posted June 27, 2018 11:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:

Like Hypatia238 says Scorpio is a sign of extremes and I'm definitely someone who would rather have zero sex than 'bad sex'.

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posted June 27, 2018 11:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:

Some of it is I NEED to know this person is going to be in my life and worth my time before I give it up to them, I'll wait forever before I even kiss someone.

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Well I can kiss someone right away if I feel at home with them and have a strong sexual attraction and emotional connection, I attribute that to my venus conjunct mars in Leo, Leo is bold and a risk taker but I do have to feel a strong connection with the person, like love at first sight like I did with my ex and I kissed him right away.

posted June 27, 2018 11:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by two-headed-she:
But damn if it doesn't feel like abuse, or at very least, being a prisoner!

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posted June 27, 2018 11:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by two-headed-she:
hypatia238 are you born in the 80's with the Saturn in Scorp? Seems like you'd also have a South Node placement in Scorpio if so...that can be a whole other can of worms introduced into the mix...same for your lover it seems? I wonder...

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Yes I am born in the 80s but my Southnode is in Sagittarius in the 12th conjunct my ascendant.

In vedic I have southnode in scorpio.

The person I am talking about in this thread is NOT my lover, as we don't have sex. I only use the word Lover to refer to someone I am sleeping with or have slept with whome I have had mind blowing sex with...lets leave it at that.

posted June 28, 2018 04:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Yep I am the same and I attribute it to venus conjunct mars in Leo in the 8th house trine neptune and sextile pluto and on that my moon in pisces rules my 8th house.

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Daaaaaaaaamn girl that's some highly sexed aspects!

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Well I can kiss someone right away if I feel at home with them and have a strong sexual attraction and emotional connection, I attribute that to my venus conjunct mars in Leo, Leo is bold and a risk taker but I do have to feel a strong connection with the person, like love at first sight like I did with my ex and I kissed him right away.

We have an insane synastry and composite.

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Oh no I can and will kiss someone straight away but usually that means I don't like them very much. My logic behind it is as soon as you kiss someone they want to rush to 'other bases' so I try drag it out aslong as I can possibly go, so when I do kiss them they will just be happy with that and not rush me good things come to those who wait haha

posted June 28, 2018 08:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
It sounds like what you are really asking is why do scorpios end up marrying people with low sex drives?

I am thinking bc scorpios like to feel secure they often settle for women who are not in the same page sexually as them and bc they value that sense of security and have a strong sense of loyalty they stick around even though their sexual needs are not been met and is only a matter of time bf you get a case of the F its and end up cheating bc when your spouse is not having sex with you it is a type of neglect and abuse IMO.****

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I agree with this so much.

Yes, there are reasons why intimacy fades, but if you're not willing to address it and work on it to find an acceptable compromise (not all sex is all the way sex, for example) - that is 100% a failing. And if one person wants to find a 'safe' solution to any issues and the other refuses then that is really unacceptable.

posted June 28, 2018 11:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:
I need to be in control because if I let go you'll see the real me, the vulnerable me and sometimes I associate my vulnerability with weakness and I don't want someone to think I'm weak or think THEY can control me. If you see me weak I feel scared. OR maybe you'll see I'm not so mysterious after all and leave because the mystery has been solved that I'm not some mysterious, brooding, sexy person, just a >>regular<< girl who wants to be loved but once you see that im just a regular girl like everyone else you'll leave or have power over me. That's a big fear, letting someone in and them leaving or being disappointed.

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^^^^^preach girl preach! Can I get an "Amen" people? This thread is so good, I am salivating a river.

You touched on something there that is at the core of my fear. The fear of opening up and having someone use that against me.

But I must add that for me, its not about discovering the ordinary. Coz I know I am not lol. Its just that I will attach myself irrevocably to someone who will not go down to the underworld with me.

This will reinforce issues of abandonment. I don't want that. I dont want to reveal myself earnestly and not have it reciprocated.

