Posts: 12665
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 08, 2011 07:39 PM            

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Is cheating ever okay? Can people be expected to be monogomous and faithful? Some guys say that it's okay for a man to seek variety. Opinions?

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Posts: 954
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011

posted February 08, 2011 07:43 PM            

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Sounds like an oxymoron. IMO no, no and hell no, however I suppose there are certain "circumstances" that may justify it.

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Posts: 4500
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 08, 2011 07:51 PM            

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Not unless it's o.k. for me to cheat, too? Because that would mean we're not committed to each other, and there are no presumptions about what's going on...

Let me say that it is almost NEVER o.k. (from a male's perspective) for a woman to sleep with other men, so back to the drawing board?

Cheating may be o.k. for some men and some women (because they don't expect more, sadly), but in the days of STD's and all of this nightmare of relationship issues, no thanks.

I'll gladly go without.

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Posts: 1897
From:
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 08, 2011 08:12 PM            

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That man should not, and is not mature enough for a relationship like that.

Yes, It does take maturity.

Everyone is different, Everyone grows at a different pace.

Mine happens to be a lightning bolt, For the longest time I thought everyone was like that.

Confusing.

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Posts: 522
From: ←↓↑→
Registered: Jan 2010

posted February 08, 2011 08:13 PM            

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I 2nd.. or 3rd? what the above women said. Cheating is definitely not okay in my opinion unless it's an open relationship/marriage.

Also women/men who prides themselves on taking other people's husbands/wives probably have no respect for themselves or others and it probably stems from low-self esteem or like what PS said, "because they don't expect more, sadly."

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“If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.” — Charley Reese

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Posts: 12665
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 08, 2011 08:15 PM            

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There is definitely a double standard on the subject. Society looks down on the woman who cheats, but when a man does it, it's almost accepted.

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Posts: 194
From: California
Registered: Nov 2010

posted February 08, 2011 10:02 PM            

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Yes. I know a guy who gave me various reasons why people cheat, almost as if he was trying to justify cheating. People have different values, but If it were acceptable, I don't think we'd call it cheating. People who cheat seem to have double standards when it comes to their partner cheating on them as well. It's not ok unless both parties agreed to an open relationship, but then that wouldn't be cheating.
Yes, People are expected to be faithful, if they enter a monogamous relationship. There's the same expectation for both parties to be faithful.

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Posts: 4500
From: Mars
Registered: Aug 2010

posted February 08, 2011 10:09 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
There is definitely a double standard on the subject. Society looks down on the woman who cheats, but when a man does it, it's almost accepted.

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It's as if Men are the only ones with sex drive? I mean, for me, there have been many times where it could have been the preferable thing to cheat. I have had both opportunities to cheat on a partner, or to cheat with a committed partner - both I didn't do.

I think the double-standard is still running around rampant because people still view women as not desiring an abundance of sex, while men are just "men" unable to really help it...

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From: ←↓↑→
Registered: Jan 2010

posted February 08, 2011 10:12 PM            

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"It's not ok unless both parties agreed to an open relationship, but then that wouldn't be cheating."

I like what you said, it makes more sense than what I wrote earlier lol.

"I know a guy who gave me various reasons why people cheat, almost as if he was trying to justify cheating."

Yeah, the most recent one I've heard a cheater say to someone: "Cause I thought you were..."

Yeah.. okay buddy lol.

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“If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.” — Charley Reese

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Posts: 8052
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 08, 2011 10:50 PM            

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Cheating is sneaking.
Sneaking is a form of lying.
Lying is betrayal.

No,
cheating is not OK.

An open relationship is different.
It upfront declares that sexual adventures with others is accepted.
However;
if either sneaks,
it is still cheating.

Personally, after 3 such "relationships"
and my wild youth;
I have no desire for such,
never really did.....
thought I had to put up with such arrangements.
Assumed anyone I could be with would screw around, so why set myself up for disappointment.
Well gee.....got megatons of disappointment nevertheless.

