Lindaland
  Lindaland Central 2.0
  horrible last few days...

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   horrible last few days...
stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 112
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted August 19, 2009 08:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
hey everyone,

just wanted to get your guys' thoughts on this. very recently and lately it seems as if the people i've been closest to in this city i live in have let me down big time. first it was being lied to and deceived and then literally right after i made peace with it and resolved it, my other good friend here revealed to me a really really really terrible, horrible thing he did.

what he did goes along with the theme of lies and deception. which i find it highly ironic and hypocritical when just a few days ago he gave me this lengthy "dad" speech about loyalty and friendship. and stories from his life that taught him to stay away from friends who don't have your back.

and of course only i know this secret. and he knows what kind of a person i am and i don't condone or support this kind of thing. a part of me feels really resentful that he had to go and kick me when i'm down. it's like first those friends let me down and now he has to bring the bar down even lower.

i've been tossing and turning and unable to really sit still knowing this horrible truth. as i've already come clean in my previous posts, i'm pretty much a small town person with typical small town values. unlike most people in this generation, i actually have lived my life pretty clean. i could apply to be a nun and actually get in. and i'm dead serious. i get teased about this, but this is me and people accept me for it. i'm all about living a good life for me and respecting my family and what i've been brought up with.

there are a lot of things that my newer friends do that i don't agree with but i accept it. hence all the weird and strange people who seem to make me their best friend and confidante. i've learned to accept people's differences...however what this friend did...i just can't see him the same way anymore. i can't laugh and make jokes knowing something horrible has and is still happening. and i know and nobody else does. i felt like crying when i was trying to get him to feel bad or guilty but his lack of remorse and it's all good attitude towards this secret sickens me.

it makes me really sad that people like this have so much and they just take it for granted. they take their loved ones for granted and that upsets me. here i am alone by myself and without much experience and yet even i can understand the severity and seriousness of the situation, but he can't. i told him what has happened is shameful and he should be ashamed but he laughed and totally brushed me off. i'm full of rage that he is not full of sadness or remorse or fear. and it boggles my mind that he can't see that this situation also relates to being loyal and honest yet he's TOTALLY being disloyal and dishonest.

i hate how i know and i hate how people i run into here and hang onto, they just turn into dust on me.

sorry i had to ramble and vent...this knowledge has left me shaken. i take life seriously and it ****** me off when people who have everything are just willy nilly with it.

IP: Logged

blue moon
Knowflake

Posts: 627
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 20, 2009 03:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for blue moon     Edit/Delete Message
Thinking of a way to put my answer, it is probably easiest summed up the with Serenity Prayer:-


quote:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


It is difficult to give practical advice without knowing what he has done/is doing that you find so objectionable. But it could well be that there is nothing you can do about it.

Like you suggest, other people will conduct their lives according to their own moral codes, and these might not be compatible with the ones you have designated for your own use. It is something you just have to accept in life.

Not that I advocate complacency if things are happening you find intolerable. It is just that difficult area where the question of the appropriateness of intereference enters in. Know someone is abusing their child? Few of us would prevaricate over taking action. Having an affair and his wife doesn't know? A greyer area and one that would cause dispute if discussed here on LL.

I wonder why he told you. If it has disturbed you and your conscience, but he just laughs it off, I wonder if he has taken some bizarre pleasure in upsetting you and your nun-like world. Just a thought that may be way off beam.

IP: Logged

Dervish
Knowflake

Posts: 221
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted August 20, 2009 04:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dervish     Edit/Delete Message
I think you should cut him out of your life. But be wary of how he might retaliate (and as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure).

ETA: Maybe best to simply tell him you can't stand his presence and you'll keep his secret so long as he stays out of your life (as much as that's reasonably possible, but keeping say a work relationship purely professional in such cases).

IP: Logged

stopandstare
Knowflake

Posts: 112
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted August 20, 2009 08:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for stopandstare     Edit/Delete Message
blue moon: thanks for that. ironic but moments before i was standing in a subway station and a man had just come up the stairs and on his t-shirt was the word "serenity."

i definitely won't say what it is, but he told me because he said he trusts me. so i said well if you trust me then why not tell others who have more rank than i do? i think it's safer to tell me because i am not friends with his friends and i do keep my circles of friends separate and apart. that and i can keep secrets. a small part of me thinks he's taking advantage of the fact that he acts like he's an older sibling to me and so whatever he says goes.

dervish: thank you for your posting as well.

i think at this point i'm just going to keep a distance and really think hard about how i can somehow reconcile my morals and how i feel about wrong being done and not doing anything about it. i normally am very diplomatic and guarded and take things logically and intellectually and am very detached. but when wrong has been done, that's when i step up and battle it out. my parents didn't teach me to be a wuss and to not speak up.

what he has done has affected me as his friend. i am saddened and upset on behalf of those he has hurt and for me because he has damaged me in that i used to look up to him and think he was this stand up guy and he let me down. i feel as if i have continued to keep my end of the bargain as a good friend, but he just crapped out on me. it's like what the hell is that about?

i will just keep a distance for now. but it just sucks to know that and that's the end to our happy go lucky days as pals. this is irrevocable in the history of our friendship.

i think i'm also upset in that...it just further confirms my theory that people here are just very loose with their morals and don't take life seriously. take everything for granted. there's always something better around the corner. enough is never enough.

i once told a story here about my sister's friend who died suddenly of stage 4 cancer last summer and he was barely 31. he just got married and all that. he was diagnosed and two months later he was gone. and it saddens and sickens me when people take life for granted especially when they are blessed with good friends, good family, and a good life. to deliberately wreck it and have no remorse for it? makes me cry and enrages me.

i just want to plead with everyone who reads this to please, please, please be grateful for what you have and don't take anything for granted.

thanks everyone.

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright © 2008

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a