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Selenite
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From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 02, 2018 06:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry this is long and I haven't gotten back to the other thread. But they are related.

Lately I’ve been in this weird, reclusive state of being, just thinking a lot and trying to sort out what I really need to do in life, what I really believe. See the thing is, I moved to NYC, lived there for 5 years, and tried really hard to be ‘successful’ in terms of material things, status, etc. Then I moved away from everything, even farther than when I moved for school, and it finally hit me that I actually care about none of that. I just do not care at all to have a ‘name,’ to get this or that position, just none of it matters. Even my degree doesn’t matter to me. It’s been delayed because of some complication which I finally fixed, but the whole time I just didn’t care at all if I actually ever got the paper. I just felt free.

What I’ve realized is that I was working so hard at all of this largely because of other people. At first, I wanted my family to think highly of me. Then when I was in the city, I wanted people in the city to think highly of me, cuz that’s just what you gotta do if you want to survive there. Then when I met my boyfriend, I wanted him to think I was cool and always doing stuff, like him. Now that I’m here, none of that matters! None of those people are here (except my bf), nobody knows who they are over here, and I realized that my family will actually love me no matter what. That was huge. But, now to talk about the nodes.

I have south node in Taurus, in the 10th house. North node in Scorpio in the 4th, conjunct Venus, and Venus conjunct my IC. The NN ruler Pluto is in the 4th, conjunct Jupiter. And I realized last night that since it’s in the 4th, isn’t it kind of related to Cancer? And I have cancer in the 12th house, and moon in the 9th. So I think I FINALLY understand my nodes. I gain fulfillment from the 4th, but also the 9th and 12th houses!

And this is why I can’t shake the feeling that I would be happy if I never had to convince anyone that I’m worthy again, and just be a spiritual recluse living on a cloud and close to my family and long time friends. And whatever art I make is just because I love to make it. Sure I want to be part of a community but I don’t really NEED that, if I have to change myself so much for it. I also have BML in the 10th so I think I'll always be an outsider, anyway.

Now the question is, how do I get my Taurus sun boyfriend, (who also has South Node in the 10th, right on his MC -- BUT north node conjunct my moon in his 4th!) to not see this as a problem? He is actually concerned about me being so reclusive, wants me to get involved with something, sort of acts like a parent in that way. He just doesn’t see that for me, career and status and what you ‘produce’ for society is NOT all there is to life! Not even close! But to him it really is! He’s ‘concerned' about me, while I’ve never felt more in tune with life, just going to the beach every day alone and making weird videos.

Anyway I just wanted to encourage everyone to explore their NODES, especially if you’ve been having a hard time this past month!!! Go deep!! Because chances are you know the answers deep down. What is holding you back and what can you do?

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Randall
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posted February 03, 2018 06:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

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kirki
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posted February 03, 2018 07:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kirki     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes but sometimes south node is strong.My south node is in my 5th house conjucts my mercury which is very strong in my chart.My sun is also in 5th,while 11 th house is empty,so noth node there is alone.I ve seen charts where north node conjucts sun or other personal planets which i guess make it easier for them to follow n node path.My n node is in sagittarius ,my asc is sag so maybe finally ill get unstucked from my south node old patterns.

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Selenite
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Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 03, 2018 08:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by kirki:
Yes but sometimes south node is strong.My south node is in my 5th house conjucts my mercury which is very strong in my chart.My sun is also in 5th,while 11 th house is empty,so noth node there is alone.I ve seen charts where north node conjucts sun or other personal planets which i guess make it easier for them to follow n node path.My n node is in sagittarius ,my asc is sag so maybe finally ill get unstucked from my south node old patterns.

What do you feel like your south node patterns are?
I have NN conjunct Venus and the NN ruler in the same house as the NN, but I also have SN parallel ASC... so my personality goes against my growth haha

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kirki
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posted February 04, 2018 07:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kirki     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I guess south node in 5th is more self centered ,searching for fun and doesnt take life very seriously.In gemini it could mean situation gets even more superficial. North node in 11th should make me want participate in groups,be sociable and meet new people that help me develope myself and maybe others.I was never in any kind of group,i make new friends very very rarely and im actually very suspicious in any philanthropic movement.I think nodes are very important in a chart and at some point people follow their norh node.I know a woman with south node in 4rth,made a family early ,stayed in her house taking care of her kids but after many years felt that she needed stg more,so she found a job , made a career and felt satisfied.I have no idea how and when nodes get activated ,but it seems you realised the purpose of your north node ,which is great,and if your bf cant get it i guess its his issue...you sound happy.Its very rare to find what makes us really happy so since you have found it dont let others interfere. People are different,and what makes each one of us really happy is different too.

