posted January 04, 2010 03:31 PM         

There is nothing worse than that kind of dispair.

unfortunately i think at that point when that feeling is over your soul and the darkness is there, you need love, hug, human touch more than anything, but the instinct is to push people away and try to find a place to lay blame.

valus. i probobly understand you more than anyone right this minute.

manipulation is a part of life. we all manipulate every day. to say otherwise is a dam lie, go tell it to someone else.

i am sorry you are feeling that dispair, that self medication that may usually work doesnt even take the edge from. i do understand, and no matter how alone you feel, you are not alone.

now i have to go because i can feel what valus feels and it hurts me so bad. in fact i feel exactly what valus feels., and it hurts.

no it isnt fair to lay it on someones email or doorstep. or phone line. or brain. but what do you do suffer alone? he. like everyone else, needs love.

i love you valus.
i also love you wheels, please understand, i had to write this as i may be the only person tha understands right this minute how he feels inside. and it hurts.

posted January 04, 2010 04:20 PM         

I love you and I love Wheels, I hope you two can bury the hatchet sometime.

You can talk to me if you want to. You know how to find me.

posted January 04, 2010 04:41 PM         

And i'm sure you arent the only one who understands.

Can I just mention that Valus isnt the only one who feels the way he does and that it's not uncommon. Some people feel much, much worse and they don't have any support or get any comfort or love from anyone. They dont have an extremely supportive significant other or family members or anyone to help them who knows what they go through. There are people out there who feel what Valus does and then some. They might not express it, or write about it, for their own reasons, but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist for others. It's nice to see him getting so much unconditional support, compassion and understanding over they years by so many. It must help to alleviate his suffering to some degree.

I happen to see things as Wheels does in that other thread - i see what she sees, and it's one of the many things that makes me feel ill here. I also understand suffering.

I think Valus made plenty of his points and felt for wheels and didnt want to see her get even more unnecessarily upset. Which was bound to happen. We've seen these types of threads plenty of times and know how they often go - in escalating circles.

posted January 04, 2010 05:04 PM         

we never really know what people are going through.

i did not mean to insinuate otherwise. to go through it alone, would be worse, you are right, but even with people that love you around, when you feel like that, you really FEEL alone, whether you actually are or not.

there is medication that may help. if i ever go through it again and it lasts any length of time, i will go to a doctor and take medicine that may help. and i suggest the same for anyone feeling dispair that doesn't go away.

posted January 04, 2010 05:13 PM         

What's said and done has been said and done. I can't repair anybody's relationship or get people to make up. Sad, but true.

This f***ing S.A.D. is getting to me.

quote:

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Some people feel much, much worse and they don't have any support or get any comfort or love from anyone.

---

posted January 04, 2010 05:28 PM         

quote:

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I give what and where I can, T. Wish I could give more. Maybe someday.

---

I'm sure you do!

I was just pointing something out and saying, people should really remember to count their blessings every so often.

posted January 04, 2010 05:33 PM         

Now I count them.

1. I am loved (By my relatives, my love, my friends etc.)
2. I am independent
3. I am healthy
4. I have a roof over my head
5. I have food...

You get the picture.

It overfills me with gratitude.

posted January 04, 2010 05:38 PM         

I have had a little training with suicide awareness and it is not right for someone to use their suicidal tendencies as a way to manipulate or control someone. Infact I have experience of this!

posted January 04, 2010 05:43 PM         

Don't kill yourself over me, for the love of god. I had a boyfriend say that once, if you leave me I will kill myself. He's happy and living in Swindon last I heard.

Yes I am angry. Sue me.

posted January 04, 2010 05:47 PM         

The winter blues have been dark for me too Yin. I'm getting better at pulling myself out of myself, though and finding shards of light in the moments. And I'm now very good at not bringing those around me down. For their sake, I put on a happy face. And come to find out, that helps me too.

posted January 04, 2010 05:52 PM         

Much love.

posted January 04, 2010 06:37 PM         

wheels you have every right not to talk to valus again, or anyone else you dont want to for that matter.

when you work your ass off to survive and get put down for it or assumed to be unenlightened, yes, it irks the crap right out of you. this i realize as some of us don't have a choice, if we like to eat and have electricity. to come home exhausted, do what it takes to keep your house running and fall into bed tired, it can really irk you alot to hear someone say, what a drone. trust me, i know. add kids to the mix and it is even tougher. whether they are little with small problems, or bigger, with bigger problems.

not everyone is the same. we all struggle in some way or another.

its just a hard time right now, and we need to be reminded that we are not alone.

and nurture each other as best we can.