posted August 05, 2016 01:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Selenite:
This is totally what I had a problem with, with my friend. I consider that to be 'dwelling,' which is fine, but in that case, it would be better to say that you don't actually want any advice, so i can know in advance not to try to help and be deemed unsympathetic because i don't want to be an enabler. :/
I felt like, nothing i said was good enough, and i had to actually take on her pain for her to be satisfied. well, i refuse! wish she would have let me help her help herself.

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@Selenite: To chime in, for watery people they don't want advice and don't want "help". Well at least for me. Don't give advice, unless you are specifically asked to.
Just listening and being there is helping and good enough. To me, giving unsolicited advice is one of the most annoying & offensive thing someone can do; especially when I am pouring my heart & soul out to someone. To me giving unsolicited advice is like you telling me to shut up, suck it up and pretty much are saying that I am too stupid & emotional to help myself.

Listening & providing a comfortable space for someone to freely express their emotional self doesn't make someone an enabler (agreeing and nodding your head does). It makes someone empathetic and allows for more understanding. People want to be heard, not silenced and put in a corner/on timeout. The end of a conversation should leave the other person clear enough to come to the solution by his or herself.

posted August 05, 2016 01:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:
Just listening and being there is helping and good enough. To me, giving unsolicited advice is one of the most annoying & offensive thing someone can do; especially when I am pouring my heart & soul out to someone. To me giving unsolicited advice is like you telling me to shut up, suck it up and pretty much are saying that I am too stupid & emotional to help myself.

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Wow, this is so spot on it's ridiculous. I always feel like this when I'm in an emotional state.

posted August 05, 2016 02:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieMG:
It's hard. My Moon is in Capri (8th) so I tend to repress everything, I don't like feeling vulnerable so I try to hide as much as I can, even from my dearest ones. I also tend to focus on work more than I should (Saturn in the 6).
That's the most unhealthy thing to do, plus people think I'm cold and egoist for not caring (when in reality I'm dying inside). I started therapy a month ago and is really helping me to be more open about my feelings. I also have the Sun opposing the Moon so I always feel full of contradictions...

I also have SUN/MOON square Pluto (in Scorpio), and totally gets you!

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OHHHH MYYY GOSSHH!!! I totally get what you are saying!!!! I have Scorpio Moon and I got freakin' Saturn squaring it and it's like I have this cycle that goes like this:
repression, repression, repression *tears* repression *tears* repression *tears*; inner turmoil repression DON'T F WITH ME. I feel guilty. I NEED YOU. I SHOWED YOU TOO MUCH...repression, repression, repression ....

I also got Saturn in the 6th House. SMH. Talking does help like A LOT. Moon's in my 3rd House and I am about that life!!!

posted August 05, 2016 10:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:
...Do you think there a way around talking it out? Like different, nonhuman way to talking it out.

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On one hand I think human contact (face to face) is essential so the presence of the other can bring you down to earth and pull you away from your tunnel vision. But I suppose there could be methods to use *yourself* as the other person. For example you could write down your thoughts and then read them back to yourself, you could record yourself speaking and then watch/listen to it back.

One trick I do that is kind of childish is I pretend to be in a movie. I make up a scenario in my head and then I do everything that is considered “unacceptable” – cry, scream, roll on the floor (jk lol) as if I’m acting out a character. This works wonders if I’m having one of those baseless “water moments” where I just need to blow off steam but when there’s an actual real problem that’s facing me usually I prefer talking about it with someone.

@Gemini30

Noo, don’t say that! Don’t despair, differences can become strengths.

quote:

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What is considered SYMPATHETIC advice to you?

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To be completely honest advice is advice – it is a proposed solution to a problem. There really is no such thing as sympathetic and unsympathetic advice as it is not something emotional. What I meant to say in my post was that water dominants PERSIVE it as an unsympathetic response.

The truth is …. (air and earth dominants brace yourselves) highly-sensitive people do not want to hear solutions, especially when they are in the highest point of an emotional crisis. They need comfort, security and something that appeals to their heart not their head. This is where the incompatibility with all other elements comes into play – this is something other elements do not understand and some don’t even respect.

It is illogical to Air.
It is impractical to Earth.
And it is weak-willed to Fire.