But perhaps that is the point there too? That self honesty and rawness need not be reciprocated for it to be meaningful? Or that being that honest is more about YOU than another person. So they serve only as a projectile point of self reflection?

posted June 28, 2018 11:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:
Oh no I can and will kiss someone straight away but usually that means I don't like them very much. My logic behind it is as soon as you kiss someone they want to rush to 'other bases' so I try drag it out aslong as I can possibly go, so when I do kiss them they will just be happy with that and not rush me good things come to those who wait haha

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haha I totally get that too, not so much for the kiss part but for the sex part, I think making them wait a few months can be great for building up the desire and trust...I don't have the self control to hold off on kissing someone I want though hahah. The sex I can hold off on but I attract Moon in aries a lot and they are very impatient with that.

posted June 28, 2018 11:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

But perhaps that is the point there too? That self honesty and rawness need not be reciprocated for it to be meaningful? Or that being that honest is more about YOU than another person. So they serve only as a projectile point of self reflection?

Awesome thread

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posted June 28, 2018 09:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:

Hypatia touched on the control thing with her boyfriend earlier and so did Aries23 about vulnerability and trust and 'normal' sex. I have a somewhat similar experience. I need to be in control because if I let go you'll see the real me, the vulnerable me and sometimes I associate my vulnerability with weakness and I don't want someone to think I'm weak or think THEY can control me. If you see me weak I feel scared. OR maybe you'll see I'm not so mysterious after all and leave because the mystery has been solved that I'm not some mysterious, brooding, sexy person, just a >>regular<< girl who wants to be loved but once you see that im just a regular girl like everyone else you'll leave or have power over me. That's a big fear, letting someone in and them leaving or being disappointed.

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posted June 28, 2018 09:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

But I must add that for me, its not about discovering the ordinary. Coz I know I am not lol. Its just that I will attach myself irrevocably to someone who will not go down to the underworld with me.

This will reinforce issues of abandonment. I don't want that. I dont want to reveal myself earnestly and not have it reciprocated.

But perhaps that is the point there too? That self honesty and rawness need not be reciprocated for it to be meaningful? Or that being that honest is more about YOU than another person. So they serve only as a projectile point of self reflection?

Awesome thread

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Ahhh! 'This will reinforce issues of abandonment...' Bingo!!!! That really resonates for me...

I def deal with abandonment issues. Ie, the hubby in question here, together for 8 years, married for 6, stopped sleeping with me when we got married. It was related to the fact that my father attempted to blow up my life just after I graduated college and got married. My father couldn't handle me being happy and doing well...it was a sign that I was right in terms of what I wanted and needed. He was threatened. I don't want to go into it, but my father, just two days after meeting my new husband, kicked us out of the house after verbally sexually assaulting me. I needed to talk about this, to relate to it with my husband, but he couldn't deal, emotionally, and pulled back into a safety zone of daily tasks and comforts. Taurus Sun, Taurus South Node. He got afraid.

So...years later and the pattern lodged itself in our relationship. No matter how I have tried to dislodge it, open it, address it, or just simply communicate about it, he remains closed...or, he talks in response to me, but he has nothing to add, no ideas or emotions of his own he feels safe to present, engage with, etc. So, you see, my sexlessness is (for the 'other' aspect) related to family abuse and a husband who sexually abandoned me. It's deeper than that sounds. Hubby even has ED as a result. We are close in other ways. But, as far as what I would consider 'intimate relating'....there isn't any, and hasn't been for 6 years.

I could leave. Lots of people would say that is the obvious solution. But...its not as easy as it sounds. My husband moved to this country for us, and parting is a bigger deal to me in part for that, and also just for the fact that we have, in all other ways, truly been here for each other. He's been here when my own family hasn't been. Supported my many endeavors. He's a wonderful person. It's a hard loss to take....but the sexlessness will never be resolved I think. It's simply not in my hands, as long as I stay. That's my personal story anyway...

posted June 28, 2018 09:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Yes I am born in the 80s but my Southnode is in Sagittarius in the 12th conjunct my ascendant.

In vedic I have southnode in scorpio.

The person I am talking about in this thread is NOT my lover, as we don't have sex. I only use the word Lover to refer to someone I am sleeping with or have slept with whome I have had mind blowing sex with...lets leave it at that.