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Kannon McAfee
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From: Portland, OR - USA
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posted February 04, 2018 02:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kannon McAfee     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Selenite, what you've described in your thought process and personal realizations is a breakthrough many more people would be happy to have. Unfortunately too many are playing the ego-based success game of do-more-to-get-more-because-more-is-better. They're never looking underneath that to see what you've seen -- that it is all a desire, even a craving for others' approval. If you approve of yourself without conditions, you don't need others to validate your life.

This is a life lesson available for anyone totally independent of any astrological factors. But I'm glad you see it in terms of the astrological map for your own life. Own it.

I don't know how you could convince your boyfriend, except just keep telling him you're happier now, and that you'll "be involved" more when you feel ready. If he doesn't get the message, tell him he's not your parent and you'd like his support as you do what is right for you.

I'm proud of you! Stay true to yourself.

------------------
Soul Stars Astrology - by the declinations guy
Declinations: because the planets move north and south of the celestial equator

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Selenite
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Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 04, 2018 04:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@kirki

I don't know anything about your life, but if your Sun is in the 5th then it's probable that you *do* get deep fulfillment from 5th house things and traits. And your SN/Mercury conjunction actually makes it a little easier, cuz the talents and knowledge that comes easy to you fulfills your Sun.

However your north node might be telling you to push yourself a little more into 11th house / Sag areas, to take that leap into the larger picture, to make it complete.

I also think your skepticism of 11th house areas is natural, because it's telling you to really be picky about how you develop it. And it will fulfill you in the end, if you make it what you truly want.

In my case I have *always* been puzzled that my NN was in the 4th, conjunct Venus, because I grew up very dysfunctionally and couldn’t wait to move far away forever. I don’t want kids or to get married either.

But I realized that it didn’t have to be a ‘typical’ 4th house situation, and that my dream has actually always been to have a LIVING (home) situation that is full of artistic people (Venus) who are like family to me! Which is just plain different from being a ‘professional artist in the larger whole of society,’ it just doesn’t have the LOVE of the 4th. My absolute dream is to have all my best friends and non-toxic family members and partner and all his family and friends in one big, beautiful place. But NN fulfillment doesn’t come that easily… gotta work for it…

Edit: I actually think this was activated with the eclipse! It was squaring my nodes, conjunct AC (4˚ and the transiting nodes are on my AC.

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Selenite
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Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 04, 2018 04:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Kannon McAfee:
Selenite, what you've described in your thought process and personal realizations is a breakthrough many more people would be happy to have. Unfortunately too many are playing the ego-based success game of do-more-to-get-more-because-more-is-better. They're never looking underneath that to see what you've seen -- that it is all a desire, even a craving for others' approval. If you approve of yourself without conditions, you don't need others to validate your life.

This is a life lesson available for anyone totally independent of any astrological factors. But I'm glad you see it in terms of the astrological map for your own life. Own it.

I don't know how you could convince your boyfriend, except just keep telling him you're happier now, and that you'll "be involved" more when you feel ready. If he doesn't get the message, tell him he's not your parent and you'd like his support as you do what is right for you.

I'm proud of you! Stay true to yourself.


Aww thank you Kannon It took long enough for me to realize. I remember wanting to be a 'famous actor' from the age of 4.

And about my boyfriend, I think he's the type who just has to see it to believe it. It's been a really tumultuous month for me and he thinks the answer to all my issues is to just do what he would do -- drown himself in his work. Nope, I'll take psychological exploration so I can solve it on a deep level and move on, thank you very much.

I don't think he understands how productive it is for me, actually. Scorpio always has to die and come back from the death stronger, while Taurus just keeps on plowing through.

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capricorncheriscty
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posted February 04, 2018 04:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for capricorncheriscty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not to be too harsh but honestly it sounds like you're putting yourself in your own tough situation here. He doesn't sound like a bad person, but the fact that you both have very opposing goals, outlooks, dreams in life seems to be a bit more of a bother than it is helping you achieve karmic destiny. How can you expect to get through if you want to fly East and he wants to fly West? Metaphorically, of course. Don't try to please him or change your attitude to make things work out if it is clear that you are already so different in life paths. It will make him happy, but you should be happy too.