Well......

I deserve someone who wants me alone.
I only want one person.
I want monogamy.
If I cannot have that;
well;
I would just become a celibate.
I can make love to/sexually satisfy myself just fine thank you.
I do not want any more philanderers in my personal intimate life.

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie

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Posts: 140
From: canada
Registered: Jul 2009

posted February 09, 2011 03:06 AM            

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No it's not okay to cheat,I left my first husband because of his infidelity, the thing was he was jealous if anyone even looked at me, after I left him everyone I knew told me he'd been cheating almost from day one.years later he told me it had nothing to do with me he was incapable of been monogamous.

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Posts: 3271
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 09, 2011 05:16 AM            

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Cheating is not ok and that goes for both male and female.

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Posts: 12665
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 10, 2011 08:00 PM            

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I've never cheated. I sometimes feel like I'm in a very small minority, though.

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"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van Horne

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From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted February 10, 2011 09:41 PM            

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**** NO!! **** **** ******** ******!!!!!!!!! (i purposely put those as stars )

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What happens on Venus stays on Venus

-Nasa

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Posts: 337
From: Michigan :)
Registered: Jun 2009

posted February 10, 2011 09:48 PM            

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It all depends on how you define "cheating"...for example, my fiance (who I've been in a relationship with for a little over 5 years), slept with a mutual friend of ours when we were still at Disney, just once. We had been dating for about ten days at that point, and we'd made out, but I was a virgin and he literally was my first kiss as well, so there was major sexual tension, but not the inclination to act on it. The mutual friend did NOT know we were dating yet (we'd been pretty quiet in front of everyone), and she was horny and came onto him. He had been without sex since we started the internship back in May, and it was December (his previous gf dumped him long distance three months prior after she cheated). When our friend found out we were dating, she felt awful, and still managed to not mention in for next 8 months because she thought he told me. She and I were back working together during another summer internship, and she spilled the beans when she realized I didn't know. I was in shock and confronted him about it, long-distance of course as he was back home in PR, and he was convinced I was going to break up with him permanently, and was very appologetic. I took a week or so to process it all, and then decided to stay with him, considering the circumstances and knowing it was not going to be a repeat. He had already made plans to move to where I was living the following month after I found out about the past act, so I decided to let the past be the past. We did start our sexual adventure together a week after he moved in, and I've never looked back.

So, to sum it up, honestly, for me, it depends on the circumstances, though if it were to happen again, for nearly any reason, I don't think I could forget, or move past it with our future.

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Posts: 5637
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 11, 2011 01:43 AM            

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Not ok at all.

Could I get over being cheated on? I have to say, I probably could. I'm not usually with women I can't imagine going the distance with, so if I've got a keeper, I'm going to try to work it out. I will be vastly more observant for a time I'm sure, but I have faith.

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Posts: 12665
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 17, 2011 07:42 PM            

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*bump*

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 1771
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010

posted February 17, 2011 10:02 PM            

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How do you guys feel about emotional/psychological cheating?

Lets say you are in love with someone you cannot be with officially (you only had sex with this person before your relationship started) - and you are now in a relationship with someone else who is very serious about you and wants to marry you.
The first person (your love) is still in your life and will probably always be a part of your life. But you've made a decision not to cheat on your S/O physically - so you will not have sex with this person.

Would it be wrong to continue being with your S/O - and to even marry them down the track?

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Posts: 12665
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 17, 2011 10:35 PM            

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I can only speak for myself, but for me personally, that's why I don't stay friends with my exes.

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 18, 2011 08:38 PM            

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Ask my ex husband if cheating is okay.

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Posts: 370
From: 11th Dimension
Registered: Dec 2010

posted February 19, 2011 03:13 PM            

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Cheating will NEVER be acceptable to me. I cannot speak for others or judge them but if someone thinks it's okay then they can frankly stay out of my world. This criteria is for boyfriends/partners/spouses. If any of my friends is cheating, it is their life and they can do what they wish to do or UNdo with it.
I consider myself a sexual being but sex for the sake of sex has never appealed to me.
I went out with someone for a while who considered it okay in a long distance relationship because well men are men and that was an important aspect in our breakup.
Another friend of mine is getting married in a few months but hooked up with an ex to have sex because her fiance lives out of the country.

