (in a city so grim and bleak it just adds to the beauty of love, mercy, and compassion).

I loved it as a child, but as an adult it gets by on mostly nostalgia value. I'm kind of bemused I loved it so much then, though the performances were outstanding and they definitely know how to set mood and atmosphere. And I do own it and have no plans to get rid of it. In fact, it's on my Halloween flicks to watch this month.

posted October 25, 2014 07:05 PM            

I alredy got told by an Hindu astrologer that I should do martial arts, but I never focused on it :/

My mother told me how I came carriing big rocks, when I was just a lill cid, into home