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Author
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Topic: By 21 it is no longer shyness but just rudeness.
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T
Knowflake Posts: 7158
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 07:06 AM
  
Were there ever days where men were protectors of the sacred female...their mothers, sisters, daughters, wives..?Where we knew we could walk freely and be protected if need be, because we were respected for what we are...... we would be protected....if not on our own, then by someone with more muscle....with some heart.... No. I don't think those days ever existed, & ever will. ....here on lovely planet earth. Instead, they have no idea. And the raping, murder and madness goes on. IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 7158
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 07:11 AM
lol....poor Carl. His thread's gone now. All because of a shy girl he never got to bang.IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5592
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 07:48 AM
Carl, what exactly is the situation? Is it gender specific? Is it actual shyness or did someone just not want to speak to you? There's nothing rude about being naturally shy. As it was pointed out in the other posts, some suffer from anxiety, social phobias etc so if they are not comfortable talking to strangers for eg. then it's not rude either. I can tell you this though, personally I don't take too kindly to men I don't know and will avoid making conversation with them at all costs. The world is filled with too many sicko's and pervs and to me it's better to be safe than sorry even if they think I'm rude. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4367
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 17, 2012 08:23 AM
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PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 1069
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted April 17, 2012 08:34 AM
You know, I hadn't actually thought of this as gender specific as I know a guy from Vietnam who has had trouble with his American peers in college because he's so silent and as a result his fellow students tend to think he feels he's "too good" to talk to them. But given how rare it is for a man to be that shy (and it's not common for women to be that shy either as I think they're inclined to at least nod and smile politely even if they want to brush you off, assuming you're not obnoxious to them), but given how common it seems to be to carl I suppose that is what it's about. After all, if he puts up with it a lot then I'd say he brings it on himself and if he was offending or intimidating men the same way then one of them would've punched him in the face by now. I tend to speak, politely acknowledge another's existence, as that was how I was raised--but I've been to self-defense classes for women (with a focus on avoiding violence before it happened) and we were told in one of them to keep strange men at a distance, to not even smile at them. And it's not just feminists who've had it rough because a rape victim told me her priest said her rape and battery was her own fault for giving a strange man (who ended up raping her) a glass of water as he said how hot & dehydrated he was (apparently that priest didn't put much stock in the story of the good samaritan who gave Jesus some water and what Jesus said about doing good onto others was doing good onto him). So I understand why some women tune men out even when they're not particularly obnoxious. After all, if being nice can get you attacked, then why be nice? Of course when someone IS particularly obnoxious I do shun them. Normally I'm civil but firm in showing I'm not interested (or even let them know what they're doing wrong and give them a chance to straighten up), neither showing good will (which might encourage them) or being bitchy (as that might antagonize them), so it's not that I completely freeze someone out (at least not instantly), though even then plenty of men don't take the hint, so I understand why plenty don't even try anymore. And I recall one who tried manipulating me into having sex by claiming I wasn't brave enough (ie, on the shy side) when I told him I was married and flashed a ring (as a tactic to discourage guys like him) and as I finally tuned him out completely (after civilly turning him down about 3 times) he started yelling profanities at me. Perhaps it would've been best if I hadn't acknowledged his presence from the beginning. It's extremely rare for me to snap rudely at someone. I do recall shopping once when a man ran his gaze up and down me in a way that made me distinctly uncomfortable and he didn't even care that I was bothered by it (I got the impression he was even amused by my discomfort). He was shocked and offended when I demanded to know what he was staring at. I got the impression he felt entitled to stare at me and thus felt I was rude for no reason, and I wonder if something like that is going on here. Most women won't confront a man being obnoxious, she'll just be silent. In fact, I've often just walked away from men who stare at me like that without saying anything to them but I was in a really bad mood that day. Still, I have met plenty of good men, and I've been flirted with by guys who didn't scare or offend me (and it has nothing to do with looks, at least not for me, but entire behavior including body language and tone of voice and not being obnoxious about it), and there are men who have made me feel safe. Heck, I've even tolerated some behavior from men I considered inappropriate as long as I didn't feel menaced and that he was not at his best (for example, I don't expect a man to show perfect judgment at 3 AM, especially if not entirely sober, and will overlook annoying or inappropriate things said or done as long as I think he means no harm he's just being clueless). IP: Logged |
emitres
Moderator Posts: 471
From:
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted April 17, 2012 10:38 AM
wonderful book titled "Quiet - the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" ... really quite eye opening for introverts and extroverts alike ------------------
" Some define good as that which preserves, and evil as that which destroys; but destruction can be cleansing and purifying, for there is such a thing in both men and races as spiritual constipation, which comes from too much preservation of the status quo." ( Dion Fortune ) IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1572
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted April 17, 2012 11:17 AM
people should be considerate when they run into socially akward people, being scornfull is very... unclassy- to say the least..IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 8748
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 05:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by T:
You might just suck. And that's okay too.
