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Author Topic:   ignoring a Scorpio's bad behavior
moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 06:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
how does that go over? I'm not doing it to play games, I really needed to have some space from his extremes

Saturday night he was accusing me of being vague/lying about having another guy (We're not a couple, mind you and I told him I am keeping my options open)

Sunday, after asking to see me, he changed his mind and seemed apathetic

I am thoroughly frustrated & I have felt like withdrawing is in order to regain some perspective & not to acknowledge his bad behavior

Experiences with ignoring Scorpios? I am a Cancer so I usually vibe extremely well with Scorpios (and with him!) but lately he's vibrating such a low energy that I simply cannot understand & I don't want to start patterns, I have no room for ******** in my life anymore, I want his attention, but I want his respect and devotion more

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lvASTRO
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posted November 17, 2014 06:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lvASTRO     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He's getting attached and is at the point where he fears losing you. This is where possessive and jealous behavior comes in.

Pulling away completely will only make him resent you, and either attack stronger, or cut you off altogether.

Be up front with him. Tell him EXACTLY how you're feeling and that he is coming on too strong. If you are upfront, he will appreciate it. Pulling away, but not telling him, even if for space, SEEMS like a game/manipulation, and the Scorpio will not appreciate it/see right through.

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moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 07:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edit, see below

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moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 07:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by moonstruck87:
IV, thank you. I appreciate your feedback. I do agree that perhaps verbalizing my need for space is necessary. Honestly, I just wasn't sure if he would CARE.

I didn't want him to think that I was just saying it to be attention seeking, you know?

I know he likes me, I mean I'm not sure why else he would put in the energy to get so possessive of me.
But I do feel overwhelmed and toyed with. I love him, and I do want to be with him, but he doesn't ACT on initiating spending time with me. I pointed that out to him the other night when he was accusing me of lying. I told him he need not be concerned what I have going on with another guy, that I'm not committed to anyone at this time and that if he wants to spend time with me he just needs to act on it

I'm having a hard time seeing the forest for the trees right now. :-/


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wheresthemoon
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posted November 17, 2014 07:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wheresthemoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Probably not well. I imagine that his withdrawal is a form of manipulation. When it doesn't work (you respond by withdrawing yourself), his behavior/manipulation will probably get more extreme.

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YellowGerbera
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posted November 17, 2014 07:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YellowGerbera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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YellowGerbera
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posted November 17, 2014 07:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YellowGerbera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 07:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah I guess I'm more confused by his extremes so the need to pull away on my part felt necessary

I have a hard time understanding him because he's so demanding of details about me seeing other men and says he "doesn't care", that he just wants me to be up front... I have been up front, as I said earlier, I've told him I'm keeping my options open

I would totally commit to him IF he were putting forth the effort to spend time with me, but he's so concerned with what I'm doing with other people

It feels childish really and my patience is running thin. I haven't done anything wrong & it's wrong of him to make me feel like I have.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but when he's so extreme about what I'm doing/who in with and then changes his mind about spending time with me it really makes me doubt if he's sincere in truly wanting a relationship with me or if he just doesn't want anyone else to have me.

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YellowGerbera
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posted November 17, 2014 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for YellowGerbera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 08:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Several months back (March) he told me he didn't want to lead me on when I asked where things were going so I told him the next day that I didn't think I should see him anymore as I was beginning to have feelings for him and I was afraid they wouldn't be reciprocated

So he said "okay if that's how you feel"

Then I felt like maybe I hadn't given things enough time to play out and when I told him that he wrote me off and started to be cruel

So after months of me reaching out in attempt to reconcile only to be ignored or given one word answers, he pops back in my life last month (I had stopped attempting to reach him for about two months at this point)

So now that he's back I'm suspicious of his motives. I've been a bit distant, but I do reciprocate messages when he reaches out.

We have only seen each other once (last Sunday) since May...

Again, not sure what he wants and his possessive behavior is new to me as he was telling me before he didn't want a relationship "right now" or to lead me on

Sigh lol

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DeepFreeze
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posted November 17, 2014 09:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lvASTRO:
He's getting attached and is at the point where he fears losing you. This is where possessive and jealous behavior comes in.

Pulling away completely will only make him resent you, and either attack stronger, or cut you off altogether.

