posted February 19, 2016 10:10 PM            

Are you needy yourself?

Please post your Moon/Venus and whatever else might be relevant!

posted February 19, 2016 10:54 PM            

And - in a moment of neediness - do you feel like the *person* or people.. triggering you to feel this way, are "to blame" for it?
Kind of like... if they made an effort to change their behaviour, you would feel better... but they don't even seem to be trying - and this upsets you.

posted February 19, 2016 11:55 PM            

I love being needed. It makes me feel valued and important. However, as I mature and grow older, it's becoming less and less necessary.

While I value being needed and important, I don't want to keep the person I love from living a fulfilling and happy life. As I myself have experienced, "needing" one person in particular on a consistent basis is not enough to fulfill anyone and it comes off as immature and overly clingy to most people. In my eyes, however, it's just not realistically possible to be with someone 24/7.

posted February 19, 2016 11:58 PM            

Except...if you sabotage me afterwards. Don't expect anything from me ever again lol

Moon: Gemini
Venus: Aquarius

Gemini Moon is very strong with Oppositions to Pluto and Chiron

posted February 20, 2016 12:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Teasel... When you feel this way... do you think it goes back to something much deeper related to past-relationships or maybe your childhood?

And - in a moment of neediness - do you feel like the *person* or people.. triggering you to feel this way, are "to blame" for it?
Kind of like... if they made an effort to change their behaviour, you would feel better... but they don't even seem to be trying - and this upsets you.

Or... Do you kind of analyse your emotions and think it's more an inward thing that is about you... and has not much to do with the other person's behaviour?

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Both. I'm sorry, I'm not being at all helpful. It depends on the situation. I know that it ties into any fear I'm feeling, and when I tell someone exactly what I need, and they act like I shouldn't need that - so it goes ignored - that's when I have a problem.

I can also be needy at times, because it took me so long to open up to people. And my family were my anchor, so when that blew up, I became worse.

posted February 20, 2016 12:08 AM            

quote:

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Both. I'm sorry, I'm not being at all helpful. It depends on the situation. I know that it ties into any fear I'm feeling, and when I tell someone exactly what I need, and they act like I shouldn't need that - so it goes ignored - that's when I have a problem.

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This is actually a good thing... that you express how you feel and tell them exactly what you need
^ If someone was so open and straightforward with me, we would be able to figure things out together.

posted February 20, 2016 12:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Electro -
What about being needed as in "I need you in my life" - or - "I need to be around you" - "I always miss you" - "I need to talk to you all the time" - or - "I need to hear your voice" etc...

^ Do you think that's nice/sweet .... or smothering?

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posted February 20, 2016 02:42 AM            

I don't like it when they pull you in, then when I say I'm interested, they insult. ... I don't know if that's a new kind of 'dating' / 'baiting' technique, but it's such a turn-off.

I like honesty and steadiness, kindness and caring. Good Manners are very sexy!

Moon Virgo, Venus Taurus, Mars Cancer

posted February 20, 2016 02:55 AM            

quote:

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By "needing" what do you mean by that?
Like, needing you to do something for them?
Or, they want you in their life?

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posted February 20, 2016 03:29 AM            

If he really needed me "that bad" then I would expect a reason from him that I would continue to need HIM that same way. There would have to be a comfortable 'mutuality' factor somewhere in that level of intenseness.

Generally, I like alone-time, or parallel activity-- closeness and intimacy, but not 'breathing down my neck' following me around, needing to know what I was doing every minute all the time? I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with that?

Except!!~~ If he's 'breathing down my neck' in just 'the right way'!! oooo hothothot baby! Don't leave no marks now?! *LMAO, roll* [colloq.grammer, double-neg intended]

posted February 20, 2016 03:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:

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posted February 20, 2016 11:45 AM            

Looking for cues on which way to go.

The only people who could make me feel needy were already important to me, and then giving mixed signals.

Actually the only person who comes to mind as a serious case is my ex-soulmate. He was:

a) Extremely intuitive about me.
b) Emotionally manipulative, consciously or not.
c) Never quite sure where he wanted me.

This rendered me vulnerable. Even if I just walked off (as I did many times) he knew exactly what to say and do to lure me back in. Frankly I did NEED something from him, I needed him to make up his damn mind. In my memory I am pleading with this person to just make up his damn mind.

Every time he tried to tell me "Everything is over, go on, be with someone else, be happy" he took those words back in a huge way, as in, coming to my house at 3 am crying. LOL

So we were stuck in some pathetic situation, and the situation was crying out for help, but neither of us could figure it out.

That's the neediest I have ever been.

