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Author
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Topic: What is this Libra guy playing at? So many mixed signals
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boop 84
Newflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 30, 2016 09:19 AM
  
Hello Everybody,So I was dating this Libra for a couple of months, it was an instant connection and he couldn't get enough of me and the feeling was mutual. Then in the space of a day he went from really hot to being distant and withdrawn. We kept on chatting and kept things light but it was like he put a wall up and wouldn't commit to making any plans. I asked him directly if he wanted to date or if he wanted to be friends. He said he wanted to be just friends...for now. I said that was fine I was happy to be friends. Now normally when this sort of thing happens you give the situation so space but he texted me the next day, if I have to give the just friends talk I give the situation some space before I contact them. Never text the day and normally not for a couple of weeks. 9 times out of 10 it's him texting me first, we still talk almost everyday and they seem to be getting a bit more flirtatious. He was talking about getting into some of the same hobbies as me and that he was getting really enjoying to them. It just kinda feels that he's trying to keep the connection open but at the same time still insisting that we stay friends. It's left me in a place where I want to be friends with him but not if he's going to play with my emotions. He just keeps talking about how busy he is and how his weeks are going to fly by. What do you guys think? Plying games or actually just trying to work out how he feels? And what the hell is friends for now? IP: Logged |
bonsai
Knowflake Posts: 204
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 09:54 AM
Hard to say. My first thought was that there's someone else who he's more interested in and is focusing on them, but he's not entirely indifferent towards you and wants to keep a hold on you in case things fall through with the other woman. But because things haven't fallen through yet, he's not letting you get too close by saying things like how he's really busy, but at the same time he keeps you hanging on by reminding you that he exists by sending you flirtatious messages. Maybe that's what he means by friends for now. I'm far from 100% sure though. Regardless, he's not giving you his full self, so don't give him your full self either. Reply if you feel you must, but convey distance. Never be second best for anyone ever, and show him that.IP: Logged |
boop 84
Newflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 30, 2016 10:06 AM
I think you're right about that! I'm not willing to be second place to anyone but the question is, do I tell him outright to leave me alone or just ignore him? I've asked him for space before but he just keeps messaging me. I like hearing from him but not if it's just about games IP: Logged |
bonsai
Knowflake Posts: 204
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 10:15 AM
quote:
Originally posted by boop 84:
I think you're right about that! I'm not willing to be second place to anyone but the question is, do I tell him outright to leave me alone or just ignore him? I've asked him for space before but he just keeps messaging me. I like hearing from him but not if it's just about games
If you've asked him for space before and he ignored it, then he's showing a lack of respect for your wishes there, so either you can reiterate more firmly that you want your space, or if your heart's not in it to be that forward (and I wouldn't blame you if it's not, I'd find it hard) then either ignore him flat out or take a while to respond to his messages (like respond the next day), and give disinterested responses, then maybe he might get the hint. You could say things like "Sorry, forgot to reply. *enter something short*". Ironically, this COULD make him more interested in you, but you never know how these things play out. At the end of the day, don't make yourself too readily available, which, of course is easier said than done when you really like someone. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 3656
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 10:21 AM
Ah, the Libra game...been there and done that. They seem to do this when someone, or something else, pops up and they can't make up their minds. They want you but then that might present problems over there...which might present problems over here...which....which...and if..... but that.....or maybe.......You get the drill. IP: Logged |
boop 84
Newflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 30, 2016 10:48 AM
I've done the whole wait a few hours/days and he just responds straight away regardless, I never have to wait for a response.I kinda feel like i need to tell him actually I'm not okay with being friends cause he hasn't treated me with any respect. There are so many amazing things happening in my life right now, feel like it's time to clear out the negativity IP: Logged |
boop 84
Newflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 30, 2016 10:57 AM
Should I just call him out on his butter on last time?IP: Logged |
sarahhm
Knowflake Posts: 487
From:
Registered: Sep 2015
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posted April 30, 2016 11:15 AM
quote:
Originally posted by boop 84:
Should I just call him out on his butter on last time?