When a water dominant is in a state of crisis they are in a state of vulnerability and (to put it crudely) you kind of have to be their mother and hold their hand. You have to present yourself with an open heart without judgment and give them some emotional ailment until they are stable enough to use their head again and THEN it’s time for advice. People go advice first and water dominants get even more upset or angry because they feel invalidated or threatened.

Just imagine their emotional wound is an actual psychical wound. First you have to stop the bleeding and soothe it and then tell them how to stop getting cut.

You can do this by – letting them pour their heart out, reaching out to hold their hand (one person did this to me and it was surprisingly comforting), hugging them, telling them reassuring words like “I’m here for you”, “You’re safe”, etc. etc. even those stock phrases like “It’s gonna be alright”. This warmth is the “first aid” for an emotional wound.

All of this of course depending on how intense the situation is.

Air dominants don’t necessarily have to FEEL what the water dominants feel but they can use their intellect to analyze the situation and, having the WD’s nature in mind, decide what’s appropriate to say and do at the moment.

@Selenite

I think a lot (if not all) problems between people come from miscommunication. People look at and experience the world in different ways and often reject the ways that are not their own.

Dealing with water dominants (and all other elements) would go smoother if people just had in mind the nature and point of view of the other person. They don’t need to internalize it and make it their own, just recognize it and realize it is just as valid as their own.

posted August 05, 2016 11:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:

Just listening and being there is helping and good enough. To me, giving unsolicited advice is one of the most annoying & offensive thing someone can do; especially when I am pouring my heart & soul out to someone. To me giving unsolicited advice is like you telling me to shut up, suck it up and pretty much are saying that I am too stupid & emotional to help myself.

Listening & providing a comfortable space for someone to freely express their emotional self doesn't make someone an enabler (agreeing and nodding your head does). It makes someone empathetic and allows for more understanding. People want to be heard, not silenced and put in a corner/on timeout. The end of a conversation should leave the other person clear enough to come to the solution by his or herself.

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((( )))

posted August 05, 2016 11:12 AM            

Cancer - embrace it - cry
The individual survival urge, handle it alone, know it will pass. The moon cycle, it will come around again, you can become a master at dealing with emotions when you share them, a survivor, don't give up. (Opposite Capricorn - independence won't work)

Pisces - escape - dream, booze, drugs, fantasy
The social survival urge, misery loves company. Neptune, accept it, and imagine a solution. Join a support group. (Opposite Virgo - worrying about perfection won't work)

posted August 05, 2016 11:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meyray:
Personally I isolate and focus my attention on some kind of imaginary escapism - through Internet, movies, music etc.

Talking to people and letting it out is a great relief but it is a tremendous double-edged sword. Finding the right person to talk to is a difficult task because [as a water dominant] you're looking for an empathetic outlet and most people are not good at that at all - at worst they judge you or laugh off your problem as nonsense, at best they give you cold unsympathetic advice that, even if it's true and they mean best, leaves you feeling misunderstood and your pain unsoothed.

I hate impulsiveness though and I never engage in self-destructive or quick fix behavior. (but this is Saturn talking)

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THIS! All of this. 100%. I self-soothe by "zoning out" and doing something mindless like watching Youtube videos. I have no other vices really (not a smoker or drinker or drug user) so this is how I process and relieve my (emotional) stress. Having Saturnian influence myself I think plays a part in this. I don't really look to "escape."

I agree that while I sometimes feel the need to vent it out, I rarely find a sympathetic audience for the reasons you've described. Most people just aren't good at handling other people's emotion, let alone their own.

I tend to keep it bottled up until it's BRIMMING over or I can't hide it anymore and only then will I selectively disclose certain feelings and only to certain people.

posted August 05, 2016 12:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:
@Selenite: To chime in, for watery people they don't want advice and don't want "help". Well at least for me. Don't give advice, unless you are specifically asked to.
Just listening and being there is helping and good enough. To me, giving unsolicited advice is one of the most annoying & offensive thing someone can do; especially when I am pouring my heart & soul out to someone. To me giving unsolicited advice is like you telling me to shut up, suck it up and pretty much are saying that I am too stupid & emotional to help myself.

Listening & providing a comfortable space for someone to freely express their emotional self doesn't make someone an enabler (agreeing and nodding your head does). It makes someone empathetic and allows for more understanding. People want to be heard, not silenced and put in a corner/on timeout. The end of a conversation should leave the other person clear enough to come to the solution by his or herself.

