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Author
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Topic: Cancer moods - how does it work?
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misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 01:24 PM
  
It's my first time dating a cancer and I upset him.In fairness I definitely think I had a good reason to get angry at him, but I flew off the handle Scorpio style. He apologised at first but then he withdrew and he's now sulking at me. How do the cancer moods work? Does it last long? What helps them out of it? I did apologise for flying off the handling, but he was really cold. He's going through a very hard time right now with a lot going on - but as I said I had a reasonable cause for getting really angry. IP: Logged |
Elysia
Knowflake Posts: 2150
From: Gotham
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 01:43 PM
It'll blow over... So far, I've seen the best thing to do is just ride it out.. And be extra-gentle in the meantime.  He'll get that you're feeling bad about upsetting him and he'll snap out of it. Approach #2 that works (for Cancers with earth & air moons): A simple talking through, basically *you* have to broach the subject and address it - they probably won't..(in this case, 'hey, sorry I didn't mean to say *whatever-you-said*, I was just really really cross you know'). When they sense you're sincere about it, the mood passes, and they're their loony selves again. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 01:47 PM
Thanks Elysiayou know with me, if I am upset what I really want is the person to talk to me about it, tease me a little, make me laugh and I come out of it in about two seconds flat. He's a sulker! He told me that in our first conversation. I never know what to do when people sulk. He's Gemini moon and he does like to talk about stuff usually but the timing is really bad in his life, he was just bereaved and is really down already. Yes, I know that makes me sound bad for shouting at him - but to put it into a context, we talk every day and he turned his phone off for four days without explaining and I was genuinely, truly worried he wasn't okay. So, you know, I only lost my cool out of concern and the whole rest of the time I have been really supportive and understanding. I just thought he was hurt or in jail or sick or something because he has never gone off grid before. IP: Logged |
Elysia
Knowflake Posts: 2150
From: Gotham
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 02:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by misspriss:
Thanks Elysiayou know with me, if I am upset what I really want is the person to talk to me about it, tease me a little, make me laugh and I come out of it in about two seconds flat. He's a sulker! He told me that in our first conversation. I never know what to do when people sulk. He's Gemini moon and he does like to talk about stuff usually but the timing is really bad in his life, he was just bereaved and is really down already. Yes, I know that makes me sound bad for shouting at him - but to put it into a context, we talk every day and he turned his phone off for four days without explaining and I was genuinely, truly worried he wasn't okay. So, you know, I only lost my cool out of concern and the whole rest of the time I have been really supportive and understanding. I just thought he was hurt or in jail or sick or something because he has never gone off grid before.
I know what you mean... It can be frightening to have that happen, and not know if they're okay.. Don't worry too much about having lost your temper.. It shows you care. With some of 'em, jollying them out of it works - but either way, they do need to be reassured by you... So, do talk, it'll break the ice.. I'm sure it'll be fine..  I'm a sulker too. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 02:21 PM
I would do the cheer up thing if we were in person, but hard via text.I did send him a picture message of me dressed up in something silly to try and make him laugh, and he replied "you are so beautiful", so I guess he;s not raging mad or anything. But not speaking to me much. Not sure how much is the bereavement. His mother died a couple of weeks ago and his father a couple of weeks before that so it's been about as bad as it gets and really tragic for him. Hard always to know what to say- but yes - I got mad because I care and thought he was hurt. ". IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3991
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted April 27, 2016 02:34 PM
Leave him alone. Trust me on this!Sincerely, Cancer Sun, Venus, Mercury IP: Logged |
Gundahar
Knowflake Posts: 58
From: Moon
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 02:38 PM
Cancer with Gemini Moon right here Its complicated with people like us. Depends on the gravity of the situation, the mood we were in before it started, phase of the moon, if it hits a sensitive chord, if it triggers other issues too.
I swear, we are so complicated that sometimes we dont understand ourselves
As complicated as we are, we snap out of it with a decent amout of affection and caring.
For me atleast, I dont like you to be all over me like heeey heeey its going to be okaaaay, many hugs and kisses, sticky like that. A sincere smile/kiss/hug, a pat on the back, a few positive words and giving me space its the best way to get me going.
It depends alot how the other planets/houses influence him. But mainly, just go mild with him at first, try all possible aproaches, you'll see wich one works the best
Wishing you both a journey filled with happiness and joy IP: Logged |
Vajra
Knowflake Posts: 1738
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 27, 2016 03:09 PM
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misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 03:20 PM
Thanks Guys. Really helping to know I am probably best to go with leaving him alone and being a little sweet. I did already sincerely apologise but maybe it was just too much for him to argue with me at such a timeThis is his chart:  Up until that argument, we literally just got on so well and he was just so sweet and nice and affectionate so this is my first experience of the sulk! To me, ignoring someone or being a bit cold means I don't like them anymore. So I find coping with the sulk pretty hard.
