posted February 22, 2011 03:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lucia23:
I think since you got off-topic and directly addressed me, in caps and bold, I have a right to respond and defend myself.

And in a sense, it IS on topic, because I'm addressing (at least trying to address) the problem of threads that get shut down by the moderators rather than allowing contrasting perspectives to come up in the discussion.

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Edited to add:
I am speaking to anyone here not only Lucia23.
I got off topic because others did.

Lucia23
Feel free to start a thread about illegal sexual activities betwixt adults and minors and or minors having such.
Try to leave personal references to Kat or others here at LL out of it.

posted February 22, 2011 03:14 PM            

HOWEVER, a history fear of abandonment, abuse, and emotional withdrawal in relationships IS something to indicate a problem - from what I've read.

posted February 22, 2011 03:23 PM            

quote:

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Feel free to start a thread about illegal sexual activities betwixt adults and minors and or minors having such.
Try to leave personal references to Kat or others here at LL out of it.

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The only reason it was of any interest to me was that I was bothered by those two threads describing and ADVOCATING an illegal adult/minor relationship here on Lindaland. I wanted to respond to the SPECIFICS of that situation, as it was described in those two existing threads.

My interest in the topic very specifically addresses Kat's posts.

And this is on-topic, actually, because to me a forum means a discussion...and I think PlutoSquared was not trying to start a general discussion of BPD (although one's started now)...Plutosquared felt that EES was describing behavior that was symptomatic of BPD, and wanted to expand/deepen that particular, specific discussion--raising some really good and interesting questions...and trying to alert EES to the possibility that the behavior she described might fit the behavior described in the article. Which, to some people could be helpful, although I didn't personally agree with that perspective in that particular case.

posted February 22, 2011 03:43 PM            

I THOUGHT that Sweet Peas was about sharing brooding experiences of deep emotion. I thought it was a safe haven.

Now I'm being told "if I can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen" Wow. Ok. If I can recall I put some very personal things on that thread including my childhood experiences which are very raw to me, still. Not to mention, the domestic violence I had to watch my deceased mother endure.

But "if I can't take the heat . . ."

That's fine by me, I will gladly exit.

However, it was my thread in which I didn't appreciate being put under any scrutiny, or being judged, which is clearly what happened. I KNOW what BPD is, I also know what it isn't. The fact is, I never asked for this, I merely wanted support, or ((((hugs)))) as Lucia sarcastically referred it as.

I just got a big dose of what LL is truly about and can understand why certain people choose to leave.

Anyway, Randall, I do think it's a wonderful forum, I also think that certain people will sit and wait until you are at your weakest to take a jab. It makes them feel better about themselves.

I am proud that I was brave enough to open up and still am. I have the right to close the topic as I could sniff bullshyt a mile away. My heart and soul in that thread WAS NOT going to turn into pettiness.

Have a great day.

posted February 22, 2011 04:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
Exactly,
I can definitely understand how me discussing the depths of my traumatic past experiences can be seen as manipulating others. I suppose I'm BPD to the 10th power.

You got is, PS. You want it black and white, take it. Keep it, you are no longer worth me typing.

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posted February 22, 2011 04:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I agree, EES. This Forum is about sensitive topics, and as such, there has to be an added measure of safety and nonjudgmental attitudes here. My apologies. I will moderate this forum with more diligence in the future.

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posted February 22, 2011 04:16 PM            

When anyone posts about a traumatic experience
(s)
or pours out their heart;
often they need to just know folks care.

Start new threads that come to mind reading such posts from distraught folks.

I know when I was dealing with some life threatening issues from several very serious illnesses, to dealing with a couple of suicidal folks, and many more nasty things;
the last thing I could cope with at those times was people analyzing me.

I needed a place to vent and feel safe doing so.

I no longer feel free to do so;
hence my deletion of several of my very personal threads.

After crisis have passed,
sure, I would (and did) appreciate discussion of things related to my experiences.
However at some of those times, I was too close to the edge of just walking out on life
to handle that.

Sorry again Randall.
I will try not go off topic again.

posted February 22, 2011 04:19 PM            

It was not my intent to target her. It was to bring up a subject based upon the admission of abuse and worry of abandonment early in the thread.

posted February 22, 2011 04:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I agree 100% with EES.
If we did not have Randall in this zoo,the inmates would eat each other for dinner

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Can I use this observation to make an example please?

