posted November 23, 2015 12:10 AM              

I am sorry for your loss. I am glad you have him by your side. My bf helped me a lot when I lost my Mom too, I got through it a lot smoother because of him.

I guess it was predictable that I would eventually break down, it happened last night. I haven't slowed down until this week-end, so if there was always something to do, it helped not to get there until now. I was supposed to study this week-end, I am taking an exam for a permanent position in December, but even though I feel excited just at the idea of reading again, I procrastinated and didn't know why. Why I was more interested to find out his birth date than to do my own things. There was a lot of pain I collected that just needed a bit of relief. It all started with my Mom's death 4 months ago, another sudden and completely avoidable tragedy. Then there's been crisis after crisis: I lost my job, my aunt found out she has breast cancer (she started chemo 2 weeks ago and I couldn't go be by her side because I was taking care of the burn patients), my father was close to depression or insanity, not sure exactly (we're not out of the woods yet, I am still worried about him), my boyfriend's health deteriorated pretty badly and other minor troubles that I don't even remember now. Every time the phone rang a certain way (I can feel now when something's up), it was with another news of something bad happening. And this has been my life since July 6th when my Mom died suddenly. Some things improved, my bf is better than he has been in a long, long time and I'm about to be rehired in a better position than before. But it's been a tough ride to say the least.

quote:

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Originally posted by Vajra:

You are also full of life, DM, just like those who left. Cherish it.

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posted November 23, 2015 12:37 AM            

You should not feel guilty for your pain. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom passing, your aunt's cancer, and your boyfriend's health issues. Sheesh, thats a lot to cope with! On top of that, you're caring for those that have suffered from horrible physical injuries. You are giving your vital energy to helping and healing others, so you are doing beautiful work. Please don't feel bad for dwelling on a tragedy while others are wanting to move past it, because you are faced with the aftermath everyday. It's tough to move past it when you are so close to those that are personally dealing with the life changing consequences. If anything, I hope these experiences have made you cherish your own time here, and lead to a more fulfilled life.

Sending love and light!

posted November 24, 2015 12:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
@Belage, yes, December 1st is our national day. But Romanian astrologers debate which is the chart representing our country the best. The December 1st, 1918 chart is probably the most fitted one. Just look at the ASC!!!!!

I'll post it, as well as the synastry with the fire.

Romania's astrological chart:

Synastry with the event

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posted December 02, 2015 11:21 PM              

@Vajra

I skimmed through your post a few days after you posted, but didn't have time to reply. I will need to reread it more attentively. My thoughts are rather erratic these days.

I have a little update. On December 1st, our national day, I went to that club with a group of people. I started becoming quite involved in organizing this event and didn't understand why. Nor did I care. Many decisions I've taken in the last year didn't seem to make sense at the time. But I felt it would be important so I didn't even think of the whys. We printed a couple of banners with the pictures of the deceased that ended up looking like 2 wings (it wasn't planned like that). And after that we wrote each of their names along with a little message on 60 helium balloons (that's how many have died, up until now). It was actually my idea, I initially thought of lighting Chinese lamps and setting them up in the sky, but it would've been too dangerous. I didn't anticipate the huge emotional impact it would have when we released the balloons and they went up into the sky. Almost everyone was in tears, but I didn't cry. I mostly felt relief. I don't know why, maybe I thought it was my duty to do that for someone, I don't know even know for whom.. and maybe I'm not supposed to. I read afterwards something someone wrote, who was there, someone I didn't know personally, and he released a balloon with a friend's name on it, that he didn't get the chance to say goodbye to, and he felt by releasing that balloon he was releasing her of all her pain and suffering. I guess many of us got a feeling of closure, maybe. I know I did. Maybe by releasing those balloons I was finally releasing them and all of my regrets. It was beautiful.