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Author
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Topic: Confronting A Cancerian
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thingsgoneby
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 11:35 AM
  
What happens if you confront a Cancer (Male). Can they take it? Will they sulk? Are they able to forgive and forget?(No need to quote the first post, but please do share your experiences  ) IP: Logged |
polkadotstars
Knowflake Posts: 883
From:
Registered: Feb 2015
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posted February 12, 2017 11:50 AM
You can confront them but do it so with keeping their feelings in mind. If they see that you are reaching out to their feelings first then they won't feel attacked. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 6215
From: Colorado
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted February 12, 2017 12:08 PM
No matter the sign is always good to confront people privately. IP: Logged |
thingsgoneby
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 12:15 PM
Thanks polkadots & hypatia! I was not thinking like some major scene, but more like, talk about something that bothered you in a way that might be perceived as somewhat confrontative. My image of Cancer Males is that they would have a hard time dealing with it. That the slightest suspicion that you want to "confront" them about just about anything would make them retreat and sulk ASAP, even if you try to be gentle. That's my general idea ...I'm Mercury ruled. My philosophy is that you should be able to communicate openly (but definitely with an undercurrent of respect and concern for the other person). I'm just not sure Cancers are like that, or if they shy away from those sort of discussions. IP: Logged |
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 3832
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted February 12, 2017 12:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hypatia238:
No matter the sign is always good to confront people privately.
 And its a very humbling experience for them  IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4159
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted February 12, 2017 01:00 PM
Confrontation? About what? Have I done something wrong? Are YOUR feelings hurt?IP: Logged |
thingsgoneby
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 01:09 PM
@charlieLol yea, I'm feeling really butthurt by your Cancerian behavior right now. Nooo. However, "confrontation" was perhaps too harsh of a word. Imagine a blend of discuss, mediate and confront. Just bringing up a sensitive issue in general, with the intent to solve it and make up. But, the road to getting there might be a bit bumpy and uncomfortable since there's that sensitive issue in the way. I mean, no one likes confrontation, I'm just getting that Cancers might be more reluctant than any other sign, and, that the outcome might be more catastrophic than constructive because they will retreat into their well-known hard shells instead of aiming at a solution that would feel good for both of the parties. If I "confront" someone it is 9/10 with the intention of reaching a better interpersonal atmosphere, while Cancers, perhaps, wouldn't perceive it that way. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4159
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted February 12, 2017 01:53 PM
quote:
Originally posted by thingsgoneby:
@charlieLol yea, I'm feeling really butthurt by your Cancerian behavior right now. Nooo. However, "confrontation" was perhaps too harsh of a word. Imagine a blend of discuss, mediate and confront. Just bringing up a sensitive issue in general, with the intent to solve it and make up. But, the road to getting there might be a bit bumpy and uncomfortable since there's that sensitive issue in the way. I mean, no one likes confrontation, I'm just getting that Cancers might be more reluctant than any other sign, and, that the outcome might be more catastrophic than constructive because they will retreat into their well-known hard shells instead of aiming at a solution that would feel good for both of the parties. If I "confront" someone it is 9/10 with the intention of reaching a better interpersonal atmosphere, while Cancers, perhaps, wouldn't perceive it that way.
If Cancer has made your relationship harder to sustain without a discussion to fix problem you should confront in private but be prepared for the exact opposite result. And that in itself is your answer. No one has time for butt-hurt feelings if a relationships (friendly or lovers) is going sideways. If you really care for this person, write a heartfelt letter. Handwritten. Lay low and wait. p.s. I am a Cancer Sun, Mercury, Venus. My Cap Moon will however, see your confrontation and raise you 2 others..  IP: Logged |
thingsgoneby
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 02:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
If Cancer has made your relationship harder to sustain without a discussion to fix problem you should confront in private but be prepared for the exact opposite result. And that in itself is your answer. No one has time for butt-hurt feelings if a relationships (friendly or lovers) is going sideways. If you really care for this person, write a heartfelt letter. Handwritten. Lay low and wait. p.s. I am a Cancer Sun, Mercury, Venus. My Cap Moon will however, see your confrontation and raise you 2 others..
Well, that's exactly the kind of (may I say immature without hurting your Cancerian feelings?) outcome I'm not aiming for when bringing up an issue. I want an adult, constructive, respectful and solution-oriented discussion about it instead. But this line kinda boils down my suspicions about the matter: "be prepared for the exact opposite result." Is that a Cancer thing? Could you elaborate?
