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Author
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Topic: Fighting Suicidal Thoughts
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misspriss
Knowflake Posts: 183
From: London
Registered: Nov 2015
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posted August 09, 2016 02:28 PM
  
Love to those feeling the pain of the world. It can definitely be like that, and some souls are more sensitive than others.I do think all of us suffer to some degree, but some do it longer and harder and feel things deeper. Whenever you feel REALLY low, try and remember that your capacity to feel lower than most people is likely to also mean you have the capacity to feel joy more than most. the most beautiful souls feel more pain xxx IP: Logged |
yungang_grotto
Knowflake Posts: 3109
From: intimate sky dot net
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 09, 2016 02:32 PM
Radium, would you be willing to post your natal chart with transits around the outside? I am guessing there might be some activity with your twelfth house... or yes, you mention Pisces there... so we see with Pisces and twelfth house themes dominating the life:the letting go of past patterns for a new order to arise, the seeing of falseness, the undoing of self... which makes us feel so downtrodden we can sometimes barely function, our sensitivity is so great, and we tend to consider our every action as ego and everybody else's as completely false as well, or void of meaning if not tacitly infused with spirit (you probably have a Mercury signature which requires the balance of Virgo, to see how every day life is sacred, not only the explicit but the.implicit as well... that which knows ALL things are sacred, even the disease.... and feel like total annihilation of everything is the only answer... but at the core of every experience is something, an undercurrent... if we tap into reality, if we want to.do that... we plug into the main force and see the light and life which is underpinning it all and radiating everywhere. We're looking into the rising Sun in the twelfth, so the Sun as Ego is the only thing shielding us from perceiving everything Crystal clear. However the Sun also transcends itself here... the time of year that the actual Sun is transiting your twelfth is a fascinating time to watch year after year.... a time of sacred re adjustment, to see how your unawareness as ego self of your own transcendental beauty is actually a doorway into the infinite cosmos... and you tend to be born anew shortly thereafter, ready for the next chapter... I'm just guessing here, you could have totally other transits going on here and I'm interested to know.. if you're interested in exploring them here? Just sort of started daydreaming about transits to the twelfth lol... IP: Logged |
yungang_grotto
Knowflake Posts: 3109
From: intimate sky dot net
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 09, 2016 02:45 PM
" I hate the concept of school or anything that feeds our poisonous government. I really do hate them. I even hate the idea of work. Because to me the only real work is that of which we benefit nature. Or primal, spiritual work. Doctors, Farmers and Artists make sense to me because they heal, inspire and feed the world. "You are not wrong. It sounds like you're not in the kind of environment you need to be. Get out of the monetary system. Farm. Make art. Go off grid. Find a community that works for you and start living the way you want to live. Let go of all material ambition and let life flow. Follow your musical passion.... don't be so hard on yourself, You as Individual Ego barely even exist! And that which does exist wants to die, within this sick world and paradigm and all the lies. BUtyou seeing lies is only the flip side of the truth. The truth is that you're awesome, and you know exactly what's going on And like any reasonable person you are depressed about the superficiality, vanity and corruption of our world... something like that... I'm not sending my kid to school. I'm moving out to the land which has a saloon to.play music in, and houses and hands and friends and forest. You know what you need already, your life just isn't providing it.that isn't your fault and it isn't really life's fault, it just is the way that it is... so.look at it squarely and accept it. Aalll of it, the things about yourself that you hate, the things about everybody... accept the hatred. Just let it all go through you like a tidal wave until you're left with the pulsing of the surf and the clarity of morning, or whenever... you can be a channel for the spirit of the world IP: Logged |
Radium
Knowflake Posts: 65
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted August 09, 2016 05:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
" I hate the concept of school or anything that feeds our poisonous government. I really do hate them. I even hate the idea of work. Because to me the only real work is that of which we benefit nature. Or primal, spiritual work. Doctors, Farmers and Artists make sense to me because they heal, inspire and feed the world. "You are not wrong. It sounds like you're not in the kind of environment you need to be. Get out of the monetary system. Farm. Make art. Go off grid. Find a community that works for you and start living the way you want to live. Let go of all material ambition and let life flow. Follow your musical passion....
