posted October 01, 2015 03:53 AM            

I, on the other hand, believe in giving love as a way to combat fear in life. I love everyone, to some degree, in different ways. I've loved HIM since the first month we were dating. I don't care as much about receiving love - I kind of ... live in it enough as it is, haha. Does that make sense? I also don't believe we only have one major love in our lives, and I don't believe that people 'own' one another in marriage. My mother had an affair after years of my father shutting her out - and I explained to my current bf at the time that I understood her (this was a mistake for me to tell him). I've never cheated, but I can see all sides of a situation.

My venus is in pisces in my first house (conjunct mars), aspecting Jupiter and trining Pluto, but it basically has zero impact from Saturn.

SOs venus is in Scorpio in the 12th house, aspected heavily by saturn (saturn dominates a lot of his chart by hard angle).

He's been very loving to me, but he still makes comments about how he doesn't feel loved in his life... even though I tell him I love him. How can I work with this energy?

posted October 01, 2015 08:01 AM            

1. Fear of being used and betrayed
At its worst Scorpio Venus (especially if Saturn influenced) does not believe he/she is deserving of love just like you said. That's why it's hard for them to believe that someone GENUINELY wants to be with them and love them with no secret agenda. They think:

"I am unlovable. If you love me there is something wrong with you"

They search for any other reason why you might want to be with them but "because they love me" is not on that list because it seems impossible.

Like all other Scorpio placements they have extremely thin-skin and feel pain on a deep level. That's why they protect themselves so adamantly. In fact the more they "mistreat" you odds are the more they are influenced by you and are attached to you. It sounds a but sick but imagine them as a scared animal trying to fend off for its safety. So when they act crazy it's not because they don't care about you, exactly the opposite - they care A LOT.

They fear betrayal most of all so they are very very wary before they commit and let down their guard.

Possible solution: Endurance and reality checks.

Their fears are extremely delusional and there needs to be a mix of understanding/acceptance of their nature but also not enabling them.

For the little things you need to prove your loyalty and devotion.

For Scorpio to believe he is loved he wants you to suffer for him and make sacrifices for him.

People get very offended when confronted with this unpleasant demand but that's the only way Scorpio will believe - "If they are willing to through pain for me then they might actually be telling the truth". It proves your love is not self-serving.

However you cannot bend over all the time because Scorpio will lose respect for you thinking you are weak-willed. It's a horrible paradox, I know.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and give them a reality check (it doesn't have to be mean or aggressive, not at all) and show them that the end of the world is only in their head and they need a better grasp on reality.

A lot of people are afraid or don't know to combat Scorpio's paranoia but if your SO is a mature person then you calling him out when he forgets himself will probably do wonders and he will thank you later.

So you need to strike a balance between sacrifice and putting him in his place.

2. Possiveness and jealousy

quote:

---

...I also don't believe we only have one major love in our lives...

---

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS.

Scorpio wants you and him to be the only people in the universe forever. Scorpio Venus wants to merge with the soul of their partner. They want love to be eternal and exclusive.

Scorpio Venus also takes sex very seriously and personally. This is a very important aspect of love for them.

Even if you don't believe this do not challenge his views (however perverse they may be). Try to avoid arguments about this. He will always be suspicious of you if he knows your opinions about love are so different from his.

This is an ideological issue. No matter what he believes love should be like, obviously he will not stay with the first person he loves for the rest of eternity and neither will you. So don't be intimidated by his attitude, it's just a concept. Let him believe what he wants to believe.

The good thing is that when he finally starts letting his guard down this won't be an issue since you wouldn't need to talk about it.

Combating jealousy and possessiveness - this is a tough one. Good communication is needed to resolve delusions. Laying down all your card also. NEVER LIE.

Scorpio loves drama and there will always be drama. Sometimes you just have to indulge them for a while until they've had enough of their own melodrama.

