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Author
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Topic: What do you want in a mate?
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starr33
Moderator Posts: 194
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 22, 2010 11:06 PM
 
This list was compiled by being observant in my own and other’s relationships over the years. I’m working very hard on my own weaknesses in order to attract the person who has these traits. I’m not perfect and don’t expect perfection. Besides, perfection isn’t beautiful. As I think of it, the list will grow.
Someone I can talk to without feeling exposed
Share the same values Willing to do things together not just go out to dinner Doesn’t need to be model-material but nice looking and noticeably taller than myself
Doesn’t matter what he does for a living just as long as it provides benefits and he has a
good credit score
Wants a family (preferably a small one)
An animal lover
Picks up after himself Good-great at mathematics Likes to read Not much of a drinker Doesn’t do drugs Doesn’t snore
Has/had a good relationship with his mother
Sensitive but not a drip
Has a balanced view of finances
Emotionally secure (no control issues) not a last word type
On the whole a positive outlook
Respects my space (doesn’t need to spend every free minute together)
Has an even temperament (doesn’t yell)
Spends a healthy amount of time on the computer unless its job related
Is not racist Respects mine and others privacy Doesn’t have an annoying laugh
So, what about you? What do you want in a mate?
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Writesomething
Knowflake Posts: 1308
From: meet me in montauk
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 23, 2010 12:51 AM
successful but down to earth.
affectionate
funny
smart
healthy ego, not inflated ego
must be close to his mother..i do not trust men who arent.doesnt casually date and doesnt fall in love with just anyone, i need to feel special in some way which is probably why i attract men who take love/relationships very seriously. knows when iam upset without me saying anything. someone i can have long convos with but also convos without words with...i enjoy a psychic connection. i like shy men, but who are sociable at the same time. in touch with their emotions, can cry and feel with depth. IP: Logged |
Dervish
Knowflake Posts: 625
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 23, 2010 02:31 AM
Many people have Eros match them up, but me, I seem to have Eris (goddess of chaos) for a matchmaker. I guess the primary standard is can I stand them?  And I've learned that there's very little set in stone for me. Putting some thought into what I think must exist (as opposed would be "nice")... Makes me feel better. Making me laugh is a good way to do it. Must be able to stimulate my mind. And I'd actually prefer someone who held different beliefs but was mentally stimulating about it rather than someone who shared my beliefs in some dry, lazy, pompous and/or dogmatic way. Alternately, they could be writers or artists I find fascinating (or at least a lot of fun). I can even find science fascinating to listen to as well. Must be able to tolerate my imperfections, flaws, and quirks as I do theirs. And also respect my boundaries as I do theirs (but I have very few with someone that intimate and expect the reverse to be true as well). I have to be able to trust them to at least make a sincere effort to keep what they promise to do and not lie about things that will become much harder to deal with later (like blowing through the money and then saying "oops" when the rent is due, or burning through credit cards & "cash advances" so that bankruptcy is only a matter of time). Going along with this I have to trust them to not mess my life up with habitual and reckless stupidity that makes me think "Darwin Award: it's only a matter of time" (or too likely to burn down the home, draw in the cops with gross stupidity and criminal behavior, etc). Must have their own life and allow me mine (as opposed to being excessively controlling and/or making me the center of life, like the way Edward & Bella do for each other in Twilight which I'd personally find creepy even without the vampire angle though I'm aware many others long for relationships like this, even without the vampire angle). I'm guessing this comes from my moon & Mars in Sag. More money is good, but I much rather they have a job like part-time at a cinema than working with the criminally insane at high pay (and high risk) that would keep me a nervous wreck, though if bringing in very little then s/he had better have reasonable expectations regarding the budget. You know, I think all the above could be summed up as being emotionally mature and understanding life (including self) isn't perfect, and fairly responsible with reasonable impulse control. By mature I mean not constantly needing a mommy and not smothering me in turn and having developed one's own personality & interests and not needing me to fill their own lack of self (by either worshiping me or needing to control me). I'm usually ok with silliness, playfulness, & juvenile humor and other things like that (liking comics, cartoons, etc, even into toys like Wash in Firefly/Serenity) otherwise and would even prefer that on a regular basis to being overly stern & stuffy as some other people define "mature." And I don't expect perfection (I might even be intimidated by it), so making occasional mistakes, the rare impulse buy that monkeywrenches the budget, throwing a temper tantrum once in awhile, etc, wouldn't be a deal breaker for me (in fact, I expect such things to happen occasionally, it's only when it's "normal" that it becomes a problem). IP: Logged |
starr33
Moderator Posts: 194
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 23, 2010 12:48 PM
"knows when iam upset without me saying anything. "someone i can have long convos with but also convos without words with...i enjoy a psychic connection." It's good to know each other. "it's only when it's "normal" that it becomes a problem)." Yep! We all have our moments, but when it becomes the norm-watch out.