Again, not to be too harsh, but I have read that it is very hard to make a relationship last when the synastry has planets aspecting the south node. The south node prevents us from achieving our current karmic destiny (NN) bc the SN is the karmic destiny we have already achieved in another life. Do not try so hard to make him see things differently if he has already set it in his mind that he wants you to do this or that. Taurus is stubborn and there is no point in pushing him to something he has already shown a bit of distaste for. You do what makes you happy and if he is not happy about it, well then...forget him.

With regards to your career and education, it seems like you are definitely stuck in your Taurus SN when you moved to NYC but finally you are starting to see more clearly the path of your NN. Taurus is a bit more superficial and money/fame oriented than Scorpio. Scorpio seeks truth and knowledge and doesn't really care much for material possessions in the now. I can't really tell you how to live your life, but keep pushing towards your NN and you will hopefully be able to find yourself and the right choice of action to be happy and successful in whatever you may choose. You'll get through it! I hope whatever happens between you and him and your dreams turns out for the better in the long run!

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Iridia
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Registered: Mar 2017

posted February 05, 2018 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Iridia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Congratulations on discovering something important about yourself. I enjoyed reading your post.

quote:
But I realized that it didn’t have to be a ‘typical’ 4th house situation


Unimaginative are those who insist it's all about playing mommy and wife (change the wording according to the gender).

quote:
I actually think this was activated with the eclipse! It was squaring my nodes

May I know the orb?

quote:
Now the question is, how do I get my Taurus sun boyfriend, (who also has South Node in the 10th, right on his MC -- BUT north node conjunct my moon in his 4th!) to not see this as a problem?

If your authentic explanation doesn't reach him, you could present it in a way that should appeal to him based on his chart. I'd try speaking in the language of his Moon in the first place.

If apart from his South Node he also has 10th house (especially joined with that conjunction)/Capricorn/Aries personal planets, it could be a real struggle to make him understand. On the other hand, your Moon on his NN makes me think that if you persist long enough, he could accept your new path or even let you take him on a ride to the 4th house. Or maybe you'll grow apart so much it'll be best to end it. Unfortunately, this can happen to any couple. May your ending be a happy ending. Or a peaceful one at least.

Unlike capricorncheriscty, I don't operate in the terms like karma or destiny nor I believe we're obliged for any reason to embrace the things our north node represents, but I do believe if we cross that bridge, we may really like the view. It also appears that many (most?) people hear the call of their NN sooner or later.

------------------
Astrology is descriptive, not causative.
Come visit me in my Vault: tarot & astrological readings

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charlie
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Posts: 4499
From:
Registered: Jun 2012

posted February 05, 2018 02:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Selenite:
Sorry this is long and I haven't gotten back to the other thread. But they are related.

Lately I’ve been in this weird, reclusive state of being, just thinking a lot and trying to sort out what I really need to do in life, what I really believe. See the thing is, I moved to NYC, lived there for 5 years, and tried really hard to be ‘successful’ in terms of material things, status, etc. Then I moved away from everything, even farther than when I moved for school, and it finally hit me that I actually care about none of that. I just do not care at all to have a ‘name,’ to get this or that position, just none of it matters. Even my degree doesn’t matter to me. It’s been delayed because of some complication which I finally fixed, but the whole time I just didn’t care at all if I actually ever got the paper. I just felt free.

What I’ve realized is that I was working so hard at all of this largely because of other people. At first, I wanted my family to think highly of me. Then when I was in the city, I wanted people in the city to think highly of me, cuz that’s just what you gotta do if you want to survive there. Then when I met my boyfriend, I wanted him to think I was cool and always doing stuff, like him. Now that I’m here, none of that matters! None of those people are here (except my bf), nobody knows who they are over here, and I realized that my family will actually love me no matter what. That was huge. But, now to talk about the nodes.

I have south node in Taurus, in the 10th house. North node in Scorpio in the 4th, conjunct Venus, and Venus conjunct my IC. The NN ruler Pluto is in the 4th, conjunct Jupiter. And I realized last night that since it’s in the 4th, isn’t it kind of related to Cancer? And I have cancer in the 12th house, and moon in the 9th. So I think I FINALLY understand my nodes. I gain fulfillment from the 4th, but also the 9th and 12th houses!

And this is why I can’t shake the feeling that I would be happy if I never had to convince anyone that I’m worthy again, and just be a spiritual recluse living on a cloud and close to my family and long time friends. And whatever art I make is just because I love to make it. Sure I want to be part of a community but I don’t really NEED that, if I have to change myself so much for it. I also have BML in the 10th so I think I'll always be an outsider, anyway.

