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Author Topic:   Why Do Men Shout?
Lyra
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Posts: 209
From: London, UK
Registered: May 2009

posted May 28, 2010 07:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lyra     Edit/Delete Message
I find that it doesn't take long for blokes to start shouting at me. I'm not really sure what I do to get their goat, although it might have to do with the fact that I am fairly straightforward and don't tend to hide my light under a bushel if I disagree with them - but they hit the roof SO EASILY over minor things - even when I offer a solution to the problem. The only thing I feel comfortable with doing is shouting back, although with some you have to be careful because it's impossible to predict whether they will lash out.

I asked someone else about this and she reckons blokes just want you to cry when they get all dominant, instead of arguing back - it's almost as if they cannot stand someone disagreeing with them for even one nanosecond.

I went to an all-girls' school for a while where we had some male teachers and they used to get angry INCREDIBLY quickly - even then I wondered whether they were going through a mid-life crisis, but I now realize that this short fuse seems to be present in a lot of men (and young men as well - not just the ones over 35).

Why do they do it?


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WinkAway
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posted May 28, 2010 07:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for WinkAway     Edit/Delete Message
good question!!

I tend to be the opposite. If someone.. be them male or female, decides to start b1tching at me, I just try to listen to their rant and tell my side, but when it looks like it's going to be a balls to the walls arguement, I'd rather leave the other person for awhile to let them calm down. Sometimes I think men tend to need someone to bounce their frustration off of. Without meaning to hurt anyone.
It takes a lot to get me to the point of yelling back at someone...unless they get to the point of just plain being mean...then I just cry lol.

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Writesomething
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From: meet me in montauk
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posted May 28, 2010 11:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Writesomething     Edit/Delete Message
Arent you an aries? lol most aries influenced women(myself included) have this amazing effect on men.....lol

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vapor-lash
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posted May 29, 2010 02:01 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
I don't. ^

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vapor-lash
Knowflake

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posted May 29, 2010 02:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
Maybe aries with no pisces.

*shrug*


quote:
If someone.. be them male or female, decides to start b1tching at me, I just try to listen to their rant and tell my side, but when it looks like it's going to be a balls to the walls arguement, I'd rather leave the other person for awhile to let them calm down.

Same here. This works well with most people.
I completely walk out of the situation - through the nearest exist - so they can cool off.

Usually (with people close to me) ^^ once it all blows over, they apologize and I do also and we make up.

But if the person behaves this way towards me and does not apologize.. I completely avoid them - indefinitely (possibly forever)

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Lyra
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From: London, UK
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posted May 29, 2010 04:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lyra     Edit/Delete Message
I am an Aries but with a LOT of Pisces. Also fairly attractive ...so perhaps it's the fact that if an attractive woman starts having an argument with a bloke they just can't handle it LOL? I have noticed that a fair few attractive/ forthright women have this problem.

My boss is a Gemini (I think) and took a bit of an issue with a minor detail in my work (which is actually not typical of most Gem bosses I've worked for, they are usually pretty chilled, I think he must have some Taurus or Cancer or even Aries in him from the way he acts...anyway) - so I just ignored him as I thought "sod you, you are so disorganized anyway and I do ENOUGH to save your bacon" - so he kept on about needing to contact this client, and eventually I just wanted to shut him up, and said "OK! I'll phone this client NOW!!" - as in, offering a solution (i.e. solve problem, so expect nagger to shut up). Got through to client and got feedback, no problem. When I came off the phone, he was STILL nagging me, so I said "FINE! I'll do things the way you want them, so there won't be any quibbles in future!" - which you would think would equal problem solved. But the guy was just infuriated by that stage, and started kicking the bins around the office like a football. Now, he is a bit immature anyway - but sometimes I wonder if blokes have experienced women like me before, and whether it's something not necessarily to do with WHAT I say but the way I say it. I have Mars in Gem BTW (verbal aggression?)

The last but one office job I had, I crossed swords with a Scorpio boss who was the devil incarnate, and whom I hated on sight - this guy had been to borstal and was super-aggressive - and actually he got plenty of people cheeking him back, because they probably felt they had nothing to lose and were going to get fired anyway. I left after a week, as I think, if I hadn't, I would have thrown him out of the window!!

Some women really do think men are God, I remember when I went to see a male foreign friend of mine (Pisces)some years back. We were having a discussion, and I was disagreeing with him, and his girlfriend (Sadge) was really shocked that I could openly disagree with him (she was a sensitive soul). He reckoned she was "too sweet for this world" - personally I think it worked well for him because he didn't bother to go out to work, and played on her personality weaknesses and sense of inferiority - she did a job to support them, whilst he went off and did whatever he pleased - therefore he, in a sense, deliberately kept her from focusing on her own artwork, so he would come over as the "superior" partner and artist! I see so much of this being repeated time and time again by ostensibly "nice" blokes and I just want to scream at the women, "look, don't you see how you're allowing him to control you!"

