posted November 23, 2010 12:59 PM         

That was very big of you Randall. I wasn't even around during the origin of the conflict, but I hope the sincerity of your apology helps pave the way towards resolving the conflict.

I think you are owed some heartfelt apologies too.

I am ready to move on from this drama, it's been very stressful.

Let's do this.

I hope that Belgz and others (I don't even know who else was banned except Valus and Cheshire Kat?) will come back.

I also think some frank discussions about what is bothering everyone need to happen because the problems will keep occuring if we don't talk about it. There is clearly some wounding and ugly feelings underneath all of this.

Let's dig deep here folks. Get it all out!

Make sure you use "I" statements, not "you" statements...#1 rule of conflict negotiation. Accept responsibility for your part in the conflict as well (as Randall has done).

posted November 23, 2010 01:03 PM         

That was very big of you, but I doubt you're going to get any apologies. Hopefully you will, but I do really doubt.

posted November 23, 2010 01:14 PM         

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quote:

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 23, 2010 01:15 PM         

I understand both sides.

Words can be used as weapons. Sometimes, it hurts to see what is written, especially when it is deliberately inflammatory and sparks continuous conflict. I understand why Randall wanted to erase the bitterness, insults and arguments, to just make it STOP. Especially when directed to LL itself and to his own person.

Yet, on a message board, where the word IS all there is, it serves as a historical record that the interaction itself even occurred. If the word is erased, it's like it didn't happen. Erasing it is like being completely invalidated. And being invalidated is inflammatory in and of itself.

So it's a vicious cycle. Erasing it (& locking threads) makes people want to be heard even more, creates the sense that something is being buried or hidden.

It's like walking away from someone in the middle of the argument or slamming a door in their face. Totally unproductive.

But continuing the argument and shouting profanities and being irrational isn't productive either.

The best solution is for both sides to take a breather and come back when they are feeling rational and able to engage and not only hear each other but actively LISTEN.

posted November 23, 2010 01:54 PM         

Belgz is a beautiful person who "lost it" as we all do and have.

It was beautiful for you to say that,Randall.

posted November 23, 2010 01:59 PM         

quote:

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now PDF is it too much to expect a good gesture from you? e.g. to expect you to admit that it is cool to have lots of earth in a chart?

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posted November 23, 2010 02:01 PM         

Everyone loses their temper at times, and everyone does the best they can every day. Each day our best is not the same.

One of the biggest things I learned from having twins is that to go and to say, "I'm sorry, I lost my temper, I was wrong, etc. will you forgive me, please?" will go along way to smooth things over. We're all humans, and have our hard moments.

ADfly

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We justify ourselves each time we take a breath...

posted November 23, 2010 02:06 PM         

Anyway, I'm glad that some people do listen and see the importance of bringing these hidden things back out into the open to lay them properly to rest so I'm glad that Randall took all of my valid points on the other thread into account.