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Author
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Topic: I need help with a widowed Scorpio man, please.
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Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 13, 2015 01:30 PM
  
Hello all, I've lurked for a bit and have found your input valuable. Aqua girl here, very independent and has completely fallen for this awkward, offensive Scorpio guy that pursued me HARD at first. On our first date, he was open about his wife passing away a few years ago and I was heartbroken for him. I was concerned that he may not be ready to date much less have a relationship so I remained cautious. He lavished attention on me and we really connected talking. He texted me nonstop and we went out again. I have never experienced someone as intense as he. He made me feel adored, protected, and safe. The chemistry was out of this world. He sang about wanting to take care of me, And I told him all that is nice but to give it time. He hastily agreed to let his actions prove it to me. We had a heavy makeout session at the end of the second date and I was a bit tipsy when I told him I wanted to go to his home next time. Btw, during second date, he asked me to be his gf. WTF? I hesitated but was caught up in the moment so I said yes. So on the third date, I went to his house and there were pictures of his late wife just about everywhere, except for the bathrooms, living room and his bedroom. Her urn was in his office with a beautiful message about soulmates and my heart just sank to my tummy in despair and sadness for him. I ached for his loss and I ached with longing to find that love with someone. I understood his grief, having lost my sister years ago. All romantic feelings left the building. So after small talk, cuddling and some kissing, I made excuses to not stay over and he didn't seem pleased. He had also said something offensive and we debated for a bit but made up and watched a movie in awkward silence. I played with his dog and eventually went home. I cried on the way home. I cried for him. I cried that I never known such love, such devotion in a man. My own dad was not capable of this. So I realized my widowed scorpio might never love another as he does his wife. Then I heard nothing from him for days. I contacted him a few days later briefly on a Thursday about a trip he talked about joining me on Friday and he texted an apology that he's been sick and not feeling well. I made him some soup and dropped it off on the way to my destination and I was so unsure of what I would find. I have never popped up at any man's house like this. To my relief, he seemed surprised but happy to see me and was touched that I brought him soup, green tea, honey, etc.,.. We talked for a bit and I went on my way. He texted some over the weekend but I could sense his distancing himself. In spite of myself, I started to become more aggressive in telling him how much I missed him and desired him. This had the opposite effect that I had hoped for. He pulled away from me farther and farther away. Finally a week later I text him on what is going on with the cold shoulder. He said that he realized that he is not ready for a relationship and feels awful for asking me to be his gf so quickly. I was shocked, to say the least. I asked if we could remain friends and he said he'd love that. Then again with no contact from him and my birthday then passed without one word from him. I texted him eventually. He talked easily about his workouts and job, but didn't even wish me a happy birthday after I mentioned my friends surprised me on my birthday. He just said "oh right, how was that?" And this was right after telling me that he went to a friend's birthday party the night before. I saw red. I just felt like he didn't give two ***** about me at all and I got so mad. So I texted that while we dated, I knew he wasn't as ready as he said he was which is why I didn't sleep w him. I thanked him for showing me that true love and devotion does exist and I want that for myself, very much. But I will not settle for being a booty call. I damned him for making me believe his promises and then breaking them. Also that he is beneath me and I want nothing to do with him. I blocked him and shut down all my online accounts. I felt outraged that he would come on so strong and then "OOPS! Never mind!" Is this typical Scorpio behavior? I'm so conflicted because of his wife passing, my heart goes out to him but I'm so mentally and sexually attracted to him that Im going out of my mind! It's been a couple of months of zero contact and I decided to reactivate my online accounts this week. I saw him online and I felt bad for saying he was beneath me. I sent him a hello and an apologetic message. He didn't respond. Yesterday morning, I had a wild fantasy about him and impulsively messaged him that I wanted to finish what we started that night on that second date. I said that I still care about him very much and hope he's doing well. Also that I do not usually have casual sex but yet I long to comfort him, please him and be with him for an hour or two then "get my ******* Tupperware back and go home." LOL! I also said that I hoped for a friendship with him again, with or without sex and I understand that he's not ready for a relationship. I hear from him this morning (surprise) saying that he is fine and is not angry with me at all. He agreed on not being ready for a relationship with