I did have a bit of a moan at one stage to this particular friend about not being able to find a bloke and he said: "You're a very smart woman - and I'm not sure how many blokes could stand up to that". I've also been out with a creative (Scorpio) and whilst our arguments about creative stuff were quite productive, it meant the relationship couldn't last.

HM!

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Dervish
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posted May 29, 2010 08:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dervish     Edit/Delete Message
Speculation: yelling to establish dominance (and feeling masculinity threatened if dominance is threatened) or because he feels like he and his thoughts are being brushed off and ignored unfairly and wishes to be taken seriously than treated as silly (like why many women get into shrieking fits--and worse--as our anger is often ignored as inconsequential).

As a bonus observation, those (women, too) who yell "**** " as often as they can aren't emphasizing what they're saying so much as giving their brain precious seconds to think of the next word they want in the same way a child will say, "Um."

That said, I do recall when I experimented in debating on a board just out of curiosity. When I presented myself as a man, people there suddenly treated my views with more respect and were less likely to insult me instead of debate me. In fact, I'd have continued the practice but I use too many real life examples so that would be impossible to do in the long run (and there are just too many ways to trip up, and I think an assertive effeminate man is even more threatening to many men than an assertive woman). I've also noticed that guys get mocked mercilessly if they get beat by a girl in all kinds of contests, and what's a disagreement but more competition? They (*) can't let themselves be beaten by a girl!

(*In case it isn't obvious, I'm speaking in general terms, not painting all men with the same brush.)

As for the guys who pretend to be nice while being utter jerks, you might appreciate some of the commentary to be found here:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

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jwhop
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Posts: 2504
From: Madeira Beach, FL USA
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posted May 29, 2010 11:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for jwhop     Edit/Delete Message
Men don't shout Lyra.

We just talk loudly.

It's in the genes.

A long time in the past, men learned women have hearing disabilities and adjusted our vocal decibel output accordingly.


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vapor-lash
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posted May 29, 2010 11:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
Lyra -- Well - I'm attractive and I'm an Aries Sun and as I have told you previously, on another thread I study and work in a very male dominated area - BUT I am not forthright in a "loud" manner.
Almost no one yells at me. Only my mother.

I'd say it is your Gemini Mars - you are very *vocal* about it.

I have Capricorn Mars conjunct Neptune. I'm usually quiet but my words are cutting and sarcastic (if it gets to that).

Does this bother you?

I mean - if you like fighting matches.. then it's all good.

If it bothers you - maybe change your style a bit to being more manipulative and less forward.

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MyVirgoMask
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From: Bay Area, CA
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posted May 30, 2010 04:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
Pffft, what's wrong with yelling? I think once in a while it's ok while you argue. Or fight. Most men I know are terrified of it. And it's the other way around - with women being the ones who yell. Men I've been with are the ones who are terrified of a raised voice and acting like it's going to mean they will get spanked (if they are lucky lol).


Bottom line - most men over 35 or women! - will be set in their ways....and attracting what they are used to.
For me? I attract men who are terrified of shouting. I don't always shout but my voice rises when I am annoyed/****** . So what? It's not the end of the world. If you're not resorting to name-calling or whatever, then it's fine.

It isnt the shouting I have a problem with - it's the deliberate wounding. You try and deliberately hurt me JUST because you are upset...then I'm after blood.

It's anger. There's nothing WRONG with anger. In fact men are more comfortable with it than women. It's just that we live in times that it's picked apart to be angry. Oh. You have a problem because you have anger.
Whatever. No, you don't, you're just angry. And that's ok. Just the expression of it is what the probelm is. For many years it was considered unladylike to portray anger...which is too bad, because we're human. Own your anger. There's nothing wrong with a raised voice. It's just emotion, people. Why be so scared?

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MoonWitch
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posted May 31, 2010 04:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MoonWitch     Edit/Delete Message
After 3 1/2 years, I've never heard my boyfriend shout. He doesn't even raise his voice. He doesn't really have a need to. He gets his point across when he has to.

He's awesome.

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Lara
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posted May 31, 2010 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message
insecurity and childhood parental behavioural patterns

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Coffee
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From: Leeds
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posted June 01, 2010 04:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Coffee     Edit/Delete Message
Right Lyra, Men come to you with problems and you just offer solutions? No listen at all? Do you know what guys have to do in order to make it look like we care and are listening? No, don't offer solutions, just do that passive listening thing which seems ok. You seem old enough to know that one

Why shout?
To let you know they are the the leader (or one of) the pack. Or just male, doing what blokes have done for ages...listen to society. Challenging a person can reflect badly (for them) in terms of intelligence and social status amongst peers (if they get outwitted by a girl, or beaten at sports by one - I have)

As you are attractive (you say) they could just fancy you, which could mean this is really bragging masked by concern. Are you a Man?

The work guy sounds a twit.

Why? It's what Men are supposed to be.

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cpn_edgar_winner
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posted June 01, 2010 04:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
whats that jwhops? i can't hear you.....

