posted April 18, 2012 06:56 PM            

I've certainly been around some vile and nightmarish people in my life (seriously, some have haunted my nightmares for years after even brief encounters with them), but I've also been around good people as well, and I know well my life would've been much worse were it not for them (one of them a guy I almost stabbed upon first meeting him as I thought he meant me harm but he turned out to be one of the best breaks I ever got in life). The time I spent in rural communities where even strangers tend to acknowledge each other with polite greetings no doubt also have had an effect on me.

Eventually I came to realize that most people aren't either good (that is, driven to help people, including strangers) or evil (that is, driven to harm people) but rather seeks that which is convenient. Normally that means they tend to the good as it's far more convenient to be trusted and liked (but won't hesitate to be jerks or worse when they feel they can get away with it), but this is purely self-interest (though real affection and self-sacrifice for family & close friends may exist) who will also turn a blind eye to someone needing help (such as helping that screaming woman as it's too much risk for too little gain so they instead look the other way as that's the most convenient thing to do) and if it's in their own interest to be evil then they'll be evil (such as "being a good Nazi" in extreme cases and sometimes seeking sexual adventures when society encourages and winks at it, even if it means being obnoxious or downright evil--and it's far easier for men to avoid inconvenience this way than women, as long as he doesn't really care about her). Keeping this in mind it keeps me cautious and alert but not hypervigilant (at least in most circumstances). I see both the potential good as well as potential evil.

As an example, if a man gets in an elevator with me late at night or somewhere isolated then I'm instantly alert. I don't think he means me harm because if I did then I'd get off the moment he got on (it's quite possible that without all the self-defense training I've had, and having successfully defended myself in the past, that I might anyway, and I don't blame the woman who does instantly leave). I'll casually put my back against a wall or at least in some way that I can keep a watch on him, and I'm not waiting for him to put a rag over my mouth or a weapon in my side before I decide what I'll do if I'm menaced or attacked. Such precautions taken I'll then smile and be polite as appropriate, and if he tries talking to me I'm not going to assume he's scoping me out or even hitting on me (and even if he does, as long as he's respectful enough about it, it's no harm done). I also don't accept drinks given to me (including coffee) by men (and occasionally women) I don't know (and sometimes even those I do) out of fear of roofies--not that I think this is likely (as if I did I wouldn't be with him in the first place), but the price for being wrong is so severe that I'll take the ounce of prevention over the pound of cure. Of course there's no way I'm going to let him know that I'm being careful he doesn't poison me so he can rape, enslave, and/or kill me, I'll be polite and friendly the whole time. (Btw, there are also men who like to ejaculate into a woman's drink which can spread STDs as well as being gross, such as this example of a man who did so at least twice to a woman who trusted him.)

Though it has made me angry at times, I've repeatedly gone out of my way to avoid large groups of men who seem to be displaying predatory pack-like behavior. The streets should be safe from such scum, but then it's hard to tell which packs are a threat and which are just being rowdy. (But I have been brazenly threatened by large groups of men while out alone twice, once in broad daylight with other people around though when I looked around everybody else pointedly looked away and wouldn't even call 911 for me, which ticks me off to this day.)

That is, I'm cautious, but not paranoid. And I also keep in mind how charming serial killers can be, how one even lured a paranoid woman (who even carried a concealed gun on her person at the time just to work in her flower bed) into his car which means I'm also careful not to let someone cute and charming fool me into letting my guard down. I still treat people I trust with some amount of caution for a long while.

I tend to have a lot of empathy and given my self-confidence (and perhaps my planets) I'm willing to help panhandlers and the like at times. Again, I'm alert for danger when I do and I'm careful to note those who lose respect for me (thinking I'm a sucker to be taken advantage of or even a good victim as they equate kindness with weakness, stupidity, and vulnerability), but I sympathize with people who have it rough, and I know some (but not all) are worthy of compassion.

However, some bad experiences have made me much more cautious than I used to be in doing so. And under no circumstances do I think people are OBLIGATED to help others, especially as I recognize the danger involved. I've also heard of plenty of scams targeting do-gooders as well, and as a sometimes do-gooder myself I try to keep current with such despicable trends, and I understand why many people choose not to risk it. Women can be predators (even work with male rapists and even slavers) as well.

Indeed, even just ignoring someone can cause harm, as one trick I learned as a runaway is that some criminals would pretend to be passed out drunk on someone's doorstep (this was an area with a lot of winos and such) and when the person stepped over the "sleeping" person and unlock the door then the predator would come to and invade the home for robbery and maybe rape (as a result locals there would pay big guys, including those I knew which is how I found out about it, to forcibly remove anyone passed out on their doorstep since that was much faster than calling the cops to do it, especially as cell phones weren't common yet).

