posted August 23, 2009 06:06 PM         

In some of my classes I acted like quite the slacker too (math, earth science) but in other classes (history, English, Spanish, Biology, Chemistry) I was like Tracy Flick – first one with my hand raised. I was such a know-it-all jerk even my Gemini friends would ask “How do you know this stuff?” Really want to know? – Too much TV…

As for clubs I did the debate thing (as a personal favor to my favorite English teacher, lol), “Youth in Government” (to meet cute guys from other school districts), student council (duh!) and sporting events committee (I was the “bun girl” at some of the football games). I was on the track team (a long jumper, for about a minute)…

Things changed senior year, I only had about 3 classes because that was all I needed to graduate, so I usually strolled in at around 11:00 and painted my nails in “senior study hall”. I was still the partying prep though...

posted August 23, 2009 11:26 PM         

Anyway, first year I had 1 close BFF. I was friendly enough beyond that, but I wasn't interested in making more close friends nor in being popular (though I did avoid being unpopular, at least beyond the sack lunches I ate instead of horrible caf food).

I was given a hard time for having delayed puberty, but I wasn't actually picked on or bullied the way others were. Typically that was just snide comments in the locker room ("who let the little girl in?" is perhaps the least crude & offensive) or like when an evil (or at least dangerously clueless) coach used me to make the other girls feel fat (I suspect she was willfully evil and realized that she was causing me pain as well as the others...she also used an anorexic, too.) Perhaps the reaction to my delayed puberty and knowing how dysfunctional my family was part of why I didn't seek out new friends, but remained fiercely loyal to the one close one I had...

Toward the end of the year my BFF realized she was going to flunk and decided to runaway rather than endure the increasingly growing drunken rages of her dad (the last one he pulled hair out of her head...and she DID report him to a school counselor, but that turned out badly, and only because her dad failed to pay the phone bill was the counselor prevented from calling him directly so that they could all "discuss this together," instead calling her grandparents who freaked at what her counselor tried doing--she'd never seek help again). So before school was out we were living on the streets near downtown Houston (Westheimer-Montrose is a well known intersection close to where we were, for anyone from that area).

My BFF died that summer. I'd go home in October just before Halloween. The school made me take a bunch of tests and then placed me in the ABC (Adaptive Behavior Class) program. This was a class nearly quarantined from the rest of the school (we, along with a few other special classes, even had our lunch period in between the 2 normal lunch periods, and we were strictly made to sit with our specific program with no interaction with anyone from the other programs). I was also the 3rd girl to enter it when it had over a dozen guys, so I was instantly popular, by boys and girls both. There was a camaraderie of "us against the world" that also bonded us together. Many were goths or into metal, though dress was strictly controlled so it wasn't apparent while in school.

Overall, I'd say I was generally quiet as usual (more into reading or writing my own stories & poems), but more social than I've ever been before despite that. I quickly came to the same unspoken agreement I'd formed with other teachers ever since middle school: the teachers leave me alone after I finish my assignments to read or write quietly and I don't ask them questions that they can't (or won't) answer.

It wasn't always smooth, like the one time I asked--genuine curiosity, not being snarky--the teachers promoting drug "education" heavy on hype and BS why if drugs destroyed all motivation, why did they make it a requirement for those to be fully accepted on the honor roll to be tested for drugs? My classmates clapped over that one, I guess they were thinking I was being snarky like the teachers thought, and it was never answered (and I was sent to the office for disrupting the class).

Early on, nearly all the guys got in school suspension over me, too. I was sitting outside waiting for my bus to pull in as I worked on a poem when the cheerleaders (this was Texas, so they, like the jocks, had far too much indulgence and they exploited it, and were pretty evil IMO--including in driving one girl to suicide by endless taunts and causing a girl they didn't like who tried joining their squad into breaking her back) decided to harass me, possibly because they were bored and/or I was seemingly alone as far as they could tell. They asked where my "girlfriend" was (they meant my BFF who had died over the summer) and the like and after ignoring them seemed only to agitate them and they got worse, I decided that I WOULD give them a reaction. Having been part of a krew, having been in some serious fights (including once where it was just me against 3 male skinheads), and all the crap I'd endured on the streets (and despite my underdeveloped condition, I was still pretty athletic), I decided no way was I putting up with this from some spoiled, sheltered cheerleader (even if they were also athletic to do the things they did--they still don't handle bleeding & bruising as well as most other athletic types) and proceeded to kick her butt with startling ease (her friends didn't do more than shout at me while the one I attacked apparently wasn't used to someone of my energy & resolve outright attacking her).