Turing petty jealousy into fights seems like a bad idea but sometimes Scorpio WANTS to fight. Secretly I think they want to meet their match and be knocked down a peg. I DO NOT recommend this. Only if you're completely committed to each other you can afford to have little fights for the sake of drama and passion. If you do this while he is in the testing phase things will turn ugly really quick.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit. You do need to take his whole chart into consideration to figure out what he wants exactly. This is the extreme side of Scorpio Venus, you may only see traces of this in his behavior.

posted October 01, 2015 08:44 AM            

I have definitely picked up on the need to prove my loyalty (and the fact that he is the only one for me, something I know he needs to hear).

Everything you said is soooo spot on - it makes a lot more sense to me now to hear your perspective. SUre there are other aspects to him, but sheesh that is dead on.

I guess my big challenge is to not take it too personally that he always thinks people don't love him. He says that all the time, to which I always say "Silly... what about me? Don;t you know I love you?" and he eventually melts and admits he does know. But it drives me nuts, like I can't do enough to prove my love!!

posted October 01, 2015 09:23 AM            

quote:

---

Like all other Scorpio placements they have extremely thin-skin and feel pain on a deep level. That's why they protect themselves so adamantly. In fact the more they "mistreat" you odds are the more they are influenced by you and are attached to you. It sounds a but sick but imagine them as a scared animal trying to fend off for its safety. So when they act crazy it's not because they don't care about you, exactly the opposite - they care A LOT.

---

This is what I was wondering about on my Scorpios and Vampires thread....where I said:

quote:

---

I think I accidentally hurt them because I could not READ their boundaries, so I crossed the boundaries (I think?)...and I only knew or suspected that they cared when they shut me out, like a penalty.

ETA: So the penalty both hurt and felt good...in a twisted way.

---

Thanks for your insights, meyrey.

posted October 01, 2015 09:31 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cappi112:
How do you show your love?

---

5H Sag Venus-Neptune, Venus trine Saturn and sextile Mercury. Venus semisextile Uranus, 0.00 orb.

I'm steady. And I put a lot of energy into cheering people up. Also I'm not controlling. My husband asks if it's okay if he does certain things. My reactions is, "Have I ever said No? Do I ever say no?"

Probably once in a while but for the most part it's "Whatever floats your boat!"

posted October 01, 2015 11:54 AM            

To me love means devotion, sacrifices and respect. It means not demanding the other person to change who they are, or to be less than what they are. To a certain degree, it also means madness. Something that drives me to do things that I don't normally do.

I can go through a lot of cr*p for the person I love and give up a lot of things. It's a theme with my current relationship. He never demands it though. Totally respects my dignity, and protects it. One of the reasons why I stick with him lol.

But it's mostly cr*p created by external forces. So we get through it together. I always have to feel the "together-ness". Feel like we're in it together, side by side. Either go up together, or go down in flame together. It's what makes everything worth fighting for. On a lighter note, our story was totally romantic, I flew across the ocean for him. One way ticket. My venus conjunct saturn, I was flattered by his trust and confidence in me.

posted October 01, 2015 02:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sylven:
Why did he not fight for me when we were 26? I drove a long way to meet him. He rejected me. Now, we are married. That's life. I am sure, if we were meant to be the timing would have been right. We have Uranus conjunct Moon and Uranus trine Moon in synastry. Some say about Uranus aspects that timing is off. And we are both secretly fine about it now because we know we have buried each other in our hearts. It's good. We have Sun/Venus/Pluto conjunction in 12th house in composite.

---

posted October 01, 2015 04:15 PM            

Hooray! I'm glad I helped!

Ah yes, dealing with the constant need for affirmation can become annoying and eventually tiring. I'm sure that he may even unconsciously do this like a routine or a program running in the background.

Like you said, not taking it personally is the way to go. It may seem difficult because it feels like an accusation but in reality when you realize it's not about you specifically but about his own insecurities it becomes easier.

You can do several things depending on the situation.