I have venus conjunct mars in LEO in the 8th and saturn in scorpio plus my moon in pisces rules my 8th house.

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My mistake on the lover vs partner part...of course! That person couldn't be your lover..just like my husband isn't my lover. I got you : )

posted June 28, 2018 10:25 PM            

Awesome for you to share such personal details. You wouldn't happen to have Moon in 3rd would you?

Your husband's NN in Scorpio is fitting. This situation is challenging him to get his head out the sand and hoping that the status quo must be maintained(Taurus SN)

He has Draconic Sun in Virgo/Libra (depending on degree). And so his soul intention is either to be resourceful and brave in handling life's complications and problems (Virgo) or be present, loving, empathic and supportive as a partner (Libra).

Not to downplay what your husband is faced with. But I do know of someone a while back that went through the same retreat reaction when their fiance was sexually assaulted.

It was a very complex situation of blaming and shaming her that resulted in closeness and intimacy breaking down.

But I did applaud their commitment to therapy. To once again revive the perspective of seeing his fiance as the same individual whom was victimised and survived. Instead of broken and "spoiled" forever.

He had to admit to himself first that he did blame her(even though logically it was ridiculous). And that because of this blame, he saw her as "spoiled"- someone he could feel sorry for on some days but could not be intimate with at all.

He had to accept that his perspective continued to victimize her rather than heal. And that the only way to help the situation was not to pretend that it didn't happen(which he much rather preferred). But to embrace that the experience was going to be a part of their life from thereon.

He eventually did marry her. They enjoy a very physical relationship now as far as he says and when he explained his feelings, I realized how extraordinary the journey was.

Firstly he said that in his mind, he could separate seeing her as a person desiring of intimacy and sexual fulfillment on one hand whilst having gone through such a traumatic sexual experience on the other.

He explained to me that he didn't want to re" victimize" her by doing the physical stuff(atleast in his mind).

But he didn't quite get that by withdrawing from the intimacy that she CHOOSES to have with him, he was leaving her to regret and self hate for the occurrence of an act that was NOT of her choosing.

He also had issues maintaining his member when they would get intimate. He would be filled with feelings of rage, hurt, guilt etc. This left no room for arousal.

So in essence, he began to understand that she was feeling doubly shamed; first the shame of the crime . And secondly the shame that the crime has irreversibly "soiled" her in his eyes.

Therapy really helps. It may not cure things overnight. But it starts the momentum towards healing because emotions are very powerful and can influence our physical responses.

And not to completely ignore the fiance in question. I couldn't include her here because I didn't know her side of the whole process. Just his.

So please don't think I made this all about him and his "bravery" etc. Its not that at all

I just wanted to stress the confusing feelings he felt that made sexual intimacy/even arousal improbable for a very long time until the issues were dealt with sensitively.

The guy in question had Chiron in Taurus opp Saturn/Moon in Scorpio. He went to those dark places during his Saturn return and came back changed. I applaud them both for being patient with each other.

posted June 28, 2018 11:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
@two-headed she

Awesome for you to share such personal details. You wouldn't happen to have Moon in 3rd would you?

'But he didn't quite get that by withdrawing from the intimacy that she CHOOSES to have with him, he was leaving her to regret and self hate for the occurrence of an act that was NOT of her choosing.'

'He also had issues maintaining his member when they would get intimate. He would be filled with feelings of rage, hurt, guilt etc. This left no room for arousal.'

'So in essence, he began to understand that she was feeling doubly shamed; first the shame of the crime . And secondly the shame that the crime has irreversibly "soiled" her in his eyes.'

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You have a great understanding of the complications, Aries23Degrees, and that is very much appreciated.

