posted June 12, 2018 11:55 PM            

Mars in Cancer, opposite Neptune/Moon.

After an argument or a fight, he will always want a make-up sex. It annoys me, but the more I reject him, the more he forces me. If I try to push him, he will act like I do a physical harm and get hurt by it. Our past problems have never been solved and I have a hard time to really get his attention to talk about our problems. It sucks and I have warned him if he keeps running from our problems, he will pay the consequences later.

His ex is a Libra Mars, square Neptune. Venus in Scorpio. Do the same as him.

Both lied to me for 2 years and both played game as a victim when I finally reached the point and called them out sneaking around behind my back.

I thought he copied it from his ex, using sex as a weapon, but I have come to realize they are the same, a manipulative a**. He is a great actor though, but, babe, I have a strong instinct, I know, but I let you play the game until I make you shocked.

posted June 13, 2018 11:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hearttreasure:
My husband is one of those manipulative a**.

Mars in Cancer, opposite Neptune/Moon.

After an argument or a fight, he will always want a make-up sex. It annoys me, but the more I reject him, the more he forces me. If I try to push him, he will act like I do a physical harm and get hurt by it. Our past problems have never been solved and I have a hard time to really get his attention to talk about our problems. It sucks and I have warned him if he keeps running from our problems, he will pay the consequences later.

His ex is a Libra Mars, square Neptune. Venus in Scorpio. Do the same as him.

Both lied to me for 2 years and both played game as a victim when I finally reached the point and called them out sneaking around behind my back.

I thought he copied it from his ex, using sex as a weapon, but I have come to realize they are the same, a manipulative a**. He is a great actor though, but, babe, I have a strong instinct, I know, but I let you play the game until I make you shocked.

I agree that water influence people, especially Cancer or Scorpio, use this tactic in a relationship.

---

posted June 13, 2018 12:19 PM            

Not saying to base a relationship on it or anything, but it's there all the same.

A lady I knew long ago once taught me that sex and music share this: It's all about tension and release.

posted June 16, 2018 03:30 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by capricorncheriscty:
Sorry to hear that. You shouldn't have to put up with that behavior! Sounds horrible and honestly disgusting that he treats you like that, I hope things turn out for the better for you. If a partner must resort to manipulation to keep me then they will no longer be my partner! It's petty, sad behavior. Reading up on this type of behavior always disgusts me in so many ways...

---

Yeah, while it looks like a flattering that he doesn't want to loose me, at the same time it is unhealthy for a long-term.

The make-up sex may hot at the beginning, but after years, we kind of secretly build this resentment towards each other. You bet, when the tension is high, we blow up and hurt each other more.

I am more aware and direct than him (but not the one who like to repeat myself over and over again in a short period of time), I have tried to make him see that this kind of act won't save our relationship in a long term, rather it is shallow, toxic, and will push me away even more as I am not that stupid to not notice the manipulation (although sometimes I need time to finally decide that my analysis is true and then build this anger inside).

Actually two days before his birthday, he tested my patience and I blew up, like, I was so done with his behavior for years running away from our issues and told him the day I most regretted. That night he chose to sleep in the other room with no light, not showering, not changing his clothes that he wore that day. I pretended I didn't see and hear him left the house quietly in the morning, he still wore the yesterday clothes and not taking morning shower. I felt bad but also there was this feeling that I couldn't take anymore. I need to talk to resolve but he would rather be passive-aggressive or running around in circles. (We are really like the polar opposite)

He came home very late at night and I still pretended I didn't see and hear him coming in (I actually waited for him as I got worried if something bad had happened). He went to the other room and laid there with no light, not changing his two days clothes and still not takin a shower. I pretended I didn't care and I went to the bedroom, couldn't sleep. At 1 a.m., his birth day, he quietly came in to the bedroom and laid next to me where I could hear his breathing from behind. I turned my head around, saying, "what?" He said he was hungry and had not eaten any that day. He looked so f* mess up with PUFFY EYES (we both had puffy eyes though as I couldn't stop crying in silence too that day). I told him that I had already cooked dinner in the kitchen and if he wanted me to prepare it for him. He looked at me for awhile and said, "no, I'll take it by myself" but he didn't move from the bed. I turned my head again, "are you really hungry or do I really need to prepare it for you?" He then started trying to hug me, touching my pregnant belly, touching my breasts (yeah, like he tried to make a joke that he missed my breasts more) and hid his head behind my back. We were in silence for a moment and for water mercury people, I think silence is sometimes their way to communicate but I won't try to assume anything until he says something.

I watched him eating and he really looked like a homeless guy (not showering and wearing the same clothes, for two days) with those, clearly, a PUFFY EYES. I went to the kitchen, taking a birthday cake that I had prepared for him. Like, I couldn't intentionally forget or not celebrating his birthday just because I was mad at him. He was back in a really good mood and showed me a little romantic gesture that surprised me he had it.

posted June 16, 2018 02:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by capricorncheriscty:
If sex solved everything we wouldn't have wars and poverty and famine don't be delusional now darlings. Sex is good but sometimes you as a couple need to talk things out because shoving it up someone will never beat open verbal communication free of ignorance and judgemental thought!

