posted April 21, 2010 05:53 PM         

If someone is predisposed to cheat, do you think they will cheat even if he were married to Aphrodite??

I mean, I do.

It irks me when people say that for some reason, it gets under my skin.
It's like saying if you are reallllly good looking then you are above being cheated on.

posted April 21, 2010 06:38 PM         

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If someone is predisposed to cheat, do you think they will cheat even if he were married to Aphrodite??

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Yes - definitely. It has no connection to looks really. I mean some men (usually highly mutable men) are always "looking".

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It's like saying if you are reallllly good looking then you are above being cheated on.

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No, I understand. This is a twisted thing to say. I think it's a lot more about the relationship than the looks of either partner. If two people have a strong bond - I don't think either would cheat.

posted April 21, 2010 07:08 PM         

My kids Dad is the worse cheater I've ever come across. Cappy sun, Cancer Asc, Cancer Moon, and Cappy Venus.

BUT, his father was a TOTAL player, and brought him up to believe that it was a "mans right" to get a little somethin' somethin' on the side, as long as he was paying the bills and taking care of business. (His Dad is a Taurus son, btw, don't know any more detail than that)

But, I think alot has to do with the self-image.
If you go after and win the heart of this gorgeous woman, whom is desirable by so many, it must make them sort of feel invincible in a way. Or possibly, they may feel secretly unworthy, and need to prove something to themselves, over and over again.

I've seen in the bar biz, where a man who was just plain, a regular kind of guy, who would sit alone night after night, and never get noticed.
But, then when he gets a girlfriend, all of a sudden other women became interested in him, and would ask me all sorts of questions. This about a guy they ignored for months!

Sometimes I just wonder if people are just covetous (some people) and want what others have, you know, The Grass Is Greener.

And other people, are just never satisfied with what they do have!

posted April 21, 2010 07:33 PM         

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My kids Dad is the worse cheater I've ever come across. Cappy sun, Cancer Asc, Cancer Moon, and Cappy Venus.

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I would've never thunk it!
Yes - I guess nurture really does play a bigger role. Judging by his placements I would imagine him to be very traditional - strong family values and self-controlled etc.

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If you go after and win the heart of this gorgeous woman, whom is desirable by so many, it must make them sort of feel invincible in a way. Or possibly, they may feel secretly unworthy, and need to prove something to themselves, over and over again.

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You're right.. I've seen this happen.
I find it soooooooooooooo stupid. I'm thinking - Find something better to do with your life :rollingeyes:

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Sometimes I just wonder if people are just covetous (some people) and want what others have, you know, The Grass Is Greener.

And other people, are just never satisfied with what they do have!

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Yes! Often.. Very often.
Maybe this happens when people find it difficult to put themselves in another person's shoes. They are under the impression that X or Y has a perfect life - when really.. no one does.

posted April 21, 2010 11:13 PM         

As to who the worst cheaters are; in my experience it has been Capricorn and Virgo straight and or bi men.
With gay men, seems to be Capricorn, Gemini, Libra, Pisces with Capricorn moons and Virgo asc.

posted April 21, 2010 11:28 PM         

I thought about what you said, and I remember the last girl my Cap husband had this 2 year thing with, she was the nutty one that stalked my kids, that I've mentioned before, anyway, I was dying to know what she looked like, and when I asked him, he said, "Gretchen Wilson."

Not being into the country music, I had to google.
And that woman is drop dead gorgeous!

Anyway, skip ahead some months, and her and I were in this dumb text war, and I asked her to send me a pic, and she did it! It looked like she got all dolled up to take it too.
She DID NOT look like Gretchen Wilson!!
I think he was wearing beer goggles, or like Vapor said, in the eye of the beholder.

I didn't know whether to feel insulted (that my husband would cheat with someone so very plain) or happy that she wasn't, you know, some kind of runway model or something.

But, he did say something that never left me, and perhaps this fits in with the Jesse James' and the Eric Benets of the world...he said, "You don't know what it has been like to always live in your shadow. To have people always ask when we are going to an event if YOU'LL be there or not. People always surrounding you, and me sitting there like I'm invisible (at the time, I thought, well that is his fault, he has a mouth!) and well, this girl made me feel like I was SOMEBODY."

posted April 21, 2010 11:40 PM         

I always miss your posts, I must stop being so tardy! You have alot to say, I wish you wouldn't edit.

But, anyway, what a horrible message board! That is just... disgusting!!
Now, being in the bar life, I've heard my fair share of crass things, and I've heard men say that they love to have sex with heavy women, because they are so easy, and they are so grateful, they will do anything.

*Note-This is just me saying what I've heard men say, this is NOT my opinion of heavy women at all!!!

That makes me want to vomit. And I've seen women do this, sit there and buy a mans drinks all night, and leave with him, looking so eager, full of the promise of a new romance, only to return days later upset because he didn't call.
Terrible.

posted April 22, 2010 01:10 AM         

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Would you have loved many, most, or any of the people you've loved if you could never have seen what they looked like??

