posted August 09, 2009 12:29 PM         

He lives with me 50% of the time and his dad the other 50%.

Today he started a new one called "Mad Dad"

In part I -
The little kid says "Whoohoo Summer Break!" and is happy.

Mean dad comes in and yells at him "You will still learn from school!"

Little boy walks away saying "I hate my dad"

Later, little boy is trying to watch television

Mad dad yells "GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

In part II -
front cover is Mad Dad looking at the kid with mean eyebrows and saying "&$)#!*$" and the kid looks sad -

Inside - Nice Mom (that's what he calls her) gives kid a cupcake and says "Sure, you could have a cupccake"

Kid is happy and says "Thank you!"

Mad dad grabs kid by the head and kid drops cupcake

Mad dad says "Good cupcake and BAD BOY!" Mad Dad eats the cupcake himself.

Kid gets upset and says "Yeah well your just greedy so there! tpthhhhh!"

And the mad dad sends him to his room and slams the door

He said in part 4 or 5, Nice Mom is going to realize that the dad is so mean. He plans on drawing those up tomorrow.

His dad yells alot, that's true, and he tends to get mad at the most trivial things that don't warrant it. In contrast, I am told I am very 'zen'. I almost never raise my voice and the little things don't bother me.

I guess I'm just concerned...

Since I left the ex 3 1/2 years ago, there's been ongoing custody issues. His dad has been difficult at every single turn - mostly just to get back at me. As far as I know, our son doesn't know much about that, though. I never say a bad word about his dad.

My son is sensitive. He's brilliant. I'm at least glad he has an outlet for his feelings.

posted August 09, 2009 01:30 PM         

Part of the reason I left 3 1/2 years ago was because of the verbal and emotional abuse (and all the infidelity). I just feel bad that my son is so affected by it now, apparently.

posted August 09, 2009 01:49 PM         

I would want to know what their father's problem is and how he conducts himself around his children.

I would want to know what their father says to them about the situation between us both when I am not around.

I would worry about the conflict here between good parent/bad parent and wonder if there is something going on here about setting us off against each other.

But, then that's me. I have a temper and kids that play me and their dad off against each other. (We still all live together, happily for the majority of the time).

I would be wanting to sit down and talk about this, yes, I would want to know what this was all about. Not just the bit he wants me to hear, I would want to dig deep. But you have to be careful with kids, don't you, I try and wait for them to be ready to tell me stuff and not press too hard.

I would not be happy to be presented with this material. Apart from like you say, expressing his emotions through art. I'm sure neither of us would prefer the emotions to be these particular ones.

posted August 09, 2009 02:01 PM         

of course i cannot give any advice or anything, but as a child who grew up with mother and a step-father, i can say that children can pick up unspoken undertones of their environment... i did not know that my step-father was actually not my real father until i was 17. all that time i believed that he was my real father. but as i was growing up, i held the belief that emotion like love did not exist (it was more a marriage of convenience and later they split up), and it did not come as surprise when i finally discovered that someone else was my father, as if i knew it all the way along.

posted August 09, 2009 02:04 PM         

I don't know what his dad says about me when I'm not there but he directs a lot of things towards me on his MySpace page, you know. (and the only reason I look is to take screen shots of it and his true attitude towards me - he lies to people otherwise) He says stuff on his page like "I hope you choke", makes fun of my weight, says I'm going to go down without a fight, etc.

His dad did spread a lot of hate around for my boyfriend, though, but none of that is in the comic yet.

I don't want to push my son - not just yet anyway. I'll let him make more comics and see how it plays out.

posted August 09, 2009 06:50 PM         

Granted, it does sound like his real life dad isn't that pleasant or smart, and no doubts that he feels his dad is disrupting him with his antics, and feels that you can't protect him. It could even be a cry for help from him to you who doesn't know how to verbalize his feelings.

posted August 09, 2009 08:53 PM         

I wasn't expecting it so early - I thought it would be another couple years from now because he's still only 10.

It's true, I can't protect him like I would want to. His father doesn't physically abuse him so - trying to prove to a court that there is verbal or emotional abuse is much more elusive. His father does very well at playing the part of the concerned father. That's only partially based in fact. Much of his struggle with me now is to keep our son to himself as much as possible to get back at me for moving out to begin with.

It's so frustrating. I guess I must be paying back some karma from another life. I just want it to be done with. I've tried so hard for so many years now to take the higher road and make sure everything is fair... the karma cicle should end HERE so it's not carried on anywhere else.

My son is just such a joy - not even saying that as a biased mom (okay sort of biased but what mom isn't?!). He's seriously one of the best kids I've ever come into contact with. I'm able to discipline him without harsh words and yelling. I don't imagine why it's needed with him. It breaks my heart. Sure, every month or so I have to put on a 'mommy voice' but it's never over the top and he listens.

posted August 10, 2009 12:42 AM         

and whether his dad is as "mad" as his cartoons or not, that doesn't mean the "concerned father" isn't your ex's opinion of himself. some people really do NOT know how to express their concern. my dad used to lose it when he thought we were harming ourselves with our behaviour. i can't say his outbursts were fun but it wasn't malice that motivated them...

i would say the comics are a wakeup call to keep an eye out. but you're right it's hard to get full custody on the basis of a child saying one parent yells all the time.

posted August 12, 2009 01:18 AM         

quote:

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At what age can a kid decide whether or not they want to maintain contact with a parent? Is it 14?

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Here in the USA, it's generally 18 without emancipation (which can generally only have the requirements met if emancipated to begin with, so that's a catch-22) or a good lawyer (typically provided by family).

posted August 12, 2009 09:50 AM         

The courts here will take the wishes of the child 'into consideration' once they are about 12 or 13.

I'm not at all close to the ex's family. I haven't spoken to them in YEARS. Even when we were married I never spoke with them. They were resentful that he married a 'white girl' and not a Filipino or someone Spanish.

My son gets along GREAT with my boyfriend - I mean really great. It warms my heart.