posted January 11, 2016 11:08 AM            

You all helped me in a big way with my split up with my Scorpio man a couple of months ago. You were all pretty right too with your analysis of the broody Scorpio male I was dealing with and the advice helped me understand a LOT what was happenning and how to react better.

I might be a glutton for punishment, but we are tentatively seeing each other again. The agreement between us was that we'd take it day by day.

We're both Scorpios. Both also Scorpio in Venus so there's a lot of Scorpio going on with us. We have this magnetic bond and attarction but also big diferrences. My moon is in Pisces and his is in Capricorn and he's definitely much more cautious and slow than I am with intimacy and he's admitted outright he has a big fear of it.

My main issue I have, is that every single time we see each other he pulls back and goes quiet and cold for a while after.

He did this when we dated last time and it was largely the reason I ended it after only a couple of months, and he is doing it now again.

I'm not talking about a minor change. I am talking about him going from:

PRE DATE: messaging me 400 times a day, calling me every night, passionately telling me how much he can't wait to be with me.

POST DATE: one of two business like messages to ask how I am.

It can last anything from 2 days to 7 days I guess, and it makes me feel kind of horrible.

Then he comes back just as ardent and loving a before as if nothing happenned.

This is very early days in our relatonship, there's no commitment yet, just dating, but despite how well we get on and the fact that we both want to see each other I feel worried it is going to ruin us again.

Two dates in and I already feel like dumping him over it.

I wanted to know...is this a Scorpio male thing? Why does he do it?

In my position how would you handle it?

It's annoying, because I know if I end it he will be really upset and miss me and go right back to chasing me like crazy - but infuriating that he persists in the same behavior that split us the first time.

posted January 11, 2016 11:30 AM            

He says it's not the case.

He says he'd not spend 4 hours a day talking to someone he just wanted sex from, or travelling hours to see them, or spending whole weekends together cooking and watching movies.

posted January 11, 2016 11:33 AM            

He'll get the message.

posted January 11, 2016 11:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:

Lol. But then maybe men WILL do whatever for great sex.

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Bingo!

None of those things that he's doing are unreasonable to get some sex.

posted January 11, 2016 11:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:

He says he'd not spend 4 hours a day talking to someone he just wanted sex from, or travelling hours to see them, or spending whole weekends together cooking and watching movies.

---

posted January 11, 2016 11:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
Bingo!

None of those things that he's doing are unreasonable to get some sex.

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posted January 11, 2016 11:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
What, seriously?

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Not me. Well not now but when I was younger maybe and my horny level was through the roof.
Plus, I mean, 4 hours every 2-7 days, a weekend here and there.
He could spend a couple hours here and there talking to others and spending time with them when he's not spending time with her. It could be like a Ferris wheel of women.

Ok, so maybe he just likes his distance. That's not at all unusual either. So maybe he's not in it just got sex but you'd be surprised what men will do (and fake) forfit sex.

posted January 11, 2016 11:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
Not me. Well not now but when I was younger maybe and my horny level was through the roof.
Plus, I mean, 4 hours every 2-7 days, a weekend here and there.
He could spend a couple hours here and there talking to others and spending time with them when he's not spending time with her. It could be like a Ferris wheel of women.

Ok, so maybe he just likes his distance. That's not at all unusual either. So maybe he's not in it just got sex but you'd be surprised what men will do (and fake) forfit sex.
[/i]

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posted January 11, 2016 12:11 PM            

I could be wrong! There's a lot of people in this world. Maybe he's genuine.

posted January 11, 2016 12:19 PM            

<Editing out not-quite-relevant example.>

I'd say trust your intuition on this. If you feel you have a truly great connection. Go all in. And don't look back. Stand up to his games but stick it out. Show him you won't be his marionette.

posted January 11, 2016 12:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
It's kind of like an exchange program.
"Sex time" for some "relationship time".

Think about it. He gives just enough "relationship" to keep you on the line and gets a little sex in return. Given the info, not only is this not at all unlikely, I think it's likely. The physical distance putting natural barriers on the relationship things, thus, providing his freedom and space to not be bothered.

---

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I wasn't being sarcastic.

posted January 11, 2016 12:26 PM            

Misspriss

posted January 11, 2016 01:04 PM            

Sorry was working, but read the responses.

Yeah, I have talked to him about it. He says upfront that he has serious issues with the relationship thing - in that he wants it, but also doesn't.

We talked about that for probably 4 hours straight on Friday and I asked him what he's so scared of and he says that ultimately this is it in a nutshell.

For him - falling in love, absolutely means marriage. He says if he falls in love it's a done deal. He will want to get married and have kids. No question. And he is worried that he gets married and the woman leaves him and takes his kids.

I told him that was dumb, and that people fall in love lots of times in a lifetime and don't always get married, and that you kind of have to just take it day by day and see what happens with someone before you even think about that.

