posted December 13, 2021 11:28 PM            

Yesterday we had a bit of a misunderstanding that irked me. And this isn't the 1st time we interact and I feel very grated by our meetings because he always sounds so harsh to me.

So yesterday we concluded that its best that we stick to E-mails in our communication. Since we can't do this "conversation" thing.

He is Cap Moon and I am Cancer Moon. He helped me get the job so I do owe him a lot. The problem(however)is that our friendship will likely suffer because we are working together.

We also have Mars (his) opp Sun(mine) and my Mars opp his Sun(Ari) double whammy. So we just don't seem to "get" each other's approaches to things at all.

Yesterday I felt he got too brusque. Perhaps it is I whom can't draw boundaries? And i guess that's why it felt so rough? Because if the tables were turned, I wouldn't speak to him the way he spoke to me.

I know what a challenge a relationship between Cap and Cancer can be sometimes. This whether platonic or romantic. Cap can successfully "switch" between professional and personal.

But I on the other hand, think that the two are mutually exclusive. I don't talk to friends as I do colleagues. I don't get involved with the latter as much as I do the former.

So I don't know what to do about this situation really. I can successfully make it professional. But that means that there will be distance between us personally. I will have to draw that line because at the moment his "switching" is confusing to me.

But unlike him, I can't do a "switch". Once he is a colleague, he can no longer be a friend . Not like he once was🤷🏿‍♂️

Currently,

trans Retro Ura opp natal Sat ( co ruler of 11th) & situated in house 8 (intimate relationships). Trans Sat is also square Natal Sat.

Yesterday when this realization happened, trans Merc conj natal Nep/Sun. Trans Ven/Pluto in Cap square trans Moon in my natal 1st house.

As I said, maybe I was in my feels yesterday (Moon in 1st). But this jarring interaction is quite a consistent occurrence between us. So I am going to draw some fixed lines.

posted December 13, 2021 11:51 PM            

I may not be the best help but I can share that you weren't alone. The conflict was real with my friend, I was in a similar situation as you too (He referred me to his company) He was a cap rising, me a cancer rising. It was a rather a rocky relationship between us. We also have a grand cross, my Sun/Neptune square + his Mars square Jupiter/Saturn. One word, OOF. His Mars sat on my ASC - so it was potent.

It's like anything I do, he is not shy to tell me how it is "you're under-performing, why are you making so many mistakes, you aren't trying hard enough" - and ugh he has a bit of anger problem which my Libra moon felt uneasy. I couldn't really ask him for help without annoying him. My approach most often didn't satisfy him and lack of encouragement when I do made progress. What change was I confront him that he hurt my feelings. But the conflict dynamic continued here and there - it's just who he is and the synastry we have and lack of awareness on his part. I think after quitting, I felt... I "escaped" from him except I'm broke 😂. This wasn't a happy ending, we end up not continuing our friendship - we just faded. I don't see why someone can't just be nice, colleague or not. and build each other up.

I'm definitely going to make sure I check synastry with friends before committing working together. I think because we worked everyday together, the synastry played out louder than with just friends who we see from time to time. Also our composite was shiet. (excuse my French 😛

And I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really is a tough situation to be in.

posted December 14, 2021 02:08 AM            

there's no reason to drag one into the other just because you're friends, if you can't act professional at work without distancing yourself from a friend (who's the same person he always was outside of work) then it seems like you're the problem not him to me

did he come off harsh if you were just any other coworker or did it feel that way because you're friends? if it's the latter in no way do you deserve special treatment just for being friends, in fact he'd be wrong to give it

if it's the former then it's fine to take it up with him

posted December 14, 2021 08:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by SimplyLuna:
Hey Aries23 ❤️~

I may not be the best help but I can share that you weren't alone. The conflict was real with my friend, I was in a similar situation as you too (He referred me to his company) He was a cap rising, me a cancer rising. It was a rather a rocky relationship between us. We also have a grand cross, my Sun/Neptune square + his Mars square Jupiter/Saturn. One word, OOF. His Mars sat on my ASC - so it was potent.

It's like anything I do, he is not shy to tell me how it is "you're under-performing, why are you making so many mistakes, you aren't trying hard enough" - and ugh he has a bit of anger problem which my Libra moon felt uneasy. I couldn't really ask him for help without annoying him. My approach most often didn't satisfy him and lack of encouragement when I do made progress. What change was I confront him that he hurt my feelings. But the conflict dynamic continued here and there - it's just who he is and the synastry we have and lack of awareness on his part. I think after quitting, I felt... I "escaped" from him except I'm broke 😂. This wasn't a happy ending, we end up not continuing our friendship - we just faded. I don't see why someone can't just be nice, colleague or not. and build each other up.

I'm definitely going to make sure I check synastry with friends before committing working together. I think because we worked everyday together, the synastry played out louder than with just friends who we see from time to time. Also our composite was shiet. (excuse my French 😛

And I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really is a tough situation to be in.

