posted May 05, 2019 02:41 PM            

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Originally posted by Astra:
::hugs:: Dreaming to move abroad is fine, but if you want it to become a reality, you have to become completely independent first in your native country. Even if you had the full support of your family, you would struggle immensely in another country in your current state of mind. Adjusting to a new country is very difficult and stressful even if you already speak the language.

Right now, you need to stand up for yourself and start taking strides towards independence while you still have your family to catch you if you fall. The moment that your mom or grandma try to hinder your independence, just tell them this," I love you so much and I'm very grateful for everything, but I need to start learning to do things on my own. Someday you won't be around and who will help me then? I have to learn to take care of myself. Right now you are still here and I can ask you for guidance as I learn more about being an adult. Later on, I will have nobody to ask for help. Do you really want me to be clueless about life when I no longer have any family around?"

Each day take some baby steps towards being independent. Drive to a nearby grocery store by yourself to pick up a few things that your family needs. The next time drive to a grocery store that is a bit further away.

I'd say you really should spend a good 5 years building up your independence before you move to another country. While you are learning to be an adult, you need to learn more about this foreign country. What jobs are in demand over there? Find out what those jobs are and start developing those skills or obtaining the necessary education. Learn to speak the language. Good luck! Remember, you can do anything you set your mind to! You are a strong and capable person. Don't forget that.

Sorry I got off topic. Back to the OP....

Basically, adults live at home for five reasons:

1) They live in a city with a high cost of living and don't make enough money to live on their own
2) They are drowning in debt (student loans, medical bills, etc)
3) They are taking care of ailing parents or other family members, which can be a full time job
4) They are disabled (mentally and/or physically)
5) They are simply lazy and want to be a kid forever.

Some people fall into just one of these categories while others fall into multiple categories. Regardless of the reason they are living at home, it is absolutely critical that these adults work on developing the skills to live independently. Why? Your parents won't live forever and strangers don't love you nearly as much as they do. At some point, you must stand on your own two feet. Many of these young adults don't think about who will they turn to when mom and dad are gone? They better develop a plan B.

Astrologically speaking, I see living at home to be more common among people who are predominantly Cancer and Libra.

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I can see why you're saying she should take it slow and build her independence in her home town still so to have someone to fall back on... But I disagree with the entire ideology. I think @SoulOfABird go in headfirst. You're an adult and you'll figure it out. I don't think you wanna waste 5 years building your independence.

I understand the hardest part is your mom and there's feelings of guilt keeping you from making the move... But if you think about it that's the only thing you need to overcome. Sit down with her one day and explain to her nicely and affirmatively that it's something you really wanna do and that she has to understand that you're not cutting her out of your life or anything... But she should really want what's best for you. And that means to let you soar. If your wings are tied you ain't going anywhere. I know it's a very stifling feeling. My mom's very similar in that sense. And although I still live with her she knows very well that I'm outta here as soon as I can support myself financially. It took some time for her to realize that it's gonna be a real thing but I think now she sees it as inevitable.

I think you need to exude the confidence that you're doing it. She'll see how serious you are about it and nothing will stop you. And honestly you don't need people to agree with your aspirations. It's your aspirations not theirs. They'll only see it from their point of view. In your case especially if it's your mom she wants to keep you close by. And if you allow her to control you then you'll find yourself in 10 years from now with those aspirations that seem so out of reach it'll feel like it's never gonna become a reality. You should act on it while it's still ripe. You need to affirm yourself. And I understand you feel like you owe your parents and stuff... I totally understand it. But if you're gonna change your entire future just to make them feel at ease then what precisely is your position here on Earth? What do you exist for?

At the end of the day, your mom will be proud of you and you know it. She's just scared. But it's ok, it won't be that way for long cuz you'll get a handle of yourself quite quickly.

If I were you I'd make the move like now lol. Especially if you can afford it now. It'll change your life. Even if just for one year.

posted May 05, 2019 04:07 PM            

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Originally posted by Brenda_S:
[B] I can see why you're saying she should take it slow and build her independence in her home town still so to have someone to fall back on... But I disagree with the entire ideology. I think @SoulOfABird go in headfirst. You're an adult and you'll figure it out. I don't think you wanna waste 5 years building your independence.

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We will have to disagree. I know you mean well, but your advice will set SoulOfABird up for failure and cause her an extreme amount of anxiety. I've seen many people who are more independent than her just pick up and merely move to another city in their home state and fail miserably because they failed to do the proper research. It costs money to move and it costs money to live. She needs to do a lot of planning, which is going to be difficult since she hasn't lived on her own yet.

Living in a completely different country is going to make it difficult for her family to help her if she runs into trouble. Maybe she will survive and maybe she won't, but that is an awfully big gamble. Also, increasing her independence over 5 years isn't wasting her life. I'm not saying she should sit around and watch TV; I specifically said she should work on increasing her independence and develop life skills. This is what you are supposed to be doing during your 20s. You need to be independent to even just travel to another country; she is not ready yet.

