posted October 09, 2015 08:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
Currently, I'm dating a man with whom I've had a very complicated relationship so far. He is Scorpio Venus: he does not expect people to love him, and for the longest time I felt like he trusted me LESS when I expressed love for him. Basically, his attitude was 'what's the catch?' It was exhausting trying to show him a relationship can be because someone genuinely wants to be with you... not just to get something from you. He always thought I was 'after' something (until enough time, challenges, etc. had passed). BUT when I finally gave up and left this past summer, I was astonished by how he flew the world trying to get to me and he fought (REALLY fought) to get me back. In those moments, he would tell me he loved me on repeat, like he'd been holding it in. He had said it before, but he has always been weird about saying he loves me out loud. I know he does, now, but it made me very insecure at times before.

I, on the other hand, believe in giving love as a way to combat fear in life. I love everyone, to some degree, in different ways. I've loved HIM since the first month we were dating. I don't care as much about receiving love - I kind of ... live in it enough as it is, haha. Does that make sense? I also don't believe we only have one major love in our lives, and I don't believe that people 'own' one another in marriage. My mother had an affair after years of my father shutting her out - and I explained to my current bf at the time that I understood her (this was a mistake for me to tell him). I've never cheated, but I can see all sides of a situation.

My venus is in pisces in my first house (conjunct mars), aspecting Jupiter and trining Pluto, but it basically has zero impact from Saturn.

SOs venus is in Scorpio in the 12th house, aspected heavily by saturn (saturn dominates a lot of his chart by hard angle).

He's been very loving to me, but he still makes comments about how he doesn't feel loved in his life... even though I tell him I love him. How can I work with this energy?

How do you show your love?

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I have a venusn in scorpio conj. Pluto, square the Leo moon, and sextile Neptune. It also makes a minor(semi sextile)to my mars but I don't really consider that

At first, I loved like him. I was young and afraid of being heartbroken. Getting girls was easy, but I had many issues with the dynamics of s relationship. I chased of my first love and then relentlessly chased her also.

But that feeling of love for me is so intense. Its not just love, its passion, its fear its almost like love is where all this is released. But over time, I changed. I'm more of an insticutal lover. I want to connect and change our lives. But it's not dark and murky, I've had a lot of fun relationships. I was very dedicated tho, committed and willing to change. With Venus in Scorpio if you're insecure before you fall in love, you'll push all those insecurities on your partner chasing them away. But its when we accept this fear and its root, and destroy them, only then can you see how Scorpio really loves. When I'm in love, I like to lead, be affection and mainly learn from each other.

posted October 09, 2015 08:10 PM            

Venus Taurus 5th Opp Saturn-rx SCORPIO 11th

Many walls and defenses are up in layers automatically that I'm not even aware are there.... I can feel love very strongly for others, and I can connect well TO another person and they feel safe, protected, wanted and loved around me. But it's like a glass shield or plasticwrap film to receive it.

Someone recently said that when you don't accept another person's love, then that hurts that person.... It's like insulting a gift-giver. (Didn't think of it in that way before-- )

Cappi... With me, the push-away was a reflex. It wasn't a planned and deliberate action; not a mean game. I wasn't conscious of what I was doing.

This past year, I've made progress because now I can identify it better inside me. It's like a series of shields that consciously cannot be taken away, but somehow can be an 'allowing' for it to possibly drop.

For me a gentle nonthreatening factual truth-saying or telling by my partner brings remedy to the situation. Soft sure answer.

When I need my 'space' to work things out in my head and feelings, it doesn't mean I'm giving the partner a 'silent treatment'... It's Okay to ASK the person if they are giving you the silent-treatment OR whether it's the fact they just need to process what's going on inside their head.

There's a saying not to go to bed angry or unresolved?... Maybe with the right partner for me this could happen, but in the past, just going to bed and sleeping can re-set my mood and attitude. Better after morning coffee and a good night's rest.

posted October 09, 2015 09:18 PM            

You can just tell he throws lil comments out just to see what your reaction will be, I like it right now. I know it will get worse before it gets better.
I have libra AC/Pluto with Pluto conjunct my libra Venus but there is a difference, he's the 2nd scorp Venus I've dated. I don't test as hard as scorpios Venus and i desire to get to the love part much quicker than scorpio Venus does! Although I'm pretty sure I heard him whisper, "I could fall in love with you" but he whispered it so low I wasn't totally sure and had to ask what he said and then he said, "nothing, it's not important".
I said ok...but im pretty sure I know what I heard!
On our first date, he asked me if i was a Sagittarius, I said yes...amazed he knew that. Then his next comment kind of surprised me, he said..."so when you leave your really gone" but it wasn't a question it was more of a statement and I had to agree with him, yes we can walk away for real!

posted October 10, 2015 02:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
It's funny that you mentioned that, Meyrey.
My Scorpio (estranged) husband has his Sco Sun on his Scorpio ASC, and on a side note - his Venus is opposed by Saturn.
No matter how much I told him I loved him, he didnt believe me. And he said he was fine with me not loving me ( despite my protests).