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Thank you for this. If we had met via work and became friends thereafter, that would be different. But in this instance, it was first friendship, then working together. Very tricky to manage. Our styles of interaction with colleagues & subordinates is different

I can deal with us having a strictly professional relationship. But the closeness with regards to our friendship will be forfeit. Something that I think the situation cannot help but continually present

posted December 14, 2021 08:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
honestly can't really understand this issue in my view work is work and stuff outside of work is just that

there's no reason to drag one into the other just because you're friends, if you can't act professional at work without distancing yourself from a friend (who's the same person he always was outside of work) then it seems like you're the problem not him to me

did he come off harsh if you were just any other coworker or did it feel that way because you're friends? if it's the latter in no way do you deserve special treatment just for being friends, in fact he'd be wrong to give it

if it's the former then it's fine to take it up with him

it seems like you have boundary issues to me

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posted December 14, 2021 08:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Have you been in a similar situation? Or are you speaking from a purely theoretical point of view?

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i've worked with friends and with my ex, and i genuinely think you're in the wrong for not being able to separate work and things that happen outside of work

they're not the same, destroying a friendship over not being able to separate the two makes no sense to me neither does expecting special treatment just because you're a friend

it would be very wrong on your friend's part to treat you like a friend rather than a coworker in a professional setting, unfair to other coworkers and honestly to you as well

like i don't see why things that happen in a specific environment that isn't based on friendship should affect a friendship outside of that

i'm not like that whatsoever, and i see no reason to expect different expectations or treatment in said setting, that's honestly bizarre to me and i see zero reasons to hold those things against a friend outside of work

when you go to work that's not personal, it's work, no reason to make it something emotional but your friendship outside of work can be and is emotional

like i said if the way he spoke to you would have been wrong if he did that to any coworker then sure take it up with him as an issue, but if it's you going "we're friends so i deserve special treatment" you're just straight up in the wrong

posted December 14, 2021 09:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i've worked with friends and with my ex, and i genuinely think you're in the wrong for not being able to separate work and things that happen outside of work

they're not the same, destroying a friendship over not being able to separate the two makes no sense to me neither does expecting special treatment just because you're a friend

it would be very wrong on your friend's part to treat you like a friend rather than a coworker in a professional setting, unfair to other coworkers and honestly to you as well

like i don't see why things that happen in a specific environment that isn't based on friendship should affect a friendship outside of that

i'm not like that whatsoever, and i see no reason to expect different expectations or treatment in said setting, that's honestly bizarre to me and i see zero reasons to hold those things against a friend outside of work

when you go to work that's not personal, it's work, no reason to make it something emotional but your friendship outside of work can be and is emotional

like i said if the way he spoke to you would have been wrong if he did that to any coworker then sure take it up with him as an issue, but if it's you going "we're friends so I deserve special treatment" you're just straight up in the wrong

you deserve fair treatment at work, which is the same as what anyone else deserves 🤷‍♀️ don't treat impersonal **** like it's personal

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Interesting point. I think our friendship will have to slide down for the sake of the professional relationship. The former will cool down a bit.

I tend to be more detached with colleagues. So things don't feel as "personal". I will do the same with him. But I don't see us hanging out for beers afterwards. I just don't "switch".

Can we maintain the same close kinship? I don't think so. It'll interfere with and confuse me with our work relations.

There. Boundary established. I was really torn about this. But now am resolved

posted December 14, 2021 09:41 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Chanterelle:
I recommended an acquaintance for a job once, and we worked together well for several years. It went something like this:
Me: Someone I know just filled out an application, her name is ***, you should hire her.
Boss: Actually, I just interviewed someone this morning.
Me: Okay, well, keep it in mind— she’s a people person with relevant experience. (I also had someone use me as a reference that I couldn’t say those kind of things about… pretty awkward…)
So I would say don’t take it too personally, and also keep in mind that the qualities he appreciates in you as a friend may not be the same ones that led him to recommend you for the job— or if they are, then try to bring that into your interactions with other co-workers as well.
Edit: this was the kind of place where about half the employees worked there for years, and half were college students working for the summer or similar less-than-a-year turnover. We both ended up leaving around the point where no amount of additional experience would result in a pay raise.

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Thanks. I think I will detach . I am too "involved". But that will unfortunately mean that our closeness is compromised.

posted December 14, 2021 11:50 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Interesting point. I think our friendship will have to slide down for the sake of the professional relationship. The former will cool down a bit.

I tend to be more detached with colleagues. So things don't feel as "personal". I will do the same with him. But I don't see us hanging out for beers afterwards. I just don't "switch".

Can we maintain the same close kinship? I don't think so. It'll interfere with and confuse me with our work relations.

