posted February 25, 2018 06:44 PM            

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Originally posted by lalalinda:
I'm sorry for your loss babybull

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posted February 25, 2018 08:35 PM            

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Is there anything I could have done to help him?

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In my case, I developed anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure from activities that used to be enjoyable, during Saturn's opposition to my Moon. My development of anhedonia wasn't really from Saturn. On the other hand, Saturn definitely contributed to problems with me enjoying life while it was transiting my 1st house, just not to the extent of me having anhedonia until Saturn's opposition to my Moon began.

If your guy had been able to ride out the transit, his ability to enjoy life again would have likely returned. Unfortunately, with all his other transits as well, it would have been pure torture for him to experience life for the period of time that would have been required to accomplish this.

The months that I spent with anhedonia were probably not as bad as what your guy was experiencing. Based on my experience though, being unable to enjoy life can be very damaging psychologically. Anhedonia, for example, has ruined marriages, careers, romantic relationships, education, and hobbies for the people that develop it. Very few people with anhedonia ever recover as treatment for it is very limited and there is little research being done on trying to improve the treatment options for anhedonia.

Although I cannot say if the guy you were with had developed anhedonia, it can be very difficult to get through life when there is no capability to enjoy anything - even if this is only a temporary issue that is being caused by a transit. This is an experience that is incomparable to most anything else and most people will never understand what it is like to struggle when it comes to enjoying what life has to offer. Being unable to enjoy life or feel anything is basically the closest a human being can come to losing what makes them human in the first place. It is rare for someone to completely stop enjoying life, which is precisely why most people are not able to understand the struggles of someone who has. This experience is simply not easy enough to grasp so there is generally little support and understanding for these people.

What I have mentioned in this post can be very hard to process. No one wants to be told they wouldn't understand the pain that a loved one is/was going through. It's very depressing to hear this and yet it is true that some issues cannot be understood without experiencing them yourself.

Anyway, even if you had tried to reach out more frequently, it is very unlikely that you would have convinced him to keep living. Without many resources to help him cope with his lack of enjoyment in regards to what he once enjoyed, I do not feel like anything would have been enough to save his life.

posted February 25, 2018 11:16 PM            

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Originally posted by babybull82:
Speaking of addictions his drinking increased dramatically in the last 18 months. When they found him he had a duffle bag filled with empty beer cans & they were all around him as well.

I have no idea how I’m going to move on from this..I don’t like the depressive state that I’m in now & want to get out of it but when I try to do something I enjoy to take my mind off I get pulled right back in. Also hearing about this was such a huge trigger for me as I have wanted to kill myself too. But obviously I didn’t & made it thru the storm. I hate the helplessness I feel right now.

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Oh sweetheart. I truly empathize, there is something about when someone passes away that your dark side comes out and you can see yourself on the edge of falling into despair if you let yourself go to that level of grief. When I notice this happening inside of me it reminds me of when I experienced that transit of saturn and pluto both hitting my moon and I tell myself I cannot go there, I can grief and cry but I cannot go there, NOT to that level. That feeling warns me and scares me enough to regulate my emotions and grief in a mindful way knowing my limits. I dont know if this makes sense as is hard to explain but this is my experience. I guess is part of what I learned from those two transits.

I know you loved him deeply and that you will miss him as he is part of you but when you have sex with someone you exchange energy and what you were receiving from him was not helping you. Is like you were stuck in a negative cycle with him. Its extremely important you surround yourself by people who inspire you and are positive, that will help you build up your resilience and raise your vibration, especially now. You have to make a conscious choice that you are worthy of love and worthy of peace and happiness. Seek help if needed, plenty of people seek out support for grief counseling.

Last sweetie, you have purpose, you have your two amazing children that need you and you will become strong for them, this is ultimately how you will get through this, your love for them will be stronger than everything else and will lift you up. I will leave with this:

SELF-CARE IS AN ACT SURVIVAL. You don't have to grieve all at once, you can manage it and pace it, know your limits, be mindful and put yourself first always.

posted February 25, 2018 11:28 PM            

http://self-compassion.org/wptest/wp-content/uploads/soften,soothe,allow.MP3

This is my favorite guided meditation. Enjoy.

posted February 26, 2018 02:17 PM            

I suggest you address him directly when you have time to yourself. He is physically gone, but I do believe you can still wish him happiness, healing, and send him love even in the anguish of this loss. The absence of the body hides how close all our loved ones really are to us. Maybe it is easier to write your thoughts first until it is clearer what you want to say to him. Even feeling angry is understandable and something you'll want to process.

However, you heal, just know that you can, and his choice -- no matter how far reaching the consequences emotionally -- doesn't destroy the love you have for him and the power in it.

posted February 27, 2018 09:24 AM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
@babybull
(...) And he did not have a purpose and the thing he cared about the most (sex) was no longer giving him that rush. Add that he seems to be someone that had his brain used to immediate gratification and addicted to thrills (thrill seeker) which means the reward system in his brain was all over the place and saturn limits and slows down so you gain a deeper awareness and understanding and work through your emotional issues (moon). Pluto brings to the surface your compulsive nature, addictive tendencies and then saturn wanted him to examine those closely which is a very painful process but rewarding ultimately.

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Hi Hypatia and Babybull

I don't know much about the transits part, but even just as a psychological commentary Hypatia's summary really resonates

Babybull mentioned he admitted he was addicted to physicality.

There was one account (not astrological) by some random dude who felt he had experimented "too much." Luckily, he didn't go into detail, he just described the effects like starting to feel empty inside and almost like he couldn't go back, because more fuels more and sometimes that is impossible to find.
So what's left?

Is it possible then that he started to feel like there was little sense to anything, especially if he had no true direction to ground him.. no distraction from his trouble except physicality, which may have fuelled more to try to find a sense, the 8th house moon's needs took over in this lack of framework?

Please don't be offended by this sweeping statement coming up, but.. he was certainly open to danger if he was constantly meeting STRANGERS for action. Add that to nothing making sense to you. Maybe one of those somebodys fired at him?
And equally, if he was taking substances, it is as though "somebody else" fired at him, isn't it? If he is not truly 'himself' anymore?

Again, question marks in a tragedy. One could just go round in circles.
Is the best question really: Why?

Instead. My answer to all your questions and feelings is :
Don't blame yourself, he was determined to remain a free agent.

posted February 27, 2018 01:55 PM            

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Originally posted by viviette:

There was one account (not astrological) by some random dude who felt he had experimented "too much." Luckily, he didn't go into detail, he just described the effects like starting to feel empty inside and almost like he couldn't go back, because more fuels more and sometimes that is impossible to find.
So what's left?

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