I am curious what are your placements? Are you a mixture of air and earth? Random but are you a guy?

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posted August 05, 2016 02:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:
OHHHH MYYY GOSSHH!!! I totally get what you are saying!!!! I have Scorpio Moon and I got freakin' Saturn squaring it and it's like I have this cycle that goes like this:
repression, repression, repression *tears* repression *tears* repression *tears*; inner turmoil repression DON'T F WITH ME. I feel guilty. I NEED YOU. I SHOWED YOU TOO MUCH...repression, repression, repression ....

I also got Saturn in the 6th House. SMH. Talking does help like A LOT. Moon's in my 3rd House and I am about that life!!!

Random but I know lots of Cap moons through out my life and I LOVE THEM. I know random and weird. But they are the moon sign I connect to the most.

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Agree! Cappy moons are amazing!

I have a Scorpio moon as well and I have actually only dated earth moons (before even knowing anything about astrology!). My mom, dad and brother are all earth moons too. It must be because I feel comfortable with this energy that I attract them so often.

As a Scorpio Moon, I would rate them...

Cappy
Virgo/Taurus

The last two being tied because obviously while Taurus opposes my moon, Taurus is my 8th house co-ruler and so I have this love/hate thing going on. I love their warm, sensual nature but their stubbornness is annoying sometimes. Virgo I find to be a little critical and probing but at least they are willing to talk about their feelings (which as a Gem sun I appreciate).

posted August 05, 2016 03:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:
OHHHH MYYY GOSSHH!!! I totally get what you are saying!!!! I have Scorpio Moon and I got freakin' Saturn squaring it and it's like I have this cycle that goes like this:
repression, repression, repression *tears* repression *tears* repression *tears*; inner turmoil repression DON'T F WITH ME. I feel guilty. I NEED YOU. I SHOWED YOU TOO MUCH...repression, repression, repression ....

I also got Saturn in the 6th House. SMH. Talking does help like A LOT. Moon's in my 3rd House and I am about that life!!!

Random but I know lots of Cap moons through out my life and I LOVE THEM. I know random and weird. But they are the moon sign I connect to the most.

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Yes, that's me too. I have what I call *controlled explosions* because even in my darkest moments, my mind is trying to hide as much as it can.
I really feel that therapy is helping me, say some things out loud in front of another human being, in a secure environment, is a true relief, but as soon as I put a foot outside my psychologist's office, I revise every word I said and mentally scold myself for saying too much, that haunts me for two or three days, until the next appointment.
I have a lot of work to do on this matter, but I truly recommend therapy to anyone dealing with the same issues..

I think my Capri Moon and Saturn influence have some good traits, I know I'm a resilient, strong person. My Virgo Venus makes me awkward comforting people, I tend to focus on showing my support through acts rather than words or hugs...

posted August 05, 2016 08:50 PM            

When it gets too much, I have to talk to someone I trust. I found its the only way I can release it. Almost feels likegiving it away to them.

posted August 08, 2016 12:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by meyray:
To be completely honest advice is advice – it is a proposed solution to a problem. There really is no such thing as sympathetic and unsympathetic advice as it is not something emotional. What I meant to say in my post was that water dominants PERSIVE it as an unsympathetic response.

[b]The truth is …. (air and earth dominants brace yourselves) highly-sensitive people do not want to hear solutions, especially when they are in the highest point of an emotional crisis. They need comfort, security and something that appeals to their heart not their head. This is where the incompatibility with all other elements comes into play – this is something other elements do not understand and some don’t even respect.

It is illogical to Air.
It is impractical to Earth.
And it is weak-willed to Fire.

When a water dominant is in a state of crisis they are in a state of vulnerability and (to put it crudely) you kind of have to be their mother and hold their hand. You have to present yourself with an open heart without judgment and give them some emotional ailment until they are stable enough to use their head again and THEN it’s time for advice. People go advice first and water dominants get even more upset or angry because they feel invalidated or threatened.

Just imagine their emotional wound is an actual psychical wound. First you have to stop the bleeding and soothe it and then tell them how to stop getting cut.

You can do this by – letting them pour their heart out, reaching out to hold their hand (one person did this to me and it was surprisingly comforting), hugging them, telling them reassuring words like “I’m here for you”, “You’re safe”, etc. etc. even those stock phrases like “It’s gonna be alright”. This warmth is the “first aid” for an emotional wound.