My moon in on the 5/6th house cusp on the Aries point at 0 degrees Aries. Easy to be upfront about feelings. Maybe it's the Virgo NN conjunct Jupiter in Virgo coming through....or my late Libra Asc. Who knows : )

I dig the cusp translation for my hubby, as he is both a huge problem solver and peaceful partner...which aspect is in focus really just depends on the circumstances. He's much like a good father, actually, and I think he has absorbed that father abuse and tried to replace it, be better, but it ends up only having a family structure perspective. His ED did exist prior to our relationship...but it wasn't there before we were married, so I didn't know about it. So in there, we've got a little added suspicion on my part...i feel lied to on the most basic or primal of levels, even if it was not a conscious act. I asked for therapy early on and he woudn't do it. Another point of Scorpionic resent there. I eventually went myself and still do, it's wonderful for me and my personal growth. He's agreed to go now, 6 years later, and I'm having a hard time letting go and giving in to doing in on his (holy moises slowwwwww) schedule. Layers on layers etc.

posted June 29, 2018 01:08 AM            

Aries23 I can tell you are such a saggi very philosophical! Is your sun in the 9th too?

I don't usually get too open but I feel it's important and I feel relieved that I'm not the only one out there with these issues! I often feel like I am.

two-headed-she You are so frank, honest and open I know it wont of been easy to share that especially being a Scorpio, it must of been painful having to rethink all that, definitely necessary so we can maybe get to the bottom of it.

'No matter how I have tried to dislodge it, open it, address it, or just simply communicate about it, he remains closed'

posted June 29, 2018 01:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:

Aries23 I can tell you are such a saggi very philosophical! Is your sun in the 9th too?

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posted June 29, 2018 01:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by two-headed-she:
You have a great understanding of the complications, Aries23Degrees, and that is very much appreciated.

My moon in on the 5/6th house cusp on the Aries point at 0 degrees Aries. Easy to be upfront about feelings. Maybe it's the Virgo NN conjunct Jupiter in Virgo coming through....or my late Libra Asc. Who knows : )

I dig the cusp translation for my hubby, as he is both a huge problem solver and peaceful partner...which aspect is in focus really just depends on the circumstances. He's much like a good father, actually, and I think he has absorbed that father abuse and tried to replace it, be better, but it ends up only having a family structure perspective. His ED did exist prior to our relationship...but it wasn't there before we were married, so I didn't know about it. So in there, we've got a little added suspicion on my part...i feel lied to on the most basic or primal of levels, even if it was not a conscious act. I asked for therapy early on and he woudn't do it. Another point of Scorpionic resent there. I eventually went myself and still do, it's wonderful for me and my personal growth. He's agreed to go now, 6 years later, and I'm having a hard time letting go and giving in to doing in on his (holy moises slowwwwww) schedule. Layers on layers etc.

The reality of the abuse/marriage/continuation of shaming/rejection is really quite huge. Definitely hard to confront it all. Definitely something that might come up again if I end up leaving this relationship, because men don't like to see the women they are with as damaged in any way...even if it's their own out of balance perspective that tells them this.

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First off, I think I now understand the Aries point of attraction for me. Its the "cards on the table" approach that I find so refreshing

Secondly. Sorry if I sounded like I was bashing him. I do empathize with the situation really.

Lastly I also want to say that eish, you know. With us guys- everything rises and sets (pun intended) with built up illusions of masculinity. And sexual "prowess" being the crowning jewel.

So to admit a ehem...,"failure to launch" of an essential rocket that defines our very being to the one we are involved with is overwhelming enough.

Because what good is a man without his instrument? Well at-least that is what we have been fed when young(and perhaps why many men find defining transgender men as "men" baffling BTW)

But to now delve deeper into talking about why our rocket is not shooting to the sky as it is supposed to(pun intended again) with another person in the room taking notes and asking questions, can feel like a slow castration(most men's worst fear)

Ironically, it is only through probing a wound and cleansing the pores that the wound has a chance of rapid healing.

But its the poking,the cleansing and prickly "before the heal" part that can be so tough. Tough and embarrassing.

posted June 30, 2018 01:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
First off, I think I now understand the Aries point of attraction for me. Its the "cards on the table" approach that I find so refreshing

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Secondly. Sorry if I sounded like I was bashing him. I do empathize with the situation really.

