Author
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Topic: six reasons why you should think before you speak
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LEXX Knowflake Posts: 9742 From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion! Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 27, 2012 07:44 PM
Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls' THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, ' No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. FOURTH TESTIMONY : While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' .. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak!!! IP: Logged |
L0veLess Knowflake Posts: 1293 From: Midgard Registered: Feb 2011
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posted January 27, 2012 11:33 PM
lol! thanks for the laughs IP: Logged |
MC2012 Knowflake Posts: 579 From: Calgary Registered: Jan 2012
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posted January 27, 2012 11:40 PM
Cute lol IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5739 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 28, 2012 02:05 AM
Hilarious. ------------------ quote: Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
LEXX Knowflake Posts: 9742 From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion! Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 28, 2012 02:11 AM
You're all welcome! IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 4367 From: Registered: Sep 2011
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posted January 28, 2012 06:08 AM
LMAOIP: Logged |
jesstar Knowflake Posts: 277 From: santa fe new mexico Registered: Nov 2011
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posted January 28, 2012 09:37 AM
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anongrl10 Knowflake Posts: 4557 From: Registered: Sep 2011
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posted January 28, 2012 10:06 AM
still laughing here IP: Logged |
Frozen Queen Knowflake Posts: 625 From: 11th Dimension Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 28, 2012 10:27 AM
That was so great...I had awesome belly laughs Here's something that happened to me today: I went for a routine ultrasound and the doctor knew my mum. He told me that he remembered my mum being posted there in 1986 to which I hurriedly replied, "Yeah, and she had me in the OPD(Out Patient Department)." . . . . . . . . I meant OT *facepalm*
------------------ “S|_UT ” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “YES”. “FRIENDZONE” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “NO”. IP: Logged |
Lei_Kuei Moderator Posts: 864 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 28, 2012 11:54 AM
The kid who didn't sh!t his pants is the winner <3Also, Ive heard news anchors in the Uk say the same thing LOL, with variations on the inches! ------------------ Proud Member of the Vatican Assassin Warlock Attack Squad! You can't handle my level of Tinfoil! ~ {;,;} IP: Logged |
Dazzle Knowflake Posts: 172 From: Right here, silly!! Registered: Dec 2011
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posted January 28, 2012 08:39 PM
LEXX!! *huge belly laughs* Thank you!! Soooo funny... ------------------ ♥ Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly ♥ IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5739 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 20, 2012 03:24 AM
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Love&Light Knowflake Posts: 367 From: India Registered: Oct 2011
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posted July 20, 2012 05:18 AM
charmainec, thanks for bumping it. Too good. I had a good time laughing heartily. I wish LEXX was here.IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5739 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 20, 2012 06:46 AM
We miss Lexx bunches. ------------------ quote: Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
juniperb Moderator Posts: 5494 From: Blue Star Kachina Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 25, 2012 05:28 PM
Hurry back and be well lexx, we miss you and your sense of humor! ------------------ As Angels above guide Human beings, Human Beings have the opportunity to be Angels on Earth, who guide the Animal kingdom. - Da Vinci IP: Logged |
SunChild Moderator Posts: 3499 From: Australia Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 26, 2012 05:38 AM
LexxIP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 23356 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 10, 2012 08:51 PM
Miss you! IP: Logged |
Gem-Gurl Knowflake Posts: 1923 From: Los Angeles, CA Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 10, 2012 09:30 PM
Omg i cry-laughed!!!!!!!! The bessssst ive ever read!!!IP: Logged |
violet7887 Knowflake Posts: 1106 From: maya Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 10, 2012 11:09 PM
lollll. thank god for my Gemini Sun, i always think before i speak! when i say stuff like that accidentally, it is always on purpose! are you a Sagittarius by any chance? lol reminds me of my best friend IP: Logged |
teasel Knowflake Posts: 4917 From: Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 14, 2012 12:55 AM
How is Lexx doing? I miss her.IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5739 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 22, 2012 11:49 AM
BUMP------------------ quote: Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
juniperb Moderator Posts: 5494 From: Blue Star Kachina Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 23, 2012 08:15 AM
This still makes me laugh ------------------ We dance around the ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and Knows Robert Frost IP: Logged |
charmainec Moderator Posts: 5739 From: Venus next to Randall Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 26, 2012 01:39 AM
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Desiring Shadows Moderator Posts: 1770 From: UNITED STATES, BABY Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 26, 2012 01:48 AM
Mercury RX I think one thing and say another.. Did you feed the birds? Did you feed the cat?IP: Logged |