posted January 06, 2015 03:04 AM            

Let's break this down: 12th house is a mutable house -- flexible, adaptable, changeable, wishy-washy. By you having a Sun in Cancer that gives you a double Water whammy (a Water sign in a Water house) -- all that emotion and feelings have to go somewhere. This also makes you much more mutable even though you are cardinal. You have a tendency to be too adaptable to other people, which results in you losing your own identity and Ego -- Sun. We can't walk around without some type of Ego, so we attach more to the planets we can feel -- for you it was your Earthy Taurus Moon and Leo Asc. most Cancers tend to act like their Moon sign anyways. I have seen this time and time again, me included.

I too have a tendency to identify with my Gemini Moon, more than my Sun. All my life I felt my Sun characteristics were not valued or I felt my Sun was too vulnerable for my environment so I eventually just ignored most of my Cancer traits and used my Gemini traits instead -- it seemed much easier, but in hindsight it just made me more introverted and lost as to how to express myself. Having a Cancer Sun with a Leo Ascendant means you need to express your Sun literally, if you don't, you will suffer great sadness (I'm not joking), the Sun is the ruler of your chart and with your Sun trine Uranus (you need to be a innovator to yourself, you NEED to stand out and do something), this combination (Sun Cancer/Leo Asc) is all about creativity and self-expression. You really need to start grasping and reining in your Sun because your Sun is your life-force and your Spirit, it is what needs to shine, every Sun needs to shine I don't care if it's in the 12th you have to let the Sun out on your own terms and the sector you choose for it. You have Sun conjunct Venus which is a great aspect for being able to shine so bright you have to wear shades, seriously, another strong expression aspect -- Cancer Venus is strong for popularity, creativity, and warmth. The 12th is about balancing yourself with "others", it will be a lifelong battle to keep yourself nourished and to help others. If you're not helping others and sharing something of yourself with the collective you will always feel sad and alone. All 12th house planets need to give through art, writing, creativity, service, anything that makes your soul happy. Locking 12th house planets away is not the way to nurture them, I know this from experience. Keep taking baby steps.

posted January 07, 2015 12:22 AM            

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Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
I have also had better relationships with men than with women. Something has happened in the last year however (and I know how it happened). I have been surrounded by women my mother's age who are trying to help me. I feel safer trying out new things with them, like being honest about what I feel and need. Maybe because they are older they don't react in a way that scares me. I really value my interaction with them.

Yellowelevator, you were talking about your Mars and how its placement in the 12th house causes you to struggle with self assertion. Do you think that your expression of anger or annoyance was rejected more than it would have been if someone else were expressing it, or do you think that you are more aware of and care more about the impact anger and aggression can have on people?

And thanks so much, Yellowelevator. You were really very open and honest about your experience and I appreciate it. I think you are doing very well with working on your 12th house planet energy expression.

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Thank you as well! I really appreciate your kind words, that's very nice of you.

I'm happy to hear you feel comfortable enough around them to share personal things. If that was trouble for you in the past with people, then the interaction with these women sounds like a great step forward into getting more acquainted with new things that might have scared you before, and getting in better touch with your wants/needs in general.

posted January 07, 2015 12:30 AM            

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Originally posted by peony:
Hi yellowelevator, if you don't mind my asking. Did you experience a psychological or physical separation or loss of your mother in childhood?

Moon in the 12th has resonance with the Persephone-Demeter myth. When Persephone (or Kore) was abducted into the Underworld by Hades, mother and daughter were lost to each other. This myth has played out in my life as the loss of both my mother at a very early age and then later my daughter. So, I wonder, was there a disruption in the mother-daughter bond with your mother or daughter? Of course, I realize archetypes manifest in many different ways, and the Moon in the 12th may have manifested in a different way in your life.

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Hello! Sorry for the late reply. No, I don't mind at all.

I did, but more subtly and definitely more psychological. I was never physically separated from my mother for any lengthy period of time, nor have I ever had a bad relationship with her. I was always very close to her, at her heels as a child and young teen. We still have a very close bond to this day.