This lasted until her boyfriend, a jock, came up and lifted me up off her with one hand and then punched me in the face with the other. I was instantly on the ground unable to stand because he'd hit me close to my ear and my balance was messed up. The cheerleader that I'd beaten seemed prepared to take advantage of my being down when she turned fearfully at my ABC classmates charging her boyfriend and they knocked him down and then started viciously kicking him (and some of them wore Docs...), while a few shouted things like, "Freaks vs. Jocks! Bring it!" The other jocks didn't and the cheerleaders decided they'd had enough, too.

Meanwhile, one of the girls from ABC helped me to stand and walk to my bus which was now there and I saw the school faculty involving themselves with everyone outside from the bus. The next morning I was sent to the office even before the bell rang where it did not go well for me and I was put into ISS with the guys who attacked the jock who attacked me.

Sometime after this the cheerleaders harassed me one more time (from a distance) trying to alienate the girls with saying I was a lesbian. One friend decided to show she didn't care and we pretended to kiss. They never bothered us again after that (probably keeping in mind how I was able to kick any one of their butts...and maybe do other things, too...and there were no jocks around for them that time...)

After that, the school pretty much left me alone and I returned the favor. But having made friends with my entire ABC inmates, I hung with them after school and learned how to stay at their homes after Mom drank & smoked up the child support and ran through the welfare (I'd also steal some of her brandy when she passed out drunk to give to friends...unfortunately for them, Mom smoked Virginia Slims and none of the smokers wanted anything to do with that...hey, she got them with CHILD support for me, so I think I had a right to steal what little I could to barter for my room & board elsewhere...)

But the tranquility (such as it was--nearly all of us were from dysfunctional homes, they just differed in HOW they were messed up) wouldn't last. As part of a project we each had to write what we'd think the founding fathers of the USA would think of America today (and it had best be positive). I got creative with mine (but I used footnotes to show I DID do the research) that told a story about how we'd accidentally summoned the founding fathers while communing with them through a ouija board and then they possessed the bodies of Pentecostals who brawled with us over it and got knocked out. They decided that the first revolution didn't take so they set about to overthrow the United States government and we went along for extra credit by participating in civil affairs. But the founding fathers weren't the only ones to have possessed people (btw, I'd just seen the Matrix, which can help explain how I came up with this ) and various tyrants also had their own agenda...including our high school principal who was possessed by Hitler (thus explaining his obsession with promoting school uniforms, among other things) who was using our school to find a new young body to possess. In the end we got rescued by some Celts riding the bodies of a motorcycle gang high on PCP and our principal got away in his private helicopter saying we were all expelled as he was flown away.

My class loved it. My teachers did not. Nor did the principal when he read it, and I got another in school suspension (not to mention an F on the project). But one classmate did a zine and he wanted to put my story in the next issue. Since my story had been taken from me, we had to redo it and he decided to improve it (much more violent, and included him gunning down the principal at the end before he could escape in the helicopter, and also the 2 main ABC teachers who were with him in this version).

Probably would've gotten away with the zine, but then the Columbine shooting happened and there was an assembly where the principal asked for anyone to turn in anyone who might be angry enough to start shooting at schools (as one friend of mine said, "Dude, that's everyone I know!"). At least one person turned in the copy of the zine and the guy who did the zine and myself faced the full wrath of the school. To make the rest of the story short (as I'm getting tired here), it ended with them determined to get me locked up in an abusive facility until I was 18 against even my mom's wishes (she was scared of losing child support...), and I wasn't going to go along with that "Soviet Union" crap. So I cut my hair, dyed it black, went by the name of Janet, and caught rides from Texas to California.

I think I'll share about that journey later in another thread, because that was one of the few pleasant memories I treasure from my "childhood." (Well, I WAS 16 and didn't need a bra, but I didn't really see myself as a child anymore.)

posted August 24, 2009 06:36 AM         

My social life at school was intermediate, I was not in the nerd group nor was I popular, I based my friendships on how well my friends were able to accept me for me.
There were times I swapped and changed friendship groups for experiences, such as one time in the popular groups. I could never hide the fact that I was not cool enough, and it showed therefor I had my fair share of rejection and being laughed at, only to return to my old group of friends with my lions tale between my legs.

