posted June 26, 2018 08:04 PM            

I feel Scorpio is a sign of extremes, all or nothing and it manifests that way with people's sexual appetite and sex life too.

With Uranus on his mars in Scorpio I feel subconsciously he doesn't want to lose his freedom by surrendering to sex. He fears the power of sex controlling him. When I get intense he avoids it, he has a huge fear of death too, he trembles when he thinks of death, I feel his avoidance of sex and his fear of death are connected. I on the other hand embrace the hell out of been consumed by the act of sex and love surrendering to its power.

Sometimes with Scorpio the need to be in control makes them avoid sex. They haven't surrendered to their Scorpio nature, they are on the other side of it clinging on to their dear life, resisting transformation. They have not opened the door of the 8th and crossed over.

posted June 27, 2018 12:54 AM            

Which is stronger in your nature, Fear or Desire? If fear you are probably one of the Scorpios with a sexless life perhaps."

Couple of things here make a good deal of sense, but also, maybe a little quick to resolve? Ie, my nature is deeply desire ridden, and I am sexless by commitment, not by choice...unless of course I decide to choose against my commitment to my partner, which is complicated. For me, expressing control would be closer to leaving my marriage rather than staying in it, if that makes sense.

The need for control can be something that I see in Scorps who can't let go, but it's not because they haven't engaged the 8th house (which is far greater than sex in terms of interpretation), in fact its usually because the 8th house is so complicated that the way I see it, the Scorp gets really burdened. I also have Uranus in Scorp...I would say that it doesn't effect my sex drive directly, but if someone doesn't know that I need to have space and individuality, that would def kill my desire for them. But I jsut wanted to offer to you, first hand, that fear is a really big part of transformation, it's the great instigator. So I'm not sure the fear / desire dichotomy you mention feels like its functioning...at least not in my experience. Usually the two are quite binded, not opposites...but that's just my 2 cents.

posted June 27, 2018 01:09 AM            

When you say you have Uranus in scorpio are you saying you have Mars conjunct Uranus or just uranus in scorpio? bc earlier I was specifically talking about Mars conjunct Uranus in scorpio, not JUST Uranus in scorpio.

posted June 27, 2018 01:37 AM            

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Still very interested in how / why this happens to Scorps. It's got to be deeply frustrating for us all...and appreciate your thoughts![/B]

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It sounds like what you are really asking is why do scorpios end up marrying people with low sex drives?

I am thinking bc scorpios like to feel secure they often settle for women who are not in the same page sexually as them and bc they value that sense of security and have a strong sense of loyalty they stick around even though their sexual needs are not been met and is only a matter of time bf you get a case of the F its and end up cheating bc when your spouse is not having sex with you it is a type of neglect and abuse IMO.****

Last:

A lot of women find scorpio energy unsettling and think they are pervs so scorpio repulses a lot of women so this can work against them if you are going for these types of women and ending in a relationship with them bc they don't accept and understand your nature.

My mother, sister and my then best friend, all three did not like my Scorpio Ex, Ray. I assure you there is no valid reason for this. My dad and brother had no issues with him at all. He was wonderful.

posted June 27, 2018 11:42 AM            

I know when I was desperately looking for love there was never a hint of it (it took giving up completely on the goal).

Hypatia, that's a shame that you're in a relationship where you're so different. I'm not sure I could do that.... I have noticed that quite a few people I know with Mars-Uranus conjunctions end up celibate. It's like Uranus makes the Mars behave in a super contrary manner.

posted June 27, 2018 12:40 PM            

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Originally posted by waxlobster:
Is it a case of focussing on something so much that you attract the fear version of it perhaps?

I know when I was desperately looking for love there was never a hint of it (it took giving up completely on the goal).

Hypatia, that's a shame that you're in a relationship where you're so different. I'm not sure I could do that.... I have noticed that quite a few people I know with Mars-Uranus conjunctions end up celibate. It's like Uranus makes the Mars behave in a super contrary manner.

