posted August 08, 2013 03:51 PM            

Anyway, just still not really able to understand something.

So apparently the world is full of weird characters in addition to crashing bores, but I was wondering about weird characters in this particular case.

Weird characters enjoy telling others about lessons/growth/empowerment and all that jazz. They seem to enjoy it, make a point of it etc.

What I find annoying is that they enjoy lecturing this rubbish to me. For those who are not familiar with my story, suffice it to say I spent 3 whole years in hell, experiencing ultimate grief every other day at least. I lost a person I loved more than anyone has ever loved. Therefore I was wondering why people who have no idea what it's like to be in my situation give me this growth/lessons crap with a smile on their faces? Surely they would have to know what I know to be able to tell me what to think?

I just know I gathered enough evidence that these so-called lessons are not exactly concealed in every single life situation imaginable. But more importantly still, why do these weird characters keep insisting I should be learning these bloody lessons? What is their objective? Why do they insist? They wouldn't venture to be in my situation, then why are they telling me these horrible things? All I know there was not a grain of empowerment, not a hint of a lesson and not a nanometer of growth, the only realisation I experienced is just that, from "look back in anger": the wrong people going hungry, the wrong people getting loved, the wrong people dying....

posted August 09, 2013 01:13 AM            

I don't like the concept of moving on, because it's humiliating. It's stepping down. It's resigning.

I was just saying: let them have my life and lecture me after they know what it's like. Let them wake up every day to the fact that someone has decomposed for good beyond redemption. Let them look at all sorts of admirers with disgust. Let them get suicidal because of other men looking their way. Until then... how can they possibly be entitled to tell me this is an exciting lesson and bla-bla-bla? I didn't "attract this situation" because I screwed the law of attraction and I didn't deserve this. How horrible does one have to be not to spare my feelings? Surely one could sort of... be tactful? All this "you'll find someone else" - WTF? I don't want second rate, never tried, too late to start trying. Besides the whole concept of someone else reeks of resignation and defeatism, doesn't it?

I am tempted to conclude they want this to be true for some reason. I have had friends who were jealous of me and my life, no wonder they are delighted to see me like this. But it would be mental to assume everyone is jealous.

My suspicion is that they have failed at something. Maybe a relationship, maybe another aspect. So now they don't want anyone to "win" because it would make their loser story more obvious. It's ok when everyone's a loser somehow or other, at some point or other. But when someone actually triumphs?

posted August 09, 2013 05:54 AM            

Thanks for explaining your position. Once again, I don't want any of this. I don't want to be in a position to experience humility. Because tons of people (and I know I'm better than them... Less arrogant, less mean, less shallow whatever) don't have to be in my situation.

My best answer to the injustice would be to take my life. So it knows I don't need all the second rate crap it palms me off with. I just can't pluck up courage just yet

The empowerment philosophy implies I'm worse than those who haven't been in my situation, because according to it injustice does not exist. And I know it does. "As to behold desert a beggar born// And needy nothing trimmed in jollity etc." as Shakespeare once wrote. Surely he wasn't wrong?

posted August 09, 2013 06:50 AM            

F!ck thinking about these people telling you **** that you don't want to hear. Tell them straight to their face "Guess what, don't care."

In the end, it is your life. If you don't want to deal with something, don't. If someone is trying to force you to deal with something, pay it forward and force them to hear your opinion that they dislike.

This thing happened to you and you will experience the outcome however it happens. This is how you feel, then be justified in that feeling. You justify your life and what happens in it. If you deem this experience, that other's lecture you on, to be unfair then scream your lungs out.

Go to the woods, go to a place where you can just scream. Pain is real, almost everything is painful, whether you can see people experiencing that pain or not it doesn't matter. It's fact.

In the end, you should handle this the way you want to handle this. As long as you don't go hurting other people, deal with it your own way and let go of caring about these people's opinions.