• You can ignore it - if it's brought up casually (be careful not to overuse this one because if he's touchy he may start taking it the wrong way)
  
• You can use humor - if he wants to talk about it while still being informal, make jokes and tease him a little to make him realize how silly he is
  
• You can convince him otherwise - meaning take him seriously, this is only when the conversation is serious or he's upset
  
  

Sometimes you may even have to give him a hard time and rebuke him. Coddling feels nice but it will not make him learn. Not always of course but it is a secret ace in the hole.

Scorpio influenced people are paradoxical when it comes to how they want people to treat them - they want understanding, support and kindness but when they receive it they still aren't satisfied and even fight and argue with said people. Sometimes you need to confront them and give them a piece of your mind so they will learn. It will cause them emotional discomfort but when it passes they'll see the error in their ways (if they're not stupid which makes them stubborn). Scorpio respects power after all.

This reminds me of a thing my therapist said to me when I was in one of "those moods" raving about some perceived betrayal and I wanted to go off at the perpetrator. She said that I was in the wrong and I had no right to hold the person responsible for what they did because it was none of my business. She said:

"Or maybe you should call him out to see what happens. He will reprimand you and that's what you need. That's the only way you will learn boundaries"

@Faith

Scorp peeps have a tendency to dig their own graves. The reason they get hurt so much is because a cat's got their tongue. They need to speak up about what they want, need and expect. Most people don't hurt them intentionally they just don't know what to do because Scorpie stays quiet and expects everyone to read their mind and instinctively know how to act with them.

And when they get burned they start acting out usually in the form of the silent treatment (nastier behavior if they're not very mature).

posted October 01, 2015 05:03 PM            

I was talking about heavily Scorpio influenced people in general (a bit of hijacking soz)

posted October 01, 2015 07:06 PM            

you m'lady have a VERY good understanding of the Scorpio mindset and I applaud your eloquence with explaining our shall we say effed-up-ness Spent a lot of time trying to understand myself in my life and you had me howling at parts because its so hilariously true, even when it's not funny, it is.... Jeez I just want to quote everything you've said but instead I'll just go with this

quote:

---

Like all other Scorpio placements they have extremely thin-skin and feel pain on a deep level. That's why they protect themselves so adamantly. In fact the more they "mistreat" you odds are the more they are influenced by you and are attached to you. It sounds a but sick but imagine them as a scared animal trying to fend off for its safety. So when they act crazy it's not because they don't care about you, exactly the opposite - they care A LOT.

---

So so so true. If only we could explain it better in the moment and others could see it

quote:

---

Scorpio wants you and him to be the only people in the universe forever. Scorpio Venus wants to merge with the soul of their partner. They want love to be eternal and exclusive.

---

I've learned through experience with others and my own feeling that this can never be true and yet some little niggly part of my Scorp heart wishes it could and wants to pretend. So yeah haha, he probably knows too but wants to pretend otherwise.

quote:

---

Turing petty jealousy into fights seems like a bad idea but sometimes Scorpio WANTS to fight. Secretly I think they want to meet their match and be knocked down a peg.

---

YEP again, but it's so true, when it does happen just get super p*ssed off. At everything.

Oh man Scorpios paradoxical life and mindset gets me cracking every time someone coins it so well. Linda Goodman can be soooo funny about it too. Scorpio doesn't just like astrology, we NEED IT hahaha

Sorry I'm cracking up a lot lately.

Revealing all the dirty little Scorpio secrets for all to see

posted October 01, 2015 09:34 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by meyray:
I have a very similar Venus situation as your SO so I can give you some insight but please feel free to take it with a grain of salt. In fact a lot of what I'll say probably won't sit well with you but Scorpio Venus is a difficult placement.

[b]1. Fear of being used and betrayed
At its worst Scorpio Venus (especially if Saturn influenced) does not believe he/she is deserving of love just like you said. That's why it's hard for them to believe that someone GENUINELY wants to be with them and love them with no secret agenda. They think:

"I am unlovable. If you love me there is something wrong with you"

They search for any other reason why you might want to be with them but "because they love me" is not on that list because it seems impossible.