---

THIS!

It's honestly just a temporary fix, not a permanent one.

You can have sex now, but 2 or 3 months down the line, you argue about the same thing over and over again. The root cause of a problem should be resolved, otherwise this is how resentments start to build.

posted June 21, 2018 05:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Sex solves nothing. Ever.

---

It does not solve anything, its just fun and strengthens the connection you have with someone and when you feel more connected you tend to fight less and be more receptive to understanding the message of the other when you talk things out.

So it can enhance communication bc it helps you feel more connected and when you are more connected you tend to be a better listener, more receptive and less combative.

posted June 21, 2018 05:09 PM            

This principle can be applied to all kinds of relationships.
Ofcourse connecting can be achieved with talking but sex also facilitates that too.

posted June 21, 2018 06:17 PM            

It was more like FWB, casual. We both knew it wasn't serious, we were proclaimed FWB. "Let's go to the movies, let's go to a carnival, let's have a quickie over there.
Me: god you're so irritating sometimes
Him: let's see how irritating I am when you get the D!

(ok not exactly in those words but literally everything segued to sex).

But I admit, honestly, that wasn't a real long term thing. Just good friends who have sex. Our arguing or fights weren't meant to be overcome to enable being genuinely "intimate" as committed serious partners.

Which means that when someone IS (or thinks they are) in a serious relationship, and tries to use sex to solve things, that just means they most likely unconsciously aren't actually trying, or willing (or meant to/able) to get any close or more intimate with the other person. More often than not people enter relationships thinking it's the real deal when in reality they're more like FWB and don't even know it. (using this example as a comparison)

posted June 21, 2018 06:31 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lalafortunaea:
The times when I used sex to "solve things" was when we weren't in a real relationship anyway.

It was more like FWB, casual. We both knew it wasn't serious, we were proclaimed FWB. "Let's go to the movies, let's go to a carnival, let's have a quickie over there.
Me: god you're so irritating sometimes
Him: let's see how irritating I am when you get the D!

---

hahahahahaha

Well but where you trying to "solve things" or were you just having fun. I think most people don't use sex to solve anything and just do it bc they are horny and want to have sex.

Personally I had sex yesterday and right after the conversations had were super intimate and brought us closer together, gave us a deeper understanding of each other etc...but neither of us used the sex to fix anything, we were just horny and after had great conversation that enhanced intimacy even more.

posted June 21, 2018 07:18 PM            

------------------
Tropical Sun Libra/Moon Sagittarius/Ascendant Gemini

posted June 27, 2018 12:24 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
I think that is a very dangerous situation to have sex when feelings are fragile
Because I’m my view we are energetic spiritual beings
And when you mesh two conflicting energies and you are merging souls you combine the thoughts and feelings and sensations of two hurt souls and it is not a helpful situation it can put hurt into the soul of another person and pain
You should heal yourself first before you merge souls

---

posted June 27, 2018 10:46 PM            

This is coming from an Asexual. I’m sure most people will think little of the pain involved and go to please and fix the urges from their bodies. I just dont think it’s always the best idea to do that.

posted June 27, 2018 10:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
I think that is a very dangerous situation to have sex when feelings are fragile
Because I’m my view we are energetic spiritual beings
And when you mesh two conflicting energies and you are merging souls you combine the thoughts and feelings and sensations of two hurt souls and it is not a helpful situation it can put hurt into the soul of another person and pain
You should heal yourself first before you merge souls

---

posted June 28, 2018 11:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:

---

posted June 28, 2018 11:56 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by arcturus90:
No. When one person doesn't love someone who thinks sex will solve everything between them, if the first one doesn't want it won't save, there will be no love. It's obvious that you have never been harassed this way

---

What are you talking about?

I hearted Desiring Shadows comment about not having sex when you are feeling hurt.

I have no idea what you are talking about. Something tells me you are not understanding me at all either.

For me sex should happen when two people have a STRONG desire to want to have sex with each other and when they feel a connection on a soul level with each other, anything less than that and it won't be satisfying or worth it in my opinion.

However, if you are married and not having sex with your spouse then get a job and divorce them bc forcing someone to be faithful to you when you are neglecting their sexual needs is a type of neglect/abuse. When you decided to get married with someone that means you agreed to meet each other' sexual and emotional needs, not doing so its a type of neglect and will create problems.

I also did not say that sex fixes problems but it does enhance connection and intimacy which is an important foundation in been able to have productive intimate conversations, it helps set the tone so you are more receptive to each other and better listeners.

posted June 30, 2018 04:36 AM            

But I think it sex helps with falling for someone. Its after I sleep with them the first time, I really know how much I like them.. or not!

Plus whats that saying:

posted June 30, 2018 12:30 PM            

Sex shouldn't be used as a substitute for mandatory communication between partners but once everything has settled down, what better way to make-up and to put your partner at ease then to go for a few rounds of hot Sweaty horizontal tango .

Keep in mind, this is coming from the perspective of a heterosexual male so take it for its worth Lol!