I went through a situation where a loved one died and it still hurts. Some people try to say to me "Get over it, it's so long ago." To those people, I immediately say "F!ck you, it's real to me and I'll deal with it in my own d@mn time, I never asked for your opinion."

posted August 09, 2013 06:54 AM            

I really don't like pep positivity, thinking positive thoughts, all this bullsh!t about how to be a better person, you should think better thoughts and keep positive vibes in your heart. In fact, I despise it. I think it is stupid. I think people should embrace negative vibes and nasty thoughts, embrace their demons, all of them, everything that makes them not a better person. When you come to accept those, you can grow as a person. When they're incorporated into your being, then you'll achieve wisdom or whatever is people are after.

What is it, happiness? Peace? They're only words that signify fleeting moments of life. Personally, I'm not after wisdom, happiness, or peace - I am after life itself. I think you should do what you want, and as long as you accept the consequences, you're doing far better than any person who is trying to get "goodness" in their life.

posted August 15, 2013 04:19 PM            

I am genuinely grateful for your comment because it doesn't come from speculation as opposed to actual experience. Which is why I am not wishing you to get over it and move on, seeing we both know this wish contains nothing but a load of crap.

I was not really talking about other people's opinions mattering that much. Only the delight they take in applying this theory to my grief with a triumphant smirk. Because surely they are the horrible ones who need to learn lessons of humility and all that jazz. But somehow they never face anything major, getting away with murder and being mean to others.

posted August 15, 2013 06:54 PM            

I just hope one day it hurts you less

posted August 16, 2013 07:54 PM            

i actually think there is more dignity in not coping and not dealing. i do enjoy telling people how much i don't need them, but that's just entertainment. too many idiots wishing to get laid with me who have to be explained i see no magic in them. fun reaction. and guess what i think they'll live.

i despise weakness and beggars who ask for things, nag even. do you know a book called "the heart is a lonely hunter"? or anything by carson mccullers pretty much. all she wrote about is these nagging existential beggars who have no pride. have always looked down on it. pride is the only thing no one can take away. not stooping, not bowing, not adjusting, not "pretending second rate is first rate". well maybe unless one ends up in a labour camp in the 3rd Reich, which is extreme and unlikely.

posted August 16, 2013 08:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by andstuff:
I don't believe in empty notions, mirage. i don't believe in wisdom, reasons within or anything like it. and quite frankly i find the eagles story naive and laughable.

i actually think there is more dignity in not coping and not dealing. i do enjoy telling people how much i don't need them, but that's just entertainment. too many idiots wishing to get laid with me who have to be explained i see no magic in them. fun reaction. and guess what i think they'll live.

i despise weakness and beggars who ask for things, nag even. do you know a book called "the heart is a lonely hunter"? or anything by carson mccullers pretty much. all she wrote about is these nagging existential beggars who have no pride. have always looked down on it. pride is the only thing no one can take away. not stooping, not bowing, not adjusting, not "pretending second rate is first rate". well maybe unless one ends up in a labour camp in the 3rd Reich, which is extreme and unlikely.

besides i'm near-medically paranoid which means i can't help imagining i am fighting against individuals willing to undermine me, make me a base earthy creature like themselves. so fighting for the possibility of my notions, of whatever illusions i have. not becoming someone's earthly girlfriend to pay bills and have healthy sex (after transgressively making love to my lover i am not "downgrading"). not becoming what i look down on. "all the boys i hate all the girls i hate, all the words i hate all the clothes i hate how i'll never be anything i hate....."

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posted August 18, 2013 05:01 AM              

What 'i'm so cappy' said.

I do think one or two people may really try to help and not knowing the horrible realities other people live, they end up repeating cliches that are hurtful. On the other hand yes there are some who don't want ot help you at all...but i don't know why, maybe so people say 'how cool' or 'how in control and great' they are, they will use you and make your problem seem shallow, so they can be looked upon as the cool chilled person. i'm done dealing with those people in the physical life, as i used to think others could see right through them to, but i was wrong, some people really do only scratch the surface or see the face put on, and not the real energies behind it.