Strangely, one night we were coming back from a concert, and I was feeling pretty mad the entire night because he was cheering the singer way too enthusiastically, to the point he even managed to get to her and hugged her and whatnot ( well, she was older than both of us, but still a woman to me). I was so enraged by this, that when I got into the driver's seat in the car and he got into the front seat by me, I punched him so bad in the face with such animosity, that his nose immediately started to bleed profusely and he had a large black eye the following day. Well...He thought that was LOVE . Darned Venus-Saturn, always liking the though love. He was actually happy about his black eye.
"I love you" didnt work for him, but the black eye and the smashed nose, done out of jealousy , did.

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posted November 11, 2015 01:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meyray:
I have a very similar Venus situation as your SO so I can give you some insight but please feel free to take it with a grain of salt. In fact a lot of what I'll say probably won't sit well with you but Scorpio Venus is a difficult placement.

[b]1. Fear of being used and betrayed
At its worst Scorpio Venus (especially if Saturn influenced) does not believe he/she is deserving of love just like you said. That's why it's hard for them to believe that someone GENUINELY wants to be with them and love them with no secret agenda. They think:

"I am unlovable. If you love me there is something wrong with you"

They search for any other reason why you might want to be with them but "because they love me" is not on that list because it seems impossible.

Like all other Scorpio placements they have extremely thin-skin and feel pain on a deep level. That's why they protect themselves so adamantly. In fact the more they "mistreat" you odds are the more they are influenced by you and are attached to you. It sounds a but sick but imagine them as a scared animal trying to fend off for its safety. So when they act crazy it's not because they don't care about you, exactly the opposite - they care A LOT.

They fear betrayal most of all so they are very very wary before they commit and let down their guard.

Possible solution: Endurance and reality checks.

Their fears are extremely delusional and there needs to be a mix of understanding/acceptance of their nature but also not enabling them.

For the little things you need to prove your loyalty and devotion.

For Scorpio to believe he is loved he wants you to suffer for him and make sacrifices for him.

People get very offended when confronted with this unpleasant demand but that's the only way Scorpio will believe - "If they are willing to through pain for me then they might actually be telling the truth". It proves your love is not self-serving.

However you cannot bend over all the time because Scorpio will lose respect for you thinking you are weak-willed. It's a horrible paradox, I know.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and give them a reality check (it doesn't have to be mean or aggressive, not at all) and show them that the end of the world is only in their head and they need a better grasp on reality.

A lot of people are afraid or don't know to combat Scorpio's paranoia but if your SO is a mature person then you calling him out when he forgets himself will probably do wonders and he will thank you later.

So you need to strike a balance between sacrifice and putting him in his place.

2. Possiveness and jealousy

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS.

Scorpio wants you and him to be the only people in the universe forever. Scorpio Venus wants to merge with the soul of their partner. They want love to be eternal and exclusive.

Scorpio Venus also takes sex very seriously and personally. This is a very important aspect of love for them.

Even if you don't believe this do not challenge his views (however perverse they may be). Try to avoid arguments about this. He will always be suspicious of you if he knows your opinions about love are so different from his.

This is an ideological issue. No matter what he believes love should be like, obviously he will not stay with the first person he loves for the rest of eternity and neither will you. So don't be intimidated by his attitude, it's just a concept. Let him believe what he wants to believe.

The good thing is that when he finally starts letting his guard down this won't be an issue since you wouldn't need to talk about it.

Combating jealousy and possessiveness - this is a tough one. Good communication is needed to resolve delusions. Laying down all your card also. NEVER LIE.

Scorpio loves drama and there will always be drama. Sometimes you just have to indulge them for a while until they've had enough of their own melodrama.