Like all other Scorpio placements they have extremely thin-skin and feel pain on a deep level. That's why they protect themselves so adamantly. In fact the more they "mistreat" you odds are the more they are influenced by you and are attached to you. It sounds a but sick but imagine them as a scared animal trying to fend off for its safety. So when they act crazy it's not because they don't care about you, exactly the opposite - they care A LOT.

They fear betrayal most of all so they are very very wary before they commit and let down their guard.

Possible solution: Endurance and reality checks.

Their fears are extremely delusional and there needs to be a mix of understanding/acceptance of their nature but also not enabling them.

For the little things you need to prove your loyalty and devotion.

For Scorpio to believe he is loved he wants you to suffer for him and make sacrifices for him.

People get very offended when confronted with this unpleasant demand but that's the only way Scorpio will believe - "If they are willing to through pain for me then they might actually be telling the truth". It proves your love is not self-serving.

However you cannot bend over all the time because Scorpio will lose respect for you thinking you are weak-willed. It's a horrible paradox, I know.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and give them a reality check (it doesn't have to be mean or aggressive, not at all) and show them that the end of the world is only in their head and they need a better grasp on reality.

A lot of people are afraid or don't know to combat Scorpio's paranoia but if your SO is a mature person then you calling him out when he forgets himself will probably do wonders and he will thank you later.

So you need to strike a balance between sacrifice and putting him in his place.

2. Possiveness and jealousy

DO NOT TELL HIM THIS.

Scorpio wants you and him to be the only people in the universe forever. Scorpio Venus wants to merge with the soul of their partner. They want love to be eternal and exclusive.

Scorpio Venus also takes sex very seriously and personally. This is a very important aspect of love for them.

Even if you don't believe this do not challenge his views (however perverse they may be). Try to avoid arguments about this. He will always be suspicious of you if he knows your opinions about love are so different from his.

This is an ideological issue. No matter what he believes love should be like, obviously he will not stay with the first person he loves for the rest of eternity and neither will you. So don't be intimidated by his attitude, it's just a concept. Let him believe what he wants to believe.

The good thing is that when he finally starts letting his guard down this won't be an issue since you wouldn't need to talk about it.

Combating jealousy and possessiveness - this is a tough one. Good communication is needed to resolve delusions. Laying down all your card also. NEVER LIE.

Scorpio loves drama and there will always be drama. Sometimes you just have to indulge them for a while until they've had enough of their own melodrama.

Turing petty jealousy into fights seems like a bad idea but sometimes Scorpio WANTS to fight. Secretly I think they want to meet their match and be knocked down a peg. I DO NOT recommend this. Only if you're completely committed to each other you can afford to have little fights for the sake of drama and passion. If you do this while he is in the testing phase things will turn ugly really quick.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit. You do need to take his whole chart into consideration to figure out what he wants exactly. This is the extreme side of Scorpio Venus, you may only see traces of this in his behavior.

The key is to prove your loyalty by persistence and sacrifice but also hold your own and have authority so you don't become his doormat.[/B]

---

This is the most accurate description I've ever read about the extremes Scorpio Venus goes to. Wow! My SO and I both have Scorpio Venus and while I can relate to this a lot, I am not as insane as that (lol). However, my SO is. He is also a Scorpio sun and he has Venus square Mars and my Venus squaring his Mars, so...this extreme nature of his Scorpio Venus shows through ALL THE TIME. It is EXHAUSTING. You did a great job picking apart the insecurities and intricacies of this placement. The OP should really follow your advice! Good luck, OP.

------------------
Wherever you go, there you are.

posted October 01, 2015 11:22 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by meyray:
@Aries23Degrees

I was talking about heavily Scorpio influenced people in general (a bit of hijacking soz)

It's a bit hard for me to differentiate between Scorpio Venus and Moon since I have both, hehe.

---

I see.So in your case the two cannot be easily differentiated.