quote:
Originally posted by T:
Go for a super fire/air-y sign or something and quit your b!ching.
quote:
Originally posted by T:
Man up.We aint here to please you.
Dear T,
I love you.
That is all.
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T
Knowflake Posts: 7158
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 05:35 PM
LOL I wasnt expecting that!  I  you too!  IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 7158
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 05:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by emitres:
wonderful book titled "Quiet - the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" ... really quite eye opening for introverts and extroverts alike
I've seen that book and almost picked it up. Sounds like a good one. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 8748
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 05:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
If I want to chit chatrespect deserve nothing less.
since you seem to be talking about the man approaches woman dynamic I will agree that some guys need to take a hint and leave the lady alone if she isn't interested but I also think women need to be polite about it if the man is just being nice and. is a gentleman,how hard is it to amile. and say thanks but I'm busy or Iseeingsomeone etc. being a Guy and having approached. women and I have to say most women are extremely rude and say things like get away get away from me loser or hurl an insult simply because you approached them politely ,funny thing is when i say well fine ***** they have the gaul to call me rude.now I agree they don't owe me. anything as you women put it and love to. shout,but I do believe I deserve a. polite no, would you want a man to insult you if you approached him and you were only being nice,use the golden rule ladies[/B][/QUOTE]
You quoted me here so I'm responding:
I will SAY whatever the f-ck I want to ANY MAN who tries to talk to me, if I am not in the mood to converse.
They deserve nothing as they are not a part of my life.
And who the f-ck kissed YOUR ASS when you were growing up to make you think that the world owes you something? It doesn't.
If they want to be babied they need to go back to their mamas.
This is a situation where you have to feel it out, use your intuition, look at body language FIRST before opening your mouth.
Lots of hassle could be averted if people did just that.
I do the same when I approach people, I analyze their moods/their preoccupation etc. before I SPEAK.
I do not take it personally when I'm ignored (on the *rare* occasion that my guess is wrong) as I know that the world doesn't revolve around my golden ass. Unlike some.
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T
Knowflake Posts: 7158
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 17, 2012 05:53 PM
Well said  IP: Logged |
Delilah
Knowflake Posts: 684
From:
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted April 17, 2012 07:14 PM
At any age when you expect people to talk to you and don't have any concern about whether or not they're comfortable, that is rude.Some people have gone through a lot more than would cross your mind when it comes to social settings/gatherings. People who have been bullied or harassed in the past are reluctant to open up to a stranger because there are trust issues. Also, maybe you just came on too strong. Maybe something unpleasant happened before you sauntered over to them. There are a lot of possibilities, none of which give the person approaching them the right to feel miffed or call them out about it. I was shy when I first went to college and didn't talk much to people in my classes unless I had to. Some took offense to that without thinking twice about why I didn't speak to them. It was nothing personal in the beginning, at least not on my end. But when the snickering and whispered gossip started then I just thought to hell with them. Anyway, my point is that shy people feel like a fish out of water when thrown into large groups. There is a fear/anxiety that is hard to explain when even one person approaches you. But it's hardly ever rude and it sure as hell isn't intentional. I don't know the situation, but maybe you should try approaching the person with fewer people around to put them more at ease. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4467