Man! Oh my god! Thank you for the insightful words! You KNOW what's up!!
I would be glad to post my chart for you my friend. Especially not being in the right environment.. I was in a car wreck 2 months ago and my whole life plan was thwarted. Now I'm living with one of my mom's friends on the west coast and she is a very generous woman but I feel like more of a liability being here than anything. Her son which is one of my close friends I haven't seen since I was 13 now I'm 21. Now me and him are not as close. We used to be super super cool. He just graduated trade school and making good money but the fact that he knows and she knows I don't want to go to school I think bothers them unconsciously. I know what I want to do in my life and I know school is not a factor in it. They just want me to be a slave even if they don't mean to come off this way. I'm an awakened individual so I can see through it all. I know his mom still likes me and believes in me but I know that I must act quick before things begin to grow weary. I just want a job so I can move on with my life. I've never had such bad luck job hunting. I think his mom has deep feelings for me because she tends to do some of the things I do and when I'm playing my guitar and singing she's very chill about it. But I don't want to be stagnant and she talked to me the other day about getting stable (She's a Taurus). I told her I still have work to do and plan on moving back to Arizona in a couple of months. I believe she wants me to go but wants me to stay at the same time, its pretty weird.
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Condoowit
Knowflake Posts: 96
From:
Registered: Apr 2014
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posted August 09, 2016 09:01 PM
Radium, nobody can tell you how to feel because only you know the full extent of the emotions that overtake you. But those of us who have a different chart and/or different life experiences can still empathize. I attempted suicide when I was 17 because of a difficult home situation and my teenaged perception that it was hopeless. I'm glad I failed. Nearly 30 years later, I can say that you never know what twists and turns the future brings, some of them very positive. My personal feeling is that if I had succeeded in my attempt, I would not have even come close to achieving my purpose here on Earth. I feel that I am definitely on that path now, and it's a very satisfying feeling. I am here to serve others in a healing capacity and I am here to participate in what I believe is an unprecedented turn in human history. I agree that things NOW look as bleak as they could possibly get. I believe that humanity has for eons been in the grips of malevolent beings who created our society to be empty, depressing, meaningless, horrifying, and dangerous. And have maintained us as emotional and economic slaves. Sometimes I hate the fact that eleven years ago I thought to bring a child into this world. It's so flipping sad these days. But then I remember that I truly believe we are on our way to a better Earth and a better way of life. You can call me a Pollyana, but I think (based on sources I find to be legitimate, and lots and lots of research) that the rule of those who don't have our best interests at heart, is screeching towards an end. I do think there will be chaos until a new world is established. And we will all have to be incredibly strong in the interim. Radium, I am sure that we all have a purpose here and I think perhaps your sensitivity primes you for a particular purpose which has not yet been revealed to you. It will come, in time. I would urge you to hang in there, even though depression can be debilitating. I would urge you to meditate, if you don't already. I have found it to be a worthwhile practice, even five minutes a day. I can recommend an energy healing modality called Angelic Reiki, of which I am a practitioner. I know quite a few others. We have a closed FB group in which we send distant healing to those who ask for it, if there is urgency to the request. I can recommend that you have a look at what are referred to as the Divine Healing Codes. These are posted on a website created and run by a woman called "Reiki Doc". It's too long for me to explain, and there's no need, because she posts the entire explanation, instructions, and codes for many conditions, including depression. If you're not into any of the above (and I have encountered many who think such things are a sin) I would say, please hang on, don't ask me why, just trust me, a total stranger who made it to age 46 and can honestly say she is happy with her life. IP: Logged |
yungang_grotto
Knowflake Posts: 3109
From: intimate sky dot net
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 09, 2016 09:02 PM