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Gracha
Knowflake Posts: 328
From: NY USA
Registered: Jan 2013
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posted April 27, 2016 03:27 PM
Hi Misspriss,Give him time and hopefully he will come around. Have you met him in person or? I'm just wondering because he's lost both parents within a two week span recently. Maybe I'm too suspicious of people but if you don't know him in real life, I'd take what he says with a grain of salt and turning the phone off for 4 days is a big no no. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 03:35 PM
Hey GrachaYes we have, also met his friends and stuff so it's all fine on that front and no worries there. What happened was incredibly tragic. Just really sad but I think his Mother was just so broken hearted from his Dad's passing that she kind of died of a broken heart. they loved each other to the moon and back. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 03:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Vajra:
If he's one of the more "aware" ones, he could even be withdrawing from you right now to protect you from his own gloominess and foul mood/irritability/depression (yes, some crabs actually realize what a bad effect their moods can have on others )
Thank you V. This si what he said. "I don't want to inflict my moods on you. Considering what he has been through he has just been so sweet to me. He wanted to talk to me every day despite what happened, and when he was feeling really down he would send me a message to say he was sorry but he wasn't feeling good and not to think it was any reflection on how he felt about me. Two weeks ago he told me that he felt he had found the woman he was going to grow old with, so, you know...he's not playing hard to get or anything. He;'s direct and letting me know he wants me and sees it being a permanent relationship BUT he does withdraw when he is having a bad day. The four days silence was so unlike him and so unexpected and I just was so scared by about day three that I was Googling to see if there were accidents or anything in the news! you know, like I was seriously worried. I will try and give him the time and space he needs. I am not very good at it, but I will try. I also want to reassure him that I really care about how he is feeling. It's hard to know what to do or say. IP: Logged |
Vajra
Knowflake Posts: 1738
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 27, 2016 03:58 PM
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margym0o
Knowflake Posts: 796
From: Canada
Registered: Jul 2014
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posted April 27, 2016 04:00 PM
I reiterate what has been said and that is I think his behaviour has more to do with his overwhelming grief and less to do with his Sun sign, though being a Cancer certainly doesn't help. I can't imagine ANY Sun sign just bouncing back from something like this. Everybody grieves in different ways, and shutting down emotionally and not wanting to communicate is just one of them. It's probably going to take him a while to recover from this one. Actually, I don't think anyone actually "recovers" from something like this, you just learn how to live the new "normal" and his new normal is life without his parents. My advice is to focus less on how his sign is affecting his moods and just be a sympathetic and supportive partner during this difficult time, however his needs you. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 04:37 PM
I never really know whether to send him a brief check in message every day, or whether to leave him alone during this "withdrawn" time?IP: Logged |
Vajra
Knowflake Posts: 1738
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 27, 2016 05:22 PM
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misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 27, 2016 05:58 PM
Ok thank you.I will send him a message tonight just to say something nice and will then leave it for a few days and see if / when he comes back -but if I at least let him know in a message that I am here then he will know I haven't forgotten him. Thank you everyone. IP: Logged |
Vajra
Knowflake Posts: 1738
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 27, 2016 06:28 PM
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Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 3530
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted April 28, 2016 09:20 AM
I am one of the moodiest people I know. I think my Moods begin when I regurgitate stuff from the past. And usually I need time alone when like this. You yourself can't "do" anything to jolt them out of those periods. But what you can do is leave them to deal with their emotions until they are ready to talk. Don't ever make yourself responsible for how they feel. Or feel responsible for how unhappy they can get. The Cancer got themselves all moody. The Cancer will get itself out. IP: Logged |
DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 3126
From: MBTI - INTJ -- Enneagram - 5w6
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted April 28, 2016 09:23 AM
How long?
That depends on the severity.
I have one angry with me for four years now.
I think of them like elephants. Not in a physical sense obviously but like it's said about elephants, they never forget. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 28, 2016 12:33 PM
Thanks everybody, you're advice worked really well and I sent a message in the right tone without trying to talk about what happened but just telling him I was here and also just a silly story. He replied that he really missed me and that I made him smile so easily.So I think all good now. I will give him a bit of space to feel a bit stronger and better. IP: Logged |
misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 191
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted April 28, 2016 12:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
The Cancer got themselves all moody. The Cancer will get itself out.
That is great advice. This will be my first time dealing with someone "moody", so I will keep that advice as my motto and just let him figure himself out. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 69097
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted April 28, 2016 12:40 PM
Cancer Moon and Mars.If we care for you, we hurt deeply, so if you hurt us, say you are sorry and mean it lol To me, if someone means nothing to me, I don't care if they insult me lol If we are just moody for no reason, we will come to our senses in time xxx ------------------
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llewsacm
Knowflake Posts: 629
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted April 28, 2016 09:44 PM
The north node transit squared his natal NN in the 4th a couple weeks back. I'm curious about this transit and the death of both his parents. Very eerie. Hang in there...give him room to grieve. He's crawled into his shell and will pop back out when he's ready. IP: Logged |
colorful butterfly
Knowflake Posts: 536
From: Durham north carolina usa
Registered: May 2015
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posted April 28, 2016 10:15 PM
I'm a cancer with a libra moon, gemini mars and venus. I get over things usually in a day or a few hours. Alot of the time depending on what happened, a sincere apology with understanding does it, a hug or two. I do need time to cool off a little and think things out. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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