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Author Topic:   Witholding sex from scorpio "bf"
incognito
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posted August 27, 2016 02:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for incognito     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What will happen if I do this???

Libra woman here. This scorpio man is really annoying me with make up break up drama. My cappy moon does not feel safe. I need stability. Therefore I am withholding sex. I'm still being nice, today he bought groceries and I cooked a nice dinner for us both. Not pulling back from kissing or touching, just not really into sex right now...not sure if I should invest in someone so unstable. He was late to dinner today and I warned him jokingly that if he is late he will get a punishment. He just left without sex...he tried and I refused smiling and telling him it was his punishment for being late..... What will happen? Any experiences? Also he keeps accusing me of flirting with other guys and I told him thats what normally happens when someone gets broken up with....MEEP

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Aries23Degrees
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posted August 27, 2016 09:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You playing games heh?

But do u not think it wiser just to be honest and tell him the truth? Because that may be far more productive and will clear the air on where he and u stand.

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Gabby
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posted August 27, 2016 10:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Id just be completely honest n tell him what you have told us. But ya, why give him sex until he earns your trust back? Let him work his way back into your heart by proving he can be stable before you jump back in the sac with him, tell him you dont want sex until he makes this right. Your not doing this to mess with his head, do it out of respect for your own needs.

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Orange
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posted August 27, 2016 10:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Orange     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Scorpios are the worst to play games with. They always win. The kings of all mind games. They dont like to be punished with an intent either, as if - in order to gain something back.

The best would have been if your withdrawal from sex was just an honest approach to the situation, not used as a tool.

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mereiposa
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posted August 27, 2016 10:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mereiposa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with the others- don't play. If you want to see something work out, talk it out. Be upfront.

I'm a Cap Moon, so I get the security issues. But it's better to know now if he's mature enough to handle these issues and work on them. If you start games, that's exactly how this relationship will continue. I feel that will only further contribute to the emotional insecurity for you and him both.

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PixieJane
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posted August 27, 2016 11:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I really hope you're not HOPING he'll react in an extreme way because not only is playing mind games with a Scorpio ill advised, the fantasy of provoking someone rarely, if ever, matches the reality.

That aside, it takes more than a sun to make a real guess about these things.

From my own perspective, he'll respect your boundaries and work hard to get things to back the way they were (which presumes that neither you nor he is playing head games), OR he'll show he has no respect for you in which case I (having self-respect and a spine) would dump him. It also depends on other factors. Here, the 7 symbols of a Scorpio, from worst to best (you'll have to decide which one fits your Mr. Scorpio best):
http://exemplore.com/astrology/The-7-Symbols-of-a-Scorpio

ETA: if this is the same Scorpio you talked about a few months ago or so then he's definitely low on the totem pole. You might want to reconsider where you meet guys in this case since it's such a pattern, and/or find the pattern within responsible, but that's all I feel like saying on it. It's not like you're doomed to relationships like this just because of your chart.

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hypatia238
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posted August 27, 2016 12:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hypatia238     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That is patronizing and you are treating him like a child which he will not like.

It would have been better to just show your vulnerable side and tell him you like him but don't feel safe right now sleeping with him bc you guys are fighting so much and you rather work more on your relationship bf resuming sex again. He would respect that.

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hypatia238
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posted August 27, 2016 01:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hypatia238     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If you want him to act more like an adult disarm him with showing vulnerability and authenticity and talk to him like an adult.

If you talk to him like a child he is more likely to react in a childish way or feel insulted and withdraw.

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BeholdAstarte
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posted August 27, 2016 01:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BeholdAstarte     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by incognito:
What will happen if I do this???

Libra woman here. This scorpio man is really annoying me with make up break up drama. My cappy moon does not feel safe. I need stability. Therefore I am withholding sex. I'm still being nice, today he bought groceries and I cooked a nice dinner for us both. Not pulling back from kissing or touching, just not really into sex right now...not sure if I should invest in someone so unstable. He was late to dinner today and I warned him jokingly that if he is late he will get a punishment. He just left without sex...he tried and I refused smiling and telling him it was his punishment for being late..... What will happen? Any experiences? Also he keeps accusing me of flirting with other guys and I told him thats what normally happens when someone gets broken up with....MEEP


Hmm, well for one, communicating your feelings of lack of stability and security in the relationship should be addressed otherwise how is he ever going to know? Finding passive aggressive ways to "punish" him doesn't really come across in the best way, or send the right message necessarily versus just speaking the truth.. Communication is KEY for not having misunderstandings.

Second, trying to control someone isnt healthy for any kind of bond between two people, regardless of sign, and playing games definitely will not end well with a Scorpio. I feel like games like that can go on for a little but if you really care about the relationship you might need to recheck your approach to how you want to be treated/treat others because being a Plutonian myself, when someone starts to play games I'll cut them out fast and not think twice or look back.