Sounds like a pretty karmic thing with her... There is a benefit for you in being there, so try to feel as much gratitude as you can and focus on the positive. Dint beat yourself up... if you KNOW your plan is right, and you can see how it will be achievable based on the foundations you've laid down, then by all means, rest back in that knowing and do not let other people's insecurities inform your actions. But do consider their input, the fact that she's a Taurus and has an understanding of the benefits of security is something that can be really good for you, if you can expand your worldview and your understanding of yourself to encompass that reality. When we have a solid base if operations we actually have more freedom. Whether that solid base is rooted in your unwavering awareness of your true Self, or material, whatever. But in this case it sounds like you've been struggling with finances and doing something which feels right for you and you need to take stock of the absolutely undeniable fact that you NEED to get your affairs in order. Saturn transiting your second house.(mine too! Our angles are widely conjunct, you and I). And I know how hard Saturn in the 2nd is, but I would advise reading all you can about this transit and taking these matters seriously for a time. it isn't unspiritual to value your body, to ascertain your firm base of operations, to take stock of your resources and improve your situation by amassing more of a solid base. I know for us with Sag on the 2nd we operate on faith, and ujst want enough money to be able to enjoy life and share with our friends, but this isn't working so well with Saturn there, he is pointing out the obvious gaps and actually preventing a worse disaster. It would be really hard to have this transit as young as you are, and with not much fall back.So remember you can take your time and do what feels right, from the heart, when it's right. Communicate with the people around you as openly and honestly as you can about your deep motivations for doing things. The Descendant in Taurus shows there's a particular need to access the lessons of that sign and integrate them... Saturn in your 2nd merely reinforces this. I would advise listening to the people who care about you. Venus is ruler of both your 12th and 7th, and they.have things to teach which will help reveal you to yourself... IP: Logged |
yungang_grotto
Knowflake Posts: 3109
From: intimate sky dot net
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 09, 2016 09:08 PM
Finding the right environment for you though, which doesn't overly depend on others, is totally key. So what I said should be taken in the context of your north node conjunct ascendant in Scorpio. Understand that the solid base of help from others who have their affairs very much in order is a part of your South Node signature and not merely to be dispensed with, but appreciated, integrated, and worked with for the benefits it provides.However you know for yourself that a deep union with the world based on your strong feelings and passions is achievable through creating your own ideal environment rather than pandering to the needs and opinions of others... so there's that. You need to try to find the balance. Not depend too much on others, nor be possessive or be possessed, but rather actually merge with them... subtle difference, Taurus owns, Scorpio becomes/shares... so community living where you are empowered to be yourself and create your own environment and reality, even building your own house, anything which gives you a bit of control and creative opportunity to feel the full range of human emotions (not only the "practical" ones) will of course be good. IP: Logged |
yungang_grotto
Knowflake Posts: 3109
From: intimate sky dot net
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted August 09, 2016 09:10 PM
I do not push intentional community on everyone (well I try not to push at all!), but for some reason it keeps coming up in my mind for you, I guess based on what you said and now seeing your chart... it could be really good for you.IP: Logged |
LaughingQuiet
Knowflake Posts: 81
From:
Registered: Jun 2016
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posted August 09, 2016 10:13 PM
Since I've been here on Lindaland, each time I've spotted a suicidal, depressed and anxious person's post my first paragraph is usually quite similar. But it is a necessary one for people in your predicament to read.Don't harm. Like everyone else, You are here for a reason. From what you have written myself and everyone here who are in any way spiritual can tell that your reason is probably in the creative, spiritual/humanitarian roles. You're young yet so there is plenty of time for you to figure out what that is. That reason may not be obvious to you yet. But if you disappear, who will be able to do what you are here to do (when you realise your life role(s))!? Even the smallest of potentials lead to bigger things. In death I'm going to bring the 8th house of astrology in here. Death can seem like the answer. but if it is the first answer on your mind then it probably is not THE answer for you. Perhaps it is the 'Death' of how you are thinking. If you follow what I have typed below, you can (with huge effort) release these thoughts and new ones could develop for you in time. Whether it be days, weeks, months or years. Something will change. Don't let your personal depth put you off of this part of your journey.
