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Author Topic:   The Burdens Of Family
Desiring Shadows
Knowflake

Posts: 4429
From: USA !
Registered: Jan 2012

posted June 19, 2018 09:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Desiring Shadows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How far would you go to show your dedication to family?


Hereís my take on the situation. But really the above question is my basic inquiries. Anyways
For me itís very short. My synpathy and compassion levels these days are to a hair. I literally have no moral obligation to preserve a title of oneness for something I feel weighs me down and stagnates me and makes my life a burden or a dread. I find resolutions. I fix it. I donít live in the past and care to repay deeds because I feel I owe it to them. If they helped me once it was out of the kindness of their hearts and not becaus ethe me they brought into this world was to repay the kindness in the future when they are old and dying. I owe no one ANYTHING!
And my family seems to have the idea that family is forever and that we help each other out. My moms brother was a thief who stole her dads inheritance. After knowing how ****** people can be or become, I have learned that you should never sacrifice yourself this much for your family because they canít repay you and because they could change tomorrow. Into someone who deceives or cons you and takes advantage of you. My mother and her brothers family were very close. It wasnít until I was 12 years old did she find out he was stealing from her all her childhood and conning her. And now at my middle 20s and what he has done, even more drastic. We are in a dog eats dog world. You canít trust or depend on anyone entirely because people change and to assume that family is this preservative solid structure that never falters just ****** me off.

Iím the type of person who if my child was in a debilitating accident and paralyzed all of their limbs of because incoherent I would probably put them up for adoption or find a large sum of money through work or exercusions and pay off their help but I wouldnít associate with them and talk to a vegetable because my life is worth more than to be around someone who can not provide me what is necessary. If I was attached to them and loved them dearly maybe things would be different but at this point I have zero tolerance for most things and it gives me power in a sense.
I have made a 360 of character. I once was the most loving person but reaction to life changed. Someway some how. I still try to be the best person I can be, but those are some beliefs Iíve recently acquired.
How far would you honestly go for family?

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PixieJane
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Posts: 9301
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 20, 2018 01:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I sold nearly all my books and many other things (and thus lost my astrology books) to get a bus ticket to Texas from California as it was the only way I could get there fast. I thought my grandmother was about to die (she suffered a pulmonary embolism and was in the hospital on life support). As it was, she pulled through, but while she was in the hospital I hung around taking care of her animals (even giving one of her cats wheelbarrow rides which he loved) as well as covering her chores and keeping her house (without AC in a Texas heatwave, where temperatures could rise to about 110F/43C), and then hung around awhile after she got out until I was sure she could take care of herself.

I'm fairly loyal, but I find it easier to be fonder of them (and I'm sure they of me) by living a long distance away, approaching 2,000 miles (about 3,000 km).

There is family drama, but they do circle the wagons when one of us, even one of us that most don't like, come under any sort of attack by those outside the family (though they may come down on me or other relatives for the same reason, but that's THEIR prerogative, no one else is allowed to). As a result it's complicated to talk about. There are some members I don't trust at all, but I'll rally around them as they will me if need be (though if I think they're partially or wholly at fault then I'll say so).

I doubt I'd donate an organ for any of them (though I'd consider it for a couple), though I wouldn't expect them to do the same for me as well. I'd not willingly put myself at their mercy, either.

Though it makes perfect sense to me, I know many are puzzled why I'd tell off my uncle out in the pasture, but go along with what he says and say "yes, sir" when under his roof (but ONLY while I'm under his roof). As best I can explain it, his house is his lair, and so he gets respect when he lets you in, though I expect the same in my place, and when not in his "lair" then I can act more freely and be a lot more honest in my sentiment. He and I have an interesting history that is filled with conflict, but there's still a code of conduct between us that could be considered family loyalty, but I would not call it unquestioning obedience or mindless trust (either way)
.

Hey, you asked, and I'm taking the question at face value assuming you're genuinely curious how it works in other families. If you're instead looking for validation then I'm neutral. It sounds to me that you're better off away from your family, and that they'd be better off with you gone as well. For some people that's just the way it is, nothing right or wrong about it.

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Desiring Shadows
Knowflake

Posts: 4429
From: USA !
Registered: Jan 2012

posted June 20, 2018 04:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Desiring Shadows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I like your posts! Thank you PixieJane!

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 100658
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 22, 2018 03:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have no advice.

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Desiring Shadows
Knowflake

Posts: 4429
From: USA !
Registered: Jan 2012

posted June 23, 2018 02:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Desiring Shadows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lol

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Randall
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Posts: 100658
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
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posted June 28, 2018 02:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You have to take care of you.

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 10279
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted June 28, 2018 04:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
D.S. Ö The way the economy is right now for many many people I can make sense of how you must be feeling. I didn't know you are in mid-20s btw. I had a coworker (at volunteer job I work), around your age, who was having some super-unfair double-whammy surreal transits. She had to quit this job too (she had been a teacher before). She had to live with her mom.