It sounds like there's control/insecurity issues within the relationship that aren't healthy for any kind of stability or comfort.. Suppose that's why there's so much to learn from each other on every level of experience. Atleast addressing where these things come from can bring growth.

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DopGang
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posted August 27, 2016 01:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DopGang     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just chiming in to say that I agree with the others.

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Starry~*
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posted August 27, 2016 02:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Starry~*     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi, I'm also a libra woman who's dated scorpio men before. Please don't do this. They see right through it. If you have something to say, say it in their face, atleast then they will respect you for being upfront. Also, do this as a way to ground and stick up for yourself too. Don't come across as defensive, just gently let him know how you've been feeling.

I'm dating a scorpio man now and I find that the more I open up and show my vulnerabilities, the more he likes it and appreciates it. Just my two cents.

I'm a Libra sun/moon/mars but heavy Scorpio (ASC/Venus/Merc/Pluto conj)

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incognito
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posted August 27, 2016 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for incognito     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was vulnerable and I cried in front of him a few times talking about some things that happened in my past. He later told me I was fake crying trying to manipulate him. I basically slowly closed off emotionally after that.

quote:
Originally posted by hypatia238:
If you want him to act more like an adult disarm him with showing vulnerability and authenticity and talk to him like an adult.

If you talk to him like a child he is more likely to react in a childish way or feel insulted and withdraw.



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incognito
Knowflake

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posted August 27, 2016 03:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for incognito     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've told him the truth. He keeps saying I'm manipulating him. I told him basically I'm no spring chicken and I just need things to move along more quickly....I stopped talking about it because I don't want to keep repeating myself. I just find myself naturally withdrawing from him...

quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
You playing games heh?

But do u not think it wiser just to be honest and tell him the truth? Because that may be far more productive and will clear the air on where he and u stand.



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incognito
Knowflake

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posted August 27, 2016 03:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for incognito     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
LOL yes it is the same guy. Thanks for that article. I think he must be a spider or scorpion lol....


quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I really hope you're not HOPING he'll react in an extreme way because not only is playing mind games with a Scorpio ill advised, the fantasy of provoking someone rarely, if ever, matches the reality.

That aside, it takes more than a sun to make a real guess about these things.

From my own perspective, he'll respect your boundaries and work hard to get things to back the way they were (which presumes that neither you nor he is playing head games), OR he'll show he has no respect for you in which case I (having self-respect and a spine) would dump him. It also depends on other factors. Here, the 7 symbols of a Scorpio, from worst to best (you'll have to decide which one fits your Mr. Scorpio best):
http://exemplore.com/astrology/The-7-Symbols-of-a-Scorpio

ETA: if this is the same Scorpio you talked about a few months ago or so then he's definitely low on the totem pole. You might want to reconsider where you meet guys in this case since it's such a pattern, and/or find the pattern within responsible, but that's all I feel like saying on it. It's not like you're doomed to relationships like this just because of your chart.



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incognito
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posted August 27, 2016 03:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for incognito     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thats true I might have treated him like a child a bit. But he seems very childish to me-Its hard to treat someone like an adult if they act like a child. I guess I don't really have faith in him so the relationship is not good anyway.

quote:
Originally posted by hypatia238:
That is patronizing and you are treating him like a child which he will not like.

It would have been better to just show your vulnerable side and tell him you like him but don't feel safe right now sleeping with him bc you guys are fighting so much and you rather work more on your relationship bf resuming sex again. He would respect that.


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Aries23Degrees
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posted August 27, 2016 03:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by incognito:
I've told him the truth. He keeps saying I'm manipulating him. I told him basically I'm no spring chicken and I just need things to move along more quickly....I stopped talking about it because I don't want to keep repeating myself. I just find myself naturally withdrawing from him

This is tough. Because you still care and want more. More than he can offer.

My proposal is to show him how serious you are by severing contact with him.

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scorpiogirl
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posted August 28, 2016 02:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for scorpiogirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by incognito:
What will happen if I do this???

Libra woman hequics rn is really annoying me with make up break up drama. My cappy moon does not feel safe. I need stability. Therefore I am withholding sex. I'm still being nice, today he bought groceries and I cooked a nice dinner for us both. Not pulling back from kissing or touching, just not really into sex right now...not sure if I should invest in someone so unstable. He was late to dinner today and I warned him jokingly that if he is late he will get a punishment. He just left without sex...he tried and I refused smiling and telling him it was his punishment for being late..... What will happen? Any experiences? Also he keeps accusing me of flirting with other guys and I told him thats what normally happens when someone gets broken up with....MEEP


I'll tell you what I'do if I were him. If my boyfriend purposefully withheld sex from me and told me it's my punishment I'd tell him "Oh, really?" and then I'd be gone like I'd never been there.
I'm not judging you. Scorpios are emotional people and many times the rules that apply to other people don't apply to them. They also have an ego and if they feel like someone is trying to control them or teach them a lesson they become enraged. Whether they're right or wrong.
It could be different with a guy. Maybe he'll be intrigued and he'll see it as a challenge. How long have you been together? Have you told him what's bothering you?