The other reason I suggest she wait 5 years is make sure she really wants to move to a different country. That is a huge decision and many times we have these idealistic dreams at 22, but we change our minds when we are a bit older and have lived a little. Has she even traveled to this other country and spent extensive time there (3+ months)? Has she visited the non-tourist locations? Does she have basic conversational skills in this country's language?

One of my friends moved to Italy when she was 23. She did not think things through very carefully and ended up having to prostitute herself in order to survive. She couldn't afford to move back home and hated living there. Unfortunately, she was on her own and was stuck living there until she was 26 when she finally was able to move back to the U.S. Unfortunately, she is now suffering PTSD from the violence she encountered while working as a prostitute and lives with her parents at 33. She is much worse off than before and can't cope.

I'm not saying that this would happen to Soulofabird as this was an extreme situation, but she may find herself in a situation doing something she may not want to do simply because she did not plan well. You can't eliminate every risk in a decision, but you can reduce your chances of failure by doing your homework.

You can't walk until you can crawl and you can't run until you can walk. Soulofabird needs to become independent first because being totally dependent in a new country could put her in danger since she will end up relying on the kindness of strangers. This is not a good position to be in.

posted May 05, 2019 09:45 PM            

I do have Moon in 4th house and Taurus IC...and you know, all that really means is that I care about my family more than most people in our generation probably do. I don't care to sacrifice societal norms to make sure they're well taken care of. I would definitely feel a tremendous amount of guilt and regret if my disabled parent's quality of life were poor just because I wanted to live by myself.

posted May 06, 2019 09:36 AM            

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Originally posted by Melinn:
Jeez what a judgy tone you got there 😓

Student loans. Being without a job. Or living in a country and city where its nearly impossible to find an apartment. Living in a country where they have a system and market where its impossible to find an apartment for rent, you have to ”buy” the apartment in order to get one. Or you find a rent but its much pricier to rent it then to buy it.

In some cases it can be due to cultural factors, in west culture the norm is to move out when one is 18. In other cultures the norm may be to move out when married, then the parents helps to set up the newly weds home etc...

Also astrology would not show all thise factors I mention in ones chart, I mean how could they? or em I wrong?!

Anyway I hope you understand the world is not revolving around the socio-economical and cultural norms you are used to

Edit: Or maybe you ment people who have it great economically or who have job opportunities and won’t wanna work and choses to stay at home?

Then I have misunderstood you, and also its an other type of question I believe, like why would someone not wanna work and stand on their own feet..

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SUPER JUDGY! i hope mercury never ever falls on hard times LOL

posted May 06, 2019 09:38 AM            

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Originally posted by Melinn:
I did not get offended . I may have read it as judgy tone but now I think I may have read it too hastily so sorry for that OP

Yes I to know of co-dependent people. Those I know of has simply been spoiled and so they trust their parents too much. Spoiled brats in short, taking advantage of their parents. In those cases I do blame the parents the most lol but its an character issue as well. I believe we all are lazy in thise matters in our core if we have the opportunity

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This is not a co dependent issue. it's actually the opposite.

posted May 06, 2019 12:13 PM            

Natally I have Saggitarius on the IC and always had itchy feet. Transiting Pluto through the house ony intensified this. I first lived away from home for one year at the age of 13 (in a boarding school; health reasons).
I then left home for studies when I was 19.

posted May 07, 2019 09:16 AM            

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Originally posted by bluestskies88:
SUPER JUDGY! i hope mercury never ever falls on hard times LOL

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posted May 07, 2019 12:18 PM            

This may be the most close to Topic in 30+ posts:

posted May 07, 2019 12:45 PM            

My extended family is traditional in the sense that property is passed down from one generation to the next, which was pretty much the norm for the world until hyper-capitalism set in, wanting us to buy and consume a lot more, and become more dependent on big business (or big government) than on family. But now that all the financial bubbles are bursting (and anything to do with college, from loans to textbooks, have become legalized scams as far as I'm concerned, people should stick to community colleges if they're going only for the degree or academic reasons rather than the connections and prestige--note, parents may insist on the latter for their own ego's sake even if the kid isn't interested), plenty have to stay home anyway, especially in places like the USA which has many areas with absurd rent and deposit requirements (on top of utilities).

'Course some pay rent to their parents.

In my family's case, we all help on the farm...when I went to stay with my grandmother until she was back on her feet (having suffered a pulmonary embolism) she didn't like how I was doing all her farm and house chores as if she was an invalid. She lives in the home her grandfather made, my mother grew up in it, and I inherited it myself, though I sold it to my cousin so he could move in rather than waiting to move into his dad's home. (Both houses are in sight of each other, the mailboxes for both homes are side by side.)

As for laziness and all that, I don't know. My impression is that childhood experiences color all of that. If they weren't raised to take care of themselves (and worse, only did chores as punishment) then they can hardly expect to have a good attitude about doing these things as adults. And it's certainly unreasonable to raise a kid in a bubble by helicopter parents until they're 18 and then magically expect them to assume the responsibility of adults (and by that time the neuroplasticity of the brain is slowing down so it will take the brain longer to acquire mature habits if they haven't already).

If I were to look into this from an astrological angle, I'd look into those who WANT to be eternal children (not necessarily to their parents). I know many romanticize being a child.