posted November 01, 2014 03:57 PM
I thought I'd come back and share some notes. His mind is always all over the place and I don't think he knows how to stop and relax.
The Cappy & Aqua energy seem to always be in a battle. He's grounded and making good decisions one minute and then BANG he's dreaming big and making impulse decisions again.
He's chatty and he likes to talk, but he's no good at communicating. I used to think he was because he appears to be an open person, but he's very guarded.
He often has misunderstandings with me and his coworkers because of his inability to communicate clearly. He also hears only the parts that he wants to hear, which is often twisted into something negative. That also happens with his coworkers, so that's how I know it's not just me.
He holds onto negative things that happened to him and he retells the story over and over until you make it clear you're done with hearing it. He's 48 years old but when he was 20 and in college, his girlfriend slept with his best friend and roommate. He walked in and saw them. 28 years later he STILL tells that story and you can hear the bitterness and anger still lingering. Then he always looks at me and says, "if you want me gone, cheat on me" in a threatening tone.
I finally told him I was sick of hearing about it and he needs to let it go. I don't think he let it go, I just think he stopped telling me about it.
He's not very family / duty oriented like many Cappys are. He doesn't support us at all, actually. Because my kids aren't his, I continue to work to pay for everything. He doesn't pay for anything except for his share of the rent (no I am not joking). He also puts the gas in his vehicle to go to work. Since I wanted to drive it, I had to pay for the car insurance.
I take care of our cell phones, internet, food, Netflix, electricity, etc. because my kids use those things and he is apparently not responsible for them. I can understand his point of view, but it doesn't mean I like it. I don't receive any of my court ordered child support, so it's really hard on me. I also make half of what he earns in a year, so a larger proportion of my income is contributed and he often has money to spare when I am counting coins.
It's also quite frustrating because when we met, I was clear that I have worked hard my entire life and that I always wanted to be a mom and homemaker instead of being so career driven. He told me he would make that happen for me, which was a lie. Now he claims he never said those things, even though I still have the messages. When I bring it up, he gets angry and says, "well I'd better win the lottery then!" which is silly because although he's not rich, as I said earlier he earns twice as much as I do so he could support us. He just doesn't want to.
Now, I know it looks like I am painting a very ugly picture but obviously, there is much to love about him or I wouldn't stay.
In spite of not being family oriented, my kids like him a lot so that says something. He related to them well without trying to be their father. He didn't come into my life and try to run things or parent them, which is good because mama bear would have tore his limbs off.
He's comforting and very supportive for things like when I don't feel like doing something (checking the PO Box, going to the grocery store for one thing I forgot, etc.). He's also happy to stay home and chill with the kids so I can go and do whatever (hang out with a friend, go to the grocery store alone, get my errands done, go out dancing, whatever). That kind of support system is something I have NEVER had, so I cherish that.
He's good at making me laugh. He's so goofy and childlike and it counteracts all of my seriousness.
In spite of being tight-fisted with his money, he takes care of his responsibilities and he holds a job is career driven. My ex-husband hardly worked, so this is refreshing! He pays his own credit card bills and other debts, etc. so I don't have to deal with that.
He doesn't tell me any of my weird or frivolous things are stupid. I have a hang up with collecting goofy pajamas, and they are NOT sexy at all, but he doesn't complain. *lol* I think the Aqua energy accepts me for all of my weirdness.
I often shave my head, and he never whines that I should grow it out. He never says anything about my body, actually. He's very accepting and has never told me I should lose or gain weight. He's never told me what I should or shouldn't wear out of the house and he's never complained that I don't wear makeup. He's never had one negative thing to say about my body or my weird style choices (e.g. wearing stripped leggings with a floral dress).
When I needed to go to the hospital, he never left my side and he was a great healthcare advocate. He wasn't going to let them do anything without my clear consent.
He won't buy me something because it's my birthday or Christmas, but if he sees something I can use, he'll get it for me. Just yesterday he brought me a footrest for under my desk so I would stop getting leg cramps. He thinks about me in that way.
Not making a big deal about my birthday and Christmas used to bug me because my thing was "well, it's important to me, so why can't you participate?" but then I realized I was trying to change him. People don't change ESPECIALLY Capricorn men. I had to learn to accept that about him or be miserable.
Sex life is fireworks... not much more I should say about that.
He doesn't have any bad habits that annoy me (he doesn't play video games for hours, gamble, drink too much alcohol, talk crap about me in front of other guys, etc.) so that has also been a nice change for me.
However, his playfulness and overall demeanor can be very childish at times. He may wet his finger and put it in my ear to annoy me, for example. Or he may walk up and lick my face cause he knows that grosses me out. He hides but he purposefully leaves a foot out or a hand out because he wants me to find him... so odd.
That's all I can think of right now. Does that help or sound familiar at all?
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“Most people would rather be sheep than stand on their own with antlers on.”