anyone. He needs to get his **** together but that yes, we can be friends. I hate to admit it but i am jumping up and down with excitement. My question to everyone is this: is this a huge mistake to go down this road? I don't think I can have a platonic friendship with him. Will I ruin all chance of a relationship down the road if we become FWB? How should I play this out because I really do like him, and I don't understand why. I get that I have daddy issues but it's so much more than that. I just can't get him out of my head and I haven't felt this way in years. I am berating myself for all this silly behavior and thinking on my end. I'm plotting that I will continue to meet my fitness goals in roller derby and continue to look and feel better, more confident. I'm going out with other men and so far, none have really interested me. I am laughing at how much I like this guy and I can't seem to help myself. One might say that it's a want what you can't have situation but when we were "together" I wanted him and I did things I never thought I'd do, such as going quiet when he spoke with his friend, and letting him take the lead while we're out. Just acting weird and submissive. In a sick way, I get off on it. I've taken care of myself my whole life and I don't understand this side of me. How do I get him to want me again?! Jeez, I feel so pathetic. Mind you, I know that I deserve better than a lay and will continue to date others for a real relationship. I don't sleep around and I thought he would make a good fwb especially since we have a mental connection. I am hoping this infatuation with him will pass but at the same time I do hope we will end up together. Is there such a thing as more than one "soulmate?" Thanks in advance for any replies, butt-kicking and advice! IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 148
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted March 13, 2015 01:49 PM
Wow.Very intense story! My view is, you need to give it time, start being friends, let some trust develop and see where this takes you. Him sending mixed messages seems related to his wife's passing and him not being ready for yet craving a relationship or at least intimacy. It doesn't seem like he was intentionally misleading you, he appears very respectful towards you at the very least. It also looks like, from his perspective, you were sending mixed messages too - there is a lot of back and forth in you behaviour, which makes sense when we 'see behind the curtain' but from his view it's inconsistency so he, being a Scorpio, probably is not sure whether to trust you. So my advice is, let the friendship develop naturally. I'm sure if you post some of your placements, and his (i.e. Venus, Mars, Mercury by Sign and House), this will help people on this board to give you better advice  IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 148
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted March 13, 2015 01:51 PM
Oh, and about whether you can only meet 1 soul-mate in life - I recommend having a look in this thread. It's a long read, but absolutely worth it. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/002227.html IP: Logged |
Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 13, 2015 01:58 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SaturnFan:
Oh, and about whether you can only meet 1 soul-mate in life - I recommend having a look in this thread. It's a long read, but absolutely worth it. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/002227.html
Sorry for the long read but thank you for replying!!! I'm not sure about my placements so how do I go about finding that out? I'm not sure how to habske this friendship, should I let him contact me or casually invite him to a bout or event or something? Goodness I feel like a little schoolgirl. This annoys me. IP: Logged |
SaturnFan
Knowflake Posts: 148
From:
Registered: Dec 2014
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posted March 13, 2015 03:31 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquamachete:
I'm not sure about my placements so how do I go about finding that out?
1. Go here http://www.astro.com
2. Type 'extended chart selection' in the search field in the top right corner
3. Click on the first result
4. Click on 'Add a New Person' and enter your exact time of birth and place of birth. I can't recall if you'll need a registration for that but if it asks you go ahead - it's very quick and absolutely free.
5. Once you've entered your details, and click on 'Continue', you'll get your chart.
6. Then you have 2 options:
- Paste it here as an image (you'll need to take a screenshot, upload it on a site like photo bucket and link it here)
- Just list out the placements (e.g. Sun in Aquarius 3 House, Mercury in Libra 11 House etc). This will all be visible in your chart, and in the table below it on astro.com
7. Then do the same for the Scorpio guy. If you don't know his time of birth but only the date, just enter 'time unknown' in astro.com - this will not show any Houses, but will show the Sign for each planet)
8. IF you know his time of birth, you can also pull a synastry chart by selecting it from the drop down menu against "Please select the type of chart you want". A synastry chart would be the best source to examine the dynamics of your relationship. quote:
Originally posted by Aquamachete:
'I'm not sure how to habske this friendship, should I let him contact me or casually invite him to a bout or event or something?