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 17, 2012 10:57 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Wow.The idea that someone is "rude" just for not talking is, frankly, absurd. Now, if you know the person, and that person hasn't given you a reason to stay away or feel uncomfortable, then yes, you could say 'hi' and that's it. That would be sufficient if you don't feel like talking. On the otherhand, though, maybe if you know the person, you could say that you just don't feel chatty today or that you want to study/be alone for a bit, or something like that. Sometimes, I just am feeling quiet and contemplative. Sometimes, I feel reserved, especially if I don't know others in the group or else if I do know some, but they've all known each other longer/if I'm different, such as being the youngest in the group. Other times, I just don't have anything to say--yes, even Libras get like that sometimes. Sometimes people have no manners and bring up things that should not come up in polite conversation, such as bodily fluids, health issues (especially really disturbing ones), and other anxiety-inducing or disgusting topics in which I do not want to participate. Other times, the conversation is about something that I know nothing about, so I literally can't be a part of it. If I'm feeling sad or upset or something, then no, I'm not a chatterbox at that time. Other times, I just want to go out and take care of business and get stuff done without being bothered. As for guys, I will not talk to 99.99% of male strangers who approach me. It's a safety issue, for one thing. For another, most are hitting on me or making inappropriate comments/advances, so no, I'm not going to participate in that. It doesn't make me a snob. I don't OWE someone a conversation. I don't OWE someone myself. Not wanting to be with someone who hits on me doesn't make me a snob. I have the right to say no, and that should be respected.
haha ya'll haven't heard a word I am saying, I never said you owe men anything,I simply meant if a man is not,and this is the key, if he is not being pushy and you aren't interested simply politely reject him ,if he insists on being pushy by all means tell him to get lost and get as far away as possible,I'm not talking about the sleezy aggressive guys you might meet at a bar,I'm simply saying if the Guy is being nice , be considerate,I'm in no way implying you have to talk to him, just don't be mean where its not warranted.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4467
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 17, 2012 11:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I do that to guys (whom I do not know, or else whom I do not like) who do that to me because it makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable that they do that. If I don't know someone, WHY are they trying to say hi to me? Why me, out of dozens of others? I get freaked out when that happens. Also, would like to point out the possibility that someone could (a) not hear you and (b) be distracted and not paying attention.
Ok, I can level with you that it may seem odd in some parts of the world,but here in the southern u.s people are generally more friendly,it is very common for people you don't know to smile and say hi,how are you or younger people, hey what's up? men say it to other men and to women,so a woman here shouldn't assume they are getting hit on, I remember one time when I was working at Walmart as a cartpusher, I saw two women and I smiled and said how are ya'll are and kept walking,and I heard them say as they walked away, "you can't even go to Walmart without getting hit on by a Guy in the parking lot." What a creeper" and all I was doing was my job, how is that hitting on someone? Lmao
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4467
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 17, 2012 11:35 PM
quote:
Originally posted by T:
Were there ever days where men were protectors of the sacred female...their mothers, sisters, daughters, wives..?Where we knew we could walk freely and be protected if need be, because we were respected for what we are...... we would be protected....if not on our own, then by someone with more muscle....with some heart.... No. I don't think those days ever existed, & ever will. ....here on lovely planet earth. Instead, they have no idea. And the raping, murder and madness goes on.
Ok I have to say this is taking it too far.I know you have had bad experiences with men,and i apologize ,but your hatred for us is very evident and it saddens me,but for every man who would hurt you there are tons of men who would kick said Guy's ass,even in prison it is well known that men who are violent towards women and children are beaten and stabbed,even most crooks find men who hurt women disgusting! I'm not trying to negate your feelings,yes! A lot of men are bad,but I do wish women wouldn't run all men's names through the dirt because the actions of some. I mean I have never had good experiences with women but i don't blame and hate all women because the actions of a few.