Sometimes you just have to let the thoughts and emotions flow through you. Easier said than done for most people. But it can (and has) been done by many. Give yourself a chance to join them in that learned skill. Go to a park where there is a pond / lake or a beach and throw / skip pebbles into the water. Imagine the pebbles are your 'heavy' thoughts. Release them one by one, safely. Imagine their weightiness gradually being lifted from your mind and shoulders. Breathe deeply after each throw to ground yourself.
It can be tough. People naturally want to control how they are feeling. Trying to control them would just cause you more angst. I don't have much more guidance to offer you. Except that playing calm, soothing relaxation music can be very good for you. It could cause you to want to cry or sit in silence and contemplate your life. That is ok. Find a place or a time of solitude to do this for up to an hour.
Here is one relaxation melody uploaded to YouTube by YellowBrickCinema: www.youtube.com/watchv=LpOwzzQyK70 IP: Logged |
Radium
Knowflake Posts: 65
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted August 10, 2016 12:13 AM
^^Thank you and everyone with your kind words. I hope this post also helped someone else in the long run. @Laughing
Yes you are so right I've noticed I really have a knack for the guitar. Even though I don't have the proper equipment yet. I have been playing for about 2 hard years now. I was feeling depressed again today and picked up my guitar and began writing/recoriding songs and instantly felt better. Im beginning to realize that music is the gateway to my freedom. Everytime I begin to "slip" I need to play some music or listen to some. That's my primary source of release and oh my lord it feels so surreal how quickly my mindset changes. I won't give up, and keep looking relentlessly until I find work. I will use this knowledge and sensitivity to make a better world.. And who knows maybe I'll be the next Kurt Cobain..  IP: Logged |
Brendan34
Knowflake Posts: 260
From: Albany, NY, USA
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 10, 2016 02:13 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
^  I agree with all of that. I didn't mean to judge social media but people can get sucked into it without really seeing it's an unconscious addiction more than a conscious choice. The whole point is to be conscious. I don't think it takes an ashram and meditation and crystals. It's quite simple and some people are naturally very conscious. Also I do see the blending of practical and spiritual... Like the way athletes can get into the zone by just being present and hyperalert to everything...almost supernaturally perceptive of how everything integrates: their muscles, the air or water resistance, their focus, all blending together. And well, like Alan Watts said: "Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes." I try not to think of that when I'm peeling potatoes. I try to just peel potatoes.  I should go, my Gemini/Pisces mix can really hog up a thread like this....
Excellent post. Couldn't say it any better Faith.
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LaughingQuiet
Knowflake Posts: 81
From:
Registered: Jun 2016
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posted August 10, 2016 09:08 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Radium:
^^Thank you and everyone with your kind words. I hope this post also helped someone else in the long run. @Laughing
Yes you are so right I've noticed I really have a knack for the guitar. Even though I don't have the proper equipment yet. I have been playing for about 2 hard years now. I was feeling depressed again today and picked up my guitar and began writing/recoriding songs and instantly felt better. Im beginning to realize that music is the gateway to my freedom. Everytime I begin to "slip" I need to play some music or listen to some. That's my primary source of release and oh my lord it feels so surreal how quickly my mindset changes. I won't give up, and keep looking relentlessly until I find work. I will use this knowledge and sensitivity to make a better world.. And who knows maybe I'll be the next Kurt Cobain..
Radium, I am glad that my advice has made a positive effect on you.
Keep playing that guitar of yours. IP: Logged |
nordicsoul
Knowflake Posts: 1183
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 10, 2016 09:25 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Well my heart goes out to everyone because we are all in same crappy world if you think of it. So much crap to focus on but also so much good. It's just that when you are suffering you are blinded by that and unable to see the good. Sometimes it takes something outside of yourself to open your eyes and set you on a new path. I don't mean to diminish the hardship of life whatsoever. But especially those of us who are older have suffered and recovered and know we are all more resilient than we give ourselves credit for, and life has all these amazing surprises that are worth sticking around for. Also I think you people are brilliant and exactly what the world needs to heal. Compassionate, visionary people who understand hardship but are still standing despite the pain, and functioning, and being relatable...rebelling against the standing order in whatever way you can...that's the medicine for this world.
