posted June 21, 2015 07:51 PM
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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
The "problem" with the positive mirroring, shall we say, is that it's too hard to believe. When someone tells me I'm X and Y (positive qualities), I think to myself, "Hmm, that does sound true..." and literally 5 seconds later, I go back to, "Heh, but they really don't know the real me, and the real me is totally lame. If only they knew..."
This reminds me of a story that Ram Dass told about his teacher, Neem Karoli Baba. Ram Dass knew that NKB knew everything that was to be known about him, and NKB loved him anyway.
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Subconscious or "spiritual" "forces" have always had much influence in my life, and I still struggle with finding my own truth when it comes to that.
Spiritual forces are always acting upon us, but it looks like you're more aware of it than many people. This is something my teacher wrote that I like to remind myself about and it's displayed on my kitchen counter:
"...it is through our thoughts, feelings-emotions, imaginations, words, and deeds that we link ourselves with spiritual forces, whether of a divine, admixed, or demonic nature. In essence, positive thoughts, feelings-emotions and imaginations are inner angels, conversely, doubting and negative thoughts, feelings-emotions, and imaginations are inner demons. Through these inner angels or inner demons, we attract and connect ourselves with corresponding spiritual forces beyond us, and we become the agents of those spiritual forces in the material plane, whether for good or for ill...human beings are embodying or channeling spiritual forces all the time, as well as generating spiritual forces all of the time--the very nature of a human being is as a receiver-transmitter and generator of spiritual forces..."
Tau Malachi
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I don't know about birth trauma (all I know is that my mother suffered a lot during my birth, as in, extreme pain - she was screaming a lot and it lasted quite a few hours); but one day I found out that my mother was once on the verge of committing suicide while being pregnant with me (I think she was heart-broken because of something my father did, and drowned herself in alcohol until she lost consciousness - though I'm not sure about the details), that could play a role.
I think it did play a role. As you probably know, the psyche of the mother and fetus are connected during pregnancy.
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I do take a loooot of time to heal (actually I'm not sure I've ever truly healed from anything - emotionally / psychologically speaking - I have a tendency to hold everything in and never truly express my feelings, except in a matter-of-fact manner), though I wouldn't say my experiences have been super traumatic (objectively speaking; but then again trauma affects everyone differently).
Again, my feeling is that there may be many layers of trauma going back to past lives, echoed in the perinatal experience and by events in one's current lifetime that reverberate in the psyche. It's no wonder it takes a long time to heal from.
Stan Grof coined a term for this pattern that plays out in past lives, and then manifests in the perinatal and after birth experiences. He calls it a "coex system."
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I would say this is precisely where your gift lies and what you have to offer the world around you.
Sylvia Perera wrote a book about the Scapegoat. In there she writes that disidentifying and healing from the scapegoat complex is followed by taking on the scapegoat role in a conscious way, as "builders of a new temple and a new kingdom." She writes:
"The scapegoat is one of many images that suggest the interface between consciousness and unconsciousness. Along with artists, priests, shamans, clowns and witches, the scapegoat crosses the boundary of the collective and deals with material too fraught with danger and chaos for ordinary secular hands. Along with these others the scapegoat serves to redeem the old modalities, specifically by having to confront and struggle with the material repressed by the culture." The Scapegoat Complex: Towards a Mythology of Shadow and Guilt, Sylvia Perera.
I wonder with NN in Sagittarius in the 6H if this could mean a teacher-healer role.
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Thank you for reading my essay... [i]*feels bad about self cause she's written so much stuff[i]*
Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts and experiences! 
Lindaland
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posted June 21, 2015 07:51 PM
posted June 22, 2015 06:04 PM