I may be merciful, but I'm not a trusting fool. Nor do I have any faith in any gods or karma to keep me safe, I realize my safety is up to me and that being kind sometimes puts me at risk. Still, my empathy & instinctive goodwill does cause me to remain cautiously helpful and to give others a benefit of a doubt (within reason). And good thing as my being kind to strangers has brought about all kinds of good things, too (from someone I helped out who got me an employee discount on my favorite spritzers later on to even finding love).

posted April 18, 2012 10:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Just out of curiosity, Otterpus, how do you not see the world as dangerous and horrifying?

*I'm not trying to belittle you or argue--it just honestly is something that I literally find difficult to understand.*

I personally won't usually say something rude, either--I walk away most of the time--but in some cases when I have felt like I had to do something, I have definitely made a scene.

I do not give panhandlers money. If someone claims to be in trouble, I offer to make a phone call on a phone other than my cell phone--I never give my cell phone to anyone. I don't answer the door for strangers. I don't get in a car with anybody that I don't know.

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I *know* that the world is not completely safe. I lived a good part of my life thinking that everybody is out to get me and that seriously did me no good. Drove me crazy. Most people don't set out to harm others and are too busy minding their own business anyways.

It makes me feel good to help people. Puts a smile on everybody's face And brightens everybody's day. Again, I listen to my gut and act accordingly, because like PJ said, not everybody are worthy of my compassions. I will do whatever it's necessary to keep myself out of harm's way if I feel I am threathened. Being kind =/= Being a sucker

posted April 19, 2012 04:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[b]I apologize for not being completely with the program

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posted April 19, 2012 06:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
It's not at all a 'sin' to point out that women are rude. Some are really rude. That's not problematic.

What concerns me, though, is that what you consider "rude" is a woman trying to keep herself safe from harm, and that, as a man, you don't seem to really and fully understand just what we go through or how dangerous it is to be a woman on the streets: you seem to dismiss those concerns. I am not dismissing those concerns, I think women should keep themselves safe, again I am speaking of situations where the rudeness isn't called for, in my opinion you can usually tell by someones demeanor w

I'm sure that it's not pleasant to have someone walk away or say something nasty, but women have to do this to keep ourselves safe. Being "nice" has gotten women raped and killed.

I repeat: RAPED AND KILLED.

And honestly, it's NOT out of line to assume that a man is a potential rapist, because the truth is that almost any man could rape. The incidence of female rape is much less common and with females, at least, they aren't usually so much bigger and stronger that we have a tiny chance of winning a fight. Men, on the other hand, tend to be much bigger and stronger, so while we have a chance with running, weapons if we can find something to use, or other things, in terms of brute force and strength, we're normally outmatched.

We have to be vigilant and cautious and protect ourselves. If it's at the expense of someone's feelings, then that's just how it is: our being alive and unharmed comes first. I would rather be rude than dead.

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posted April 19, 2012 01:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
so I know where all this propoganda comes from.

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posted April 19, 2012 11:06 PM            

Several years ago when I lived in NYC, it was a different story. I made the mistake of smiling at a couple men on the street that approached me. I was nearly raped and followed home on more than one occasion. I went through a long period of not acknowledging anyone whatsoever on the street or even in a bar or anywhere else if I was not with friends.

posted April 19, 2012 11:37 PM            

Yes a Gemini can also be shy.

I can only speak for myself, I've been walked over so many times.

I appear shy, but the reality is I'm not going to completely open up unless I really know for sure and as a result I appear smug because of it.

When I have to I open up, but not to much.

But, with everything going on right know in the world you have to be vary careful with people and who to trust.

Shyness can be a sign of a insecure person.

posted April 21, 2012 12:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[b]so I know where all this propoganda comes from.

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[/B][/QUOTE]
I'm not angry nor projecting it onto an entire gender just making an. observation, and I used a key word "some women are rude" never said all, as I said I sympathize with women who. get harassed by guys who wont take a. hint. This whole argument started over some one commented that the op must have gotten turned down by too many women at the bar and several others joined in talking about men trying to pick them up and kind of bashing. guys, so I was simply giving a males perspective of what its. like trying to meet women and encountering the mean ones. and people took offense and. here we are, I wasn't. meaning. any harm just giving a male. perspective, I know this is. controversial . subject matter and people get very. worked. up over it, so we can agree to. disagree, I as a Guy will never. be able to. really know what. . its. like to be a woman. and be. hit on by creepy guys, just as. women for the most part will. never understand. what it is. . like to spot a beauty. across the room. and to work up the courage to try to talk. to her and put ourselves out there to be. rejected. I think both sides need to have more respect and sensitivity for each other, neither should invalidate each others feelings, as I said I can sympathize with women's fears and feelings on the issue, so I would expect the same from the women on the board, several said in no uncertain term s that their feelings trumped men's feelings and I don't think that's a good attitude to have,it shows that men and women as a whole have long way to go in reaching a mutual understanding, and that was my original

posted April 21, 2012 01:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lonake:
[b] [QUOTE]Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[b]so I know where all this propoganda comes from.

