posted June 28, 2016 04:03 PM            

Mistakes of past generations affect several future ones.

I just want to say that it bothers me to read in this thread that children are blamed for the poor relationships they have with their parents. Let's get something straight here:

It is never the child's fault for the cr@ppy relationship you have with him or her!

Children are sponges, they absorb information from their immediate environment and then act accordingly to get their needs met (safety, food, warmth, love, appreciation, attention). If they develop an attitude growing up it's because of the messages they received when they were little (such as respect your parents by default - not fair, respect is earned, not imposed; if you want your child to respect you, earn their respect by respecting them, yelling won't do it; children learn by example from you).

I understand there is no bigger tragedy for a parent than admitting they screwed up. But if you really want to fix your relationship with your kids, own up to your mistakes. If your child cannot tell you what her problem is with you, it's either because she feels a) she can't trust you; b) you wouldn't make the effort to put yourself in her shoes and actually understand her; c) you'd belittle the matter, which is clearly important to her (you are upset about that?! it's so silly!); d) she's afraid of your reaction and the possible consequences - anger, cutting her off etc; e) you wouldn't make an effort to fix the situation anyway / your concern is not genuine, you're just asking to invade her inner thoughts as a means to control her.

I probably left some out.

Point is, the parent holds the vast majority of the responsibility for their relationship with their kids. You're the adult, the wiser one, you should know better. You can't blame your kid for what you lacked (patience, time, affection, attention, genuine interest), sorry but it's all on you. Don't wash your hands by saying "my kid is rude, my kid is manipulative, my kid is difficult". Here's the ugly truth: their behaviour is a mirror of yours. If your kid is giving you attitude you're doing something wrong. You, not them.

I am sorry that I must sound harsh here, parenting is a delicate subject for me. I myself am a product of very incorrect parenting and all around me I see people who were screwed in their childhoods. I pay the price for their mistakes each and every day, each time I can't say no or procrastinate or cannot express my anger or cannot form a healthy friendship or relationship, or when I am terrified out of my brains by the prospect of becoming a mother myself.

Ann, I am sure you tried to be a good mother, I have absolutely no doubt about that. I also think NONE of us have had perfect parents to set as examples for our parenting, most of us have had difficult relationships with them and we carry those issues with our children. Often times they are unconscious and we are unaware of how much we hurt those we care the most for. In this thread I've only heard your version of the story and it is quite likely her version is different. Even though you're her mother, you don't actually know what's best for her, what her needs or wants truly are - you can only assume. If you want to know for sure, stop assuming, ask her and really listen. If she doesn't want to tell you verbally, her body language probably shouts; she also most likely confides in a close friend (hopefully!), you might get clues there.

If you want to improve your relationship with your daughter, the astrology will not help much. What will help, though:

1. Stop assuming
2. Stop judging
3. Be present, LISTEN / observe
4. Love.

I wish you the best of luck! Despite my harsh tone, I am actually glad and quite impressed that you want to understand and improve your relationship with your daughter. I don't see many parents willing to go on that journey because the prospect that they could have done something wrong to their kids is overwhelming. That's too bad, actually, because it would mean so much to us to see our parent undress the "parental armor" and express genuine remorse for their contribution to the misunderstandings and the hurt and alienation it caused us.

posted June 28, 2016 09:06 PM            

I think he cried because he was connected to me and could feel my sadness(edit: wasn't going to be boring and say Id been to the doctor, but I had. Several). I remember when he was about 18 months, I was talking to my uncle who was my best friend before he passed. I started to talk about the early days when my son was born. I started to tell him that "I had regrets". My uncle shut me up before I could finish. if you hold on to regret, you cannot grab hold of possibility and the future. You don't need that, and he doesn't need that. I never took my uncles word lightly and have lived by them ever since. Being self aware, correcting wrong action, saying sorry and changing has nothing to do with holding on to old baggage that serves no good.

My mother also expressed much regret when I was young. She didn't realize that the way she said things made me feel unwanted...

Now, let me tell you, from the Chiron/Moon perspective what I would like to see my mother do. I would like to see her live her life...when I call her I want her to be happy to hear from me, but I want to be interrupting her in something that makes her happy, rather than get the eerie feeling that she's been waiting by the phone for my call... I would like to see her create a space (arms width in length) and occupy that space without feeling apologetic for doing so. My mother is disrespected by my other siblings (because we're dysfunctional). I wish none of us could get away with this- not because she argumentative but because she is comfortable doing whatever she's doing and is fine with making mistakes. I wish she were just comfortable being herself. We'd all sense it and respect and admire her for it. This is all my very personal experience, but I'm in the habit of doing my best to share what I experienced. Maybe someone can relate- like Mergoatsun 😊

posted June 28, 2016 09:39 PM            

So as a parent of an adult child you have to know that yes you may need to talk about some things, but letting go of regret is precisely the thing that allows you to be fearless and honest about your mistakes, talk about them with your daughter, and then let them go too.