Turing petty jealousy into fights seems like a bad idea but sometimes Scorpio WANTS to fight. Secretly I think they want to meet their match and be knocked down a peg. I DO NOT recommend this. Only if you're completely committed to each other you can afford to have little fights for the sake of drama and passion. If you do this while he is in the testing phase things will turn ugly really quick.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit. You do need to take his whole chart into consideration to figure out what he wants exactly. This is the extreme side of Scorpio Venus, you may only see traces of this in his behavior.

The key is to prove your loyalty by persistence and sacrifice but also hold your own and have authority so you don't become his doormat.[/B]

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WElp, I messed up last week, and now I'm not totally sure what to do to 'fix' things.

SO in question asked me an explicit question about my ex (a sexually explicit one), and, being my knee-jerk response, I ANSWERED HONESTLY. I immediately saw it bugged him (the answer, by the way, was just asking if I'd done a certain act with my ex before and I said yes. I didn't say how good/bad it was or anything, but explained some details he probably didn't need to know).

posted November 11, 2015 05:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Well if he couldn't handle the truth, why ask? Lol. You were just being honest. He knows he can't blame you for telling him the truth. There's probably not much you can do about it, just let it pass... Hopefully he'll get over it.

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True, I guess I just felt like I gave too many details haha. I saw the look on his face right away. And sometimes I feel like he asks certain questions to hear what he HOPES I'll say, and when I don't do that, it almost feels like I am failing a test!!!

posted November 12, 2015 03:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Ahh well, that's the problem with a lot of people, especially us Scorp-influenced folks. We'll ask a question and if we don't like the answer, we'll sulk (or at the very least feel kinda disappointed/let down). Don't take it to heart though. Everyone has to learn how to deal with unpleasant truths... It's part of life. Depending on how "bad" it was, it might take a while for him to truly feel connected to you again. But hopefully it'll be okay, in time. If he's not receptive to a dialog about said thing, don't push it, but perhaps you could express that you're sorry if what you said offended him or made him feel bad in any way, etc. And leave it at that. (But follow your intuition on this one, really.)

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posted November 13, 2015 07:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
I basically just don't know how to handle this without coming across totally needy and weak. I keep just telling him I miss him and love him lol.

RARHGHH.

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Hey, Cappi! You might have already resolved this, but I wanted to share what worked for me. I seriously dated a Sagi Sun-Aries Moon-Scorpio Venus for 6 years. And, being a Pisces Sun-Sagi Moon-Aqua Venus I was also way too honest about my past from time to time (only when he asked, lol).

posted November 14, 2015 07:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lostinweb:
Hey, Cappi! You might have already resolved this, but I wanted to share what worked for me. I seriously dated a Sagi Sun-Aries Moon-Scorpio Venus for 6 years. And, being a Pisces Sun-Sagi Moon-Aqua Venus I was also way too honest about my past from time to time (only when he asked, lol).

The way I got back on his good side and him out of his sulk was to tell him that my past experience wasn't nearly as meaningful, or as deep, or as rich as it was with him. That always seemed to work ~ and then there'd be make-up sex

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haha!!! AMAZING. That is exactly how I resolved this one.

All is going fine, I was just bummed bc I felt like I brought down what was a pretty awesome honeymoon period for us for several months. Then I had to go and be all REAL (blech!).

My observation (so this thread can be useful to others dealing with this type of person), is this:

At first I tried to seriously butter him up - lots of "I miss you" and "I love you" texts, and he was barely responding to any. He insisted everything's fine, I could tell it wasn't, so I kept pressing - making him retreat even MORE. I panicked and wrote here.

I made sure in the midst of all this to be like "Doing x,y,z with my ex was never good. With you it's always good." (Um kind of a lie, but does that matter anymore? ha).

He was still stand-offish so I pulled way back, kept things neutral. We both still texted and spoke to each other but rather than being mushy AT ALL i just matched his tone and let it go, disregarding my panic feeling of "OH NO I WRECKED IT"

Then about 48 hours later he was back to flirting and counting down to when we see each other next week again. So all is good, no permanent damage done, but I swear every time we butt heads I learn enough to fill a book.

posted November 14, 2015 04:17 PM            

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posted November 15, 2015 01:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Cappi112:
I, on the other hand, believe in giving love as a way to combat fear in life. I love everyone, to some degree, in different ways. I've loved HIM since the first month we were dating. I don't care as much about receiving love - I kind of ... live in it enough as it is, haha. Does that make sense? I also don't believe we only have one major love in our lives, and I don't believe that people 'own' one another in marriage.