You are not alone, as far as how you 'feel' about dropping your family, dropping everything. Ö You are p$ssed at life, and at everyone, and, it's "okay" that you are.

You said you ARE a sensitive person. I chose to Believe you. Take you on your word.

Gosh, I wish there was 'something' that could catch your interest in a really focused way... Something you could just fall-in-love-with. And a way you could get out of your house and situation.

I remember the picture you posted of yourself. You are TRULY a very very pretty girl. I don't have a copy of your western astrology chart.

Just know I care about you.
I'm soo sorry you're feeling exasperated right now. LOL... grrrrrrrr?????

Mars is retrograde now in Aquarius... from 9+ down to ~25?Capricorn. Will be retro till the fall.

This is a kind of frustration producing transit. (Read latest post I left in Hypatia's Mood and Transits thread... there's a list of possible symptoms of Mars Retro Aquarius. See if any of those make sense to you.)

Anyways gurllllll! Ö.
I just wanted to 'relate' to you here.
I have a weird sense that you are not just feeling ~wild right now, but that you underneath whatever gnarl is going on with you, are actually sad?

Do the Best you can...

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 100658
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 30, 2018 11:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Great advice, mirage. This too shall pass.

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Desiring Shadows
Knowflake

Posts: 4429
From: USA !
Registered: Jan 2012

posted July 07, 2018 02:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Desiring Shadows     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, I understand. I need to do whatís affordable but also tolerable. Thank you for your kind words.
😖😂

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StubbornVirgo
Knowflake

Posts: 2366
From: Welcome to Mercury
Registered: Jul 2015

posted August 17, 2018 12:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StubbornVirgo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My relationship with extended family is one of estrangement. And it's okay, given that they've never really been very kind (or even particularly nice) to me or my mom.

My mom, dad, and brother are different though. They're my family in every sense of the word, and I am loyal to them. If they're sick, I'll take care of them and advocate for them. If they need help, I'll help them. Family is a source of strength, responsibility and privilege for me. (That old saying, I don't have to do this, I get to do this, rings true for me.)

I totally get your situation, though, and I understand that not everybody feels the same way about their family. I hope things work out for you in a positive and uplifting way.

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Randall
Webmaster

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From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
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posted August 18, 2018 08:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Healing Mystic Melody
Moderator

Posts: 78
From: Illinios
Registered: Jan 2015

posted August 20, 2018 11:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Healing Mystic Melody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Are we really supposed to just give up on everything and everybody in the name of personal gain or "loving ourselves"? Is that really our lesson in this world? I understand some think in terms of detachment for peace. I understand you have to fill your own cup first. But isn't that so we can be strong and help others? Are we just supposed to give in to our shadow side because life isn't easy and everyone else has a shadow side too? Does detachment mean living a fake life of only polite dealings with our loved ones or cutting everyone out of our lives because we aren't strong enough to deal with their darkness or our own?
Just seeking others thoughts and answers. No judgements in my words. What IS our life?
Randall, do you remember what you posted long ago? "I send you nothing but Angels."

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Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 100658
From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
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posted August 20, 2018 01:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, and I still believe that.

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Healing Mystic Melody
Moderator

Posts: 78
From: Illinios
Registered: Jan 2015

posted August 22, 2018 12:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Healing Mystic Melody     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
http://lossofsoul.com/LIFE_IS/Story/soul-en.htm

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mirage29
Knowflake

Posts: 10279
From: us
Registered: May 2012

posted September 01, 2018 02:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Healing Mystic Melody... Wow!!! I'm just seeing this. {{{ }}} Such profound thoughts.

Blessings!

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lola
Knowflake

Posts: 144
From:
Registered: Jul 2009

posted September 01, 2018 11:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lola     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Every family has it's thing.

Some people are lucky to be born in Less complicated families.

Mine sucks. Has made me believe family can be like a slow debilitating POISON. Like unknowingly inhaling carbon monoxide.

It might kill you if you don't quickly figure out what is happening.

You'll be okay though. Remain hopeful.

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Randall
Webmaster

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From: From a galaxy, far, far away...
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posted September 02, 2018 11:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Morrigan
Knowflake

Posts: 38
From:
Registered: Sep 2018

posted September 12, 2018 12:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Morrigan     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lola:
Mine sucks. Has made me believe family can be like a slow debilitating POISON. Like unknowingly inhaling carbon monoxide.

It might kill you if you don't quickly figure out what is happening.



And get the hell out of there.

Every family and every situation is different. However, if you find yourself in a toxic situation, it's your prerogative to leave. Now what if we encounter toxic situations wherever we go? I believe that's a different problem and should be addressed as such..

All that retrograding Mars probably brings up a lot of frustration & resentment. I can see you're really frustrated, DS.

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