Without placements, any advice you get will be based on personal experience and intuition, so take it with a grain of salt I'd say, invite him casually somewhere if he doesn't reach out first, and don't mention anything around a potential relationship (even a casually sexual one). I'd bet on casual friendship at this stage, so you can both earn each other's trust. But this is my personal approach to any new relationship, so this advice is tainted with my own bias I'm a Capricorn Sun, Mercury and Neptune, with Scorpio Mars and Pluto, both very prominent in my chart -Capricorn and Scorpios have a lot in common, so my point of view might work for your Scorpio guy, but it's only guesswork at this point. One thing is for sure, Scorpios are usually very cautious, so this will take time. Other placements in his and your chart will tell us more
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Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 13, 2015 04:08 PM
[IMG]http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac191/darksa300/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zps iiudfotj.jpg[/IMG]Many thanks, Saturnfan! I don't know his exact dob yet but I will try to find out. At this point I'm trying not to let my emotions take control again and remember what a damn good catch I am. IP: Logged |
Liliya
Knowflake Posts: 1039
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted March 13, 2015 04:20 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquamachete:
[IMG]http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac191/darksa300/Mobile%20Uploads/image_ zps iiudfotj.jpg[/IMG]Many thanks, Saturnfan! I don't know his exact dob yet but I will try to find out. At this point I'm trying not to let my emotions take control again and remember what a damn good catch I am.
You posted a Natal Chart. Try to post a Synastry between you two. It is in the same drop down menu under -PARTNER CHART- If you don't know his tob, put 12pm.
IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 4248
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 13, 2015 05:32 PM
Hello Aquamachete! Welcome to LL  ------------------
"There ain't no revolution, only evolution, but every time I'm in Georgia I 'eat a peach' for peace." Duane Allman IP: Logged |
astra7
Knowflake Posts: 182
From:
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted March 13, 2015 05:58 PM
I agree with SaturnFan.
He doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship. Be friends for now.Here is a whole site deicated to Do's and Don'ts of Scorpio. http://scorpioland.org/scorpio-dating-tip35-scorpio-chases-you-doesnt-scorpio-you/ IP: Logged |
astra7
Knowflake Posts: 182
From:
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted March 13, 2015 06:01 PM
Yes, we need a synastry chart OP.By the look of it, your nMars is being stimulated by tPluto currently.  IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 4573
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted March 13, 2015 06:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by SaturnFan:
Wow.Very intense story! My view is, you need to give it time, start being friends, let some trust develop and see where this takes you. Him sending mixed messages seems related to his wife's passing and him not being ready for yet craving a relationship or at least intimacy. It doesn't seem like he was intentionally misleading you, he appears very respectful towards you at the very least. It also looks like, from his perspective, you were sending mixed messages too - there is a lot of back and forth in you behaviour, which makes sense when we 'see behind the curtain' but from his view it's inconsistency so he, being a Scorpio, probably is not sure whether to trust you. So my advice is, let the friendship develop naturally. I'm sure if you post some of your placements, and his (i.e. Venus, Mars, Mercury by Sign and House), this will help people on this board to give you better advice
Yup!
I'm a Leo and would think the same. I'm sure he senses what you really want. It's not what he wants, so he keeps you at arms length. IP: Logged |
Barbiegirl19
Moderator Posts: 5445
From: Pluto with DeepFreeze
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted March 13, 2015 07:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I'm sure he senses what you really want. It's not what he wants, so he keeps you at arms length.
Agreed. You're gonna get hurt. I'm not at all trying to be mean or insensitive just being honest and giving my opinion. He sounds like he knows exactly what you want and not at all wanting the same. He wants sex and sex alone nothing more. He's playing and manipulating you and your allowing it. Don't! You have to understand that with a Scorpio when they've met and married that one they're in it for life until death. They are incredibly loyal before all else. Takes a lot to earn and gain their loyalty and trust. It sounds to me like he really loved his wife and may never fully get over her. That's understandable. I'm a Scorpio Venus myself so I understand that dynamic, many do not. He really needs time, lots of time, to get himself together, to feel whole again because right now he's feeling incomplete. He's turning to sex to feel anything other than the hole he's feeling in his chest. I mean can you imagine how he must feel? I'm not sure, can't bring myself to even think about it, what I'd ever do if I lost my husband. There's no pain on Earth like losing a loved one especially someone that you've married and devoted your life to. We all grieve at our own pace there is not set time that you're supposed to move on and get over it. When a man has his mind made up there is no changing it unless he wants that change. If he doesn't want anything more with you then you're gonna have to accept that he doesn't want anything more. Either leave it alone now before it goes any further, before you're in too deep and get more hurt and/or disappointed, or suck it up and take what he's giving. Mixing sex with friendships is a huge NO! It never works. Someone always feels and wants more. Just don't do it. Again I'm not at all trying to be rude, insensitive or what have you just giving my honest opinion. If what I've said hurts or upsets you then I apologize because that's not at all my intention. Good luck. IP: Logged |
Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 13, 2015 10:35 PM
Thanks, everyone! Hope this helps: [IMG]http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac191/darksa300/Mobile%20Uploads/image_zps pswrmrjm.jpg[/IMG] What gets me is how strong he came onto me about wanting a relationship when I said nothing about having one right away. My gut reaction was that he was trying to fast track me into the bedroom and got irritated when I wasn't ready to sleep with him. I sensed that he withdrew into himself in a huge depression and I tried to be there for him but give him space at the same time. I just knew that I would always be second to his wife and didn't want to play second to anyone. But again, how can I fault him for loving his wife completely? It's an admirable and beautiful thing, a rarity these days especially in online dating. I agree that mixing sex and friendship is a bad idea. I know that I do have feelings for him. I had an experience with a taurus man that was just tiresome. The sex was great but I could never leave that role as far as the taurus was concerned. I'm tired of emotionally unavailable men and settling for less than I deserve. On a positive note, I just had a great first date with a cancer. Our sense of humor jives really well and he was great company. I will try to keep getting out there and forget this broken scorpio. I am drawn to broken men, it seems. IP: Logged |
Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 13, 2015 11:25 PM
quote:
Originally posted by astra7:
Yes, we need a synastry chart OP.By the look of it, your nMars is being stimulated by tPluto currently.