Be up front with him. Tell him EXACTLY how you're feeling and that he is coming on too strong. If you are upfront, he will appreciate it. Pulling away, but not telling him, even if for space, SEEMS like a game/manipulation, and the Scorpio will not appreciate it/see right through.


Excellent!

Yes, if you intend to have a future with this person, don't.

Be honest and up front.

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moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When to tell him? When he reaches out? Keep it simple, not emotional?

Tips tips? Lol

I did tell him, as previously mentioned, that if he wants me he shouldn't worry about my dealings with anyone else but rather should focus on spending time with me. So I'm not sure what else to add to that. He knows what he needs to do. I can't make him do it.

And also, I know that just bc a Scorpio chases you doesn't mean they really want you so that's a concern I have too

Like is he just interested in winning my attention and then that's it for him? Blah

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lvASTRO
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posted November 17, 2014 11:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lvASTRO     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It sounds like you're putting a lot of responsibility on him. Maybe he doesn't want to invest more time and energy into you unless he knows that you're serious about only him!? What about your responsibility? The question is: do YOU want to be exclusive?

I am heavily Scorpionic, and the thought of my object of interest saying, "Don't worry about what I do with others, just spend time with me," would INFURIATE me. This doesn't excuse any of his actions, but have you considered that maybe he wants you, for you--like, to be an item? Have a straight up conversation with him.

He will hold back until he knows that he has you and can trust his feelings to you. Scorpios are usually not the first to lay it on the table.

My partner is also heavily Scorpio, more so than I, and was not forthcoming with such information. The moment he knew that I was 'his,' the emotion, feeling, intimacy, his time and dedication--everything but the kitchen sink came flowing from behind a dam of his own initial hesitancy.

And I'm loving every second of my deep, loving Scorpio.

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moonstruck87
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posted November 17, 2014 11:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well I spoke to him tonight & asked him what the other night and his accusations about me lying meant

He said he doesn't care who else I'm seeing at all and that he was joking around & told me I need to learn to take a joke

He says he doesn't know what he wants with me or anyone.

So when I got emotional he asked me why I was upset and I told him I was disappointed and he asked me why and I told him I was hoping we could get to know each other better still and that I like knowing where I stand with people

He says that he doesn't know what he wants (again) and told me not to upset myself over such stupid things

So there ya have it. I over analyzed it all apparently.
I'm disappointed bc I feel like he's put me thru the ringer, but I am glad I know.

I think now the best thing is for me to drop off his radar. I can't handle not knowing where I stand with someone and just letting them have their way with me when I've made my feelings known to them.

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lvASTRO
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posted November 17, 2014 11:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lvASTRO     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by moonstruck87:
Well I spoke to him tonight & asked him what the other night and his accusations about me lying meant

He said he doesn't care who else I'm seeing at all and that he was joking around & told me I need to learn to take a joke

He says he doesn't know what he wants with me or anyone.

So when I got emotional he asked me why I was upset and I told him I was disappointed and he asked me why and I told him I was hoping we could get to know each other better still and that I like knowing where I stand with people

He says that he doesn't know what he wants (again) and told me not to upset myself over such stupid things

So there ya have it. I over analyzed it all apparently.
I'm disappointed bc I feel like he's put me thru the ringer, but I am glad I know.

I think now the best thing is for me to drop off his radar. I can't handle not knowing where I stand with someone and just letting them have their way with me when I've made my feelings known to them.


That's terrible. =(
I'm sorry. I get the sense that's not really how he's feeling.

He's probably a less evolved type, from the sounds of it. You're better off. Other fish in the sea, love.

Much love.

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acousticbob
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posted November 17, 2014 11:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for acousticbob     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by moonstruck87:
I love him, and I do want to be with him

If you don't want to be with him then end it.
Scorpios do have a tendency to be all or nothing so this won't work well with your quote above.

(Speaking as a Scorpio myself)

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YellowGerbera
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posted November 18, 2014 12:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for YellowGerbera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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YellowGerbera
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posted November 18, 2014 01:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for YellowGerbera     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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moonstruck87
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posted November 18, 2014 05:44 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
IV, yeah I think he's less evolved too.

I'm not angry with him or anything. I'm really glad I reached out and I definitely appreciate all the feedback given to me :-)

Again, I think the best thing to do is to drop of his radar. I don't see the whole "going with the flow" thing he seems to want me to do. I don't think it's healthy for me to do that.