I have been in detention, I remember feeling like a failure, I was in the smoking group of girls, the girls who were slightly rebellious but kept in line most of the time. We were in trouble for smoking in our uniform, rolling up our skirts and wearing foundation to cover up our pimples.
We were the first to openly discuss sexuality, were keen to meet boys, and enjoyed the party scene. We made sure we always handed our homework in on time and kept an above average standard too.

I was not into sport or active groups, there was only one time I was nominated to be the Library monitor, so I accepted the role for the entire year ~ it felt nice to be needed, I enjoyed helping the library staff.

I remember very much enjoying our religious classes, I used to get a thrill and excitement from writing papers, or completing projects that did not resemble what we were taught. Our vision of God ~"man in white clouds with a white beard. "heaven and firey hell" I would purposely create my own vision of God totally unique and get in trouble for it. I remember my biggest rush was writing about our relationship with God, my teacher said it was a poor effort and to get my parents help. The funny thing was that my mum read it and said it was 'brilliant'. I was pretty creative in my english class, I just could not conform to the standards, I was very strange and different my stories were bizzare. lol So I did not pass this class with an "A". More like a D.

That's all I can be bothered remembering right now.

posted August 24, 2009 09:10 AM         

Later in high school, I was an honor-roll goth and usually the teacher's pet. I liked talking to teachers more than students and was lucky to have one friend in whatever high school I happened to be in.

posted August 24, 2009 11:00 AM         

I was into the Smiths and the Cure and hung around in school with girls who liked Aerosmith, Guns n Roses and Poison, therefore misunderstood but smug with it because I knew that my taste in music was far superior (they all caught on eventually). I like my big-haired metal-head friends, they were fun.

I wore a lot of tweed, men's raincoats, men's shoes all in shades of black and carried an art portfolio. I actually wonder how I am still alive, as I must have looked like a twat.

I gobbed off quite a lot at people, mainly boys from the boys school on my way to and from school, as I was having a hard time at home and I had to take it out on someone.
Stuff like: "Nice hair, your Mum's getting good at that"

I earned quite a reputation around town for being somebody to avoid as I had a sharp tongue, was really tiny and looked mean enough to act on the words (I would have too). My sister later married someone who I'd taken my angst out on. He's now a Marine and he said he was properly scared of me.

It rained a lot in my town. It also has the highest incidence of lung disease in Western Europe because of all the pollution. It was grey and miserable. I was grey and miserable.

The concept of popularity didn't really figure in high school during my time. The main aim was not to get beaten up by Nicola Evans, but that was pretty much everybody's wish. She broke my nose in a needlework class as I wanted a piece of fabric that she wanted.

posted August 24, 2009 01:22 PM         

I thought I would write and open and honest letter about myself back in the school days. I was at the HS reunion over the weekend and had a great time. A few days after I started feeling upset and sad about something ans decided to search my soul for the answer. Something was triggered from within. Some unhealed part of myself needing air.....

I think back to those days and they were the blackest days I have ever had in my life! There was a lot of abuse (mental/emotional) and neglect at home that had quite a devastating effect on me and it was visible to those around me.....but i figure it came out in another way. I was often called the girl who was shy and quiet, but in all honesty I was extremely depressed and withdrawn. What was a person to say when their home life was a major living hell. A child doesn't know that they are growing up in a highly unhealthy and dysfunctional household and usually a child would see it as something normal when it is not. Looking at myself back then, I had no sense of self and really didn't know who I was. I really didn't have any control over who I was. My peers never understood me or wanted to spend time with me.

From late 1983 till around the late 1990s, I suffered through one horrible depression. Most of it I was not on meds and I was able to pull myself through. 1995 I hit rock bottom after a very bad break up and a suicide attempt. Counseling started in 1992 and more so during the later years where I had a good counselor to talk to and deal with things. I also have wonderful friends who would put me back on the right path when things would get negative. It wasn't till the late 90s when I started to seek myself from within. I did a whole bunch of journalling and heavens knows how many self help books I have read.

How long does it take a person to get over severe child abuse I figure it's a life time cause there are still things that I work on and part of me that I'm healing. Today, I am very secure in myself and I know who I am. I have cultivated my interests and developed my life! I figure I am not anywhere near the shell of a being I was back then. I may seem to be aloof these days but I'm a highly perceptive and attentive listener. I have amazing friends - even the wonderful souls from my school days! (Since being on Facebook for 2 years and reconnecting, I was shown a new perspective and a new reality.....inspired by my friends out there!)