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T
Knowflake Posts: 7158
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 18, 2012 02:03 AM
I don't hate men.  IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 4467
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted April 18, 2012 02:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Lonake:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[b]If I want to chit chatrespect deserve nothing less.
since you seem to be talking about the man approaches woman dynamic I will agree that some guys need to take a hint and leave the lady alone if she isn't interested but I also think women need to be polite about it if the man is just being nice and. is a gentleman,how hard is it to amile. and say thanks but I'm busy or Iseeingsomeone etc. being a Guy and having approached. women and I have to say most women are extremely rude and say things like get away get away from me loser or hurl an insult simply because you approached them politely ,funny thing is when i say well fine ***** they have the gaul to call me rude.now I agree they don't owe me. anything as you women put it and love to. shout,but I do believe I deserve a. polite no, would you want a man to insult you if you approached him and you were only being nice,use the golden rule ladies[/B][/QUOTE]
You quoted me here so I'm respondare before I SPEAK.
I do noccasion that my guess is wrong) as I know that the world doesn't revolve around my golden ass. Unlike some.[/QUOTE] Listen!I never said they owed me anything,I'm talking about the women who are explicitly rude when you ask them out,a simple polite no would suffice,and I would go on my merry way,all I'm saying is that respect would be nice,I felt I was very clear on this,I stand behind what I said, I have always been a gentleman when approaching women and I accept that alot of women may not be interested and that's ok! But I believe I don't deserve to be publicly humiliated because of it,when she could have just said no but had to go the extra mile and laugh and say your a loser or a creep etc. I'm sorry t o me that is disrespectful and not cool,she may have insecurities but that doesn't give her an excuse to verbally attack me when all I did was try to be friendly.again I am not like the men you ladies bring up on here, I am a gentleman and feel I don't deserve to be treated as an a**hole,again just to make it clear I am talking about the women who are rude when the situation doesn't call for it,which some women are,I know! What a suprise! Women aren't perfect after all! Oh wait..yes they are! She was completely justified in disrespecting me and publicly humiliating me because. all us men are pigs, so we should respect women and never question them even when they insult and. degrade us for simply making the mistake of offering to buy her a drink,I apologize for not being completely with the program!
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RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4367
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 18, 2012 06:12 AM
.
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sand
Knowflake Posts: 6997
From:
Registered: May 2011
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posted April 18, 2012 06:35 AM
I find camera phones and ppl taking ur picture rude. Wut do ppl get out of dat anyway? R they gonna umm.. U know to that? Yyyy???  I'm a Scorpio rising, I've perfected the oblivious but rly observing and calculating look. I see wat u did der!! IP: Logged |
otterpus
Knowflake Posts: 120
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 18, 2012 07:04 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Lonake:
since you seem to be talking about the man approaches woman dynamic I will agree that some guys need to take a hint and leave the lady alone if she isn't interested but I also think women need to be polite about it if the man is just being nice and. is a gentleman,how hard is it to amile. and say thanks but I'm busy or Iseeingsomeone etc.
I agree. And it's only when they didn't get / ignore the hint then I start to worry. I feel that it's rude to yell at person for trying to talking to you. Ignoring and walking away are the better alternatives. I try to not see the world as a uber dangerous place. I don't always push random strangers away when they ask me to spare a few coins, help w/ direction, etc. I go with my gut to see whom I could trust or not. If I don't feel safe helping a person I would say something like "I am sorry, I left my wallet at home today" or "I am really busy" and just walk away. No hard feelings. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 8748
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 18, 2012 07:10 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I apologize for not being completely with the program
Apology accepted.
Now go on with your life keeping in mind all the wisdom you've been given here.
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otterpus
Knowflake Posts: 120
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 18, 2012 07:15 AM
quote:
Originally posted by sand:
I find camera phones and ppl taking ur picture rude. Wut do ppl get out of dat anyway? R they gonna umm.. U know to that? Yyyy??? I'm a Scorpio rising, I've perfected the oblivious but rly observing and calculating look. I see wat u did der!!
OMG! Somebody who understands!
My friends never understood my beef with people and their cameras (be it a fancy dsrl or camera phones). Photographers need to be conscientious of other people's rights/privacy.
It doesn't help that I hate to be in photographs to begin with.
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charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5592
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 18, 2012 07:35 AM
Regardes------------------
quote:
Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 4367
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 18, 2012 08:09 AM
=IP: Logged | |
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