just don't. honestly. just patch him. delete him cause if you reply - you'll look 'crazy' cause he's set himself up a nice cozy situation where he has plausible deniability. with the 'be friends' he's made himself bulletproof so if you get mad he can just say that you're making **** up and he was 'just treating you like a friend' and if you go 'well you text me __ ___ and ___ and you're acting like ___ ___ __' he can just again say he does that with all his friends. then you'll get more mad - react more.. look more crazy.. he gets to sit back and enjoy the attention.. the cycle continues... you're in a no win situation. just delete him and take a step to moving on. disappearing and blocking is the only way to win at this. responding = losing + giving him ammunition to say you're 'crazy' IP: Logged |
boop 84
Newflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted April 30, 2016 11:39 AM
You know what you are absolutely right!If he cared one little bit he wouldn't have treated me this way. As my granddad always said 'where's your pride'? IP: Logged |
Desiring Shadows
Knowflake Posts: 3750
From: UNITED STATES, BABY
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 03:32 PM
I'm a Libra Venus which means I do my love relationships as a Libra would
And basically it's hard being with a Libra because like Virgos they want the bestBasically
What I have noticed is that I don't really fall in love with someone unless I like the facts about them OR unless theirs a mental connection and I feel like I know them as a person and they get me So basically he feels like he doesn't know you
And he wants the best
So you can be friends with him and show him how great of a catch you are
And if things progress, they do
And if not just let it go There's many other Libras. TRUST ME  IP: Logged |
Desiring Shadows
Knowflake Posts: 3750
From: UNITED STATES, BABY
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 03:34 PM
But yeah besides the Libra mind games which I just solved for youIt does sound like there is another girl Sucks IP: Logged |
bonsai
Knowflake Posts: 204
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 07:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by sarahhm:
just don't. honestly. just patch him. delete himcause if you reply - you'll look 'crazy' cause he's set himself up a nice cozy situation where he has plausible deniability. with the 'be friends' he's made himself bulletproof so if you get mad he can just say that you're making **** up and he was 'just treating you like a friend' and if you go 'well you text me __ ___ and ___ and you're acting like ___ ___ __' he can just again say he does that with all his friends. then you'll get more mad - react more.. look more crazy.. he gets to sit back and enjoy the attention.. the cycle continues... you're in a no win situation. just delete him and take a step to moving on. disappearing and blocking is the only way to win at this. responding = losing + giving him ammunition to say you're 'crazy'
Good points. I guess he's not getting the hint with the non-committal responses. You don't want to give him the upper hand. There are some people who have this nasty habit of turning things back on you and acting all innocent when they know exactly what they're doing. I knew one personally like that and he was rather disgusting. And he has no right to do that to you as he's the one playing you. You don't owe him any explanations. Sorry, took a while to reply, as I ended up going to sleep cause I live in a time zone that's vastly different to most on here . IP: Logged |
missblyss
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: neverneverland
Registered: Oct 2015
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posted April 30, 2016 08:23 PM
Am I the only one who thinks he is doing nothing wrong? I mean, what if he is just being honest? Maybe he takes a little bit longer for *deep* feelings to develop and he wants to keep thins a bit more casual until he is absolutely sure? In that case, isn't it respectful of him to be honest with you about it? There are plenty of guys who want to be your man in one day, but then will just as easily break up with you a day later... If he is treating you with kindness and respect in your interactions, give him the benefit of the doubt! If you aren't even together and you are already assuming the worst, this relationship is doomed anyways! I mean, don't be oblivious, but don't make something out of nothing either!IP: Logged |
sarahhm
Knowflake Posts: 487
From:
Registered: Sep 2015
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posted April 30, 2016 08:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by missblyss:
Am I the only one who thinks he is doing nothing wrong? I mean, what if he is just being honest? Maybe he takes a little bit longer for *deep* feelings to develop and he wants to keep thins a bit more casual until he is absolutely sure? In that case, isn't it respectful of him to be honest with you about it? There are plenty of guys who want to be your man in one day, but then will just as easily break up with you a day later... If he is treating you with kindness and respect in your interactions, give him the benefit of the doubt! If you aren't even together and you are already assuming the worst, this relationship is doomed anyways! I mean, don't be oblivious, but don't make something out of nothing either!