But when I was just a year old, I was diagnosed with cancer, and I was down at the hospital receiving treatment for a year or so. My mother was constantly down there watching over me. But because of the sickness, I was not able to have a normal, regular bond with her at such a critical age in life. She could not really hold me, I could not get out of bed and play around like a normal baby.

posted January 07, 2015 11:53 AM            

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Originally posted by Comatoes:
You have the same Sun and Leo ASC. I have, you were identifying with other planets, because this Sun is overlooked, overwhelmed, and hard to access.

Let's break this down: 12th house is a mutable house -- flexible, adaptable, changeable, wishy-washy. By you having a Sun in Cancer that gives you a double Water whammy (a Water sign in a Water house) -- all that emotion and feelings have to go somewhere. This also makes you much more mutable even though you are cardinal. You have a tendency to be too adaptable to other people, which results in you losing your own identity and Ego -- Sun. We can't walk around without some type of Ego, so we attach more to the planets we can feel -- for you it was your Earthy Taurus Moon and Leo Asc. most Cancers tend to act like their Moon sign anyways. I have seen this time and time again, me included.

I too have a tendency to identify with my Gemini Moon, more than my Sun. All my life I felt my Sun characteristics were not valued or I felt my Sun was too vulnerable for my environment so I eventually just ignored most of my Cancer traits and used my Gemini traits instead -- it seemed much easier, but in hindsight it just made me more introverted and lost as to how to express myself. Having a Cancer Sun with a Leo Ascendant means you need to express your Sun literally, if you don't, you will suffer great sadness (I'm not joking), the Sun is the ruler of your chart and with your Sun trine Uranus (you need to be a innovator to yourself, you NEED to stand out and do something), this combination (Sun Cancer/Leo Asc) is all about creativity and self-expression. You really need to start grasping and reining in your Sun because your Sun is your life-force and your Spirit, it is what needs to shine, every Sun needs to shine I don't care if it's in the 12th you have to let the Sun out on your own terms and the sector you choose for it. You have Sun conjunct Venus which is a great aspect for being able to shine so bright you have to wear shades, seriously, another strong expression aspect -- Cancer Venus is strong for popularity, creativity, and warmth. The 12th is about balancing yourself with "others", it will be a lifelong battle to keep yourself nourished and to help others. If you're not helping others and sharing something of yourself with the collective you will always feel sad and alone. All 12th house planets need to give through art, writing, creativity, service, anything that makes your soul happy. Locking 12th house planets away is not the way to nurture them, I know this from experience. Keep taking baby steps.

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Hi Comatoes! Thanks so much for this! I had to take my time to respond. About losing my identity and ego- I remember that as a child I felt very vulnerable. I didn't know at the time that that's how I felt, but when I look back, I would describe the feeling as being something small in the middle of a storm (any kind of storm) with no protection. My mother and father separated for 30 years and then got back together when I was an adult (don't ask-lol), so I didn't have a father. For some time I probably also didn't have a mother because she was devastated by the separation. As a teenager I lived as a Leo, for sure. but I felt unstable, so I looked for someone, unconsciously, whose identity I could assume. I chose a philosopher type, 12 years older than I, and married him. After 10 years, I knew I loved him, and was grateful to him for everything he had given me, but I couldn't find myself. We divorced, and I lived like a Leo again. I honestly didn't identify with my Moon until I married a man that was perfect in everyway (even in the way that he gave me an identity to assume- not so much a philosopher, but a scholar), except he could not fulfill my Moon sign needs, the way my first husband had. That's when I started understanding and acknowledging my Taurus Moon and that my needs were real. That relationship isn't over. It's complicated. I wanted to get out of it because I realized I had done the same thing I did the first time. I had attached myself to someone else's identity- to be safe and secure, I guess, and it wasn't working. He is very controlling, but to keep me, he is trying to let me go my way- do my thing (we'll see). Before thinking about my Sun, I was blaming Uranus or my Venus sq. Pluto aspect for all of this instability in my relationships. Is it possible that Uranus does have something to do with this, but in a good way (Sun trine Uranus)... in a way that Uranus won't accept my Sun hiding in someone else's identity?

