posted April 27, 2010 02:53 PM            

A bully gets a high off making other people feel confused, powerless and shut out while making themselves feel more powerful. An attention-seeking "Queen Bee" type of bully tends to be be overly friendly with her/his "new targets," sucking them under his/her web of influence, until the bully gets bored or tired of them, or worse, feels threatened or challenged by them. That's when the bully shuts those "targets" out, usually with little or no explanation, leaving the victim feeling confused, powerless and violated somehow. Then, when the Queen Bee gets confronted about his/her behavior, she/he will manipulate their victim further, enjoying the attention they get from playing a "false victim" in this confrontation, all the while making themselves look blameless and "above" the mess they intentionally created.

We all know this kind of Queen Bee bully from junior high school. Unfortunately, many Queen Bees don't grow out of their Queen Bee phase because they're so adept at avoiding the consequences of their manipulative, self-serving behavior. This are one of the known types of "serial bullies"--people who demonstrate bullying behavior as a primary mode of existence, and often can remain bullies into adulthood. You can read more about the attention-seeking type of serial bully here:

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm#Attention

posted April 27, 2010 05:49 PM            

As an adult, I'm usually fine when dealing with it - hurt at first, but then turning it into a game, such as, "I wonder what they'll do next" if it's in regards to me. It helps me to separate the emotions (if I'm not that close to someone), and I guess the other person gets bored. I wish I'd been able to do it as a teenager.

posted April 27, 2010 06:56 PM            

quote:

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a servile flatterer; sycophant, esp. one who does distasteful or unprincipled things in order to gain favor.

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posted April 27, 2010 07:15 PM            

I can relate too. Like you, I am on the neurodivergent spectrum with Dyslexia,Dyspraxia,ADHD.

I got bullied,teased,and picked on a lot.

I grew up strongly believing in self defense. That was something that my stepfather taught me.

I won't hesitate to defend myself.

I used to wish duels were legal too. I read too many knights of the round table stuff as a kid. hahahaha

Also bullies tend to be cowards too. They tend to prey on people that they assume are weaker than them.

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Raymond

Supporting the Neurodiversity Movement

posted April 27, 2010 07:59 PM            

One of the girls who bullied me years later called to apologize for her behavior.

posted April 27, 2010 08:13 PM            

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"Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, then suddenly you are doing the impossible” Saint Francis of Assisi

posted April 27, 2010 09:34 PM            

quote:

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An attention-seeking "Queen Bee" type of bully tends to be be overly friendly with her/his "new targets," sucking them under his/her web of influence, until the bully gets bored or tired of them, or worse, feels threatened or challenged by them. That's when the bully shuts those "targets" out, usually with little or no explanation, leaving the victim feeling confused, powerless and violated somehow. Then, when the Queen Bee gets confronted about his/her behavior, she/he will manipulate their victim further, enjoying the attention they get from playing a "false victim" in this confrontation, all the while making themselves look blameless and "above" the mess they intentionally created.

We all know this kind of Queen Bee bully from junior high school. Unfortunately, many Queen Bees don't grow out of their Queen Bee phase because they're so adept at avoiding the consequences of their manipulative, self-serving behavior. This are one of the known types of "serial bullies"--people who demonstrate bullying behavior as a primary mode of existence, and often can remain bullies into adulthood. You can read more about the attention-seeking type of serial bully here:

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posted April 27, 2010 11:34 PM              

They tend to have regular targets. They find someone who appears vulnerable, small, or different in some way, and then go out of their way to get in that person's way and to provoke them. When I was younger, I mostly got bullied for being a pensive, retiring, and gentle kid, but, later, and more recently, for expressing unusual points of view and asking big question that make people uncomfortable. I've come to the conclusion that nothing makes you more vulnerable than speaking up for something unpopular or unusual.

I've had to develop a strong and aggressive personality, in order to defend myself and my views, and sometimes I overdo it. But, at least, I give as good as I get, and refuse to be bullied into silence or compliance with their wishes. And that's saying a lot. I've also found that I can beat them by reasoning with them. Bullies hate to think, and will do anything to control an argument. If you can keep the focus on logic, and on ethical themes, you can pretty much be assured of holding the high ground and winning the day. But it's not easy. Like the mensch said, "If you do battle with monsters, be careful not to become a monster yourself; when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."

posted April 28, 2010 12:23 AM            

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LEXX, I'm afraid that I've known too many of those types as well.

I always find the ones who initially come off charming as the more scary ones.

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posted April 28, 2010 02:20 AM            

I always want to know WHY people are the way they are, so I dig, and dig, until I figure it out.

posted March 11, 2012 01:45 AM            

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Originally posted by LEXX:
Some of the nastiest bullies are the adult ones who come on all strong as wanting to be best friends and shower one with flowery words and attention and appear to be very loving, very nice and real and understanding, but disagree with them and or make friends with anyone else...and wham! They will go out of their way to try and get others to hate you and lie so cleverly that others do not realize they have been snookered. As long as you do nothing to upset them, they will appear to be some of the sweetest kindest folks you have ever met.....but OMG the cruelty they will and do inflict with a vengeance, if you disagree with them or incur their irrational jealousies! "shudder"

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I just do not get people who behave that way. Really juvenile.

The way I see it, I'll be friends with who I want, when I want, WHERE EVER I want. No queen Bee is going to make me feel bad 'cause I like people she (or he) doesn't.

Silly Queen Bee's

That's why time will always tell who your real friends are.

One thing to keep in mind though,

If these so-called people were to be so easily duped, and turned their backs on ya because of some messed-up-in-the-head bully, then they weren't really worth your friendship or your time to begin with. Not sure if there's really a loss there.

posted March 11, 2012 01:54 AM            

quote:

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Bullies hate to think, and will do anything to control an argument.

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This made me LOL.

posted March 11, 2012 09:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Alma Sun:
Interesting read, well worth a bump.

I just do not get people who behave that way. Really juvenile.

The way I see it, I'll be friends with [b]who I want, when I want, WHERE EVER I want. No queen Bee is going to make me feel bad 'cause I like people she (or he) doesn't.

Silly Queen Bee's

That's why time will always tell who your real friends are.

One thing to keep in mind though,

If these so-called people were to be so easily duped, and turned their backs on ya because of some messed-up-in-the-head bully, then they weren't really worth your friendship or your time to begin with. Not sure if there's really a loss there.

[/B]

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