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[/B][/QUOTE]
I'm not angry nor projecting it onto an entire gender just making an. observation, and I used a key word "some women are rude" never said all, as I said I sympathize with women who. get harassed by guys who wont take a. hint. This whole argument started over some one commented that the op must have gotten turned down by too many women at the bar and several others joined in talking about men trying to pick them up and kind of bashing. guys, so I was simply giving a males perspective of what its. like trying to meet women and encountering the mean ones. and people took offense and. here we are, I wasn't. meaning. any harm just giving a male. perspective, I know this is. controversial . subject matter and people get very. worked. up over it, so. we. can agree to. disagree, I as a Guy will never. be. able to. really know what. . its. like to be a woman. and be. hit on by creepy guys, just as. women for the most part will. never understand. what it is. . like to spot a beauty. across the room. and to work up the courage to try to talk. to her and put ourselves out there to be. rejected. I. think both sides need to have more. respect and sensitivity for each other, neither should invalidate each others. feelings, as I said I can sympathize with. women's fears and feelings on the. issue, so I would expect the same from the. women on. the board, several said in. no uncertain term s that their feelings._ . trumped men's. feelings and I don't think. that's a good. attitude to have,it shows. that men and women as a whole have. long way to go in reaching a mutual. understanding, and that was my original. intent to. create understanding but things got. testy and we all got a little. hateful.but. just wanted to let the. women know that. its not easy to as a Guy to approach women and we get nervous and make fools of ourselves,I was doing this so maybe you women might not be so judgemental about guys,and instead of seeing some creep or annoyance the next time a Guy approaches you,and maybe see a Guy who who is nervous but had enough courage to try and meet you,again not saying you should talk to him if you aren't feeling it, but also you shouldn't be so quick to judge him as a creep, as a lot of guys really mean no harm but may come off as weird or maybe try to appear confident and come off as an a** to you,it can be hard to say those first words, just food for thought.

[/B][/QUOTE]

posted April 21, 2012 01:28 AM            

Aquaguy, what are you typing and what are you quoting?

Let's try to get it together people. It's a sloppy mess right now.

posted April 21, 2012 01:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
What's going on with the quote button? Seems it's been screwy for awhile.

Aquaguy, what are you typing and what are you quoting?

Let's try to get it together people. It's a sloppy mess right now.

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posted April 21, 2012 02:13 AM            

I thought something might be wrong with the wicked awesome Quote feature.

posted April 21, 2012 04:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by carl:
If someone walks into a house and all the housemates are always saying hi and the other person does not say hi back, it is MAYBE cute and shy (on occasion) at 9 but at 21, all the time, it is just plain rude.

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posted April 21, 2012 04:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Let's try to get it together people.

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posted April 21, 2012 04:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
Aquaguy,
"its not easy to as a Guy to approach women and we get nervous and make fools of ourselves,I was doing this so maybe you women might not be so judgemental about guys,and instead of seeing some creep or annoyance the next time a Guy approaches you,and maybe see a Guy who who is nervous but had enough courage to try and meet you,again not saying you should talk to him if you aren't feeling it, but also you shouldn't be so quick to judge him as a creep, as a lot of guys really mean no harm but may come off as weird or maybe try to appear confident and come off as an a** to you,it can be hard to say those first words, just food for thought."

----OK You saw that response I made but did you see the next? As a woman who has approached men, I get it. But I honestly don't see the point in getting nervous around women or taking it personally if she's a b***h to you. I know you've had problems with some women and I am sorry for that, but I don't see why the focus on the negative experiences? Maybe you are approaching the wrong type, maybe you could look at all the ones who gave you that reaction & see what they have in common physically/attitude wise & in future remind yourself to ignore them? Also, the least creepy thing to say is 'Hi.' It's one syllable, it's not clever or trying too hard it's just natural. If she didn't like you, you just wasted 1 syllable, like 10 seconds of your time. Maybe you should be with someone who's more bold than you, I'm not sure.. Anyway you seem nice so I wish you a good girl who matches you in that way.

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posted April 21, 2012 04:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
^ I'm too dumb to get the inhaler joke.
I don't know, nervousness can be cute to some I guess. I've seen cute nervous couples.
If that's your thing then get a girl whose more shy than you. I used to do that...not get girls, but in new situations if I feel shy, like I was taking some courses & they do that awkward thing about, 'everyone get up and go meet and greet' I'd just always make a bee line to the shyest person in the room. I dunno, for me it. made an awkward situation less awkward. They've. done that at some jobs I've had too... Gotta get up and. make a presentation. I had a horrible job (in the beginning) working as a facilitator, leading a group of 40 people for about 3 hrs. And every time it was a new group of people. So I get the shyness thing too. It doesn't hit as much, but when it does, I still make that bee line

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