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Fascinating! Thanks for confirming this for me, that means a lot that you have also noticed that as an astrologer.

posted June 27, 2018 02:25 PM            

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Originally posted by two-headed-she:
I know many Scorpios (myself included) who are stuck in sexless scenarios. What gives, and how do we Scorpio's need to change our perspectives in order to start healing and enjoying ourselves?? Thinking about power abuses for Scorps as little kids or young people and how that might effect the nature of Scorpios sexual expression as something to control rather than explore?

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^^ This. I have Saturn/Venus and Pluto in Scorpio. I don't have as much sex as one would assume . Especially curious since Asc is in Aries and Sun/Jupiter conjunction in Sag(both energies being quite sexually active)

I day dream of sex a lot though. But I don't get much action. I dream of ultimate holistic intimacy and not just "wham bam thank you sir". But most people are not interested.

I think Scorpio can fear sexual expression because that is when one can be most open/vulnerable. And they are rarely convinced that the partners by their side can go there with them(most times)

Even when I have sex. I hold back. That could be Saturn in Scorpio. But I do. The only time I really let go is when I am self stimulating(masturbating).

Trust is an issue. Deep trust is about good sex. Because that is what sex is about: Synergistic eXchange of Energy. And trust takes time.

So try explaining that to your partner and watch them squirm or say " babe, its just sex. Not a space rocket launch!"-which may end up pushing the Scorpio self deeper into themselves to either just go with the flow and get it over and done with. Or abstain from superficial sex that doesn't move their soul.

So Scorpio can be preoccupied with getting on the same level with a partner. It has to reach an intimate level. For that is the sole purpose or rather "soul" purpose of this energy. Anything less leaves them feeling robbed.

There is pain, insecurity, fear of being left behind, memories of neglect and perhaps even future apprehension of what could be within the sex act itself with Scorpio.

Yes,"normal" sex can happen. But it is not the Scorpio ideal. Because unlike many, Scorpio is acutely aware of the defenses people naturally pull and the walls that separate. Why are they there? And can intimacy be truly achieved with them still standing?

Most signs don't care for that or delving that deeply into the intricacies of getting the "nookie" on(because to many of them,its all just physical gratification).

Some other signs don't even realize that there are "walls" at all- especially if the partner is responding in an equitable "surface level" way i.e they *** , you *** and then sleep etc.

Scorpio is aware of the deep psychology of sex; the possible past imprints that are therein. The emotional hurt/pain that can inhibit its full expression. And the power it can yield to revitalize one when on the edge of "death" ( mundane living that feels essentially so disconnected from others at the core).

If Scorpio doesn't learn how to release this inner knowledge, it will carry it as hurt of not finding meaning in its own existence.

At its worst it can nurture anger, rage and frustration that there are none who feel the same. That there are indeed people who are satisfied by the mundane gratification(Taurus archetype) and that there is a lot of beauty but no depth.

This can add to an intense feeling of loneliness and alienation even when in a "relationship". So "sex" starts to feel more like a chore and at first tolerated . But over time it is resisted because of its shallow nature.

Scorpio either needs to prioritize finding a partner who will enable them to express their insatiable need for intimacy (I personally recommend Cancer or Pisces placements)

Or Scorpio can learn to build the inner reserves necessary to be the example through which such energy expression will bring forth natural partners who are willing to go with them to the underworld- as there are unsurprisingly many who long to feel deeply connected to others.

If they suppress sexual expression. It will feel like a tasteless existence. But if they also choose to opt to go with the flow of self gratification and become promiscuous. It will also be a tasteless existence.

posted June 27, 2018 02:35 PM            

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:

So try explaining that to your partner and watch them squirm or say " babe, its just sex. Not a space rocket launch!"-which may end up pushing the Scorpio self deeper into themselves to either just go with the flow and get it over and done with. Or abstain from superficial sex that doesn't move your soul.

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Exactly!

I totally get you! hahahaha

posted June 27, 2018 02:46 PM            

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
God Aries23, come move to Colorado, I could use a friend like you! hahaha

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posted June 27, 2018 02:54 PM            

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Let me get my cape.