I would add that people who suffers because of the way world function are needed to bring their vision to a new world. if all the people who want to heal the planet and make the best of it is going to commit suicide, who is going to remain? the bad guys? any time a feeling of despair comes because of a sense of futility, I invite these sensitive souls to think again what you can do to change things. there are ways a person can make the world better. is there anything you can do in your small circle? the more hopeless we feel, the more power we give to the ones we criticize so much. imagine how many people feel despair to the way the world is. can you imagine what would happen is all these people wanting a better world (but now hopeless) unite their intentions and commit themselves to not be put down by apparent dominant apparent circumstances? and become "actors" of change?
IP: Logged |
nordicsoul
Knowflake Posts: 1183
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 10, 2016 09:28 AM
quote:
Originally posted by DopGang:
Yes. I've been in this exact position for years and years. Very similar thoughts.
I could write a lengthy post about it. Maybe I will if I can get my thoughts in order. Right now I'm not even sure what to say exactly. In my case, I discovered that I don't need a big audience. I follow what I love. If it's trendy then so be it. If it's not, fine. I don't view the system as broken and I've come to realize that spiritual pursuits are not for everyone. My sister for example. It's pretty much too much for her to think about. She's very much about the physical world. Not in a shallow way but she enjoys making others happy that way. Taking grandkids on adventures, etc.
I've learned that the spiritual realm and physical realm blend together. They are not completely separate. One can and does affect the other.
I think this is something that Pisces, Neptune, 12th needs. A blending of them. To learn to do what's necessary to recharge us. If we don't take time out to escape, to be ourselves and do what we love, whether or not anyone else is aware, we can't have the strength to help others. Also realizing that what brings energy to us is not the same for all. Some thrive on being social and on social media. That's fine. I dabble here and there. I need solitude and that's ok too. Each of us has things that lift us, it's important to discover it and through discovering it, we can bond through joy. To know that my friends and family are truly happy regardless of what it takes (other than harm caused to them or others), so be it.
Yes, there are sad things in the world, but there are benefits that tie into those. (It could be worse - not just seeing what's broken, but what's not broken. We ourselves are both broken and beautiful) I don't know. It's like the whole thing is bigger than words, bigger than I can communicate. Maybe I didn't make sense. (Kind of have written a lengthy post.  )
Beautiful and realistic! IP: Logged |
nordicsoul
Knowflake Posts: 1183
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 10, 2016 09:30 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
Peel potatoes, kids. We can solve problems this way.
IP: Logged |
nordicsoul
Knowflake Posts: 1183
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 10, 2016 09:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I've been in a contemplative mood all day today, listening to calm/emotional music and now this... There's definitely so much beauty in this world.
Sometimes I feel like I am filled with love and I am not sure how to express it, it's just there. I want to say "I love you", to anyone, or anything. We're all just a big family... This post doesn't really add anything to the conversation, sorry.
of course it adds. i understand that the despair from the person who post (sorry forgot the name) was about the realization that the world is not about love as he believed it. you are just giving some hope IP: Logged |
nordicsoul
Knowflake Posts: 1183
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 10, 2016 09:44 AM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
I also let myself be down. In fact, when low I make myself even lower!! Depressing movies, depressing music and depressing everything. Once I reach "bottom" and have explorerd those feelings in depth; without fearing them, I re-surface. Transformed! Don't ever fear darkness, friend.
I would agree, but you need a strong ego before you can face darkness at its fullest. IP: Logged |
nordicsoul
Knowflake Posts: 1183
From:
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 10, 2016 09:48 AM
quote:
Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
(you probably have a Mercury signature which requires the balance of Virgo, to see how every day life is sacred, not only the explicit but the.implicit as well... that which knows ALL things are sacred, even the disease.... and feel like total annihilation of everything is the only answer... but at the core of every experience is something, an undercurrent... if we tap into reality, if we want to.do that... we plug into the main force and see the light and life which is underpinning it all and radiating everywhere. We're looking into the rising Sun in the twelfth, so the Sun as Ego is the only thing shielding us from perceiving everything Crystal clear. However the Sun also transcends itself here... the time of year that the actual Sun is transiting your twelfth is a fascinating time to watch year after year.... a time of sacred re adjustment, to see how your unawareness as ego self of your own transcendental beauty is actually a doorway into the infinite cosmos... and you tend to be born anew shortly thereafter, ready for the next chapter...I'm just guessing here, you could have totally other transits going on here and I'm interested to know.. if you're interested in exploring them here? Just sort of started daydreaming about transits to the twelfth lol...