Beyond that, my pride wouldn't let me act needy, or even feel needy, if I couldn't or can't help it. It's a gross feeling. I would go to great lengths to avoid it.

posted February 20, 2016 11:56 AM            

quote:

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In relationships where you did feel very needed or alternatively, very needy... Did the 6th house figure prominently in the synastry and the composite?

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I have a 6H sun and he's a Virgo.

posted February 20, 2016 12:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
do you think it goes back to something much deeper related to past-relationships or maybe your childhood?

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Again, with the Cheerios story, summed up short & sweet:

I was 5 (I think I just turned that) and the 'rents were sleeping it off again (and I'd lived with them for less than a year, possibly as little as 2-3 months by this time) and I was hungry. Keep in mind, I was 5, not a little adult, my hunger needed to be resolved NOW. And yet the last time I went to the 'rents I was hit (waking my hungover dad up, and mom wasn't much better before him) so that my feet came off the floor and I didn't land until after I bounced off the wall. Therefore, I wasn't going to wake them up again. But it was after 10 AM and if they weren't getting up now, then when? As a hungry 5-year-old, I wasn't willing to be patient about it.

So I considered it (I think my natal 3H cardinal air stellium combined with my fiery 5H stellium made me especially creative, particularly on initiating a new project, and my 4H Scorpio Jupiter probably encouraged me to evolve through family dysfunction) and realized the first problem was reaching the cereal. So I grabbed a chair, then a spatula, and then add a large wooden spoon so I could pry out a box of Cheerios with the spatula, and the rest after that was cakewalk.

As I ate the cereal, a warm feeling filled me of "I can do it myself!" And after that I'd always been independent, wanting to do things on my own, and I had this feeling (no doubt Sag, especially Sag moon, helped) that no matter how messed up the world of adults was around me, I could manage on my own. I even took to fantasizing about living by myself (like Pippi Longstocking, a soon to be favorite character of mine). In the theories of EE, I had achieved "industry over inferiority" in my psychological development.

Now the reason I mentioned this...perhaps that's why, more than my sign. What if, instead of succeeding, I had fallen off the chair, and perhaps even fractured my arm? What if I had instead tried to cook eggs and started a fire? Perhaps I'd have instead developed "inferiority" and not felt that I could it myself...and in turn become clingy to others, feeling that without them I was doomed!

That's disturbing to think about, especially as I imagine it would be difficult in the extreme to overcome that as an adult.

posted February 22, 2016 11:35 AM            

Well, everyone experiences love and companionship in different ways. For some people, it’s about sharing ideals and ideas, for some it’s about having someone who understands them, accepts them unconditionally, for some it’s about simply being there, etc.

In love, we are our most vulnerable selves. A normally independent, ‘together’ person may do a complete 180 and be needy, clingy, possessive in love. IMO, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It depends on both people. If the partner is not the type to want too much companionship (if I’m with such a person), I can definitely dial it back and give them their space. We all need it. However, this tone can be set once both are secure in their love, and have felt each other out well enough.

I won’t even attempt to define ‘love’. But I can tell you that part of it (to me), is, to be a witness to the other person’s life. If I ask about their day, or how they feel today etc., it’s not because I’m suspicious of who they were with. Or any other form of insecurity. It’s because I genuinely want to know. To picture them, going about their life. To vicariously re-live their day. To see what they saw, through their eyes. To feel what they felt, throughout the day. Love is not just in the fireworks of infatuation, it’s in the mundane details of everyday life too. Someone who really loves you, will not just be interested in the sparkly, jazzy bits of you. They’ll be equally invested in the little things about you. Companionship is not just having someone to go to the movies with, it’s about having someone to experience life’s ups and downs with you.

When you break it down to its simplest, life is after all, a string of moments. When you have a beloved, you want most of those moments to be with them, in body or in spirit. (As for me, if I’m in love with someone, they’re in my thoughts all the time anyway, so it’s just a matter of bothersome logistics.)

And btw, none of this is because this is my sole priority. I work most of my waking hours. And I’m sort of an insomniac, so those are a lot of hours. Not because it’s my bread and butter, but because I really love my job. My career is very important to me – actually, it’s an extension of me. I understand being busy. Hell, I am busy. Though I don’t usually make a big fuss about it. Time is all we have. And time is fleeting. It’s not about being busy per se. It’s about priorities. I absolutely understand work commitments. But, when push comes to shove, there should be someone who’s willing to drop everything for you. There are people whom I can drop everything for. Even if what they need me for, is just a conversation. If you care enough about someone to make them your priority, it shows how much they mean to you.

To sum it up, the reasons for ‘neediness’, or whatever we choose to call it, stem from a certain kind of love. In some cases, they may also stem from personal insecurities – but that’s not the only category.