Now the question is, how do I get my Taurus sun boyfriend, (who also has South Node in the 10th, right on his MC -- BUT north node conjunct my moon in his 4th!) to not see this as a problem? He is actually concerned about me being so reclusive, wants me to get involved with something, sort of acts like a parent in that way. He just doesn’t see that for me, career and status and what you ‘produce’ for society is NOT all there is to life! Not even close! But to him it really is! He’s ‘concerned' about me, while I’ve never felt more in tune with life, just going to the beach every day alone and making weird videos.

Anyway I just wanted to encourage everyone to explore their NODES, especially if you’ve been having a hard time this past month!!! Go deep!! Because chances are you know the answers deep down. What is holding you back and what can you do?


I also have those nodes; Scorpio NN 3H/Taurus SN 9H and the pendulum I swing is worse than Tarzan on his vine :-/ I was talking about this here http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/239001.html

My husband has a Taurus Moon so I know where you are coming from. I sometimes feel him dragging me back to a place I do not want to go back to because he likes his material sense of living and it's comfortable to him. I understand this and I won't argue or try and change him. But me giving him this freedom also means that he won't try and change me, on my way to a better self. Where I am now is a sense of wanting to be "light, ready and free". But to be honest with you: I still have a hard time figuring this opposition out despite many kind people on LL trying to help me

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Selenite
Knowflake

Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 05, 2018 03:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by capricorncheriscty:
Not to be too harsh but honestly it sounds like you're putting yourself in your own tough situation here. He doesn't sound like a bad person, but the fact that you both have very opposing goals, outlooks, dreams in life seems to be a bit more of a bother than it is helping you achieve karmic destiny. How can you expect to get through if you want to fly East and he wants to fly West? Metaphorically, of course. Don't try to please him or change your attitude to make things work out if it is clear that you are already so different in life paths. It will make him happy, but you should be happy too.

Again, not to be too harsh, but I have read that it is very hard to make a relationship last when the synastry has planets aspecting the south node. The south node prevents us from achieving our current karmic destiny (NN) bc the SN is the karmic destiny we have already achieved in another life. Do not try so hard to make him see things differently if he has already set it in his mind that he wants you to do this or that. Taurus is stubborn and there is no point in pushing him to something he has already shown a bit of distaste for. You do what makes you happy and if he is not happy about it, well then...forget him.

With regards to your career and education, it seems like you are definitely stuck in your Taurus SN when you moved to NYC but finally you are starting to see more clearly the path of your NN. Taurus is a bit more superficial and money/fame oriented than Scorpio. Scorpio seeks truth and knowledge and doesn't really care much for material possessions in the now. I can't really tell you how to live your life, but keep pushing towards your NN and you will hopefully be able to find yourself and the right choice of action to be happy and successful in whatever you may choose. You'll get through it! I hope whatever happens between you and him and your dreams turns out for the better in the long run!


No, it's not harsh, I like differing viewpoints! Ok, I probably shouldn't have been so dramatic, but we really don't have differing dreams and goals, just different ways of doing things. He supports me, but just doesn't completely understand the 'spiritual' experiences I have or what they mean to me. That part of life is completely missing for him, but I don't REALLY want to change him. And after all, he has NN conjunct his IC in the 4th, and conjunct my moon.

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Selenite
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Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 05, 2018 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@ Iridia
Thanks for reading The orb was 2˚ applying.

quote:

If your authentic explanation doesn't reach him, you could present it in a way that should appeal to him based on his chart. I'd try speaking in the language of his Moon in the first place.

Yeah, that's what I've been doing but sometimes I need to talk about it before I manifest some kind of art project that represents it (what makes it valuable in his eyes). If I only talk about these kinds of things, he just gives me a blank stare. But they often give me enough substance to make good art in the first place. We don't all have Neptune conj. ASC and Uranus in the 12th like him (I honestly think this both endows him with spiritual gifts and hides those gifts from his consciousness.)

quote:

If apart from his South Node he also has 10th house (especially joined with that conjunction)/Capricorn/Aries personal planets, it could be a real struggle to make him understand. On the other hand, your Moon on his NN makes me think that if you persist long enough, he could accept your new path or even let you take him on a ride to the 4th house. Or maybe you'll grow apart so much it'll be best to end it. Unfortunately, this can happen to any couple. May your ending be a happy ending. Or a peaceful one at least.