ETA: I just read the rest of your posts. It looks like he's very suspicious of you for some reason. And you say that he acts like a child. Maybe you should really think if he's worth it, especially since you want things to move quickly. Try and be completely honest with him about everything.

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girlwiththerainysoul
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posted August 28, 2016 09:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for girlwiththerainysoul     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
incognito, he seems like a typical scorpio man to me. I am friends with and have dated a couple of them (scorpio suns or ascendants).

scorpios are very late to trust and are almost always suspicious. due to their intenseness they also prefer to keep everybody even close ones at a certain distance. the truth is that you can never get a scorpio to fully trust you, because they don't even trust themselves.

the thing they all have in common, is that they test you many times before deciding whether they can trust you and if this relationship is worth their resources (time, money, feelings, etc).

but the great thing about them is that once you prove you have eyes only for them, they never leave and almost never cheat (unless they have strong neptune, pisces or afflicted mars, moon or venus) and sex with them is what sex really should be!

if you are a too free of a soul or in case you have close male friends with whom you refuse to break off, scorpio suns or ascendants aren't for you.

another thing, scorpios can never be controlled by sex like other signs could, because they are the kings and queens of self control and can go on years without needing sex (except for their pervert kind which needs therapy to be stopped from having sex to death!).

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erickaf
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posted August 28, 2016 09:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for erickaf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I agree with others. Don't come crying to us when he breaks up with you :-(.

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LunarRose
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posted August 28, 2016 11:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LunarRose     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ he's hardly the perfect catch. They've already broken up at least once before. He's either playing games himself or he doesn't know what he wants. He sounds very immature and he doesn't take her feelings seriously so maybe she is better off without him. I wouldn't want to be with someone who accused me of feigning emotions and consequently caused me to shut down my emotions in his presence.

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Doux Rêve
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posted August 28, 2016 02:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
^ This.

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colorful butterfly
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From: Durham north carolina usa
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posted August 28, 2016 08:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for colorful butterfly     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by incognito:
I was vulnerable and I cried in front of him a few times talking about some things that happened in my past. He later told me I was fake crying trying to manipulate him. I basically slowly closed off emotionally after that.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by hypatia238:
[b]If you want him to act more like an adult disarm him with showing vulnerability and authenticity and talk to him like an adult.

If you talk to him like a child he is more likely to react in a childish way or feel insulted and withdraw.


[/B][/QUOTE]


Hmmm.... could it be he uses emotions to manipulate others? Does he have a fear of being manipulated by you? Why would he think this? I would ask those questions to him and see what he says. Also what kind if man says crap like that would be my biggest question. My moon conjuncts pluto so my emotions can be intense, no one is ever going to be perfect or scripted but you can let him know it won't appricated and not to say things like that to you. Most men get it if they know it's a boundary/rule not to cross. It's not even about punishment or lessons, that's just being respectful that you have feelings and your a girl, like you squat when you pee. If he desires an emotionless relationship then hire a prostitute because it sounds like he has a perosnal problem. Better yet maybe he needs a man since he can't handle being with a chick!!! Omg!!! Ooooooo !!!!!!

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Condoowit
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posted August 29, 2016 08:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Condoowit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'd be outta there at the first accusation of faking tears. Total lack of respect and trust in the beginning equals worse disaster later on. You will never be emotionally safe with this man. Hashtag breakup.

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Astra
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posted August 29, 2016 08:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astra     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If he is accusing you of manipulating even after you told him the truth, then dump him. This guy is an emotional abuser. Cut ties with him. Tell him if that's what he thinks of you, then it's best for both of you to end the relationship. It's not healthy at all. You should've dumped him earlier when he accused you of manipulation after you told him a painful story about your past. He doesn't love you. Heck, he doesn't even like you as a friend.

I know it hurts to dump someone you love, but you have to do it for your own sanity. He will not get better with time. He isn't going to suddenly become loving and attentive. This man is not worth your time. He doesn't respect you even at the most basic level.

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yungang_grotto
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From: love lives forever
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posted August 29, 2016 12:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for yungang_grotto     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edit: oh... I hadn't read about him saying the thing about faking tears. It's good that this forum is here for support. It sounds like he does have some significant problems. Somebody will have to help him with those, whether it's you or somebody else down the road, at least that's my prayer. I wrote this before reading that bit:

This is all personal opinion until we see the charts... imo. I find it so much easier to comment when I've seen them.. until then it's so hard to say how it will actually affect him, what the karma is, whether power games are advisable, etc... sometimes those games can be constructive, help us learn, like wolf pups... in other relationships, they're absolutely disastrous. The fact that somebody is a Scorpio isn't really enough to have an astrological discussion. Just my two cents, sorry for being so militant about staying on topic/keeping it to do with astrology! ...I'm obsessed.

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