posted May 21, 2015 01:32 PM            

I seem to only attract married men and emotionally unavailable men. They string me along, them disappear. Meanwhile I have to deal with My feelings for them.

posted May 21, 2015 03:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Koniucha:
I keep talking about my Mars conjunct Neptune, but it seems to be huge in my life right now.

I seem to only attract married men and emotionally unavailable men. They string me along, them disappear. Meanwhile I have to deal with My feelings for them.

How can I stop attracting that?

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What's going on with your Venus-Pluto?

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Nothing is permanent in this wicked world; not even our troubles.

posted May 21, 2015 03:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Eirlys:

What's going on with your Venus-Pluto?

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posted May 21, 2015 03:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Koniucha:
I have Venus square Pluto.

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posted May 21, 2015 04:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Koniucha:
I have Venus square Pluto.

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I have the conjunction, and while I don't attract

married men, I do have quite the knack for finding

those who are emotionally unavailable (for which I

indirectly, but ultimately, end up leaving them).

Which is why I asked.

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Nothing is permanent in this wicked world; not even our troubles.

posted May 21, 2015 08:41 PM            

Become clear within yourself that you want to attract a healthy, balanced person who appreciates you and accepts you as you are. Integrate this into the drive that is within you.

Determine within yourself that your feelings are valuable and you will no longer waste them on people who cannot be considerate of you. Put up boundaries so that you do not invest emotionally in another until they have shown this.

People can use different methods based on what works for them personally, but the idea is that you can change anything in your life that you don't like. I used a combination of self-hypnosis, changing the vibe I put out, changed my appearance. Changing one's appearance alone will do nothing to change the pattern.

In looking at your chart, Mars-Neptune has little if anything to do with the pattern of relating you describe. Venus conjunct Jupiter does (perhaps overly generous). Venus sextile Moon might (diplomatic). Moon square Pluto definitely does (powerful emotions or desires that may attract those looking to feed off someone).

You also have Moon contra-parallel Uranus. That aspect relates to your habits and/or emotional bonds that can be out of sync with your needs. Moon is domestic/personal needs as they relate to your internal workings. Uranus is connection to what is 'out there' particularly what is unusual or distinctive in others. When together in the opposition or contra-parallel aspect there is a tendency to be attracted to what is 'different' but in ways or at times that are not in accordance with your needs. This is modified because Moon is trine Uranus, so it may not be a factor unless you consider that your ability to connect easily even psychically/empathetically to others doesn't translate into person-to-person harmony in direct relating.

Know thyself. This too can be changed.

posted May 21, 2015 09:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by polkadotstars:
Aren't all men either married or emotionally unavailable? Lol!

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posted May 22, 2015 12:27 AM            

If you are looking for emotion , love, trust, my honest answer is it is much harder to come by in times today. Of course , I'm not saying impossible, just harder. People don't know themselves well enough to know others.

posted May 22, 2015 11:14 AM            

Koniucha,

Our charts have some similarities, and I too have had my fair share of heartbreak due to being attracted to people who weren't available in some way or form.
For me, it was because I wasn't ready to accept someone's love, and I still struggle with that a lot because I find it very challenging to feel worthy of it.

Not too long ago, I had yet another 'crush' on someone who was not only physically, but also emotionally unavailable, and that made me realize that it simply can't go on. No matter how hard I am on myself, and no matter how low my self-esteem, I just can't tolerate that pattern any longer.

I started reading about how to prevent myself from falling for people who are obviously only going to bring me pain, and I think it started to register.

Obviously I can't say the pattern is totally changed, but for now I am seeing someone who seems available on all levels and it's definitely something new for me.

I think what you should do, is - whenever you feel yourself attracted to someone who, on a subtle (or not so subtle) level also feels 'wrong' or brings too many challenges, and if you can not only feel, but also rationally understand that that person will not be able to fulfill your needs, you just cut them out right there and then. No questions asked, no need for explanations, you just move on without looking back.

Don't waste time on improbable scenarios, no matter how strong you think your feelings are (generally, the stronger the attraction, the more problematic the connection - because we tend to be magnetically attracted to the people who will make us re-visit our deepest wounds - here is an article that you may find interesting).

posted May 22, 2015 12:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Koniucha:
Thank you everyone. I am going to work on myself. I guess admitting there is an issue is the first step to fixing it.

The last two situations I have had were quite painful and it certainly can't keep going that way.

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It takes great courage in admitting that there is something 'wrong'. That is a very important step to become aware of. The next step is understanding what's causing this 'issue'.

We can't really say we are 'attracting' unavailable people because it is not conscious. The underlying 'issue' here is unconscious. Yes, we can analyze the surface stuff, however, to really get to the bottom of things, we have to dig deeper. Knowing Thyself is a very important process into discovering who we are. If I may ask, do you have issues with your father? From my own process, I really had to look back at my childhood and understand what happened there. The questions we have to ask are -- How was my relationship between the two people who are most important? That would be our mother and father, our psychological make-up of who we are -- the inner mother and the inner father. The anima and the animus (if you are not familiar with Carl Jung's archetypes, I would strongly suggest to read up on it). In my perspective and from my experiences, that is where I found and clearly saw where the patterns of the issue were coming from. Why we attract unavailable people, because we are also unavailable ourselves. In turn, we identify with this, and keep replaying these psychological patterns in our adult life.

I wish you luck on your self discovery process

posted May 22, 2015 01:39 PM            

I need to stop coming back to this, I cry everytime I read a new response, lol

posted May 22, 2015 02:11 PM            

When you are ready,allow yourself to cry, and allow and give space for that little child in you to cry and express the pain. It needs to come out! Whether you understand this or not now, but something wonderful is unfolding for you dear Koniucha!

BIG HUGS!!

posted May 23, 2015 07:24 AM            

Despite having Venus in 12th, I've never really had issues with attracting or falling for men who were unavailable, either because they were married or otherwise. However, I've noticed this is happening now!

I just broke up with a guy I was seeing for almost a year and he was emotionally unavailable. He wasn't ready to start a new relationship. Now, I have a very good friend and we've been talking about that fact that we are starting to fall for each other. He is in a relationship.

It dawned on me that subconsciously I'm probably drawing these men to me because *I* am not ready to be in a relationship. It's really me that is the problem, not them.

So... as you write, it's time we work on ourselves first. But we have to be aware. We have to be conscious to not walk into these situations as attractive at they may seem at first.

I've realized I have to back away from my friend and let him deal with his relationship and do the work on myself that needs to be done.