posted July 19, 2009 02:37 PM         

I can relate as I have been there before. Yeah, when it hurts, I just let it hurt until it stops. I don't avoid the pain because I have also learned that when you avoid it, it hurts you more in the future.

So, I am giving you a virtual hug.

posted July 20, 2009 01:30 AM         

If you could see into his crabby innards his thoughts might be completely not what you expected, not anything that had occurred to you at all. Because of where you are in life, you have been able to see this relationship as you wanting him and being available to him--he might have some whole other trip going on in his head!

Please also find Meta-4's thread about the Taurus. I know she is describing a much lighter, newer situation...but it is actually possible that once you'd gotten to REALLY spend real time together, your feelings for and with him might have been different than you expected. Not like they are your imagination--they aren't--just that feelings genuinely do change when hanging out a lot/negotiating a romance than when exchanging emails and smouldering looks.

I've looked at your chart and you must be one sexy, magnetic, beautiful creature! You have mentioned a not-very-affectionate family...maybe you are not fully aware of all your power and allure yet. One thing that may have appealed to you about this guy is that he seemed so flummoxed, blushing, etc around you that perhaps you felt he was really seeing the real you. My guess is that he can't really take romantic action with ANYONE right now at the deep level that would be required with you, and that he's not really together/clear in his life that way. He is probably dealing with some emotional challenges of his own. Some people are just NOT able to get past the shy-making, intense sexual tension stage and actually take action.

Duh, it just occurred to me that maybe you aren't talking about that Cancer guy from your other posts...if that's the case, please forgive the long irrelevent post!

If he really simply didn't want you and never had, this would NOT feel so horrible and wounding--he wouldn't have even been on your radar. Your Scorpionic intuition noticed him responding to your allure, flailing, and sending out big heaping piles of mixed signals. If he weren't interested, you would've matter-of-factly not been at all drawn in in the beginning, before you got obsessed.

The way you (and other Scorpionic/8th house-y/or Plutonic people) are BUILT astrologically involves intuiting sexy people's interest and magnetizing them to you. When this does not work, it's intensely frustrating and disconcerting and just plain WEIRD, like walking out on the streets and suddenly realizing that no one could see you, having people walk right through you.

But really it's not that this guy was thinking, "ABC wants me and I don't want her." He's having some weird, totally self-absorbed battle between his Cancerian innards and a tug-of-war mutable Moon-Venus opposition (I think they might even make a T-square with his late-Virgo Pluto?? But I am crap at reading charts unless I have the degrees in front of me.) If you knew what it felt like in his head and emotions and what his daily inner life was like, you might be really surprised.

posted July 20, 2009 07:54 AM         

Many hugs and blessings.

posted July 20, 2009 02:58 PM         

i have a friend who is in her mid 60s who has been loving a push me pull you man for 12 years. 12 years of her life, and she isn't getting any younger, she deserves so much more, she is a very loving woman, but she keeps going back saying she loves him....if she could just really ever let this user man (thats all i see) go, she might be surprised what she finds. she deserves so much more. i just dont see how it will ever turn into what she wants it to. maybe it will someday and i dont see it, but to me, he is selfish and user.

her situation actually helped me when i was in a relationship that wasn't turning into what i wanted or needed for myself and my life, i looked at her and said,to myself, you want to be doing this at 60? nah, i dont think so, no more wasting my time on this.

i told him now i could find someone who really loves me, and you know what? i did!

posted July 21, 2009 11:12 AM         

quote:

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He doesn't really care for me and I just have to move on.

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posted July 22, 2009 05:55 AM         

I think you've got some great advice here but i know from experience, we do what we want to do so no matter what we say to you, it will be the natural outcome.

Talk to yourself about what any person in love should rightfully deserve - that way your low self confidence won't sneak in to undermine what *you* deserve - and ponder that. Don't think about how you've never been able to attract anyone etc., maybe the right one just hasn't come along yet or isn't ready - either of which are beyond your control. Think of and acknowledge the truths behind the serenity prayer if you know it.

Don't block your feelings, allow yourself to feel them. Sometimes Antiquarianbookcollector, the only time we're able to move on is when we're so spent so perhaps when you're drained of all emotion is when you'll be able to move on.

posted July 24, 2009 12:04 AM         

It's hard to comment not knowing the story.

Various possibilities, I have no idea whether any of them at all are true:

-you have never actually spent real time with him in a social, romantic context, so a lot of what is happening between you--if anything--might be perceived very differently by him than by you

-at most schools, even at the grad level, professors f--ing students ranges from an against-the-rules, fireable offense to something widely considered unethical, even if it is a former student. Lots of people break these rules, but he might be like me when I was teaching--I would never ever have slept with a student or former student no matter what. Even though some of my students were mature adults, in some cases years older than me. To me, it's an inappropriate breach of the relationship.

-if it's not the teacher-student thing, he may be very troubled and/or socially inept? From your posts it has sounded like that might be a possibility.

-Are you actually sure he's single and available? From your posts, it has sounded like you two have never actually been on a date/made out/had dinner alone together...how do you know his relationship status?

Again, I may have all of this wrong--I don't know the story! You mentioned that he made moves early on, and I don't know the details of that. But IF you have never actually discussed this with him, never actually asked each other on a date, and never actually been intimate, it's possible that you're dealing with a serious Neptune Goggle fixation.

If so, this might be more about working with your own projections/emotional issues than anything actually happening between you two.

If you want to change that, you'll have to spend more actual time with him, possibly even confronting him. If the problem is that he is not interested, interested but in a relatonship, or unwilling to get intimate with students/former students, hopefully he will TELL YOU. But if the problem is that he is troubled/deeply socially inept/depressed/messed up, you may never get the closure you need, even with a confrontation.

I suspect this might be a Neptune situation though, where you are unwilling or unable to actually work this out IN PERSON with HIM. If so, berating yourself and seeking help over and over on the internet will not help as much as actually forcing a real confrontation with HIM.

When you say he won't communicate his feelings--have you ever asked him? And/or, told him yours? I really can't tell for sure, but it sounds like this is possibly a fixation on a guy who has never actually asked you out, and you have never actually asked him out, and you have never been intimate with each other. If I have that wrong, I still think clearly and openly talking to him makes sense at this point.