There. Boundary established. I was really torn about this. But now am resolved

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posted December 14, 2021 01:16 PM            

With my work crushes, even in the beginning, I establish these two realities shouldn’t interfere with each other, they still start to do it at some point. Mix business and personal is the slippery slope.

posted December 14, 2021 01:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Chanterelle:
At the time I was always rushing straight to the daycare center after work, not going out for beers with anyone, and right now I’m bummed out about a seemingly great job opportunity appearing at a time when my life is way too hectic to commit to 45 hours a week without everything else falling apart, so there’s that to consider. If socializing outside of work isn’t actively discouraged, no reason to drop it entirely. Maybe some jobs require more of a “work self” than others, or some people are just better at maintaining one. Whatever the context, same question: would you feel differently if a different person had spoken to you the same way?

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Yes. Tbh. I would. I rarely tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone. Mostly because i don't give it. And that's what surprised me about him.

The thing is that i tend to try to preserve relationships (this no matter what i do). I tend to never hit below the belt. This even with colleagues. I am especially cautious with friends.

I didn't quite know how to categorize our friendship now at work. Do i keep him at a healthy distance like i do most work colleagues? Or do i engage him in a more intimate way?

I tried the former.It wasn't successful. It seems like i was caught offguard because I was the only one whom was still preserving friendly relations beneath our professional exchanges.

posted December 14, 2021 01:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Librapurr:
My Aries ma used to tell that don’t make business with friends. However, her friend helped her with the last job. It’s not the close friend and they keep subordination at work. Also, she fired her son once lol

With my work crushes, even in the beginning, I establish these two realities shouldn’t interfere with each other, they still start to do it at some point. Mix business and personal is the slippery slope.

Also, often you need to play the office politic where you need this switch. I’m not good with it. It’s one of my biggest work problem.

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I agree with your Mom. If we had been friends after meeting at work, that would be different. But here the friendship was there begore the job.

I wish we didn't work closely together. That would be better. Our approaches at work are different and its exhausting trying to preserve our friendship in.tje midst of an otherwise disagreeable work relationship

posted December 14, 2021 01:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
feel like you missed my point and are putting a boundary in an unfair place 🤷‍♀️ it's kind of exactly what i said was wrong

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posted December 14, 2021 02:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Thank you for this. If we had met via work and became friends thereafter, that would be different. But in this instance, it was first friendship, then working together. Very tricky to manage. Our styles of interaction with colleagues & subordinates is different

I can deal with us having a strictly professional relationship. But the closeness with regards to our friendship will be forfeit. Something that I think the situation cannot help but continually present

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posted December 15, 2021 12:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Librapurr:
I might sound very Libra, but it wouldn’t be unfair to your friend who helped you and now you cut your friendship with him because of it? I understand the complicating of your situation. Maybe, you can try to explain him your thinking so you wouldn’t develop a bigger conflict because of it. My friends have often crossed boundaries, but if you had nice warm friendship with him before, I can see how hard it is for both of you. And you’re making deal with Cappy here for who it’s common to put his work position on top of everything.

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yeah i agree with this, it's completely unfair to throw a friendship away like that over a job, especially when his friend got him the job

comes off ungrateful and unfair, really ****** up

@Aries23

posted December 15, 2021 04:35 AM            

It may look like I am being this ungrateful c***t. Technically, I am not throwing our friendship away at all.

What I am saying is that in this particular context, our closeness will cool off. This so that my emotions don't interfere with us working together.

I talked to him about it , stated my case and he responded with "do what you think is best". So, I am not sure whether he was really meaning what he said or was like "whatever man"? Cant tell. Right now he and I are not in a good space.

posted December 15, 2021 11:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
Hi Aries23Degrees, my guess is that your friend is seeing that your struggling with the current situation and is giving you room to make it work for you. I wouldn’t worry too much. You already indicated that a lot has to do with the communication style of your friend which is a bit harsh to you.

Your friend might want to help you with work but is noticing he’s rubbing you the wrong way. Is there any way you might turn his willingness to provide you with feedback into an advantage? Maybe by directly asking for advice on a subject they know well? Or maybe just go for coffee out together and ask them how they are feeling about work or how they think they could best coach you in this situation?

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Thanks. Sound advice.

I think in this case,its very strange. But there are many occassions where we have tried this approach and somehow end up in an argument because of the many misundertandings that coke as a result of trying to relate to each other.

Just the other day i asked his assistance with something that was within his reach. And our conversation didn't end well. We never end off on a cordial fashion. Its a recurring pattern. This no matter the many techniques I try to approach our relationship at work.

posted December 15, 2021 11:57 AM            

Being a Cap Moon with a lot of 10th house activity, I cannot separate work and friendship well. How you behave at work is how I define my regard of you, and it will affect the friendship. I can still like you if I disagree with your tactics, but it will limit the friendship. Even people I don't work with yet have friendship or close relationships with are people I admire for their work ethics.