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But to now delve deeper into talking about why our rocket is not shooting to the sky as it is supposed to(pun intended again) with another person in the room taking notes and asking questions, can feel like a slow castration(most men's worst fear)

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Some people are really put off by it, but I don't know another way of being...it just feels the best to me, to have it all visible and clear. I'd def loose interest in a need to be mysterious about emotions, which is hilarious considering my sun and venus in Scorp! But...then again...Sun in the first has a sort of Aries tone, so maybe not that outrageous afterall.

I didn't think you were bashing him...if you caught a defense in my tone, its against my own thoughts or judgements regarding the scenario...the libra rising doesn't want to be unfair, and the scorp has resentment...all inner struggle, not a response to you in the slightest, Aries23Degrees : )

posted June 30, 2018 01:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:

I don't usually get too open but I feel it's important and I feel relieved that I'm not the only one out there with these issues! I often feel like I am.
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two-headed-she You are so frank, honest and open I know it wont of been easy to share that especially being a Scorpio, it must of been painful having to rethink all that, definitely necessary so we can maybe get to the bottom of it.
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'No matter how I have tried to dislodge it, open it, address it, or just simply communicate about it, he remains closed'

So you have tried to discuss your sex life with him and he just blanks you or doesn't respond or says everythings fine? Do you think maybe he's embarassed about his ED? Are you sexlessness because you dont want to be intimate with your hubby or because you have a lack of libedo or is it's because he doesn't want to? And that in turn means you don't want to? I can understand how hard it is to talk to him, I think after all that time passing I would find it really hard to bring it up to my partner too so don't feel embarassed by it or anything.

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Hey Astrosaz!

Honestly I've had a ton of therapy surrounding the 'event'...and how it ties to other experiences in life...so I am cozy enough talking about it because it has so much less power over me than it used to...I appreciate your sensitivity though : ) Thank you

The remaining issue is that as a Mars in Leo kind of girl (10th house also) I have expectations for sex...you gotta meet me at my level of expressiveness...I can't get into unconscious or scared sex, for me its meant to be play, giving and sharing of power, and be expressive in terms of primal nature...as much as vulnerability and love is shared, I need the whole package. If it's less, or if I smell fear, I am the devouring female who would kill you for it. Ok that's drastic, but I believe that's what's going on in terms of the primal / symbolic level. Expressed in a more gentle way, if you are my partner, and you feel pathetic and you want ME to fix that for you, I know I can't. i can't take responsibility for the parts that are his...though I can witness him addressing them and working through it and i can be very supportive, I can't do it for him. That's kind of what he wants. He doesn't address sex, request it, initiate it, talk about it, ask me questions or get to know me or anything...he avoids, and he's sad for it. I wish I could help him, but to do it for him is to participate in a sexual co-dependency and I can't do that either. Bit of a stale mate, pun intended. I have come to this conclusion after pouring years of effort into trying to resolve it. He resented the focus I applied and shut down entirely. He has Mars conjunct Saturn in the 1st house in Cancer, a Taurus sun conjunct Jupiter in the 11th...and a Scorpio North Node in the 5th. I thought that North Node would come leaping forward as we age, but it hasn't. He doesn't get intimacy, it seems, but he's an EXPERT at comfort, the senses (as long as they are disconnected from sex) and maintaining peace. Absolute expert.

I wonder a few things for you, Astrosaz...do you have a Retrograde Venus in your chart? Where's Vesta? Anything hanging out in Cancer or Virgo? I'm curious : )

posted June 30, 2018 02:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by two-headed-she:

[1] The remaining issue is that as a Mars in Leo kind of girl (10th house also) I have expectations for sex...you gotta meet me at my level of expressiveness...I can't get into unconscious or scared sex, for me its meant to be play, giving and sharing of power, and be expressive in terms of primal nature...as much as vulnerability and love is shared, I need the whole package. If it's less, or if I smell fear, I am the devouring female who would kill you for it.
,...........,............................

[2]I can't take responsibility for the parts that are his...though I can witness him addressing them and working through it and i can be very supportive, I can't do it for him. That's kind of what he wants. He doesn't address sex, request it, initiate it, talk about it, ask me questions or get to know me or anything...he avoids, and he's sad for it.
.........,...............................