In both cases the individuals concerned have no problem with this and I shall not judge them.
However I'm not interested to indulge in similar antics once I'm committed and I include emotional commitment too...I do not require a relationship to be physically consummated or the guy to put a ring on my finger to know when I'm in a relationship. It does not sync with my Self and I cannot betray mySelf
There is a world of difference in being nonjudgemental and putting up with others' sh!t

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Ask Me anything. Anything. I will contrive to bring you the answer. The whole universe will I use to do this. So be on the lookout. This book is far from My only tool. You may ask a question, then put this book down. But watch. Listen. The words to the next song you hear. The information in the next article you read. The story line of the next movie you watch. The chance utterance of the next person you meet. Or the whisper of the next river, the next ocean, the next breeze that caresses your ear—all these devices are Mine; all these avenues are open to Me. I will speak to you if you will listen. I will come to you if you will invite Me. I will show you then that I have always been there. All ways.
♥

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Posts: 1161
From: Charon
Registered: Sep 2010

posted February 19, 2011 05:48 PM            

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I like the point Betty Boop brought up. I've hurt people severely by being in love with other people when I was with them (this was even a temporary relationship) and I refuse to be with someone unless I can desire them above everyone else. Perhaps this is why I tend to be alone because relationships are too much of a responsibility. Men will lie and say, oh no, I don't care that you're in love with someone else, but several months down the line you find out how much they are wounded by it when you're feelings haven't changed. It seems I cannot be in a relationship casually even if I agree with my parnter that that is the intent of the relationship. Too many people fall in love and end up confessing weird things that they will still love me 6+ years down the line and their love will only get worse or some awkward thing about marriage (part of the reason I never flirt).

Emotional infidelity is often more painful than the real thing, though I would like to see a world where we were all secure enough in our realities that that did not matter and we could explore creative partnerships of many types. I will always practice monogamy unless I know for a fact my partner of 5+ years can handle safe exploration. If he cheats, without coming to me to see if we can have an open relationship, the relationship is over irregardless. Me personally, I kind of hope that there is one person alone I can spend my life with, but I don't think it will happen in this lifetime.

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Posts: 2395
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 19, 2011 10:43 PM            

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quote:

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Is cheating ever okay? Can people be expected to be monogomous and faithful? Some guys say that it's okay for a man to seek variety. Opinions?

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Cheating is NEVER okay, because of the lying and deception.

BUT, having a non-monogamous relationship is okay, as long as it's consensual not only for both partners in the primary relationship, but also anyone else they might get involved with.

It would never work for me--I need a mutually monogamous connection--but I wish more people who feel they cannot be monogamous would just be honest about it, rather than shaming, betraying, or humiliating another person.

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Posts: 8052
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 19, 2011 10:47 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lucia23:
Cheating is NEVER okay, because of the lying and deception.

BUT, having a non-monogamous relationship is okay, as long as it's consensual not only for both partners in the primary relationship, but also anyone else they might get involved with.

It would never work for me--I need a mutually monogamous connection--but I wish more people who feel they cannot be monogamous would just be honest about it, rather than shaming, betraying, or humiliating another person.

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie

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Posts: 104
From:
Registered: Dec 2010

posted February 20, 2011 04:48 AM            

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The only time you should cheat on your spouse.. is when you've bought yourself a nice jack rabbit with 5 speeds =P

-Cheshire Kat

Cheating on your spouse with yourself and your own um *coughs* personal selection is probably the best idea and a lot of fun not only for yourself, but your spouse as well and if you can find him a few notables or go shopping together to exspand eachother's collection all the more fun..just from my own personal experience.~

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