I went through a horrible incident a few years ago. and what used to hurt the most, but now is just an irritating memory, is how for the first year some of those 'preachers' never just let me be with my pain....instead of feeling it out so i can understand it and deal with it, i spent a whole year and half having to justify to them, why i feel this hurt, and why no i can't do anything about it, and here is the proof to why yes i'm in pain, and no i don't like it but i am living it...like a burden that no one really wants to help you lift (and i never wanted anyone to help) but which you have to explain to others is really heavy.
Anyway now am just okay with telling others this is my life path, this is my issues, thank you for listening (if they did) but yes it hurts, am not going to put up with you telling me i have no right to feel as hurt as i am, because i damn well have been hurt in the worst of ways with no one at all to help or even just a shoulder to cry on, or even a quite place where i can do that myself.
and when the other person hasn't experienced such, who are they to give 'expert' advise, or comments....so i get you, i'm not as smart as you as for the first while i was trying to explain to people "no it really hurts, it hasn't happened to you, but to me, and it really hurts, it doesn't matter that it took a minute not a year for the horrible moment to take place, actually that is what made it worst, and me having to explain this is making matters worst"
no one ever gave good advise on how to deal with it, or how to live it, let it be, so i can go through it and finally get over it.....until believe it or not recently, someone very special on this forum gave me super great advise and also a kind of thing to do, and it has been lifting off this burden. not once did i have to justify to this charming lady why i feel how i feel, so it made all the difference.

Anyway i'm not here to tell you anything but i see where are you coming from.

For grief....if you haven't read it yet, try finding a copy of "The Year of Magical Thinking" she wrote it after her husband passed away, when she noticed there was nothing out there that really tells you what happens during grief, specially the mental parts, and how sometimes insanity and sane things are really hard to differentiate with. i'll quote

quote:

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“Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death. We misconstrue the nature of even those few days or weeks. We might expect if the death is sudden to feel shock. We do not expect the shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect that we will be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy, cool customers who believe that their husband is about to return and need his shoes. In the version of grief we imagine, the model will be "healing." A certain forward movement will prevail. The worst days will be the earliest days. We imagine that the moment to most severely test us will be the funeral, after which this hypothetical healing will take place. When we anticipate the funeral we wonder about failing to "get through it," rise to the occasion, exhibit the "strength" that invariably gets mentioned as the correct response to death. We anticipate needing to steel ourselves the for the moment: will I be able to greet people, will I be able to leave the scene, will I be able even to get dressed that day? We have no way of knowing that this will not be the issue. We have no way of knowing that the funeral itself will be anodyne, a kind of narcotic regression in which we are wrapped in the care of others and the gravity and meaning of the occasion. Nor can we know ahead of the fact (and here lies the heart of the difference between grief was we imagine it and grief as it is) the unending absence that follows, the void, the very opposite of meaning, the relentless succession of moments during which we will confront the experience of meaninglessness itself.”

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posted August 18, 2013 07:33 AM            

I just wish decades of no sex with a loved one to everyone who was telling me those things that's all. And to everyone who told me I was nothing special so I shouldn't expect life to treat me as if I was. Lessons indeed. Lessons of feeling rejected, then reading crazy love letters, then being picked up by all and sundry rubbish, then being told by a friend love is rare and I shouldn't expect anything any time soon, then being almost snatched by this friend's boyfriend and not sleeping with him owing to a stupid sense of decency..... Then reading more crazy love letters de profundis and being unable to help their author.

posted August 18, 2013 08:35 AM              

I do however think some people do wish you well
(if u don't believe, you are really talented, you can ask your cards, if it isn't true that i and others who read this really wish you some out of this world type of experience to lift you up from where you are, and show you a life worth living once again. or at least just wish you a better day and experience than this one anchoring you down with pain.