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posted June 27, 2018 06:43 PM            

Though to parse out this desire/fear/faith bit and to add a little about my perspective, I see these as drives that have desire and need attached to them, ie for me, fear is essentially the desire to not change, or faith is (produced by) the desire to be supported and whole, etc. When it comes to sexual expression, I think people are more motivated by whether or not they feel like they are witnessed and understood by their partners...if they feel that they are, sex seems to flow because its a reflection of that connection. For me, and for quite a few other Scorps I know, a partner that was a good match early on seemed to turn into a lemon in terms of intimate connection.

posted June 27, 2018 07:08 PM            

Ah Aries23Degrees you hit on some really wonderful points!!

My fav things that you point to:

'Trust is an issue. Deep trust is about good sex. Because that is what sex is about: Synergistic eXchange of Energy. And trust takes time.'

'So Scorpio can be preoccupied with getting on the same level with a partner. It has to reach an intimate level. For that is the sole purpose or rather "soul" purpose of this energy. Anything less leaves them feeling robbed.'

'Scorpio needs to find the authenticity of sexuality expression so that intimacy with another feels more visceral. And thus their connection with themselves (essentially) feels more vitalized and dynamic.'

Good stuff, I can relate to much of what you posted.

The thing that gets me hung up is why so many Scorps end up here...karmically what's up with the sex driven sign being deprived of connection? Why do we put up with it? It fascinates me. I think it has something to do with security, which we do enjoy, and maybe being free to apply the laser like focus elsewhere...but these are just ideas I've been teasing out. I have 2 clients in the similar situations at the moment. One married a partner that has a Mars conjunct Saturn in the partner's birth chart and the same aspect shows up in the composite...that situation seems more obvious.

posted June 27, 2018 07:30 PM            

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Originally posted by capricorncheriscty:
All the water signs idealize love partners heavily and ridiculously in different aspects of life. With Scorpios, the idealization typically kicks in with sex. Scorpios have high standards of how they want sex to be and who with. This is why you will often see some Scorpios going sexless (especially those with Virgo MC and Scorpio ASC). They are striving for a perfect partner in bed who can continuously blow their mind and will never settle for less; they will spend forever vetting you out if need be so forever they shall remain "sexless".

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I'd add that in general I have see many celibate or low libido Scorp ASC charts in my day, and I completely agree, just via observation over the years...

Do you think it's about blowing our minds though? I guess I get what you're saying, but I'd add that anything constant gets boring But really...depth isn't just sexual in relationships for the Scorp, it's related to the purpose of the relationship itself. The bedroom is just a symptom of all of that...

posted June 27, 2018 07:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:

I am thinking bc scorpios like to feel secure they often settle for women who are not in the same page sexually as them and bc they value that sense of security and have a strong sense of loyalty they stick around even though their sexual needs are not been met and is only a matter of time bf you get a case of the F its and end up cheating bc when your spouse is not having sex with you it is a type of neglect and abuse IMO.****

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I think you're onto something here, but not just for male Scorps. The ladies can do this too. Yeah, withholding it can be a type of abuse. It can also be health related, or fear on the partners end...like I said...complicated : / But damn if it doesn't feel like abuse, or at very least, being a prisoner!

posted June 27, 2018 07:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by capricorncheriscty:
All the water signs idealize love partners heavily and ridiculously in different aspects of life. With Scorpios, the idealization typically kicks in with sex. Scorpios have high standards of how they want sex to be and who with. This is why you will often see some Scorpios going sexless (especially those with Virgo MC and Scorpio ASC). They are striving for a perfect partner in bed who can continuously blow their mind and will never settle for less; they will spend forever vetting you out if need be so forever they shall remain "sexless".

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^^^^^^ This is exactly what I'm going through... I don't have a low libido at all, it's just I wont settle for less. It's not because I'm snobby about what 'good sex' is because I'm not... It's more than a physical or even emotional transaction for me, it's almost spiritual? And I need that with someone who really understands and who I can trust... I'm finding it difficult to articulate my thoughts

A lot of my friends tease me (My Libra and Pisces friends) for it being such a long time but again I find it hard to explain... I'm extremely sexual but haven't found someone I want to be sexual with and I wont settle, it isn't a superficial thing quite the opposite to be honest...