Bah, what dies that mean and how the hell do I get it under control? Because, damn! IP: Logged |
Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 14, 2015 12:19 AM
quote:
Originally posted by astra7:
I agree with SaturnFan.
He doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship. Be friends for now.Here is a whole site deicated to Do's and Don'ts of Scorpio. http://scorpioland.org/scorpio-dating-tip35-scorpio-chases-you-doesnt-scorpio-you/
Thanks. I actually read a couple of tips on that site on winning his love and all that crap. I can't believe he got past my bs radar but him being a widow and so sincere, open and raw about his emotions were just an intoxicating combo that threw me for a loop and sucked me right in. I don't judge anyone for having sex without love, I've davbled in it myself and its not for me. With this one, at that particular morning, I craved him and I was willing to explore my carnivorous desires for him despite what went down. That moment has passed and my ID is no longer in control. I am not a vengeful person. I think it's a waste of time and energy. But this dude has me considering it at times. But he is in pain and I know it won't make me feel better. I just can't keep up on the mental manipulation bs that some seem to be naturally good at. The best revenge is living well. So I'm trying my best to leave him alone. IP: Logged |
Swanlake
Knowflake Posts: 65
From:
Registered: Aug 2014
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posted March 14, 2015 03:46 AM
I agree with Barbiegirl - you're in for heartache if you pursue this thing.It's sounding too problematic already- before anything's even got off the ground - not a good sign. (Also the fact that you found him "offensive" in one respect.) Friendship- Wouldn't work. The attraction too strong, plus as you say, you've "fallen" for him.. (Another thing, Scorpio with Aquarius is not ideally suited)
btw, Pluto affecting your Mars is amping up your sex drive. Best of luck with your other date!
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Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 14, 2015 06:53 AM
Barbiegirl - no offense taken at all, I really needed to read that, thank you. Swan lake - I did read that Aquas and Scorps aren't the best match but could work. He did offend me by making comments about the special needs community that would've shocked anyone that works with or has family in it. But I realized that he is rather clueless and I found him endearing. I actually started to laugh and enjoy this trait about him. Had he continued on this path of wanting to be with me, I would've happily argued and made up with him for the rest of our days. The connection was instantaneous. His silent treatments however, and the fact that he's already married the one. I needed to hear that it is not likely to move on from a FWB situation into something real. As a woman, I'm already screwed (ha,) for we are hard wired to bond after sex. While men are not. It's so unfair. But as an aqua, I can have sex without emotion, just not with this scorp. It will lead to problems and I will get angry with him in for some silly reason when the truth is that it's for not wanting to be with me. 😔 IP: Logged |
Aquamachete
Newflake Posts: 9
From: Lancaster, PA, US
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted March 14, 2015 07:10 AM
I just want to add that his day of birth being November 1st is very important to me. Dia de Los Muertos is a time that I remember my beloved sister and I enjoy dressing up and making little things to honor her memory. There are little things like that, and things that scorp and I have in common plus things that his late wife and I had im common that was just so eerie and spot on. Wierd. I feel this pull to him that I've never felt for anyone. Since we've known each other for less than a month im going to chalk it up to an infatuation, at best. At least he helped me narrow down what I want from a mate. IP: Logged | |
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