The thing is,I have Venus in Scorpio and Moon in Cancer. And I have come to experience the differences between the two.

With Venus in Scorpio, I tend to respond to attraction instinctively and immediately (Mars/Pluto rules Scorpio after all)

So my reactions tend to be strong and intense and I can get quickly infatuated/ fall into lust etc. for someone whom I have just met.

Venus in Scorpio(together with Aries and Leo) can have that strong "love at first sight" feeling when meeting someone.

But with the Mars-ruled people specifically, it could very well be "lust at 1st sight".

And this includes those that have Mars/Venus and Pluto/Venus hard aspects(square, opposition and conjunction).

But since I also have Saturn conjunct Scorpio,the consequent action when these feelings arise is to "resist" or "go slow".

So many times I seem indifferent/unaffected even cynical about someone I am crushing on.

But if you look closely at me(specifically my eyes)you will see that there is a lot that I am withholding(Saturn conjunct).

Saturn is the one that often denies/delays emotive/sexual feelings and "overnight" instinctual reactions(not Pluto).

So people who seem to withhold showing you interest/don't give any inclinations(don't flirt and don't even look your way) when you were so sure there was a "connection" ,may have Saturn sitting on Venus.

The Moon is really what you can seriously look at as to what that individual perceives to be love and affection.

So for Scorpio Moon, they usually respond strongly to affection and even seem insatiable in their appetite to getting it.

Yes there can be suspicion, distrust and complex emotional games. But these are all defenses against what they believe could be a future "loss" of that tenderness that they want to keep.

So often,the Scorpio Moon I am with does weird things to "test" or try to illicit emotional responses from me that will affirm to him that I care.

I realize that it matters not how many times I "tell" him I care(he doesn't have Mercury in aspect to Moon nataly), it is really in the "showing" that he understands i.e being there for him in crises,lots of sexual affection,always treating him with kid gloves etc.

So if an individual with Scorpio Moon has Saturn on top of the Moon(by square, opposition or conjunction),they could doubt people love them-since it is likely that love was probably withheld by a parent when young.

So there could be feelings of being "unlovable" or "not good enough" to be loved etc.

So these guys usually "work" for love.Or they believe that love comes after hard work and many tests for it to be genuine.

Or that someone has to have an impeccable reputation(Saturn)in order to deserve love.

So if they made many so called "mistakes"(in their subjective reasoning),the love and affection they want so much, becomes ever more elusive.Because they believe they are not "decent" enough to deserve it etc.

You don't buy these people with sexual affection to show you care. You provide security and safe place to "feel" in order for them to finally believe you.

But this takes time and consistency(Saturn). Because there is a lot of fear that their innate feelings may actually be true i.e they see so many people "give up " or "leave" them etc. That they start to really internalize this thing of being "unlovable".

Saturn on the Moon is tough .

A similar theme could be said about Moon in the 12th- where one feels unsure/does not properly connect with the love/affection that they are being shown.

posted October 02, 2015 12:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by lisalisa:
You don't get the venus in scorpio... I am. I reject men so when they will fight for me I know they love me full hearted, takes years

---

posted October 02, 2015 01:31 AM            

You are so spot on on how scorpio on a deep level doest feel like he deserves love so if he has it, he wont trust it. On the other hand, I've noticed scorpio-leos feel like they deserve love and if something goes wrong its because something is wrong with the other person.

posted October 02, 2015 05:23 AM            

In all honesty, I can't think of more accurate ways of summing up my guy. And the thing is, I actually am 100% down for all that - I prefer the complexity, mainly because I've had a rough time in my own life and am a complex kind of sensitive as well, which HE seems to fully understand and other guys just haven't been able to level with me on in past relationships. It's why I've fought harder for this one (and vice versa).

For one thing, I know he's my soul mate, but we're talking about more intricate areas of the relationship.