[3]I have come to this conclusion after pouring years of effort into trying to resolve it. He resented the focus I applied and shut down entirely. He has Mars conjunct Saturn in the 1st house in Cancer, a Taurus sun conjunct Jupiter in the 11th...and a Scorpio North Node in the 5th.
......................................

[4] @Aries23Degrees - two things on the Draconic side...his sun is in late Virgo. Mine? Early Gemini...never checked that out for myself before! Maybe that's where the deep need to achieve communication comes from? Thanks for bringing that into the thread : )

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@[1]You just managed to sum up the crux of my own Draconic Mars in Leo energy.

[2]This is the "prickly wound" I refer to. The resistance results in nothing being fixed but the wound STILL present.

[3] I know about that Mars in Cancer energy that has everyone around them walking on egg shells. The Sat on top of that is him feeling heavily criticized and demoralized as a man.

I actually wondered if Chiron was hitting Mars. But I think that this aspect brings up related themes.

[4] The Draconic does add a perspective that sheds light on deeper underlying issues and challenges.

It may be noteworthy to look at the Draconic against the natal. The tight aspects being especially relevant.

My problem is rage and anger. Its not highlighted in the natal. But looking at Draco

Natal Pluto square draco Mars/Asc and opp Moon.

posted June 30, 2018 05:11 PM            

Mars in Leo, Scorpio Sun and Venus plus a Libra Rising you have such a sexual, deep, loving, exitcing and partnership signs in your chart so I really hope you can both find a way to explore this with him eventually. So now that you are both at therapy, are you discussing your sex life with the therapist? And what does he say when this topic is broached? Are you saying that you would definitely stay with your husband if you had a healthier sex life, is the only issue the sex and everything else is fine in the relationship? The way you talk about him I can tell you both really care about eachother but I want you to know and I give you permisson to NOT FEEL GUILTY about him moving over, him supporting your dreams etc. that's what you do when you're in love, both your intentions were pure and you were both happy, but it seems that you're not anymore and if you can't 'fix' this then you may need to find your happiness seperately. Your happiness is the most important thing, you have your whole life ahead of you no matter how you feel right now that's the truth.

Again, I have to ask some personal details to try get to the bottom of this. The first 2 years of sex, what was it like? Was it good, was it what you wanted, or was it just done to get it out the way orrrrr? Did you have similar views and styles of sex? The red flag here seems to be the situation with your Dad as everything then changed... You mention your husband is forgein, what is his culture like? Could this in anyway impact his view on marriage or sex or what happend with your father? 'Because men don't like to see the women they are with as damaged in any way' - this statement makes me wonder, maybe in his head he thought ' I can't have sex with her as she may of been abused by her father for many years and I don't want to add to that damage' or maybe makes him feel uneasy? Did he develop some sort of Madonna complex after you got married? I hope your therapy works out though I'm sure he'd rather go to therapy and give it a really good go at working at intimacy than breaking up.

posted June 30, 2018 05:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

Take a look at your connections. You will be surprised at what you find.

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I'm going to do that right now...a couple of questions first?

Do you apply Draconic to composites or no?
I read once that the 12th house Draconic is a place to see where you might be having issues...mine would be in the 7th house if there's a strong case for doing that. I don't have a ton of experience with them, which is odd, given that I do focus heavily on eclipses and nodal axis etc.

What about Draconic progressions...good for anything?

Thanks for the conversation so far, have been happily engaged in this thread!

posted June 30, 2018 05:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by astrosaz:
I would never tell someone to 'leave' a situation BUT I can help them make an informed descison on what to do. People telling you 'just to leave' are pretty insensitive as we all know that's way easier said than done. You could easily give up, but you aren't because you care about him, people are so quick to throw away things these days so I applaud you for sticking it out aslong as you have.

