posted August 19, 2009 08:00 PM
hey everyone, just wanted to get your guys' thoughts on this. very recently and lately it seems as if the people i've been closest to in this city i live in have let me down big time. first it was being lied to and deceived and then literally right after i made peace with it and resolved it, my other good friend here revealed to me a really really really terrible, horrible thing he did.
what he did goes along with the theme of lies and deception. which i find it highly ironic and hypocritical when just a few days ago he gave me this lengthy "dad" speech about loyalty and friendship. and stories from his life that taught him to stay away from friends who don't have your back.
and of course only i know this secret. and he knows what kind of a person i am and i don't condone or support this kind of thing. a part of me feels really resentful that he had to go and kick me when i'm down. it's like first those friends let me down and now he has to bring the bar down even lower.
i've been tossing and turning and unable to really sit still knowing this horrible truth. as i've already come clean in my previous posts, i'm pretty much a small town person with typical small town values. unlike most people in this generation, i actually have lived my life pretty clean. i could apply to be a nun and actually get in. and i'm dead serious. i get teased about this, but this is me and people accept me for it. i'm all about living a good life for me and respecting my family and what i've been brought up with.
there are a lot of things that my newer friends do that i don't agree with but i accept it. hence all the weird and strange people who seem to make me their best friend and confidante. i've learned to accept people's differences...however what this friend did...i just can't see him the same way anymore. i can't laugh and make jokes knowing something horrible has and is still happening. and i know and nobody else does. i felt like crying when i was trying to get him to feel bad or guilty but his lack of remorse and it's all good attitude towards this secret sickens me.
it makes me really sad that people like this have so much and they just take it for granted. they take their loved ones for granted and that upsets me. here i am alone by myself and without much experience and yet even i can understand the severity and seriousness of the situation, but he can't. i told him what has happened is shameful and he should be ashamed but he laughed and totally brushed me off. i'm full of rage that he is not full of sadness or remorse or fear. and it boggles my mind that he can't see that this situation also relates to being loyal and honest yet he's TOTALLY being disloyal and dishonest.
i hate how i know and i hate how people i run into here and hang onto, they just turn into dust on me.
sorry i had to ramble and vent...this knowledge has left me shaken. i take life seriously and it ****** me off when people who have everything are just willy nilly with it.