All of this of course depending on how intense the situation is.

Air dominants don’t necessarily have to FEEL what the water dominants feel but they can use their intellect to analyze the situation and, having the WD’s nature in mind, decide what’s appropriate to say and do at the moment.

@Selenite

I think a lot (if not all) problems between people come from miscommunication. People look at and experience the world in different ways and often reject the ways that are not their own.

Dealing with water dominants (and all other elements) would go smoother if people just had in mind the nature and point of view of the other person. They don’t need to internalize it and make it their own, just recognize it and realize it is just as valid as their own.

[/B]

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posted August 08, 2016 12:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
Cancer in my many experiences with that energy, they cry.
Pisces forgives after they cry in private.
Scorpio may cry in private while plotting revenge.

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posted August 08, 2016 12:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSurvivor:
Water signs:

Cancer - embrace it - cry
The individual survival urge, handle it alone, know it will pass. The moon cycle, it will come around again, you can become a master at dealing with emotions when you share them, a survivor, don't give up. (Opposite Capricorn - independence won't work)

Pisces - escape - dream, booze, drugs, fantasy
The social survival urge, misery loves company. Neptune, accept it, and imagine a solution. Join a support group. (Opposite Virgo - worrying about perfection won't work)

Scorpio - work - sex - create
Family dynamic, creativity - focus on what you want and go get it. Workaholic. Trusting and sharing, merging resources, emotional and physical will ease the pain. (Opposite Taurus- possessiveness and stubbornness won't work)

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posted August 08, 2016 01:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Selenite:
Hmm, I see what you're saying, and usually I am one to do that. But I couldn't take it anymore after a certain point. I think my experience was with someone who didn't take into account that I wasn't like her at all, and didn't know how to deal with it (in the way she wanted). I have Sag Sun / Mercury, Aries Moon, Leo Rising, Scorpio Venus and Virgo Mars. (No air), and, girl.

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I get it, you can't help that... oftentimes you don't choose your friends or their placements. Damn you are fiery. I am fiery too and I consider myself well-balanced but I am still freakin' watery and it's so annoying. You do have Scorpio Venus so you can kinda sympathize. Was she a cancer? .... No offense to Cancers but they can be hella moody/needy sometimes.

posted August 08, 2016 01:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by margym0o:

But Cappy...LOVE! Their nature is like those cute videos in which a dog just lays there, all relaxed and tolerant while an annoying baby or fellow animal jumps all over them or tugs on their ears...the Scorpio moon being that annoying baby or animal! I find they are the calmest and most willing to "weather the storm" with an out-of-control Scorpio mooner (in my experience). They'll just sit there and patiently listen while you vent and just be that "presence" while not necessarily interfering or giving advice. Sure they can be a little dry but sometimes you need that balance.

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posted August 08, 2016 01:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Koniucha:
I am also water dominant. And I have moon square Pluto, which is very intense.

When it gets too much, I have to talk to someone I trust. I found its the only way I can release it. Almost feels likegiving it away to them.

Perhaps that is my Moon-Mercury?

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posted August 08, 2016 01:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by @lycat74:
To everyone:

If you do vent/talk it out with someone:
Who do you vent to? Does your astrology show this?
Which sign/placements do you vent with?
Which dominate (air, water, or fire?) do you get along with the most at your moments of emotion/need?

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If I do vent with someone, it's usually a close friend whom I've trusted enough to share personal details with, and have had experience with so that I know they won't upset me when I'm in need of venting. Typically the elements I get along with best in these situations are Water and Earth. I am repulsed by fire dominants when it gets like this; often they make things seem trivial when I talk to them, as in, "Oh, that happens all the time, don't worry about it," or, "You're just going through a phase." It is truly frustrating. They also end up saying the wrong things and making it worse in my experience.

Air would be my second least. They can understand a little bit better, but they just don't seem as comforting to be around in such a situation as Earth or Water, water being the most comforting. However, I will admit that I haven't had much experience with venting with super strong air people, as most air people I've met have some sort of strong water placement. With earth, if they may not know, at least they'll try to understand.

posted August 08, 2016 03:06 AM            

I cry. Even when I'm angry, I get angry tears.