The dangerous thing about personality cults ( I do not mean this to be directed at randall) is that once the leader is gone, Chaos ensues.

While time is available, people have to be taught why something can work, and why It can not work, People have to understand the system in which they live and how it functions.

Personal freedoms and the freedom to express it does indeed have rules that are needed to keep it safe. We still live in a system of two forces trying to control an issue, so a balance had to be created and maintained so people could enjoy it.

When these are stepped on, most people are not taught why it is right or wrong.

What benefits the group, and the individual inside that group are good places to start and to build.

I attack the things that I know from experience, Hinder, destroy, or encapacitate that order.

The very first is people rallying other people to take sides, Look out for these. Be it personal or whatever else.(Note here: I am not talking about sports games, where you have teams.)

I have done this, bad results usually happen.

Most of human behavior is predictable anyway.

Actually, We have a very long history of human behavior patterns in the forms of civilizations and the like.

Just look at those, then make a big picture.

posted February 22, 2011 04:37 PM            

Did i give that impression?

posted February 22, 2011 04:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
Randall, have you not read the 1000 posts I've made so far where I stated that was not my intention to diagnose anyone? I have already stated that, and have no idea how to say that any further...

It was not my intent to target her. It was to bring up a subject based upon the admission of abuse and worry of abandonment early in the thread.

Regardless, label me however. I've stated my intent.

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PS, an individuals honesty and bluntness can be so very easily misunderstood,

I am speaking from a long personal experience.

It has taken me a long time to learn to be honest and direct without harm or seeming to cause harm.

But if you notice, I still do it from time to time. No matter how good I am, I make mistakes.

Sometimes life is the way it is, Take a walk to clear your head. Go look at the clouds or the ocean. I am being serious here.

People need time to sort things out, Sorry life is in no way shape or form like those "Get rich quick" schemes that used to be on tv.

And there is no need for a label.

Peace out rocker

posted February 22, 2011 04:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I do not doubt your intent, PS. I know you better than that. I know your intent was and is honorable. What I am questioning is the end result. Does it not bother you that EES was hurt? Should you overlook the validity of that hurt simply because you didn't intentionally cause it? In real life, I always try to be rational, but sometimes when I am in a relationship (or even when talking to my mom a few times in the past), I may fail at presenting my argument in that the tone of my voice is taken the wrong way. Am I not partially to blame if the other person gets their feelings hurt because of my brutal honesty and/or due to the tone of its delivery? I feel that I am to blame. If I hurt another--no matter how unintentionally--shouldn't I feel bad...first for the pain that resulted from my words (good intentioned or not) and secondly from clearly being misunderstood by that person?

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First and foremost, I hate the idea of hurting someone's feelings. But, I also am terrified of the idea of allowing someone to play on my sympathies, especially if they accept no accountability for their own actions.

From my perspective, I have known more than my fair share of emotional abusers. At first, I felt compelled to offer sympathy to EES, then was horrified to discover that she had jumped the gun and that when reviewing her posts again, she stated that her inner child was abusive towards her partner.

At this point, I felt sympathy was the LAST thing I could offer that would be helpful - thus, the lack of warmth in my approach. I was trying to be purely rational, to see what could be discussed. And, of course, now this issue has been re-focused on me for being insensitive - which is fine, because I don't need anyone's sympathy for having an opinion.

Again, I HATE to hurt someone's feelings, especially when they're down - but I WILL NOT play a sucker to someone who is hurting themselves or others on purpose.

posted February 22, 2011 04:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
First and foremost, I hate the idea of hurting someone's feelings. But, I also am terrified of the idea of allowing someone to play on my sympathies, especially if they accept no accountability for their own actions.

From my perspective, I have known more than my fair share of emotional abusers. At first, I felt compelled to offer sympathy to EES, then was horrified to discover that she had jumped the gun and that when reviewing her posts again, she stated that her inner child was abusive towards her partner.

At this point, I felt sympathy was the LAST thing I could offer that would be helpful - thus, the lack of warmth in my approach. I was trying to be purely rational, to see what could be discussed. And, of course, now this issue has been re-focused on me for being insensitive - which is fine, because I don't need anyone's sympathy for having an opinion.

Again, I HATE to hurt someone's feelings, especially when they're down - but I WILL NOT play a sucker to someone who is hurting themselves or others on purpose.

This is my baggage.

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Self recognition in this.