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MoonWitch
Knowflake Posts: 272
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 24, 2010 08:51 PM
I want what my boyfriend is  Loves me and my son
Smart
Dry sense of humour
Subtly sarcastic
Considerate
Adorably cute
A voice that could melt steel
The first person I have ever been able to spoon with all night long
Someone i can just sit with and have a good time
BUT we also go out and do things and have a blast
Someone to be active with and will take long hikes with me
Animal lover
Best head of hair I've ever seen and felt on a man
Toe curling kisses
Fabulous, really fabulous beautiful love making that gives me goosebumps
Sensual
Strong forearms ( always had a thing for forearms)
Inspires me to be a stronger and more ambitious person in every way
Loves the ocean
Loves sailing
Shows me things in the world I wouldn't have thought to notice or wouldn't have had the opportunity to do
Even tempered
The ability to listen to me rant about work or anything else and help me see things pin a different way and usually discover i am turning a molehill into a mountain
Movie lover
Book lover
Smokes a pipe once in a blue moon
I could go ON AND ON
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MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 765
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 24, 2010 11:33 PM
I want normal things... like loves me and my daughter and can deal with my insanity etc...but over the years I have met these fabulous men. Each of them has some incredible and outstanding skill that I value, admire, and enthusiastically support. I have always known that a man would have to be equally incredible to these men plus fit me perfectly for the time we are meant to share etc... so you could say that my perfect man is combination of these men. An Osiris made up of all 12 parts you could say... and in no particular order... astrologer (shares my passion/knowledge) spiritual (natural/healing) scientific (teaches me) philosophical (talks to me) dramatic story teller (entertains while teaching with speech, writing, art/music) inventive (my eclectic genius/mad scientist farmer) intelligent (teaches me, understands me, reads to me) musical (well, I do like guitarists best... vocalists a close second) generous (loving and sharing) positive/healing (happiness and joy and peace) fun/funny (laughter and good times and taking struggles less seriously) adventurous (hiking and biking and camping and traveling and exploring the Universe) is that 12? I think those are the ones or the best I can come up with on the spur of the moment using my memories and flashes of insight.
The thing is... this new Cancer guy is beginning to get check marks next to all of these qualities/aspects. I find this unbelievable but I am going to believe out of faith and see what our relationship holds.
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Coffee
Knowflake Posts: 1017
From: Leeds
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 25, 2010 11:07 AM
As I have been single all my 30 years (poor old Me) all thats required is being present. I can take the bitches, the fakes, the whiners, the rude, and all the other good ones around today Just needs to be present.IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 1590
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 25, 2010 11:24 AM
Dervish' description of "wants" comes closest to mine. Well, OK, I do like the Edward and Bella story, but not the controlling part. Just the obsessive one.  Apart from that - Dervish, I couldn't have said it better myself. BTW, I think your Moon conj. my Sun (15 degrees Saggie); my Moon(28 degrees Libra) conj. your Sun and we have opposing Asc. (Mine is 22 Aqua)
Also, Moon Witch said: "The first person I have ever been able to spoon with all night long." I can't tell you how important it is for me to be able to feel intimate and warm with my man. This is the first time I have felt like the real me. My body knew right away. My hormones self-regulated!!! For the first time in my life I feel and enjoy feeling like a woman.
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Coffee
Knowflake Posts: 1017
From: Leeds
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 25, 2010 11:46 AM
One who says what they mean and means what they say. For example, if she is going away for some time, and she says she will ring, she will ring. That situations happens and she doesn't ring, I know something is wrong because she is always like that. At that point, with no call, I'm thinking she is dead or missing.Helps when you know someone for that. I guess honesty, being genuine, having some integrity, and being nice in the most basic possible way is too much to ask. Strange how you get to know a person and then the personality completely changes. IP: Logged |
teasel
Knowflake Posts: 1185
From: Ohio
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 25, 2010 01:56 PM
..IP: Logged |
BlueTopaz124
Knowflake Posts: 162
From: Portland, OR, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 25, 2010 08:57 PM
This is such a good idea to think about every once in a while, even if you're already in a happy, committed relationship. It keeps things fresh and reminders of what needs 'updating' or get back on track.He will follow through on his word.
Have integrity.
Family must be important to him...and not necessarily his biological one, but friends and people in his life he considers just as important.
He is loving, kind and generous with a good balance of money-consciousness.
He is not a pushover, but has a big, soft heart.
Loves animals.
Loves to cook, travel and will always remember to take out the trash and pull the bin around on garbage day.
He is funny to a fault but will also know the important things in life, will cherish and protect them.
Will defend me to anyone, but is honest with me to talk things over between us in private.
He is spiritual and accepting of the mysteries of life and my own empathic/psychic/spiritual nature.
Doesn't criticize every little thing around him.
Loves to laugh, have fun and go out, but also loves times at home, relaxing.