(my ipod might be too loud, you will have to speak up)

(btw- glad to see you in LLC2 more good buddy, haven't had time to catch up in your corner of the world lately)

you want to get everyones attention, i suggest getting real quiet. thats when everyone knows it's time to go home, when mama gets real quiet. shouting is overrated. getting real quiet and speak lowly and slowly will guarantee everyones attention and fast retreat.

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Lyra
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From: London, UK
Registered: May 2009

posted June 01, 2010 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lyra     Edit/Delete Message
Er, Coffee, I have a confession to make. No, I don't, er, "listen." It's simply not in my nature to be passive - I just have to blurt out the first thing that comes into my head (usually and unfortunately truthful). For example, the guys at work were banging on about their Porsches and I said "well, a Porsche's not THAT big a gun as far as sports cars go" and there was a silence, and the Cancer techy-dweeb said: "well, they ARE the most reliable" - and I said, "yes, well, there are BETTER cars" - and they all just looked stumped.

I say these things, I don't know why I say them, and why should I be surprised if they shout at me, yes, yes, I know all that. Perhaps I've answered my own question here (cough, cough). But I CANNOT be passive to save my life. Now our office manager - she is TOTALLY the opposite (I swear she's a Taurus or Libra) - and my boss's friend - she is very passive and joins in all the drinking and everything, which I don't - yet he says the RUDEST things about her behind her back - and she's supposed to be his FRIEND!!

With friends like that, who needs enemies! I'd rather enjoy being a minxy, bitchy type of person!

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cpn_edgar_winner
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posted June 01, 2010 05:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cpn_edgar_winner     Edit/Delete Message
lyra - i will admit - i don't always listen to men either. it takes them so long to get to the point. they lose me in the first 10 seconds usually. it's like part of me wonders, is this a story or a unwritten test for ADD.

my hubby laughs about it and sometimes when he talks i ask him will there be a quiz later, because i am having a hard time staying with you here.

the thing is - guy stuff doesnt interest me all that much. tools, machines, i don't care how stuff works, nor how stuff is made, nor how stuff is fixed.

that passive listening thing! i love you Coffee. i really do. so easy to master. as long as there isn't a quiz later, everybody is happy. no yelling.

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Lyra
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From: London, UK
Registered: May 2009

posted June 01, 2010 06:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lyra     Edit/Delete Message
Men respond really well to product names in long-list of letter-and-number format - i.e. XR3C847654 (Captchas were INVENTED for men) - and women will have absolutely not a clue what they are talking about, that kind of thing goes right over our heads.

We were having a conversation about this in the office the other day. For example, Cancer dweeb will apparently comment when his wife plays computer games, saying something like: "Have you killed CR3 yet?"
And she'll say: "You mean the wooden man?"

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Lyra
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From: London, UK
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posted June 01, 2010 06:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lyra     Edit/Delete Message
*double post*

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vapor-lash
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posted June 01, 2010 07:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for vapor-lash     Edit/Delete Message
Lyra - how much pisces?

It's not coming through.

You've peaked my curiosity.

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Dervish
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posted June 01, 2010 10:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dervish     Edit/Delete Message
You put down a man's Porsche!? That's like a man pointing out to a woman how stupid her Chanel shoes are (and then wondering why she kicked him)!

That's goes beyond sick and wrong! It's Wrongsick!

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jwhop
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From: Madeira Beach, FL USA
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posted June 02, 2010 08:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jwhop     Edit/Delete Message
"whats that jwhops? i can't hear you"..cpn

No need to shout cpn. I heard that and I have a new set of batteries for your hearing aid(s).

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Happy Dragon
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posted June 02, 2010 11:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
~ http://www.japantrendshop.com/shouting-vase-holds-your-anger-p-293.html ~
can also be used to throw at the other person ..

'n that porche 4 by 4 .. YEECH !!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*** I heard that and I have a new set of batteries for your hearing aid(s). ***
:-)))))))))))))))

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Happy Dragon
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From: u.k.
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posted June 02, 2010 11:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
this is nuts ..
~ http://www.japantrendshop.com/mugen-beer-infinite-beer-can-p-573.html ~

wonder if it comes with infinite pretzles ..

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AcousticGod
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From: acousticgod@sbcglobal.net
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posted June 02, 2010 12:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
It's pretty rare for anyone to inspire me to shout, and generally if that happens, the other person will regret it. Most people appreciate that I don't shout, so when they do get a showing like that they know they've screwed up pretty good.

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GypseeWind
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From: Dayton,Ohio USA
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posted June 02, 2010 01:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message
My God you definetly don't want a shouting Cap! I can tell you this isn't pretty! lol.

You also do not want a stone silent Scorpio.
I agree with CPN on the silence thing.
When my Dad got really quiet, EVERYTHING, even the air got still. Truly frightening.

I think it's like dogs barking.
The small dogs are always barking the loudest, same way with people and egos, the fragile ones are always screeching to be heard.
Just my theory.

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