It's funny how you said that ignoring your Sun energy made you more of an introvert. casual acquaintances probably see me as an extrovert, with maybe quite a bit of nervous energy. But my closest friends have identified my confusion, and one calls me an omni-vert, saying I suffer from confusion about whether I want to keep to myself or be out in the world. She is so right. What she is describing is the way I have compartmentalized my Sun energy and my other planet energies.

And again, you hit the nail on the head. Somehow I am always very positive, and optimistic. I smile ALL the time. I am excited and enthusiastic about everything. I love to laugh...but at the same time, I am so sad...so sad so deep inside. Something is missing. Sometimes I think someone is missing. I fell in love with someone last summer. I fell so deeply in love with him, and then I lost him. He isn't mine. The pain of losing him was so intense. It wasn't like the loss of any other relationship (in fact I have always felt I don't properly mourn the loss of my relationships). I recognized something in the pain I experienced when I lost him. It was the same pain and sadness I always feel deep inside myself, just magnified and more intense. Now, with the help of my recent love lost, I have named that internal pain. It is a sadness that comes from loss of self.

posted January 08, 2015 02:26 PM            

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Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
Hi Comatoes! Thanks so much for this! I had to take my time to respond. About losing my identity and ego- I remember that as a child I felt very vulnerable. I didn't know at the time that that's how I felt, but when I look back, I would describe the feeling as being something small in the middle of a storm (any kind of storm) with no protection. My mother and father separated for 30 years and then got back together when I was an adult (don't ask-lol), so I didn't have a father. For some time I probably also didn't have a mother because she was devastated by the separation. As a teenager I lived as a Leo, for sure. but I felt unstable, so I looked for someone, unconsciously, whose identity I could assume. I chose a philosopher type, 12 years older than I, and married him. After 10 years, I knew I loved him, and was grateful to him for everything he had given me, but I couldn't find myself. We divorced, and I lived like a Leo again. I honestly didn't identify with my Moon until I married a man that was perfect in everyway (even in the way that he gave me an identity to assume- not so much a philosopher, but a scholar), except he could not fulfill my Moon sign needs, the way my first husband had. That's when I started understanding and acknowledging my Taurus Moon and that my needs were real. That relationship isn't over. It's complicated. I wanted to get out of it because I realized I had done the same thing I did the first time. I had attached myself to someone else's identity- to be safe and secure, I guess, and it wasn't working. He is very controlling, but to keep me, he is trying to let me go my way- do my thing (we'll see). Before thinking about my Sun, I was blaming Uranus or my Venus sq. Pluto aspect for all of this instability in my relationships. Is it possible that Uranus does have something to do with this, but in a good way (Sun trine Uranus)... in a way that Uranus won't accept my Sun hiding in someone else's identity?

It's funny how you said that ignoring your Sun energy made you more of an introvert. casual acquaintances probably see me as an extrovert, with maybe quite a bit of nervous energy. But my closest friends have identified my confusion, and one calls me an omni-vert, saying I suffer from confusion about whether I want to keep to myself or be out in the world. She is so right. What she is describing is the way I have compartmentalized my Sun energy and my other planet energies.

And again, you hit the nail on the head. Somehow I am always very positive, and optimistic. I smile ALL the time. I am excited and enthusiastic about everything. I love to laugh...but at the same time, I am so sad...so sad so deep inside. Something is missing. Sometimes I think someone is missing. I fell in love with someone last summer. I fell so deeply in love with him, and then I lost him. He isn't mine. The pain of losing him was so intense. It wasn't like the loss of any other relationship (in fact I have always felt I don't properly mourn the loss of my relationships). I recognized something in the pain I experienced when I lost him. It was the same pain and sadness I always feel deep inside myself, just magnified and more intense. Now, with the help of my recent love lost, I have named that internal pain. It is a sadness that comes from loss of self.

You gave me so much to work with and think about, Comatoes. When I look around I have been very blessed. Before I knew what I needed, my life seems to have been arranged so that I can express my 12th house Sun energy. Spirituality and service.

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Thank you very much for the reply Venus2tinkerbell, I didn't know if I got the information across the way I wanted, but happy I could help you a little.

posted January 09, 2015 10:07 PM            

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Originally posted by venus2tinkerbell:
I'm just curious. What kind of solo sports?

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