good point. i think it comes down to what kinda person you want and yourself as well. i know for myself, if a guy was doing the mix signals, keeping it casual thing.. it signifies to me that he doesn't know what he wants. he's just fishing and then sitting back and seeing whats the best catch. he doesn't have a criteria, he doesn't have a future partnership in mind and he's not as relationship minded as id like. he's just kicking the ball around. he doesn't know what kind of person he wants so he can't say 'yes, you're for me' or 'no you're not'.. it's one thing to do the friends thing and then make the move but in this scenario he's made the moves and now he's backing away then coming back then backing away. so for me, as hard as it will be, i'd back away because i personally want a man who can say 'yes, i want ___, ___, ___ and you are/are not that' so yeah, personal tastes IP: Logged |
bonsai
Knowflake Posts: 204
From: another place, another time
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 30, 2016 11:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by missblyss:
Am I the only one who thinks he is doing nothing wrong? I mean, what if he is just being honest? Maybe he takes a little bit longer for *deep* feelings to develop and he wants to keep thins a bit more casual until he is absolutely sure? In that case, isn't it respectful of him to be honest with you about it? There are plenty of guys who want to be your man in one day, but then will just as easily break up with you a day later... If he is treating you with kindness and respect in your interactions, give him the benefit of the doubt! If you aren't even together and you are already assuming the worst, this relationship is doomed anyways! I mean, don't be oblivious, but don't make something out of nothing either!
Doesn't matter what it is, bottom line is he's sending boop mixed signals, which is the source of her confusion, which is why she's on here to begin with to get things clarified. Until he makes things clear for her she should protect herself and continue doing her own thing. She's not harming herself, she's certainly not harming him, and there is no relationship to ruin because there hasn't been one to begin with. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 7872
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted April 30, 2016 11:47 PM
Since you don't want to ask him what he means and intends (and telling him you don't understand his behavior if he just wants to be friends), and/or you can't see guys as friends (only casual acquaintances at most, not to be mistaken for actual friends as some do), then just cut him out. Don't try to explain it to him because either he's playing a game and he'll be ready for it with his next move already prepared (he's probably impatient that you haven't yet so that he can move on to the next phase), or he has such a radically different way of seeing the world (and with no intent to "play with your emotions") that you two won't be able to communicate anyway, and he'll just end up thinking you are the one playing games or otherwise being manipulative by saying you accept friendship when you don't. In either case, a clean break with no explanation seems the best course.IP: Logged |
Hon Solo
Knowflake Posts: 39
From:
Registered: Apr 2016
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posted May 01, 2016 04:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by bonsai:
Doesn't matter what it is, bottom line is he's sending boop mixed signals, which is the source of her confusion, which is why she's on here to begin with to get things clarified. Until he makes things clear for her she should protect herself and continue doing her own thing. She's not harming herself, she's certainly not harming him, and there is no relationship to ruin because there hasn't been one to begin with.
I also think this, a fairly rational approach, would be the est solution right now. It's not easy when you're a little or a little more caught up in feelings already. You're not knee deep in this alredy, so now is a good place to reflect all this, and act accordingly. I'd also cut it off for now. What's the situation if he gets back at you? I don't know, but that's not to be pondered over right now.
IP: Logged |
boop 84
Newflake Posts: 15
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted May 01, 2016 07:26 AM
Wow, thank you all so much for your responses , I don't think I've seen so much online kindness in a long time!In a way you're all right and after a good nights sleep (which always helps) the simple facts are these: 1) He has never been unkind or horrible to me, that's not him as a person. 2) I can only see the situation from my own perspective, at this point I don't know what the full picture is 3) He is only confusing me cause I'm placing to much importance on the situation Short term, yes I do like him but this situation has shown me that I still don't actually know him...by staying friends and actually finding out who he is is going to be the only way I'll know if my feelings are real or just a crush. My intuition is telling that he still has a part to play, so for now I'm just going to go and live my life. I can't worry about something I have no control over and accept that whatever happens. IP: Logged |
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