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charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4159
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted February 12, 2017 02:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by thingsgoneby:
Well, that's exactly the kind of (may I say immature without hurting your Cancerian feelings?) outcome I'm not aiming for when bringing up an issue. I want an adult, constructive, respectful and solution-oriented discussion about it instead.But this line kinda boils down my suspicions about the matter: "be prepared for the exact opposite result." Is that a Cancer thing? Could you elaborate?
Just state your case in a grown-up way. If that doesn't go down well, what's the point? You did your best, correct? Unless you want to point out some serious personal flaws you can't accept? I have never understood why one should alter one's way of being and ways of seeing things out of fear of hurting someone else. It won't last in the long run. IP: Logged |
thingsgoneby
Knowflake Posts: 518
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 02:16 PM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
Just state your case in a grown-up way. If that doesn't go down well, what's the point? You did your best, correct? Unless you want to point out some serious personal flaws you can't accept? I have never understood why one should alter one's way of being and ways of seeing things out of fear of hurting someone else. It won't last in the long run.
Thank you. That's definitely good advice. I think you always should try to avoid being downright hurtful, but if that means keeping quiet about something that has been bothering you and has caused you a lot of hurt ... then yes, what's the point?
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hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 6215
From: Colorado
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted February 12, 2017 02:21 PM
Solution focused is the key! Start by giving compliments and mentioning the things that you like about them then follow up by using 'I statements' like 'it really hurt my feelings when you looked at me like that bc it made feel like you despise me' and then move along with discussing solutions like 'what can I do to help you correct this when you do it? , perhaps you are not aware that you do it and I want to feel good around you and us to get along.'
Something tells me you will do a good job. If in spite of you been very mindful of your approach they take it the wrong way give the cancer some time, they are softies and will come around even if initially they don't react in a mature manner. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 6215
From: Colorado
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted February 12, 2017 03:02 PM
I will add that cancers I feel although they may be defensive at first depending on the cancer and what sign they have on their moon, cancer been a cardinal water sign that rules emotions I feel they respect authenticity and someone who shows vulnerability and lets them know they are hurt and attempts to clear the air kindly and privately. I feel they would respond positively to an approach like that. IP: Logged |
Mergoatsun
Knowflake Posts: 984
From: USA Today
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted February 12, 2017 07:13 PM
I'm assuming you're talking about a Cancer sun? If so, I would learn their Moon and their Mars sign too because that shows their emotions and confrontation perspectives (Mars).
My dad is a Cancer sun, Leo Moon, Gemini Mars. He's better at confronting people than being confronted. He is very defensive and sensitive, and does hold grudges if the hurt is deep enough.My Cancer mars and Cancer rising man is bad at confrontation in general. He is extremely defensive, and very sensitive. He likes to avoid conflict, but he is forgiving and doesn't hold grudges. The house will be important for these signs as well, including aspects between the planets. ------------------
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace."
-Dalai Lama IP: Logged |
AutumnNight
Knowflake Posts: 227
From: United states
Registered: Mar 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 07:33 PM
I think you can only come to a conclusion knowing the chart of the person. Cancer energy when they socialize they hug the wall and watch people before entering the group. They protect their self and prepare their self. They are very careful who they socialize with and share their time with. My advice is to not just suddenly bring him to the side and confront him. My advice is send him a text and say "Hi later tonight (whenever) I would like to talk about [incident/issue] from [date issue occurred]. Please just first hear me out and I am open to an honest non-aggressive exchange of opinion/thoughts/feelings" Cancer signs of any kind don't like to be surprised without first being warned of a discussion or event occurring. If he tells you he doesn't want to have the discussion then you know he is not open to fixing out any issues and that doesn't matter what sign he is. Not everyone wants to work stuff out. IP: Logged |
Mergoatsun
Knowflake Posts: 984
From: USA Today
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted February 12, 2017 07:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by AutumnNight:
I think you can only come to a conclusion knowing the chart of the person. Cancer energy when they socialize they hug the wall and watch people before entering the group. They protect their self and prepare their self. They are very careful who they socialize with and share their time with. My advice is to not just suddenly bring him to the side and confront him. My advice is send him a text and say "Hi later tonight (whenever) I would like to talk about [incident/issue] from [date issue occurred]. Please just first hear me out and I am open to an honest non-aggressive exchange of opinion/thoughts/feelings" Cancer signs of any kind don't like to be surprised without first being warned of a discussion or event occurring. If he tells you he doesn't want to have the discussion then you know he is not open to fixing out any issues and that doesn't matter what sign he is. Not everyone wants to work stuff out.
This. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 6215
From: Colorado
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted February 12, 2017 08:00 PM
From my experience Cancers are social butterflies and tend to became friends with everyone, great social skills, now for them to consider someone a close friend that is when they are selective and even then I feel they are guarded and dont let you in all the way but I have come to understand and respect that.IP: Logged |
AutumnNight
Knowflake Posts: 227
From: United states
Registered: Mar 2016
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posted February 12, 2017 08:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hypatia238:
From my experience Cancers are social butterflies and tend to became friends with everyone, great social skills, now for them to consider someone a close friend that is when they are selective and even then I feel they are guarded and dont let you in all the way but I have come to understand and respect that.
They do have great social skills.. but they don't jump into any social group without first figuring out what type of people they are dealing with that is what makes them have great social skills. They gauge the situation and the personalities they are dealing with. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 6215
From: Colorado
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted February 12, 2017 10:55 PM
quote:
Originally posted by AutumnNight:
They do have great social skills.. but they don't jump into any social group without first figuring out what type of people they are dealing with that is what makes them have great social skills. They gauge the situation and the personalities they are dealing with.
Indeed. IP: Logged |
colorful butterfly
Knowflake Posts: 928
From: Durham north carolina usa
Registered: May 2015
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posted February 13, 2017 01:29 AM
I think it depends on the Cancer to be honest, all Cancers are sensitive but it also depends how the other placements in our charts form too. I prefer to be disarmed first vs someone coming straight at me. I also have a aggressive side so if I get backed in a corner I tend to come out swinging so to speak. I would look at the venus placements as well and see how this corrolates in his chart. I read that it is better to disarm me vs coming straight at me. Even then I think I would still be sensitive depending on what was said and current mood. IP: Logged |
colorful butterfly
Knowflake Posts: 928
From: Durham north carolina usa
Registered: May 2015
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posted February 13, 2017 01:30 AM
quote:
Originally posted by hypatia238:
No matter the sign is always good to confront people privately.
True!!! Nobody likes to be embarresed , egos\pride are surely to flair. IP: Logged |
colorful butterfly
Knowflake Posts: 928
From: Durham north carolina usa
Registered: May 2015
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posted February 13, 2017 01:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by thingsgoneby:
Well, that's exactly the kind of (may I say immature without hurting your Cancerian feelings?) outcome I'm not aiming for when bringing up an issue. I want an adult, constructive, respectful and solution-oriented discussion about it instead.But this line kinda boils down my suspicions about the matter: "be prepared for the exact opposite result." Is that a Cancer thing? Could you elaborate?
My chart is Mercury ruled as well and I have the same approach, to me it depends on the issue. I think in any delivery of critisim, issue , it may be best to deliver it with a positive note, issue, positive reinforcement. I do however think it also depends on the persons other placements as well.
IP: Logged |
Beautiful_Light
Knowflake Posts: 157
From:
Registered: Nov 2016
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posted February 13, 2017 10:40 AM
I confronted a Cancer guy last year. He denied, avoided the questions and just overall kept the truth from me. Probably out of shame.IP: Logged |
Voix_de_la_Mer
Moderator Posts: 2304
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted February 13, 2017 10:53 AM
I don't really think you *confront* a Cancerian, if you want a favourable outcome.
However, if you connect emotionally with them, you may reach an understanding.IP: Logged |
Belage
Knowflake Posts: 2576
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 13, 2017 11:12 AM
From my experience with both males and females, I don't think you can confront a person with significant Cancerian qualities in their chart, even privately. I mean you can confront them, but it will be a waste of time, they will not admit to any wrong doing. Like, EVER. Cancer truly has a blind spot regarding itself. Being water, Cancer may seem capable of deep communication and bonding, and you may get close as a friend or lover, but don't be fooled, there is only room for one underneath that shell. True bonding happens with Scorpio and Pisces. Scorpio because bonding requires the kind of death to the self that Scorpio is capable of understanding. Pisces because it has no boundaries. IP: Logged |
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