I think he thinsk if he gets close he's going to fall in love. And for him that's like a death sentence.

He told me on Friday that the one time he was in love, it took him 4 years to properly be over it - and that he was seriously depressed and ill to the point people were pretty worried about him

You know, so he has this massive fear.

He wants to be better, and he was reading up on commitment phobia and childhood issues with me and he was definitely participating in the idea that he wants to get better and I KNOW he feels the same conection that I do. You can just tell.

So we agreed basically...take it slow, no pressure, he would stop blowing hot and cold and panicking and I would stop freaking out. And we'd take it day by day.

But here he is...two weeks in and already going right back to his old habits of going cold on me.

You know, I am ok with casual day to day dating for six months or whatever but I am not Okay with this behavior.

I also feel like if he doesn't stop wanting to run away from being close to me that he's going to talk to other girls and make all sorts of a mess.

Maybe, connection or not, it is just all too complicated.

I am kind of swinging between just not seeing him anymore, because I like him and want to do this but don't want the guy I am dating to make me feel bad.

posted January 11, 2016 02:31 PM            

getting triggered and upset if he pulls back for a few days and having an expectation to keep giving you attention is not a 'scorpio' thing, it's an issue within you that for some reason keeps getting triggered with you and him's dynamic. it needs to be looked at.

now saying all that, i am not disregarding your emotions, as i am a woman as well, and can understand and been through this very same problem.

posted January 11, 2016 03:32 PM            

Geez I don't know Blueskies what it does internally with me.

Maybe I am just simple and want to be treated like someone cares about me consistently. Maybe I don't want to have to doubt or wonder. Or maybe I am insecure and not suited to someone like this.

I am also wondering if someone is so determined to act in ways to break / stop intimacy then where is the fun?

That song by 10cc "I'm not In Love"

That's him!

I like Elyssia's idea of icing him right back, so for now that is what I am going to do. then I guess I am going to sit on it.

The real trouble with him though is that let's say he is happy with our intimacy being at a level 5, evry time we get to a 7 or 8, he tries to manage it back down to a 5. If it drops below a 5, he panics and tries ot bring it back up.

And so we go in circles.

It's just not healthy behavior from where I am standing.

Maybe give him a LITTLE longer. It's only been two weeks since we started tentatively seeing each other.

I just can't keep dating his potential forever. I think he needs to decide he wants to be in a relationship with me (or at least be brave and try it) or we are at cross purposes.

you know Blue skies, I wasn;t nasty to him..I was very supportive. But believing that:

a) every person you get close to you will marry

and

b) anyone you marry will leave you and ruin your life

posted January 11, 2016 03:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:

I just can't keep dating his potential forever.

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That's precisely it. If you do wish to give him a chance, keep the intimacy level at a 5 till he gets sick of it being there and wants to take it up a notch.

posted January 11, 2016 03:40 PM            

the other is a mirror and show us what we need to become aware inside. that's intimacy (in to me see).

yeah, would be nice if people would just do what we want them to do.. however, that's not reality. we cannot control others, nor can we expect them to do what we want them to do. it's always going to be a learning experience.

it looks like he's trying to open up... you have to be patient. (perhaps, this is another lesson he's teaching you)

didn't say you were nasty, but usually, when someone says your perspectives are dumb when one is trying to open up, that's hurtful. don't be surprised if he detach from you again....

just being real here and not being inconsiderate of your emotions. as i said, been there

posted January 11, 2016 04:02 PM            

I agree with being distant myself. I hate plaing these silly games, but think he needs a lesson that if he behaves like this he gets zero interest back from me.

It does feel like when I had to toilet train my 5 year old though

I think he is trying to open up a little to me, but you know, if I am 100000000% honest - my gut feeling is this.

He finds me very phsyically attractive. He likes having someone to have sex with, cuddle with, play at being a boyfriend.

At the same time if we get too close, he wants to step back. Not to protect himself 100% but also 50% to manage my expectations down. Like "hey lady...we're not getting married".

He has decided in his head he doesn;t want to be close or have intimacy, so the times w have together are not real life. They are him reaching out for that (natural human) need for connection which he is not willing or able to backup.

And yes, I think he talks to other girls. I think he's kind of immature and thinking that he can behave this way and have parts of a relationship when it suits him with zero regard to ther other person.

None of that is good.

It means I can be patient and "miss cool girl" and still end up with nothing at the end except a lot of frustration.

On the other hand, I might break through the ice and end up with the right guy for me.

I am just not sure betting on that second one is what I want anymore. I am kind of at the point of wanting to date other people now.

Like as in...if he WANTS casual....here's casual. Not being chldish or vindictive but more like why am I accepting 50% of what I want? you know. This is not all about him and his needs.