Sun Scorpio
Merc Scorpio
Mars Scorpio
Pluto Scorpio

posted June 27, 2018 07:53 PM            

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Originally posted by astrosaz:

^^^^^^ This is exactly what I'm going through... I don't have a low libido at all, it's just I wont settle for less. It's not because I'm snobby about what 'good sex' is because I'm not... It's more than a physical or even emotional transaction for me, it's almost spiritual? And I need that with someone who really understands and who I can trust... I'm finding it difficult to articulate my thoughts

A lot of my friends tease me (My Libra and Pisces friends) for it being such a long time but again I find it hard to explain... I'm extremely sexual but haven't found someone I want to be sexual with and I wont settle, it isn't a superficial thing quite the opposite to be honest...

Sun Scorpio
Merc Scorpio
Mars Scorpio
Pluto Scorpio

Sun conjunct merc, merc conjunct mars and mars conjunct pluto.

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That's rough, but I'm very curious, do you know what you want so clearly that it's not possible to entertain something else, or is it that you know what you don't what so clearly that you can't find a suitable option? Bit of a tongue twister but it's different depending.

Now you having me second guessing if this is why I'm in my situation as well...because as a framework it totally works. I *could* be having sex with my partner, but it would be very unsatisfying (or so I think, as experience tells me) and I'd be more emotionally distraught after because I'm so distant from my version of sexual expression that it saddens me, so I don't offer myself up for that experience.

posted June 27, 2018 08:57 PM            

Like Hypatia238 says Scorpio is a sign of extremes and I'm definitely someone who would rather have zero sex than 'bad sex'. I don't have something that I want clearly, what I want is someone who is mature, respectful, patient, not intimidated and open minded, that I can trust and that is easier said than found. There are no clear visions or sexual scenarios in my head that I want so clearly I just know I don't want a 'wam bam thank you sir' like Aries said haha but then again I also have my own issues like the example below between two boyfriends I once had.

Your situation has me reflecting on my past sexual experiences and I found something quite peculiar. It kind of sounds like I have a Madonna ***** Complex with my ownself... With a boyfriend I lusted after ( but didn't love ) I found it very easy to access my taboo erotic sexual nature and do anything, it didn't last because after a while just lust becomes boring and I wanted love, I know now that again I'd rather have no sex than with someone I didn't love... Then came a boyfriend that I loved and I wanted to have sex with, but it became kind of difficult... I couldn't do the taboo stuff, just the love making stuff, any of the naughty stuff I just couldn't bare the thought of doing it with him? And it wasn't anything to do with 'him' it was to do with my feelings for him? Maybe I subconciously thought he wouldn't love me anymore if I did that kind of stuff or look at me the same way? I have no idea.

Some of it is I NEED to know this person is going to be in my life and worth my time before I give it up to them, I'll wait forever before I even kiss someone.

Hypatia touched on the control thing with her boyfriend earlier and so did Aries23 about vulnerability and trust and 'normal' sex. I have a somewhat similar experience. I need to be in control because if I let go you'll see the real me, the vulnerable me and sometimes I associate my vulnerability with weakness and I don't want someone to think I'm weak or think THEY can control me. If you see me weak I feel scared. OR maybe you'll see I'm not so mysterious after all and leave because the mystery has been solved that I'm not some mysterious, brooding, sexy person, just a >>regular<< girl who wants to be loved but once you see that im just a regular girl like everyone else you'll leave or have power over me. That's a big fear, letting someone in and them leaving or being disappointed.

Two-Headed-She - Maybe expand on your situation a little further ( If you're comfortable ) so we can explore and see what could be triggering this in you? Have you always felt this way or is this a recent thing? How long have you been with your partner? What are your feeligns towards them? Do you still have a strong or high sex drive but just don't want to have sex with your partner? The second boyfriend that I loved in that second story I stopped having sex with because I didn't love him anymore and I wasn't attracted to him anymore, I still had a high libedo but I had to leave.