---

posted November 15, 2015 01:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
I just wanted to say that from one venus/asc in pisces in 1st to another YES! THIS IS IT! This is a perfect description, my default is loving the person and I either start to love them more or less. The hard part is choosing just one person to love that intensely, since everybody is so damn loveable. hehe I'm the same way, I don't really care about receiving love or rather it's not that I don't care, just that how a person feels about me doesn't change my feelings towards them. Much pisces love~ <3

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posted November 27, 2015 02:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by meyray:
I have a very similar Venus situation as your SO so I can give you some insight but please feel free to take it with a grain of salt. In fact a lot of what I'll say probably won't sit well with you but Scorpio Venus is a difficult placement.

[b]1. Fear of being used and betrayed
At its worst Scorpio Venus (especially if Saturn influenced) does not believe he/she is deserving of love just like you said. That's why it's hard for them to believe that someone GENUINELY wants to be with them and love them with no secret agenda. They think:

"I am unlovable. If you love me there is something wrong with you"

They search for any other reason why you might want to be with them but "because they love me" is not on that list because it seems impossible.

Like all other Scorpio placements they have extremely thin-skin and feel pain on a deep level. That's why they protect themselves so adamantly. In fact the more they "mistreat" you odds are the more they are influenced by you and are attached to you. It sounds a but sick but imagine them as a scared animal trying to fend off for its safety. So when they act crazy it's not because they don't care about you, exactly the opposite - they care A LOT.

They fear betrayal most of all so they are very very wary before they commit and let down their guard.

Possible solution: Endurance and reality checks.

Their fears are extremely delusional and there needs to be a mix of understanding/acceptance of their nature but also not enabling them.

For the little things you need to prove your loyalty and devotion.

For Scorpio to believe he is loved he wants you to suffer for him and make sacrifices for him.

People get very offended when confronted with this unpleasant demand but that's the only way Scorpio will believe - "If they are willing to through pain for me then they might actually be telling the truth". It proves your love is not self-serving.

However you cannot bend over all the time because Scorpio will lose respect for you thinking you are weak-willed. It's a horrible paradox, I know.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and give them a reality check (it doesn't have to be mean or aggressive, not at all) and show them that the end of the world is only in their head and they need a better grasp on reality.

A lot of people are afraid or don't know to combat Scorpio's paranoia but if your SO is a mature person then you calling him out when he forgets himself will probably do wonders and he will thank you later.

So you need to strike a balance between sacrifice and putting him in his place.

2. Possiveness and jealousy

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS.

Scorpio wants you and him to be the only people in the universe forever. Scorpio Venus wants to merge with the soul of their partner. They want love to be eternal and exclusive.

Scorpio Venus also takes sex very seriously and personally. This is a very important aspect of love for them.

Even if you don't believe this do not challenge his views (however perverse they may be). Try to avoid arguments about this. He will always be suspicious of you if he knows your opinions about love are so different from his.

This is an ideological issue. No matter what he believes love should be like, obviously he will not stay with the first person he loves for the rest of eternity and neither will you. So don't be intimidated by his attitude, it's just a concept. Let him believe what he wants to believe.

The good thing is that when he finally starts letting his guard down this won't be an issue since you wouldn't need to talk about it.

Combating jealousy and possessiveness - this is a tough one. Good communication is needed to resolve delusions. Laying down all your card also. NEVER LIE.

Scorpio loves drama and there will always be drama. Sometimes you just have to indulge them for a while until they've had enough of their own melodrama.

Turing petty jealousy into fights seems like a bad idea but sometimes Scorpio WANTS to fight. Secretly I think they want to meet their match and be knocked down a peg. I DO NOT recommend this. Only if you're completely committed to each other you can afford to have little fights for the sake of drama and passion. If you do this while he is in the testing phase things will turn ugly really quick.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit. You do need to take his whole chart into consideration to figure out what he wants exactly. This is the extreme side of Scorpio Venus, you may only see traces of this in his behavior.

The key is to prove your loyalty by persistence and sacrifice but also hold your own and have authority so you don't become his doormat.[/B]

---

Does a Tight Sun/Mercury Square (in the 12th) to Pluto also cause this? I know a man who by all means is a combo of his Pisces (Pisces Rising with Ven/Mars Conjunct Neptune) and Aqua self. All the while being SUPER closed off and unwilling to talk about anything. In fact one of the things he said to me when we first got to know each other was he wasn't sure if my kindness was out of wanting something or if I was just a nice person lol. He also has his Venus and Mars Conjunction Sextile Pluto.