Mars in Leo, Scorpio Sun and Venus plus a Libra Rising you have such a sexual, deep, loving, exitcing and partnership signs in your chart so I really hope you can both find a way to explore this with him eventually. So now that you are both at therapy, are you discussing your sex life with the therapist? And what does he say when this topic is broached? Are you saying that you would definitely stay with your husband if you had a healthier sex life, is the only issue the sex and everything else is fine in the relationship? The way you talk about him I can tell you both really care about eachother but I want you to know and I give you permisson to NOT FEEL GUILTY about him moving over, him supporting your dreams etc. that's what you do when you're in love, both your intentions were pure and you were both happy, but it seems that you're not anymore and if you can't 'fix' this then you may need to find your happiness seperately. Your happiness is the most important thing, you have your whole life ahead of you no matter how you feel right now that's the truth.

Again, I have to ask some personal details to try get to the bottom of this. The first 2 years of sex, what was it like? Was it good, was it what you wanted, or was it just done to get it out the way orrrrr? Did you have similar views and styles of sex? The red flag here seems to be the situation with your Dad as everything then changed... You mention your husband is forgein, what is his culture like? Could this in anyway impact his view on marriage or sex or what happend with your father? 'Because men don't like to see the women they are with as damaged in any way' - this statement makes me wonder, maybe in his head he thought ' I can't have sex with her as she may of been abused by her father for many years and I don't want to add to that damage' or maybe makes him feel uneasy? Did he develop some sort of Madonna complex after you got married? I hope your therapy works out though I'm sure he'd rather go to therapy and give it a really good go at working at intimacy than breaking up.

Your instincts are pretty correct about my placements, how did you guess haha? My moon is in a critical degree of Cancer with a lot of trines to it, and my sun, merc, mars, jupiter and pluto in the 4th house which maybe adds to the Cancer energy. My Vesta is in Pisces on the 7th/8th house cusp. I don't have a retrograde Venus, It's in Libra but I have a retrograde merc. No Virgo apart from my chiron but I do have a lot of merc aspects maybe making me seem a little Virgo.

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I can feel the Cancer nurture coming through in this response, very sweet and supportive energy, thank you Astrosaz : )))

I wish I knew the answers to all of those questions! What I can offer is that I met my hubby in the mystique of a foreign country, in Paris of all places , while Jupiter was touring Pisces in my 5th house. Your question about French culture has a complicated answer...the French communicate very differently than Americans do. We sort of expect to talk it out in the moment, or to reveal what we are feeling...the French tend to expect that you sort it out first, and then present the information to the other person. A hot vs cold situation. Also, the French are classically more conservative than we expect, and are VERY family oriented. So he is more fulfilled as he has what he wants, and to get what i want may require a power play of some sort, which I hate the thought of. Also, my South Node in Pisces has a 5th house placement, so romance, fun, and expression, though strong for me, are always dwindling in supply.

Our first two years were without expectations and mostly about adventure, which appealed to us, we both have Aries Moons : ) Sex was good, but related always to 'fun'...going out, having adventures, etc. He was never some sort of stallion, but we had a great connection that was worth keeping, so we married to be in the same country. There's a lot of friendship in our relationship, and a strong 'we have each other's back' vibe...he hates to fight, and won't even utter a cross word...but you know, its hard to say where it went wrong aside from the dad assault being decidedly unfun...I think his Sun conjunct Jupiter reveals a lot about that...can't deal with the 'real' stuff, but can maintain exuberant optimism.

Also...ironically though we've attempted therapy, the therapist never showed up, and we haven't found a new on since that happened...though, as much as that sucked, we did have a fun date night and a good meal as a result, lol.

I think mostly, the Dad event threw off the fun and lightheartedness at precisely the wrong moment...our marriage's beginning...and, as all astrologer's know, origin stories are very powerful material indeed.

About your Chiron in Virgo...that's a big Virgo energy to have! The woundedness comes from control, perfectionism, etc. The gift in it is the ability to heal, and to heal yourself. I wonder if that's a 7th or 5th or 1st house placement for you...? Are you a Pisces ASC by chance? Or Scorpio ASC?

Is Chiron's placement in opposition to Vesta? Would love to know the house placements on these <3

posted June 30, 2018 06:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

Take a look at your connections. You will be surprised at what you find.

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