Once more, thank you all for taking the time to give your advice

Much love XOXO

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moonstruck87
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posted November 18, 2014 06:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think it's noteworthy to add that he was highly annoyed and told me multiple times that it was silly bull and he didn't like to have "these conversations"

He made me feel really stupid for bringing it up and told me I was being dramatic - I told him I was seeking clarity on his odd behavior.

So even though I'm glad (for myself) that I talked to him, he swears it was annoying and he dislikes those conversations.

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LeeLoo2014
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From: Venus cornering Neptune
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posted November 18, 2014 08:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by moonstruck87:
how does that go over? I'm not doing it to play games, I really needed to have some space from his extremes

Saturday night he was accusing me of being vague/lying about having another guy (We're not a couple, mind you and I told him I am keeping my options open)

Sunday, after asking to see me, he changed his mind and seemed apathetic

I am thoroughly frustrated & I have felt like withdrawing is in order to regain some perspective & not to acknowledge his bad behavior

Experiences with ignoring Scorpios? I am a Cancer so I usually vibe extremely well with Scorpios (and with him!) but lately he's vibrating such a low energy that I simply cannot understand & I don't want to start patterns, I have no room for ******** in my life anymore, I want his attention, but I want his respect and devotion more


How can you expect respect and devotion when you tell a guy "you're keeping your options open"? Especially with a Scorpio, that's a no go.

It's OK if you keep your options open and you're honest and tell a guy you're dating others as well, you haven't decided yet (if it's only about dating, of course), but when you do this, you can expect some guys to react by starting an intensive courtship to be the "one" you choose or to retreat and not accept the challenge. But you certainly can't expect devotion before you're offering it yourself. My opinion

------------------

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

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moonstruck87
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posted November 18, 2014 09:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
How can you expect respect and devotion when you tell a guy "you're keeping your options open"? Especially with a Scorpio, that's a no go.

It's OK if you keep your options open and you're honest and tell a guy you're dating others as well, you haven't decided yet (if it's only about dating, of course), but when you do this, you can expect some guys to react by starting an intensive courtship to be the "one" you choose or to retreat and not accept the challenge. But you certainly can't expect devotion before you're offering it yourself. My opinion


LeeLoo, My reason for creating this thread was bc I wanted to know if ignoring his bad behavior (accusing me of lying when I didn't and interrogating me) would help or hurt the situation. We weren't even dating, which is why his behavior was strange and unsound to me. I couldn't assume he wanted to date me, but I felt like he cared because of his possessive nature towards me.

I was advised to talk to him about his confusing and possessive behavior, so I did & he said that he "doesn't care" who I date/if I'm dating, that he was giving me a hard time and he doesn't know what he wants.

I don't think he's being honest, and if he is then I'm shocked he would put so much energy into acting that way for a "joke" when he "doesn't care", but I'm not going to read into his behavior anymore. Energetically I cannot.

I have told him previously that if he wanted to pursue a relationship with me / get to know me more that I am open to that & want that, but he won't even tell me anything except that he "doesn't know what he wants.

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LeeLoo2014
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From: Venus cornering Neptune
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posted November 18, 2014 10:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It is possible that he is not willing to show how much he cares or how much he's interested if you "keep your options open". That's what Scorpios do, they need exclusivity. They're also suspicious and possessive. Discussing the matter doesn't help in my experience with Scorpios, because he'll obviously deny he has any interest, he'll hide his real feelings. Cornering a Scorp is not a method for them AT ALL> The best reaction in such a situation, with a Scorpio, is to act offended and hurt that he thinks you're a liar, as if you think he's a fool and of course, tell him once, in a short sentence, that you feel like this. Then he'll come back for sure and even apologize, if interested.

------------------

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

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moonstruck87
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posted November 18, 2014 10:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for moonstruck87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I feel I expressed my stance to him. I guess I'll see where he takes it from here :-)

Thanks for your feedback

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LeeLoo2014
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posted November 18, 2014 11:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LeeLoo2014     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by moonstruck87:
I feel I expressed my stance to him. I guess I'll see where he takes it from here :-)

Thanks for your feedback


You're welcome! Good luck!

------------------

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

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