He is a Cap Sun, Virgo Moon, Scorpio Venus AND a Scorpio Rising, so heavily scorpio influenced as it is (and also, all that water and Earth makes him sometimes wayyyy too serious for life). We share the Pisces Mars sign which has made for some of the most tender, romantic, passionate moments I've ever had. But yeah, that scorpio thing...

Let me put it this way: you basically just described absolutely every single complication we've ever faced. hahaha

I noticed early on that after the infatuation died down (hehe), it was still "You're so gorgeous" from him but started to morph into... "you're so gorgeous you must get hit on by a lot of guys...?" with a look in his eyes that made me think he was not totally cool with this fact. I would find some hopefully comforting way of responding to that, but I could tell it worried him. The jealousy thing is really new to me because my last relationship, the guy was completely about the free love thing - we broke up when he basically became a full on hippie and we had nothing in common anymore. But if he was jealous, he kinda just said so. "I'm jealous. I don't want you to like him instead of me." And that was a rare occurrence. He was a Virgo with a Leo Venus, and to him jealousy was a sign of instability and restriction. To me, jealousy can sometimes be a sign of commitment.

I've written about my current SO in a different thread (I was angry with him at the time). He tested me so much I constantly thought he didn't love me... he disappeared on me multiple times (but never really completely stopped talking to me - just made me suddenly do all the work). He was severely depressed at the time and would make comments about how he wasn't built for a relationship. I realize now what he needed from me was to basically just say I wanted to be with him anyway, regardless of how he felt about himself, but at the time I was too insecure to respond that way and we lost each other.

He won me back completely this summer, mainly because I had the time to realize what was really going on, and he had the time to think about how he'd treated me too. We both learned a lot from that.

So the last few months being back in it, I've seen exactly the patterns you talk about -- BUT he is much better about not pushing me away anymore, and I'm better at not giving him reasons to feel insecure (watching what I say about relationships, etc.)

Last night, we had been talking and he asked me (haha), why I feel so strongly 'now'.. and when I admitted I'd always felt this strongly but was shy about telling him or thought maybe it would scare him off, he told me he was so happy I'm not shy anymore, and went on to say things to ME I need to hear right now too.

posted October 02, 2015 08:57 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by meyray:
@Faith

Scorp peeps have a tendency to dig their own graves. The reason they get hurt so much is because a cat's got their tongue. They need to speak up about what they want, need and expect. Most people don't hurt them intentionally they just don't know what to do because Scorpie stays quiet and expects everyone to read their mind and instinctively know how to act with them.

And when they get burned they start acting out usually in the form of the silent treatment (nastier behavior if they're not very mature).

This leaves the other person completely confused as to what they did wrong and why this person who was okay one day decided to ice you out the next hence they think the Scorp stopped caring or got cold feel when in fact they're just off licking their wound.

---

Thank you again ~ I'm surprised at how much this resonates with me. I have sun square Pluto and an 8H moon. That's what I have done.

And this:

quote:

---

Turing petty jealousy into fights seems like a bad idea but sometimes Scorpio WANTS to fight. Secretly I think they want to meet their match and be knocked down a peg. I DO NOT recommend this.

---

posted October 07, 2015 04:29 AM            

The advice re: Scorpio venus has made my relationship with my current man iron strong over the past week. It's alllllmooost kinda funny. <3

One thing I just started a thread over in Interpersonal, but realized it works here too, is: I noticed I get a lot of the same identical question from my venus scorp. He seems to always have some insecurities about how much I loved past bfs. So he always asks the same ... basic questions about my sexual past.

I get the sense this is a way of testing to see if my answer will ever change - showing I may have told him a lie somewhere along the line. Is this a common Venus Scorp practice?

posted October 07, 2015 06:23 PM            

Sag often gets the stick for being blunt, and that energy can be (though generally not as criticizing as people take it, that is not looking down on someone), but it can be bluntly affectionate as well, at least my Sag moon and Mars probably motivate me to be so when sextile with my Libra Venus. There have been times I had to restrain myself to preserve someone's dignity.