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charmainec
Moderator Posts: 431
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 26, 2010 01:39 PM
Bluetopaz  Oh and he must also love sweets as much as me  ------------------
quote:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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starr33
Moderator Posts: 194
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 28, 2010 10:26 AM
"Will defend me to anyone, but is honest with me to talk things over between us in private.
He is spiritual and accepting of the mysteries of life and my own empathic/psychic/spiritual nature.
Doesn't criticize every little thing around him.
Loves to laugh, have fun and go out, but also loves times at home, relaxing."Love it, love it, love it!!!
I'd like to add to my list:
Patient Compassionate Learns his lessons
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WinkAway
Knowflake Posts: 635
From: The great beyond
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 28, 2010 01:09 PM
I think the big one is that he gets along with or at least treats my son well.
My last bf treated my son like crap. He was constantly yelling at him and talking down to him. Communication is another biggie Not too serious Responsible Someone who isn't secretive. This bugs me. I am very open about how I am, who I have been and who I want to become. I don't see why some guys feel like this has to be on a need to know basis. If you're involved with someone, this is good information to have. For all you know, Mr. Wonderful could be hiding a multitude of scariness... Someone who I can learn from and someone who can learn a thing or two from me. Someone I can be myself with. I know this sounds strange, but if I gotta fart, I gotta fart. Are you going to get turned off by that? lol Someone who loves to cuddle, kiss and touch. I'm big on that. I love to show my affection....even in public. IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 431
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 28, 2010 02:22 PM
Winkaway: to the fart comment lol------------------
quote:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
IP: Logged |
WinkAway
Knowflake Posts: 635
From: The great beyond
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 28, 2010 05:05 PM
Well kind of a funny story to that.
My last bf.. on our first few dates we didn't fart around each other...kinda natural, I think.
But I had really bad gas one night and I let one go...you know.. silent but deadly?
Well I got all embarrased and kept apologizing. Then he farted..
I told him not to be shy about that around me because I want him to be comfortable.
Well.... I probably shouldn't have said anything because he was letting them rip from then on out lol... and LOUD!IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 431
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 28, 2010 05:13 PM
Lmao! at least he wasn't shy either lol------------------
quote:
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Dervish
Knowflake Posts: 625
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted May 29, 2010 08:52 PM
Talking about farts reminds me of an elderly lady I heard about. She'd gone to the doctor because she had gas problems, though she said at least they were silent and couldn't smell them, and in fact had farted several times in the doctor's office, but she'd still like the gas taken care of. So he gave her a prescription and asked her to come back next month.When she came back she said that not only did the prescription not work, but now her farts were really loud. Her doctor replied, "Good, now that your hearing is cleared up let's work on your sense of smell." IP: Logged |
starr33
Moderator Posts: 194
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 10, 2010 09:16 AM
Oh yeah, temperature-wise. Eighty percent of the time I would like it if he and I were comfortable at the same time whether it was cool or warm. Oh, and as far as the expulsion of gas is concerned, for me it's a bad idea doing that in front of a romantic partner. There's being yourself and there's being yourself. There are some things: clipping toenails, cleaning ears, nose and zit picking, etc. that can cause the romance to fizzle. And then you have more of a brother-sister-roomate situation. These things are a part of life, yes, but so is diarrhea. Do we need to share this too? There are other traits and habits of being who we are that are more appealing, don't you think? Just my humble opinion
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LEXX
Moderator Posts: 1820
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat.........& LEXIGRAMMING... is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 10, 2010 09:58 AM
Interesting thread.  ------------------
Everyone is a teacher...
Everyone is a student...
Learning is eternal.
}><}}(*>
.☆¨¯`♥ ¸.☆¨¯`♥ ¸.☆¨¯`♥ IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 431
From: on the other side of the rainbow
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 10, 2010 10:00 AM
They also have to look and smell clean all the time and NO dirty fingernails that's a 'no no'. :DIP: Logged |
WinkAway
Knowflake Posts: 635
From: The great beyond
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted June 10, 2010 01:03 PM
LOL @LEXX
Yeah I meant for him to not feel like he had to hold it in. Because he later told me that he had bad cramps from holding it in since he didn't want to embarrass himself.But I agree that too much of that is...too much. For God's sake there's medication for that!! IP: Logged |
starr33
Moderator Posts: 194
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 01, 2010 08:28 PM
I apologize for being graphic, but he should also be circumcised. Speaking from experience.IP: Logged |
cpn_edgar_winner
Knowflake Posts: 2530
From: Toledo, OH
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 02, 2010 11:44 AM
silence every so often.(man i been wanting to say that) IP: Logged |
WinkAway
Knowflake Posts: 635
From: The great beyond
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 02, 2010 01:28 PM
LOL at Starr33 & CPN!Starr33....ummmm yeah, I agree. I won't go into detail as to why but....yeah. CPN... Do you watch Jeff Dunham? Suddenly what came to mind was "silence, I kill you!!" 
IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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