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Kannon McAfee
Knowflake Posts: 1674
From: Portland, OR - USA
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 10, 2016 11:13 AM
Underneath suicidal thoughts you'll find poor self-worth, a long string of negative thoughts towards yourself, and often social isolation and emotional deprival. That's a lot to deal with all at once, but the only way to do it is to get healing that never allows such (suicidal) thoughts back in.I'm not speaking here in the theoretical, but as someone who has gone through this, and not that long ago (2004). I recovered with help of a person I never met face-to-face, but who did energy work with me at a distance of over 300 miles (by phone). This was my recovery -- to allow myself to be raised to a higher state of consciousness than what had created the fear, negative thinking, and damaged self-worth. I am not convinced that 'fighting' suicidal thoughts is the wise way to go. Look at what is behind them. They are not alien to you, but within you. They are the products of your consciousness and have a history, a lineage. In order to break the cycle that is handed down often generations, we have to see it and not take its inheritance. ------------------
The Declinations Guy
Rising Sign Descriptions | Expert rectification
♈ ♉ ♊ ♋ ♌ ♍ ♎ ♏ ♐ ♑ ♒ ♓ IP: Logged |
iQ
Moderator Posts: 4974
From: Lyra
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 10, 2016 11:56 AM
Radium,
The Neptune-Saturn affliction in the skies
is hitting hundreds of millions with heavily depressing thoughts.
Those with Neptune in 8th (especially Capricorn), those with Saturn in 6th (especially Saturn in Pisces), those who have Neptune opposition/ square/conjunct Saturn in charts, even those who have Draconic Saturn conjunct Natal Neptune or vice versa, all are really being hit hard.I recommend a heavy dose of visualizations to fight back, especially those where you see yourself creating a positive impact in the lives of those who genuinely need it.
This could open actual doors through Manifestaion of positive energy. ------------------
Astrology Articles New Services and short readings IP: Logged |
Kannon McAfee
Knowflake Posts: 1674
From: Portland, OR - USA
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 10, 2016 01:11 PM
Yes, what iQ said. Saturn's square with Neptune has hit lots of people's charts in a pretty stressful way. The difficulty is that we can feel simultaneously constrained by the supposed material 'reality' and unaware that it is our beliefs and habits of imaging reality that are actually working against us.------------------
The Declinations Guy
Rising Sign Descriptions | Expert rectification
♈ ♉ ♊ ♋ ♌ ♍ ♎ ♏ ♐ ♑ ♒ ♓ IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 18808
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 10, 2016 02:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Brendan34:
Excellent post. Couldn't say it any better Faith.
Thank you IP: Logged |
Isa
Knowflake Posts: 294
From:
Registered: Feb 2011
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posted August 10, 2016 05:02 PM
I don't want to kill myself, but if something happened out of the blue I wouldn't be so sad if it's all over. This year have been pretty hard for me.IP: Logged |
Electro DGX
Knowflake Posts: 1132
From: Plutanus/Uruno
Registered: Jul 2015
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posted August 10, 2016 05:06 PM
Wow iQ, that explains everything. I've got natal Aries Saturn in the 6th square Neptune in Aqua in the 3rd in my chart. Not to mention transit Neptune is already in a T-Square with my natal Moon and Pluto whilst T.Saturn is conjunct my natal Pluto and opposite my Moon. It makes sense now....Sorry to derail the thread. It was interesting seeing this identified though. ------------------
Scorpio Ascendant
Aquarius Sun in 4th
Gemini Moon in 8th
Check out my blog ya'll: www.electrodgxtalks.wordpress.com IP: Logged | |
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