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Author
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Topic: This happened yesterday
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charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4593
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 04:25 AM
  
....and many other times :-/
I’m wondering what’s wrong with me or what I project?! Went to local convenience store. My husband and I know the owner on a name basis only. I went in to buy coffee, not knowing that my husband had been in previous week and apparently voiced his opinion on which coffee type he liked the best and that owner should have it on his shelves. I pick the coffee *I* want (and one that my husband also enjoys) when owner literally snaps that coffee out of my hand and says “ (my husband’s name) does NOT like that coffee!! He likes THIS coffee!!!” and proceeds to enter amount into register. I was too stunned to say a word so I just walked off. Later I almost felt violated. Maybe I’m overreacting (full moon and all) but I found the behavior extremely rude and I’m wondering why some people think it’s OK to do this? Also, when I told husband he said “maybe you should behave better”. IP: Logged |
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 5802
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 05:34 AM
What planets do you or hubby have in the 3rd house or 6th?If the store owner feels comfortable enough to do that,its likely that they feel they CAN transgress boundaries. This is also the case with people who you hire to clean your house etc. If they come often enough. They start to feel that they "know" you. IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4593
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 05:48 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
What planets do you or hubby have in the 3rd house or 6th?If the store owner feels comfortable enough to do that,its likely that they feel they CAN transgress boundaries. This is also the case with people who you hire to clean your house etc. If they come often enough. They start to feel that they "know" you.
He has empty 3rd and 6th.
I have Uranus and NN in 3rd and Vertex in 6th. IP: Logged |
Aries23Degrees
Knowflake Posts: 5802
From: South Africa
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 07:31 AM
Upon re-reading the story I realise that you did pick out the coffee that your hubby wanted. Its just that they(store clerk) didn't want you to buy the coffee that you wanted.I think in future you should address this with the store clerk as it was rude. IP: Logged |
Radium
Knowflake Posts: 477
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted July 26, 2018 12:06 PM
Shut up like who really cares they're people dying out thereIP: Logged |
pire
Knowflake Posts: 2761
From: France
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 26, 2018 12:11 PM
To dissipate my ANGER on the moment of being told what to do (i am aqua), and also to AVOID making a fuss of it if by chance the clerck was just being friendly and cheeky, I would ALSO have taken the one I had initally chosen ( a libra moon gives the benefit of the doubt and avoid if necessary a fight)But I would have tried to understand his motive, and if UNCOMFORTABLE with him being so familiar, I would ensure in the FUTURE to put some DISTANCES so he understand where MY LIMITS are. Violation comes in different forms and ignoring it is not healthy I think. It is wise to not take it to heart though, but learn from the experience, especially when it is a small event with no repercussions at all in our lives.  IP: Logged |
margym0o
Knowflake Posts: 1086
From: Canada
Registered: Jul 2014
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posted July 26, 2018 12:17 PM
I don't think it was anything you did wrong in this situation and it's certainly nothing you project to make people respond to you in this way.The store owner obviously felt offended by your hubby's suggestion that he *should* stock a particular coffee and took it out on you. That is on the store owner to manage his emotional outbursts and should recognize it was not *your* fault and take it up with your hubby if he felt offended by his comment. If you feel violated in any way then you should take a stance and not give him any more of your business, not until he apologizes anyway (if you want to give him that). As for your hubby's response to the situation, I think that should be the main concern here. I hope he was being sarcastic when he said "maybe you should behave better." IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4593
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 12:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Radium:
Shut up like who really cares they're people dying out there
I know, right!? My mom died 2 weeks ago so I think it’s only appropriate that people treat me like sh1t. Thank you for your condolences! IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4593
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 01:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by margym0o:
I don't think it was anything you did wrong in this situation and it's certainly nothing you project to make people respond to you in this way.The store owner obviously felt offended by your hubby's suggestion that he *should* stock a particular coffee and took it out on you. That is on the store owner to manage his emotional outbursts and should recognize it was not *your* fault and take it up with your hubby if he felt offended by his comment. If you feel violated in any way then you should take a stance and not give him any more of your business, not until he apologizes anyway (if you want to give him that). As for your hubby's response to the situation, I think that should be the main concern here. I hope he was being sarcastic when he said "maybe you should behave better."
He wasn’t being sarcastic nor was he joking, unfortunately. IP: Logged |
Radium
Knowflake Posts: 477
From:
Registered: Jul 2016
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posted July 26, 2018 01:55 PM
Sorry about your mom, one of my friends killed himself last year. Death is tragic but it can be beautiful thing, they are no longer in pain and are in a place of an all-consuming love. I hope you get better, one day me and you will both die. I have had several near misses with death and what I can tell you is it is not as terrible as one may think. I wasn't trying to be rude but I think it's just a silly post is all, but women will be women I guess ... you can go ahead and despise me now for being a
"dick" now IP: Logged |
anonymidarkness
Knowflake Posts: 6475
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 02:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by margym0o:
I don't think it was anything you did wrong in this situation and it's certainly nothing you project to make people respond to you in this way.The store owner obviously felt offended by your hubby's suggestion that he *should* stock a particular coffee and took it out on you. That is on the store owner to manage his emotional outbursts and should recognize it was not *your* fault and take it up with your hubby if he felt offended by his comment.
I think this is what happened.
IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 9642
From: Mercury novile and parallel Pluto, Pluto septile Southnode
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted July 26, 2018 02:30 PM
I mean I get it, you felt disrespected, that was not his call to do that and he basically is saying through his actions that what your husband wants is more important that what you want. It was just NOT his place to do that period, if your husband had an issue with your selection then HE needs to speak up about it, its between you and him. At that point either you accommodate to make him happy (its just coffee) or you guys decide that this time you get to choose the coffee but next time he does, something like that. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 9642
From: Mercury novile and parallel Pluto, Pluto septile Southnode
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted July 26, 2018 02:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
He wasn’t being sarcastic nor was he joking, unfortunately.
Did you dig deeper and ask, why do you think I misbehaved? It sounds like he is holding on to a grudge about how you carry yourself and handle things but has not spoken up about it with you. Regardless his comment would have irritated me too, I would feel like he doesn't have my back, these things happen sometimes in relationships though. IP: Logged |
Orange
Knowflake Posts: 7239
From: Georgia
Registered: May 2009
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posted July 26, 2018 02:41 PM
The store owner is trying to underline his perception that he knows your husband better than you do. He obviously has issues with his own wife or have been disappointed with women who neglected him.
Of course you'd feel violated, this is between you and your husband. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 9642
From: Mercury novile and parallel Pluto, Pluto septile Southnode
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted July 26, 2018 02:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Orange:
The store owner is trying to underline his perception that he knows your husband better than you, his wife, do. He obviously has issues with his own wife or have been disappointed with women who neglected him.
Of course you'd feel violated, this is between you and your husband.
 IP: Logged |
Melinn
Knowflake Posts: 608
From: Sweden
Registered: Jul 2017
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posted July 26, 2018 04:31 PM
Man this would like never happen in good ol Sweden haha. They are too respectful of personal space, or as I call it scared to **** about conflicts.Unless you are from a different ethnicity, then even the most conflict avoidant swede may take out his/her anger out on you! It happened to me in 4 occasions, all by 50+ males twise and females twise. Random strangers. In my case it was purely because of my ethnicuty, and me being a female, but my poor father as a male has been treated badly himself (but by everyday people by his workplace and alike) so its not gender based. In his case he is very tolerant and will not say anything, but if a person makes a habit of disrespecting, he will get very very intimidating like "I really do not like the way you are talking to me, stop that instantly", and his stare could kill. He never gets bothered after that.
In my case as said it happened to me by random strangers. I also look very young and a bit shy at first look, so people can take the freedom to try to run over me.
Thats until I unleash my pluto side, one pluto/scorpio stare and they are off taking cover. But now when I'm 30 I just ignore people like that, not worth my energy.
So what I try to say is: I don't think its your "energy" or anything. Its more "their" energy and the problems they have. And you being female you immidiately are the weaker gender in a males (and females) eye.
I don't know if you are western looking white? If not then sadly it can be bc of that aswell :/ Are you plutonian? I am, and maybe that can attract people who reacts to that energy. Or the person him/itself is a plutonian power craze duchbag!
I think its very unfortunate, and it surely makes one feel very frustrated. Like you are powerless. But I'm sure you would be able to defend yourself verbally and physically by smacking the **** out of him haha. Let him be for this time, but if he is disrespectful, voice it and let him know <3 IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4593
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 04:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Radium:
Sorry about your mom, one of my friends killed himself last year. Death is tragic but it can be beautiful thing, they are no longer in pain and are in a place of an all-consuming love. I hope you get better, one day me and you will both die. I have had several near misses with death and what I can tell you is it is not as terrible as one may think. I wasn't trying to be rude but I think it's just a silly post is all, but women will be women I guess ... you can go ahead and despise me now for being a
"dick" now
I don’t despise you because I don’t know you but had I known you, and what you just wrote was something you would have told me, I would have un-known you for being a sexist, pre-pubescent child and for also, while you were at it, trying to tell me what to think of you.
If you want to cover all your bases, make sure you have legs and arms enough. Take that from someone who’s (most likely) twice your age! IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 4593
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 04:34 PM
@MelinnI am Swedish/American and this happened in Sweden. IP: Logged |
Melinn
Knowflake Posts: 608
From: Sweden
Registered: Jul 2017
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posted July 26, 2018 05:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
@MelinnI am Swedish/American and this happened in Sweden.
omg haha in Stockholm? Do you look swedish though? Not to be noicy, you don't have to answer IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 9642
From: Mercury novile and parallel Pluto, Pluto septile Southnode
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted July 26, 2018 05:02 PM
I think her saying Swedish AMERICAN is her way of saying she looks white  IP: Logged |
Desiring Shadows
Knowflake Posts: 4288
From: UNITED STATES, BABY
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted July 26, 2018 09:51 PM
Radium was just being honest and saying women will be women isn’t a rude statement it’s a vague statement at best.
And maybe it’s biased but people get way too offended.
I blame the retrogradez!
And also ...
I personally think that the store owner was upset about something and decided to be rude or he was just a jerk and you should probably avoid shopping at his restaurant. Unless you like his restaurant thankjsf avoid him and if he talks to you or try’s to communicate with you just flat out leave. LolIP: Logged |
Melinn
Knowflake Posts: 608
From: Sweden
Registered: Jul 2017
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posted July 27, 2018 06:00 AM
quote:
Originally posted by hypatia238:
I think her saying Swedish AMERICAN is her way of saying she looks white
haha ok I guess I was a bit annoying  Yeah I'm swedish too, but only by being borne here and being a citizen thats why I did not wanna assume anything IP: Logged |
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