It's sad to realize how my life was when I was in school. Even sadder because there were a whole bunch of opportunities to develop friendships - cause at that time I figure that is what I dreamed about cause I had spent soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much time alone and in hell. It was so very difficult to open up about things. Deep down inside I didn't show it really but I really thought my peers were quite interesting and wanted to know people better. It was heartbreaking at the end of the school year when we would all go off on summer break. I moved around so much in school that I wanted to remain where I was attending class cause I had thought it would be best to be with the peers I knew.

So to sum it up....I was the loner that nobody played with or understood. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I never really had any friends and would never get invited anywhere.

posted August 25, 2009 03:00 PM         

i started in 2004 grade nine i wasnt nervous at all i was there for the first week then i went away on vacation for a week thank god. went to visit a sick grandma.but all threw out grade nine i was very quiet barely talked. just sat around and dozed off while sitting with my friends in the morning or at lunch. i was very much a loner at heart. it didnt matter who i was with i still felt like i was alone.

then towards the end of grade 9 i was really lazy and i started getting an attitude problem which i would get into fights with anyone in my house. family just annoyed me. i actually really liked school. then summer 05 i had grown my hair long and dyed it black and was depressed and lazy bad combination.

grade 10 came and i was even worse was doing drugs like pot and sniffed coke once because i thought i was fat and i wanted to lose weight from all the munchies i got from the weed. never drank alchol i found it and still do find it nasty. but grade ten was so cool i was really lazy and would skip classes and then skip lunch detentions and then skipped in school suspensions until i was finally suspened for 15 days from school.
never went to classes always went to firends house to watch movies or hang out smoke more weed.
then i meant these two guys kevin and scott got man crushes and ended up going out with one of them 7 months later had sex with him scott. we still talk alot but were not together any more.

grade 11-12 i was doing ok my grade were doing well stopped the drugs but i quit my job and stayed at home locked in my room thats when major depression hit me i started cutting my self with knifes and scissors. and my hair started falling out and its grown back now.

posted August 26, 2009 11:00 AM         

I was super skinny, had glasses, acne, bad posture, wore a lot of flanel and shirts that were too big. Was really into online video games. Strict dad barely let me do anything except practice music. Barely did any studying but somehow got into college. I'd say I was pretty happy go lucky, had a solid group of nerdy friends, and didn't know much about suffering other than my dad's tirades.

Sophomore year a math teacher said that I "got a whole lot taller but not much smarter," which came out to be true because I got a D in her class. But she got really fat the next year so it's all good. She also used to talk about how she was tempted to run over obnoxious students in the parking lot.

I think I thought I was pretty smart and knew everything, but was totally sexually repressed. Senior year I got an Asian girlfriend, which many say is the last stop to full blown homosexuality, which it was. That summer I lost my virginity to the (male) band drum major.

posted August 26, 2009 11:29 AM         

Idk how interesting highschool was in Kansas, but I was the artsy fartsy/drama/choir/photography/journalism/ honors english poetic kid who was shy and could barely look at someone in the eye and or say Hi to them.

Art/Creativity/Writing was my way of really getting through to people. I really have no clue how I made friends..but I did somehow..

I had a solid group of diverse friends i.e dorks, preps wannabe gangstas, and just random people I liked, also my friends from middle still remained my friends in highschool so I was set. I never sat at one table my Pisces friend nicknamed me the "Table ***** ".

Then somehow I became extremely depressed and tired all the time and push people away and started dating guys who asked me out because I had hard time rejecting people..though halfway through every relationship I would make myself drop of their radar.

Some people could not stand me so I was kinda bullied especially on the bus, I guess I understand because I am a fickled kind of person Sun opposition Moon. It was mainly people who I always thought I was on some sort of highhorse though if they had x-ray vision and could see my heart, that I had really low self-esteem and for the most part wanted to disappear and be invisible but because I had to get through school I shrugged it off and made my life this big running joke..kinda like hiding behind the tears of a clown.

I changed schools Senior because of some crap I had with this guy who was always pushing my buttons, so I told him off and gave him a piece of mind to the point where he literally wanted to die. >_>