Aww. Well, we did just move in together -- perhaps my plot is coming together And haha, the MC/SN is in Libra, not so bad. But with Pluto in Scorpio in the 10th! Conjunct my Venus. And Aries IC, Cap rising. So I don't think he's changing his views anytime soon. But that's ok, and if we do grow apart, we will always be in each other's lives ^_^
To be honest, the only thing I can see causing that to happen is if one of my metaphorical 'deaths' gets so crazy that I burn all the bridges to society in my current life and end up traveling forever or living in a squat house. It's not too far of a stretch actually. (It was basically either that or move in with him, in my mind at least )

quote:

Unlike capricorncheriscty, I don't operate in the terms like karma or destiny nor I believe we're obliged for any reason to embrace the things our north node represents, but I do believe if we cross that bridge, we may really like the view. It also appears that many (most?) people hear the call of their NN sooner or later.

I don't think I do either, but the call is sounding better and better.

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Selenite
Knowflake

Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted February 05, 2018 03:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
I also have those nodes; Scorpio NN 3H/Taurus SN 9H and the pendulum I swing is worse than Tarzan on his vine :-/ I was talking about this here http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/239001.html

My husband has a Taurus Moon so I know where you are coming from. I sometimes feel him dragging me back to a place I do not want to go back to because he likes his material sense of living and it's comfortable to him. I understand this and I won't argue or try and change him. But me giving him this freedom also means that he won't try and change me, on my way to a better self. Where I am now is a sense of wanting to be "light, ready and free". But to be honest with you: I still have a hard time figuring this opposition out despite many kind people on LL trying to help me


You understand! Yes for me I had only recently considered that his Taurus Sun was in the same sign as my SN. I didn't think much of it before because they are 13 degrees apart, but upon deeper reflection I do continuously feel this sense of being pulled to the 10th house with him. The good thing for me is that his Taurus Sun is in his 5th, and my Sun is in my 5th, so his pulling is mostly fun and art related. Where is your husband's moon?

But you know what's funny? I also have this fantasy of him giving up his professional life to run away with me and work on music until we can live off of it. Which is even more of a dedication to career, but just in a different way than he's doing. And it would be fun. But, same as you, I don't want to ask him to do that. I also feel this wanting to be 'free,' don't know why stuff like school and work makes me feel so trapped. They're not bad things o.0

I don't know about your NN in 3rd conjunct IC, that's hard for me to wrap my head around. For some reason it makes me think 'DIY vs Academia,'
would you start your own local business?

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charlie
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From:
Registered: Jun 2012

posted February 05, 2018 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Selenite:
You understand! Yes for me I had only recently considered that his Taurus Sun was in the same sign as my SN. I didn't think much of it before because they are 13 degrees apart, but upon deeper reflection I do continuously feel this sense of being pulled to the 10th house with him. The good thing for me is that his Taurus Sun is in his 5th, and my Sun is in my 5th, so his pulling is mostly fun and art related. Where is your husband's moon?

But you know what's funny? I also have this fantasy of him giving up his professional life to run away with me and work on music until we can live off of it. Which is even more of a dedication to career, but just in a different way than he's doing. And it would be fun. But, same as you, I don't want to ask him to do that. I also feel this wanting to be 'free,' don't know why stuff like school and work makes me feel so trapped. They're not bad things o.0

I don't know about your NN in 3rd conjunct IC, that's hard for me to wrap my head around. For some reason it makes me think 'DIY vs Academia,'
would you start your own local business?


I have my own local business I am however (still) longing for higher academia in the form of Forensic Psychology. Found a great program in Budapest that will take me far in 5 yrs but I don't think I am ready to alter my life to the extent what is needed. And I *think* that is in fact my Taurus SN (conjunct Jupiter) screaming..

Husband's Taurus Moon is in 2H conj Saturn. I have a Cap Moon.

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Selenite
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Posts: 1606
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted March 21, 2018 12:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Selenite     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Agh...
To make things more complicated, I'm noticing my nodes are both square my AC/DC and the NN is tightly parallel my DC.

And since exploring the equal house system (which I'm liking), my NN has migrated to the 3rd house, conjunct Venus, which is conjunct the IC from the 3rd. So my moon in the 9th is tightly contraparallel my Venus conjunct SN-IC in the 3rd.

I feel like it's a giant puzzle with no clear meaning. I guess not everyone has direction... lol

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