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It's a definite yes for me.

Actually when it comes to one of my exes.. I think I would've been a little "extra" attracted if I didn't know what he looked like hehe.. He was not the best looking tool in the shed - But he had an awesome and attractive personality.

I'm too piscean-ish to really care.

posted April 22, 2010 01:07 PM         

Maybe not as much for women, but
definitely for the more visually aroused gender.
My comments will therefore be confined to men.

Granted, some men are so strongly predisposed to cheating that looks cease to be a factor; they will cheat regardless. But most men who cheat do not fall under this category. Many would not cheat if their wives could satisfy the standards they have (whether these standards have been internalized from the media, or if there is nothing more natural than being attracted to a firm, genuinely healthy body, symmetrical and proportionate features, etc. -- is another matter, which I won't enter upon here). Just as there are many who would cheat, if their wives could not satisfy them. This may not be especially reassuring to all the women out there, but it seems to me to be the truth.

In fact, I know of men who deliberately choose their mate predominantly on the basis of looks, because they know it will be easier to remain faithful to her. If they could be assured of the freedom to gratify their lower, animal nature after marriage, then they would almost definitely choose a mate according to more enlightened criterea. If they never cheat, it's only because they already made their choice on physical grounds.

And then there are men who will never initiate cheating, but who will respond if/when something is initiated, but only by a very highly attractive woman. The number of men who will not respond to such an offer is probably miniscule, and I imagine most of these would refuse, not because they feel a greater sense of loyalty or protectiveness toward their mates, but, because either their mates are highly attractive or they have no guts, and tend to play everything safe. That's how I see it.

A "good" man is hard to find,
but every woman thinks she has one.

posted April 22, 2010 04:54 PM         

I don't know.

Someone said (God help me if I am accidently quoting Dr. Phil here) that men cheat for physical reasons and women cheat for emotional ones.

posted April 22, 2010 05:01 PM         

I can come to terms with my partner
needing to go outside the relationship
in order to take care of a biological need.
I don't think I would take that personally.
But emotional infidelity is another matter.
To me, it's the only real kind of cheating.

posted April 22, 2010 05:01 PM         

Good looks and good sex do not always go hand in hand though. That's what I was trying to say earlier.

Neither do good looks and attractiveness.

I find Audrey Hepburn *average* looking in comparison to say Gisele Bundchen (body wise, maybe not facially). But that's on my "own" interpretation of good looks.
However I believe Audrey Hepburn was milesssssssssssssssssssss more attractive. No comparison there.

:edit:

Gisele:

Audrey:

posted April 22, 2010 05:03 PM         

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I think I'd rather be cheated on
for physical reasons, than emotional.

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I'm the same. It wouldn't bother me very much if it was like a one night stand for example.. or very short fling that I would *know* was purely physical.

I don't see "sex" when it's just "sex" - as very important.

posted April 22, 2010 06:29 PM         

And since I've dated a few guys off and on since the divorce. No kidding, at least 3 of them ended up married. Got an email on facebook from a wife of one of them, another time I got an email from the guy's wife on myspace and this last time from my most recent boyfriend that he was married...about a month into it... from his best friend...lol.

posted April 22, 2010 06:42 PM         

I think it's easy to philosphize about, "oh, if someone cheated on me for this reason, vs this reason, I would be okay with it,"

when, honestly, whatever the reason, if you are seriously IN LOVE with that person, it hurts like hell.
It's a picture show you never stop playing in your head. Ugg.

posted April 22, 2010 06:49 PM         

I have had this debate with both male and female friends and none of them really agree me. I think I would rather discover that a partner had slept with a prostitute than had a relationship with someone. I can understand the whole temptations of the flesh thing, and being swept away with a moment or a situation. I can't accept the lack of respect that comes with conducting an ongoing relationship.

I think there are good men out there, but I can't get away from the feeling that there is no 'halo', they have just learned how to deny themselves the opportunity and to stay away from trouble. Does that make them 'good'? Surely they always have the potential to go 'bad'?

I read something Yin posted that I agreed with also. She said something about knowing that everything could be taken away at a moments notice, and that you just have to throw yourselves in, accept the joy, and accept that it may not last (not what she wrote, but what I took from it).

We are all only human, we are all flawed, we all have the potential to change or to fail, and we are all inherently selfish.

Gypsee - it is not about looks for me. I can't explain what it is about, but it's not looks. I think looks and money (another debate in itself) may be hooks to draw you in but, for me, it is something else that lands the catch.

posted April 22, 2010 08:05 PM         

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I'm trying to learn how to detach and live a more realist philosphy instead of the idealistic one I was born with. Sheesh, wish me luck.

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I have mucho respect for that statement there. I think I've had so few relationships in my life that I never really learned how to have one...if that makes sense. I end up giving my whole heart then getting it smooshed in the end..ugg. I blame the Cancer moon in me for that.